Only Clarkson could make a connection between Henry VIII and the wars in the middle-east.

Mark, Maidstone,

Can't beleive people are still talking about 'class' or that some people are proud to be 'working class', no wonder England is a clapped out country on the fast track to nowhere.

Steven, Lymington, UK

Only the middle class could think renting a pet is a good idea.
And the fact there's a market for it just go's to show how stupid the middle class can get.
And to think people look down on the working class, jeez!

Phill, The Wirral, England

I should hate Clarkson, but I don't I laugh out loud and suprise myself by nodding along. The man makes a lot of sense, I even found myself nodding along with the Henry VIII and Afghanistan logic and laughed about the vegetable dog. Pure Brilliance Clarkson.....just brilliance.

Lisa , London/Newcastle, England

Maybe the answer is to combine the two, hire a prostitute and a labrador at the same time. Then when 'Take Fido for a Walk' shows up on your credit card bill, you can show your dearly beloved a photograph of adorable labrador.

Mathew , Perpignan, France

I saw a place called doggy day care in Australia which basically picked up your dog and looked after it for however long you wanted them to,, then returned them when you were ready. Brilliant.

Paul Asplin, Bristol, UK

Pure Clarkson - Love IT! Sorry about your Lab and the slug bait.
I thought we were all in Afghanistan because of some British chap named Clive and some British organization called The East India Company and some British pastime called The Great Game...
"Rumpy-pumpy"???

Jason, Dundee, USA

It's true about the Yorkie... all I have to do is stand somewhere with him looking cutely out and within no time a cute little being comes up and strokes him... asks how old he is... how cute he is and the rest is up to me... (a bag of food lasts 3 months and the yard has small decorations)

John Morgan, Old Stratford, United Kingdom

Oi! Mr Clarkson, I hope your not impuning the Good Women of Estonia?. They have very good appetites ( I agree the food is somewhat questionable; hence some being skinny.....) so dont blame them if you find a sack of 'Dog Eggs' in the back of your Ferrari; actually, maybe you should.

Alan Noorkoiv, coventry, WARWICKSHIRE

Hey Dan - what's not to love about USA ? We're terribly grateful. After all you did bail us out in two World Wars (when they were nearly over) and now our government is taxing fuel out of existence and "encouraging" us to make smaller carbon footprints, just so that you guys can carry on as normal !

The Vicar, Chedworth, UK

My God that's a nice little earner from people with more money than sense! £23,450 a year for a dog you got from the RSPCA for £40? Who pays £70 a day to borrow a dog??

NT in Shanghai: I live in England and I had a yard. It had a concrete floor and walls round it. Now I've moved and have a garden

Jon, Winchester, UK

Is the RSPCA complaining about renting pets the same charity that kills more healthy animals every year than just about any other organisation?

Peter, London, UK

We at Dogs Trust were very amused by your article, ‘I’d rather hire a dog than a prostitute’. You may have more in common with dogs than you realise. Just as you say you prefer to have the steady affections of a wife ‘on tap’ than the more mercenary (and costly) caresses of a prostitute, so a dog would rather have one devoted owner ‘tickling its tummy’, rather than the attentions of numerous ‘human
callers’ paying for the dog’s time.

Dogs need a stable routine and a constant owner to bond with. Please remember, A Dog is for Life!

Sarah Carlin (Dogs Trust) , London , United Kingdom

Based on his appearance in the car review photo to the right, Jesser has bought a sun bed when he should have rented one - now go and buy some after sun Jes and get your wife to apply it liberally over you.

Andy Ralphs, New Plymouth, New Zealand

Can you rent a sense of humour? Because I'd like to recommend that some of the commentators here nip out and get one. A small one will do.

Paul M, Puerto del Rosario, Spain

Get a life Frank, I'd say you are really interesting!

Padraig, Waterford, Ireland

Rented cars are far better than cars one owns. They use cheaper fuel, rev higher, require less maintenance, can be driven faster in rough conditions, park in smaller spaces, corner and brake harder without one's having to buy new tyres and brakes, carry more stuff. The list is endless.

