Libby Purves
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Kevin Whitrick is dead. He killed himself. That is real. His last companions were the “insult” chat room frequenters on Paltalk, some of whom goaded him on, apparently shouting abuse over microphones or the screen, saying “F****** do it, get it round your neck, for f***’s sake do it properly”. In a similar case in Arizona, Brandon Vedas took poison to jeers of “Eat more!”.
Most of the online mob were not monsters; most people are not monsters. But they felt safe in their anonymity and distance, and expressed shock when they realised that the suicides were genuine, typing anxiously: “Oh my God, this is serious . . . Is this real?” Personally, I hope that the detectives now searching for the Paltalk members manage to track them down, question them and if appropriate caution or charge them with incitement to suicide. That’ll answer their question: yes, mate, it was real.
And although suicide is a powerful internal drive, it is possible that on that idle evening, lounging at home, they put the last feather on the scale. Mr Whitrick’s children are now orphans of suicide. Real enough for you?
Even without such horrors, it is high time that we emerged from our internet infancy. The IT revolution has brought information and education, convenience and joy and fellowship, even wisdom. It is worth noting that if you Google “suicide” you first get pages of kindly websites pointing you towards help. The internet is not evil. We who use it daily — for everything from news and banking to cinema listings and tracing quotations from forgotten poets — quickly learn how to navigate around the piles of rubbish, the lurking fraudsters, the lies and malice and vapidity and perversion. It is a vast teeming city, and you can choose whether to frequent cathedrals, theatres and Parliament or just the brothels and public hangings.
But we should accept the same rules of morality and decorum that govern solid, daily life. If shouting “Go on, kill yourself” to a stranger is not acceptable in the street, it is not acceptable in a chat room. Similarly, we do not allow the pushing of unsolicited obscenities through letterboxes, and so should not tolerate the clogging-up of private, often heartfelt e-mail traffic with repeated shrieks of “Ejaculate like a porn star!”. If it is illegal to print malicious lies, equal sanctions should face those who put them online; if it is stupid to leave your credit cards in a café with the PIN on them, it is equally stupid to ignore computer security. Face it: the internet is real. It is not a holiday from normal human behaviour, just a useful extension of it.
We have not quite grasped this yet. Not only has the novelty of apparent anonymity made people behave cruelly in chat rooms, but the homeliness of the PC screen makes many of us almost criminally irresponsible about fraud. Fascinating figures from Get Safe Online and the BBC showed yesterday that fewer than half of us feel responsible for keeping our details safe, while a third consider it the bank’s or service provider’s job. One in five responds to spam messages — which explains why the rest of us still suffer them — one in six doesn’t even have a basic “firewall”. The Serious and Organised Crime Agency is tearing its hair out over our insouciant negligence.
Which was, at first, quite natural. It is a novelty to be able to sit on a sofa and move money around, consult a million books, make new acquaintances and buy duvet covers. It was inevitable that a sense of happy unreality should overwhelm us for a while, much as it overwhelms toddlers when you take them to Disneyland and they do not care whether Big Thunder is a real mountain, nor question the underground moonlight of the pirates’ Caribbean cave. They just romp around and enjoy it.
And so have we all. The sense of anonymity — which psychological experiments prove to be powerfully disinhibiting — leads to strange and exhilarating moments. When I was researching handgun law in 1996 I came on a chat room where a man asked: “Any advice on shooting buffaloes with handguns?” I found myself replying under a false name: “Leave the poor buffaloes alone, jerk!” I enjoyed the frisson of challenging a distant redneck so much that I realised I must stop immediately, or never get any proper work done again.
That sense of unreality has led to a lag in enforcement and — equally importantly, because the law cannot do everything — to a failure of conscience. The only area in which real concern is evident is child abuse. Elsewhere, both self-protection and self-control are lacking. The legal threats against the Mumsnet website by Gina Ford are particularly interesting. It is unfortunate, because Gina Ford is rich and irritating, and Mumsnet is a good site helping new mothers and should not be driven out of business. I hope they settle amicably. However, the chat room that caused her such offence is a classic example of people feeling they can say anything because “it’s only online”. Even though it was a joke (about her strapping babies to rockets and firing them at Lebanon) it was the culmination of tasteless, rude, unjustified statements about a woman whose only crime is to write humourless advice on letting babies cry. Mumsnet should have known better. It does now. I hope the lesson will not be the end of it.
We all should know better. I do not ask for draconian laws, but there should be at least a degree of justifiable fear and public contumely surrounding libellous bloggers, spreaders of hate, invaders of privacy, sexual exhibitionists, fraudsters and anyone still stupid enough to answer a “phishing” scam or to tap out their credit card number without even glancing up for the “https” . Cruelty, fraud, snooping, carelessness and gratuitous rudeness are still shameful, even online. The internet is real.

Libby Purves worked for some years for BBC Radio 4, as a reporter and a presenter on the Today programme and, since 1983, has presented Midweek. She joined The Times as a columnist in 1990. She received an OBE in 1999 for her services to journalism and was Columnist of the Year in the same year. In her spare time she writes bestselling novels. Her opinion column appears in the The Times on Tuesdays
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Yet again another lazy journalist who jumps on the bandwagon.
"...unjustified statements about a woman whose only crime is to write humourless advice on letting babies cry". If you took the time to do your research before writing your column you'd find that Gina Ford's book does not teach mothers to let their babies cry. When will journalists stop making cheap digs to embellish their stories.
