Jeremy Clarkson
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Two years ago, a pub and restaurant tycoon called Michael Cannon bought a massive 3,000-acre Co Durham grouse moor from the family of the Queen Mother. And last week his management company appeared in court, accused of ruining it.
Government agents said the moor – a site of special scientific interest – had been crisscrossed with new roads, car parks, turning circles and drainage ditches. In total 4,433 square metres of important upland habitat for merlins, moorhens, short-eared owls, snipe, curlews and redshanks had been buried under 11,300 tons of almost certainly unsustainable, nonorganic aggregate.
Cannon’s company put its hands up to three breaches of the wildlife and countryside act. But for these misjudgments and “wounding” the countryside the judge fined it £50,000 and ordered it to pay £237,000 in costs. So there we are. Score: one for the moorhens, and none for the jumped-up, parvenu, bird-murdering vandal bastard.
Unfortunately, however, this case isn’t quite as clear-cut as you might imagine. You see, Cannon is painted as a ghastly man who was caught in the nick of time, just before he carpeted the entire estate in inch-thick shagpile and fitted it with dimmer switches.
In fact, having paid £4m for the moor, he invested a further £3m on improving the quality of the heather, which he describes as being more important than the rainforest. He employed more keepers, worked with the Royal Society for the Protection of Birds and built a small number of gravel tracks so vehicles could reach peatier parts of the estate without sinking.
The government agents talk about 4,433 square metres being buried under aggregate. This sounds like a huge amount, but in fact it’s just over one acre. A small sacrifice when it does so much to improve the 2,999 others. The fact is that since Cannon took over, the number of rare black grouse on his land has jumped from four to 150. And last year on the estate the bag was 16,054 birds; the biggest number since 1872.
And there’s your problem. Government agents have absolutely no clue what they are talking about. They simply noted the site was of special scientific interest, observed that tracks had been made and drainage ditches installed and, using their tiny bri-nylon minds along with a bottomless pit of government money, reckoned that this was a crime against the moorhen.
These are the people who ran about screaming when I was on television recently driving up a mountain in Scotland. “You’ve ruined it,” they yelled, perhaps not realising that a three-ton car cannot possibly dent a 20-trillion-ton lump of solid granite. “But you’ve squashed the heather,” they whimpered. Yes, but if you knew anything at all about the countryside, you’d know that heather is burnt every so often to encourage new growth, which provides food for birdlife using the old woody heather as cover.
I face a similar set of problems in the Isle of Man, where I have a small piece of land. It’s listed as a site of special scientific interest, which means I must harvest the crops from the inside of the field outwards and use sheep to keep the grass down. I am willing to do this. I am also willing to avoid fertiliser, which means my turnips look like conkers and my barley is the colour of a U-boat.
But then I am told I must also allow people to go out there with their dogs, which chase the sheep into the sea and leave so much shit around the place that it scares away the birds I’m trying to attract with my DDT-free crops and escape-route harvesting techniques. That’s the trouble with environmentalists. Their love of wildlife is almost always outweighed by their hatred of the rich.
They think that anyone with a Range Rover and a few quid in the bank must have earned that money by pumping polonium into the ozone layer and beating tramps to death with baby ospreys for sexual kicks.
They therefore assume that he or she will view the countryside as nothing more than a site for a factory that can pick up the baton dropped by the people at Bhopal.
The most worrying thing about the Cannon case though, leaving aside the large fine and costs, is the system that allows blinkered busybodies to poke about in someone else’s garden.
They are using legislation brought in to prevent fly-tipping, badger-baiting and the theft of rare birds’ eggs – which is laudable – to prosecute someone for damaging their own property. Technically this means they could come round to my house and prosecute my children for damaging the grade II-listed kitchen door. And you know what? Now I’ve fessed up they probably will.
But will they arrest someone for paving over their front lawn or replacing the front hedge with a horrid wall made from upended crazy paving? No? Why not? This Jewsonisation of the suburbs causes flooding and is largely responsible for the demise of the songbird. That and the stupid cat.