Marco, Santiago, Chile

Hi,
Don’t talk about dogs. I have in association with three dogs . The first dog a Labrador passed water over three computer printers, chewed my cables up and much more. The second dog a Yorkshire terrier addressed the trousers of a German customs official. The third dog a jack Russell barked and coursed disturbance in the best part of town. It’s a dogs life ?
Regards

Dr Terence Hale, zandvoort, Holland

...in London I’d have a yorkie – the only thing in the world guaranteed to get you more sex than a Gulfstream V jet...

Well - ever had a walk with a Miniature_Pinscher? It can be annoying....

Peter, Berlin, Germany

It's not who feeds them, my dog gets org. lamb and chicken. He has a house on to the sea, gets taken to the beach in the morning, rinses off in a heated non salted pool, flies by private plane from UK to the Cote D'Azur. and has spent the last 7 nights with a Security guard in an Old Peugeot!!

angela, Cap Ferrat, France

I like dogs as long as they are someone elses.

Dave B, kelso, scotland

Yard? Of course it a yard. Posh folk like "Jeremy" have grounds not gardens, estates not houses and keep their cars not in garages but in what was once were stables. Hence dog eggs on the (stable) yard!
Shame maybe he swopped real thoroughbred equine horsepower for the type with a key and air-con.

Jon, Oxford, UK

We owe the Americans for the two world wars, but I don't remember their involvement in the Falklands war, other than the Skyhawk jets that were sold to the Argentinians (or did they rent them?)

Kevin Willoughby, Norwich, England

I'd love to learn to drive with the Stig.
Would SHE available to teach me?
Love driving but am far too cautious.

Mary Hazlewood

Mary Hazlewood, Tiverton, UK

Jeremy is quite right. With dogs It is all to do with food. Cats and Elephants are just the same. Children however are different.

Colin, Carmarthen, UK

Henry VIII's illness is now thought more likely to have been Type II diabetes, exacerbated by a serious jousting injury that never healed properly. He did not need to use prostitutes, because much classier ladies were available at Court.

Frank Upton, Solihull,

Men with too much testosterone are utterly incapable of empathy. Who was unwise enough to use slug pellets or not risk averse enough? And yet that poor Labrador who was a victim no longer gives you fun and hence does not deserve your love. Maybe not your fault J but you're toxic for society

Esther Phillips, Leatherhead,

The only sex you'll get walking around London with a Yorkie will be the same kind preferred by owners of Audi TT cabriolets.

To Garth Rex, very valid observation but is that your real name? Only in America.

Tim, London, England

Yeah, ok, but if you live in Bangkok like I do........... A Brit in Bangkok

Tom , Bangkok, Thailand

Initially I felt that renting a dog as being cruel, however, looking at the Flexpetz’s website, the dogs are in most cases rescue dogs or are in urgent need of re-homing. So I guess that the dogs are actually getting a better life through being with Flexpetz than they would otherwise have.

Ian, Welwyn, England

Yard? Please Jeremy, don't you mean back garden? Americans have yards not us!

NT, Shanghai,

Who was it said "I don't pay the girls for sex, but for them to go away afterwards"

Neill, Maidstone, Kent

amusing article but journalists/ columnists dragging Afghanistan/ Iraq into every article on any conceivable topic is getting more than a little "old" by now- please, Jeremy, for the sake of originality if nothing else, leave wars out of it.

V Smith, Jerusalem, Israel

You know, Sari from Stockport, you're the perfect demonstration for why I hate Marxism and socialism so much...Why can't life be more than "just enough to survive" Christ, we're only here for 80 years or so, why not bloody well enjoy it?!
Without aspirations we'd still be pond life.

James, Manchester, UK

to Dan in Kansas.

Doh! We used to love Americans, but since they stole all our gold after World War II, leaving us bankrupt and since they are so clueless as to have the worst foreign policy since Vlad the Impaler (google it and look it up, yanks), we have realised that you are hopeless!

stuart, Redbourn, UK

There are plenty of stories of dogs who risk their health and even their lives to be with their human companions. There are even more accounts of dogs forming close, lifelong relationships with humans and other animals - including cats, rabbits, and fellow dogs - who do not feed them.

Gary Loewenthal, Falls Church, VA,

Come on Jerry
We owe America a lot more than they owe us, WW1, Falklands etc. Just because we had a religious nutter as a PM, (still the best one we have ever had)that is not Americas fault.
Regards
Dave madley(A Scot)

Dave Madley, Alicante, Spain

You never really care for something that's rented as much as something that you own. That's why dogs should be owned and useless things like cats should be rented.

Aoife, Sligo, Ireland

Stockport is the root of all despair and misery. Wealth allows you to escape from Stockport.

John, Brighton,

Does the English intelligentsia have anything left in the tank other than snide remarks about America? It seems like you folks can't write so much as "it's a nice day" without adding something like "but it would be nicer with those these Americans around." Mote, beam, eyes, you know the drill.

Dan in Kansas, Lawrence, USA

Wealth is a root of greed and selfish society of rich capitalist society. With such wealth, people have forgotten about compassion and respect. I rather be humble and enjoy wealth with less money at least I am happy with just enough to survive and food and roof over my head and warm bed.

sari sheeran, Stockport, UK

you have fun renting cars drive an E type for a day then hand it back renting is great your comments hertz

richard, cambrigde, uk

I wonder about the sanity of some people. Instead of paying over £3000 to walk a dog four times a month, why not go to your local shelter and ask to take one of their dogs out - for FREE (or even for a small donation if you like)?

Sabrina, Horndon,

But there's still nothing funnier on a business trip to Moscow than sitting in the bar of a 5 star hotel listening with your mates as a short, oily, Hawaiian-shirted Yank negotiates with a prostitute at full volume thinking that noone else around him speaks English.

Joe, London, England

You don't pay a whore for sex, but to go away after.

Nick, Cornwall,

Seems rather pricey for only 4 days of dog. At that price I would be expecting to show off a gold plated diamond studded dog.

Ro, Cheltenham,

None of us 'own' anything really, we all sort of rent everything because we're only custodians of it until we die. Well, you can't take any of it with you when you go!

Brian Roberts , Plymouth, Devon

Own a Ferrari or hire it? The servicing cost everytime you take it out versus the rental fees?

Bill, Belfast, N.I.

Its true too

Bichon Frisé are typical of that.

Katalina, Lancashire, England

Sorry, Jeremy, but Felix is right on this.

Edwin, Bucharest,

Heather Mills - better to rent than own.

Peter James, Del Mar , California

Even better, I'm flatsitting for a friend while she's away, great location on the Upper West side, and complete with 16 year old Staffie, needs walking twice a day. Everybody talks to you for free...

As for car rental, Budget will do you a Ford Mustang droptop for 80 dollars a day. Great weekend!

John Polenski, New York,

You on track JC, except for the whoring. But then you are talking Europe, which sounds so squalid. Next, "Rent a Brat". For those misguided souls that are considering becoming parents, but would like to know what they are letting themselves in for. Couple of weeks will put them off for life.

Andrew Milner, Karuizawa, Japan

An accountant I used years ago got divorced (and lost £400,000 to his ex), so he only ever slept with what he called "high class hoars". They apparently do anything, are very very good at their jobs, you can dismiss them when they start to bore you and they won't take half your assets as they leave.

Mike, Brighton, England

Brilliant article!!

Bex, VIlliers,

You shouldn't be loving the labrador less because it's lost it's faculties. Probably your fault anyway.

David, St Albans, UK

You are a bit out of line here. Most of the escorts that I have spoken too (although not having that much in common with street or walk-in prostitutes) take STD/hygeine matters extremely seriously and would be offended by what you've written (even though are you writing about renting things) Bad JC.

Mark Richards, St Peter, Jersey

"Our soldiers, then, are getting blown up in Helmand simply because Henry fancied some out-of-wedlock rumpy-pumpy with Miss Syphilis 1510."

I do believe that was jiggy-jiggy. Rumpy-pumpy was not invented until the Nineteenth Century, by Sir Makem Comquick - 1869. Please get your facts straight!

Garth Rex, Glendale Heights, USA

Actually, nothing will guarantee you more sex than if you end up in a prison.

So perhaps the answer is in neither renting or buying, but in simply taking..

Glen, Adelaide, Australia