Natural England, the government agency that brought the prosecution against Cannon, would do well to remember that the only reason it exists is to preserve the beauty of the countryside. And the only reason it’s so beautiful is that it’s been looked after for thousands of years by wealthy landowners.
If it wants to keep the land green and pleasant it would be better off tearing up its fair-trade mission statement that talks of social inclusion and the evils of bullying, and going after those people who fill every rural lay-by with thousands of old mattresses.
Jeremy Clarkson's career as car reviewer and BBC Top Gear presenter has made motoring into show business, but he has earned himself the description of an "equal opportunities loudmouth" for his opinionated commentary on all aspects of life, appearing weekly in The Sunday Times.
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Leave the Country alone !!!!! hasn't anyone noticed that the goverment is POWER MAD, but in all the wrong directions.
GOD help us in another 10 years!!!!!
KEN S, SEDGEFIELD, DURHAM
I don't care whether you let the dog walkers on to Langness or not but pleeeeease let me take a bloody walk where people have been walking ever since anyone can remember!
Good point about paper shufflers meddling in what they don't understand though.
Emilie, Banchory,
Wholeheartedly agree with Clarkson and pleased that self-righteous numpties have been highlighted re. lack of common-sense - will it make a difference though? Generally hierarchy of such bodies appear to be university achievers with pitiful hands-on work experience. I have gamekeeping associates with similar negative experiences of gov body Scottish National Heritage in the Cairngorm National Park, a beautiful wild environment managed by estates and their keepers for centuries and boasting healthy grouse moors. The "drainage" ditches mentioned in Clarksons report as ignorant gov environ bodies call them are not for drainage they partially circumvent the hillside with "upturned" ends which assist in holding water for the wild birds and help provide grit for them.
Jeremy, if you are interested, you would be amazed at the latest wacky machine SNH have bought with £40,000 of taxpayers money to "efficiently" control deer - in fact make a great feature for Top Gear!
Ann Litchfield, Staffordshire,
I feel too many of you read too much into all this. Maybe facts are inaccurate or just wrong, but:
The Goverment is outlandishly ridiculous in prosecuting people for breaking the law on certain issues when they are aiding in the restoration, sustainability or evolution of so many other important issues.
Precedence. The judge probably felt the case was rubbish e.g. the tiny fine. Problem? No.
I see this as a success for Cannon not a failure, now he has everyone off his back because he's been seen to be "punished".
Chris Jeffs, Manchester,
The average American also has no idea that a vice grip
by the "government" is in practice on property rights in
the states.
Another form of lawlessness is the use of
"exactation",read takings, practiced in most muncipalities and other jurisdictions in America and Britain.
All in the name of "protecting" the property "owners" from each other,iorrespective of market forces.
Whether in Britian or America, property owners rights now reside in governments offices/agencies. The same offices that exact escalating taxes and regulatory fees against a dwindling bundle of remaining property rights.
"Rights" possessed by so-called property owners(whose kidding who!).
This view is respectfully submitted by a long term, practising (private)professional in American planning administration.
Esteban, Portland, Oregon
Lore Data,
What religous slur are you talking about?
Do you mean 'Jewsonisation'?
If you read carefully it reads 'Jewson-isation' as in Jewsons the DIY store.
Nothing to do with religion of any kind, at all!
Terry Saunders, Welwyn, Herts
Michael did you realise that that torrent contains only 4 sentences, one of which starts with "But".
Neil Craig, glasgow, UK
The typical American has no idea just what a vice like grip the government has on the British populace.
In comparison we live in a lawless jungle.
Gustavo, Newport Beach, USA / California
Wow, Jeremy, all these religious slurs! Next you will be telling us Jesus was a failed White Blacksmith who became the first eco automobile designer by being a car-pinetree designer!
Lore Data, Barmouth, Wales
Well Jeremy lives on the top of a hill with cars travelling at great speed through his front lawn, they call it plough the fields and scatter and vast amounts of runoff from lands stripped of decent vegetation, arable practice and forest, so of course he would know I suppose about what causes flooding from firsthand experience. I went past his lot some time ago with daughter, boyfriend and wife in a normal summer rainstorm and the place as usual alike Cheltenham 1977 was awash with flood on the compact soils and the rotted roads, we sat in the car and ate picnic lunch as there was too much water to get out and then enjoyed Cirencester hospitality. But then Josephi RCA could do that when teaching our students. That is the lovely effort of being a Hydrology soils Geology and floods interested expert in structures, with experience over decades of Cotswold twaddlers, some of whom dug it up with scramble bikes, as they now do Park levels of Somerset, it is a lovely career, short on bitter.
Michael Dennis Stagg BScWales MSc, Portishead, England
cant we just live together and talk about muslims instead
mark, manc,
Yep. Government agencies and local authorities - dullards.
Mark, Glasgow,
Now, now Jeremy, you've completely misunderstood this government. You own land, so obviously, having created coal mines you followed nationalisation of these mines be voting Tory, destroying the mining industry and thus forcing NuLabour to hire in a completely new set of voters by opening the borders to illegal immigrants and then converting them to benefits recipients so they can vote.
You really must learn some joined up reporting!
And don't forget the one you missed on the Isle of Man. We on the mainland have seen a catastrophic drop in ground-nesting birds. Funnily enough this coincided with the release of 50-60,000 mink by the animal rights fanatics. Can we please have an article about them?
KR, Stockport,
Hello Jeremy,
Your piece on Michael Cannon and his spat with Natural England was inaccurate in that Wemmergill Moor is 17,000 acres, not 3,000.
This makes their prosecution over the creation of an acre of unauthorised track even more ridiculous. From the early newspaper reports of this case, it sounded as if he had created several motorways and multi-storey carparks on this hallowed turf, when in fact the track was created to stop the degradation of the heather by tracked vehicles constantly using different routes across the moor.
Natural England have presided over the deterioration of the heather on Wemmergill for the last fifteen years. They allowed a longer track to be created on the North side of the moor, so where's the logic in any of this?
As you rightly say, Natural England hate anyone who own the land they want to get their mitts on!
Rupert Godfrey, Devizes,
Re. Gunther Roth,
I believe the word you are referring to, "Jewsonisation". I think Jeremy is referencing the building firm Jewson, rather than any religious sect. Apologies if I've missed the irony in you post.:-)
Mark, Hook, Hampshire
Not to worry, Jer. If green England gives you the green boot, I'm sure ol' Georgie Porgie in the White House will let you head his wildlife foundation.
eugene, heidelberg, germany
Hit. Nail. Head.
AstonZagato, Cambridge, Cambridgeshire
Gunther, calm down. Jeremy wasn't insulting a religion. Jewson is a building suppliers in the UK.
Once again he has managed to show that the employees of our Government are paper pushers and not qualified (or have common sense) to do their jobs.
David Smith, Pudsey, Yorkshire
1. The woman from Switzerland is probably unaware of Jewson (the company). I'm not offended.
2. Jeremy C is quite right. This story is so typical of the nit-picking, petty-minded attitude so prevalent in the UK.
Jeremy Jacobs, London,
Dear Mr Roth
Jewson is a builders' merchant, selling paving and garden materials. It has nothing to do with the Jewish race. Jewsonisation is thereofre a word coined from this.
Jeremy was making a point about the casual loss of the english city scape. The anti-semitism you detect is entirely in your own mind.
Tim, London, UK
Dear Gonther Roth
'Jewson' is chain of buildingmerchants who supply generic building materials such as fencing, bricks etc. When Clarkson refers to the 'Jewsonisation' of the suburbs he is not implying that Jews have ruined them, but that all things natural have been replaced with fencing, bricks and patios. So actually you have made more of a slur than Clarkson when you say that it is only a 'small, overzealous section of the Jewish population' who have done this...
Try and get your facts straight before you accuse someone of racism!
Ally, Paris,
Dear Mr. Clarkson,
What a horrible word. Surely you can do better than that! It isn't even English!
More important. Surely you could have said the same thing without giving offence to a large part of the population when you know perfectly well that this is a sin of only a small overzealous section of the Jewish population.
In fact, by making such a sweeping statement aren't laying yourself open to the same charge that you are accusing the Government agents of?
I agree with most of what you write but this word offends me and I am sure many others.
Sincerely
Gunther Roth
Gunther Roth, 8134 Adliswil, Switzerland
thats one for Clarkson. I wish our newspapers here allowed one to rant the way he does at stupid legislation. Here, its politicians who regularly dip the country into a tub of acid and look happy to watch it wiggle in pain. Your stuff is refreshing, Mr clarkson.
John Kuru, Nairobi,
He, he,
Jeremy a greenie!?? Yes it must be the solitude he obviously wants. No wonder he bans strollers. I mean the Isle of Man!
AND liking a Rover SUV! Definately public school. Tut, tut
Richard, London,
Everyone in the Isle of Man know that you don't want anyone peering through your windows Jeremy. Your self-imposed ban on people walking past your house has got nothing to do with your new-found green credentials!
Patrick, Castletown, Isle of Man
I just wish Clarkson would shut up and just stop critiziising conservationists and the likes of Bill Oddie, Mombiot et al. They are all very benign compared to him, after all they have reason to worry as the natural world and much of the flora and fauna therin is retreating against the onslaught of mankind and will unfortunately continue on this trend.
Just concentrate on your cars and other toys and leave those sympathetic and interested in the natural world alone. They do not spend time being critical of you. In fact I have never heard Oddie say one word against you.
B Haworth, Norwich,
Natural England, what a wonderful misnomer. Our beautiful countryside is in fact a wholesale artificial creation, designed and altered to suit our agricultural needs.
The Mission Statement should say that their goal is to forcibly return the countryside to something John Constable would recognize in order to satisfy a bunch of tree hugging twitchers who think St Oddie should be Prime Minister and generally havenât got a clue about reality. Bring on global warming and drown the lot.
Anthony Higham, Edenbridge,
Excellent stuff from the Repton renegade.
How I love to hear a good whine from the rich.
It hardly compensates for the knowledge that the crook Conway will walk free with his pension-rights undiminished, while feckless oiks of the lower order, do time for failing to get the TV licences which provides the Clarkson millions, but it comes close.
Noblesse oblige old chap.
Destry Jones, Birmingham,
I assume Jewsonisation refers to the company Jewson, which supplies building materials like cement, sand, etc? [Nothing to do with Jews].
This article aside, the United Kingdom is a place drowning in [stupid] legislation.
Chuck, Bristol, UK
"Jewsonisation" is a word to describe people filling their garden's etc with concrete and paving, from popular builder's merchant Jewsons.
Marcus, Newbury, UK
"Jewsonisation" refers to the Builders Merchant Jewsons.
Lionel, Stonehouse, Gloucestershire
Your problem is that over the years you've extracted the urine out of the university graduates in needlework, embroidery, survival techniques of the dung beetle, flower arranging and daisy chains (interpret whichever way you choose) who now run this country. So you're now a target. Let's face it, you've done some crazy stunts, driving to the North Pole, driving up Ben Nevis and driving across the Channel. You didn't defecate or urinate while you were doing any of these did you? Bear in mind that polar bears and mountain sheep are allergic to human excrement and it's illegal to dispose of untreated sewage in a special area like the English Channel. You could be prosecuted.
Unfortunately, much as enjoy your patter and like your attitude, you're too late to rectify the damage which has been inflicted on the United Kingdom and I don't like anything which has 'Rover' in its name. So until you get rid of your car I can't vote for you, whatever you're standing for.
Bad Brake, Bremerhaven, Germany
what on earth is "Jewsonisation" or is it just a made up word to grab attention?
Simon, Hobart, Australia
I like clarksons articles, even if most aren't exactly well researched. However this one makes a fair and valid point. Good work :)
Laurence, Keele, UK