Libby Purves, use your brain. You've written an interesting article which is let down at the end. What a shame.
Joe Bloggs, London,
I think the problem is the perceived anonymity. Yes there does seem to be ways for folks to hide their identity but this could be changed with certain technological enhancements. I have spent much time on message boards and know the filth and intellectual irresponsibility would never happen if these people knew that we knew who they were in real life. We should be proud to be allowed to express our opinions and solutions on such a forum without hiding. As for identity security this also requires attention (opportunity for you smart types). There should be no way a person could be harmed by just entering personal data on a computer. If that data is "used" then it should require the permission of the real person. There are biometric means of establishing we are who we are. Also the wiki-dilution of fact could be checked with the behind-the-scenes addition of original source links behind every cut and paste for serious research. Asking for honor on the internet is noble.
Rich Rosenthal, Mesa, AZ
The internet was a brilliant idea, now the criminals are close to degrading the security of all financial transactions to the extent that using the internet will soon be an unreasonable gamble. Furthermore, the veracity of much of the information now available is of very dubious quality - particularly Wikipedia yet it forms the basis for many lazy journalists, consequently the truth will be indecipherable in future.
ferg, leatherhead, england
Good article and lots of true to life things. Check out celebrity forums and fan club. The worst of the lot are women laden ones. Humanely was mentioned by someone else. Yah that would be nice.
Doug, Toronto,
Technology changes social conventions. Gentlemen used to send a carriage to a funeral if they couldn't attend in person. Today sending a car would be silly, because they are too commonplace. Similarly email means that, for the first time, it is cheaper to send a message than to read it, with huge changes for the acceptability of mass mailings. There are also changes due to the fact that internet acquaintances are, generally, known only online. For instance pedantry that would be intolerable face to face is, on the technical newgroup comp.lang.c, highly valued. Similarly, it is OK for Private Eye to be sued for libel, it is an occupational hazard for them, but the public won't tolerate random people being prosecuted for things they post in chatrooms.
Malcolm McLean, Bradford, UK.
I'm very often disappointed by how rude and obnoxious people are on discussion forums. Most of these forums are frequented by reasonably intelligent people, some with good arguments, some with poor arguments. Most of these people would happily have a debate in a pub without being rude and obnoxious on the first response. Yet the feeling of anonymity means they leave their inhibitions behind. The social control seems to be lost.
By all means have a vigorous debate, but people shouldn't write what they wouldn't want to say to someone face to face.
Alex, Tunbridge Wells,
The internet is like any other tool: it can be used for ill or for good. People should use it with care and humanely.
James, Jacksonville, Illinois U. S.
As enshrined in UK and even EU legislation freedom of speech brings with it responsabilities and duties. Unless of course you believe that freedom of speech should mean the right to say anything (even if a lie, untrue and likely to cause harm or offence). For example, how would you feel it if your street was littered with notices saying you were a child abuser? Is there really a difference in the impact of your words if they are in the "real world" or on-line where millions have instant access to those words? Unless you can prove it to be true, responsible people know you can't write and publish that Brand ABC or person XYZ is (for example) a criminal. As Libby reminds us, on-line or off-line, there isn't a difference, but it's too easy think there is.
Rory Jenkins, Perranporth, Cornwall
The vast majority of Internet users are not professional IT people and are also not 'power users'. They are not taught it and they learn by trial and error. Even many IT professionals have a limited understanding of the internet, and the worst security breaches occur in corporate settings where they wont admit it for fear of the consequences.
People on the net are like people in Big Brother, they forget where they are and engage in conversation with people they like or argue with those they don't, in the same way they would at home or in the pub. Everyone should realise that is how message boards and chat rooms are an ignore them. They are not he same as publishing libel in The Times (say) and people should lighten up. Your argument is mostly to protect the wealthy with the forces of our insane libel laws, and restrict freedom to question.
neil Murphy, cromer,
This article was long overdue, thank you Libby. As an avid Internet user there is a lot happening there which needs some regulation, especially to protect those who do not yet have the know-how to protect themself. I don't think victims of scam and fraud are just being careless on their part. They just haven't learnt to sort the wheat from the chaff. I remember being caught in a couple of scams in my first year because the emails looked so plausible. Having learned my lesson, it is easy to spot them. Everyone has a learning curve and needs time to manouvre that curve, but it is time the Internet doesn't give you.
However we have to stop behaving like ostriches and acknowledge that this brand new world is a real world. Just because we cannot project ourself inside of it doesn't mean it cannot affect our lives negatively. Yet it is such an awesome place of information and opportunity, when it is understood. I am glad I am able to use it in my lifetime....true global domination!
Elaine Sihera, Maidenhead, United Kingdom
...And after we've cleaned up the 'net, we can then work out how to herd cats and turn lead into gold. In other words - it won't happen, and if it were to, the very chaos which Libby rails against would go, sucking out the vitality of the 'net. Freedom does alas mean people will abuse their privileges, but look at China and Iran's censorship of the 'Net for 'moral reasons' to see where this thinking will lead.
Alexander Hay, Winchester,
Congratulations, Libby. I agree with every word.
Barry, Wallington, UK
I couldn't fail to disagree with you less, maybe he was in need of help, who knows, were living in a world, where there is unrestricted media, meaning that it takes more and more to shock the world!! People forever mention they want to kill themselves over the internet for attention, he was edged on to do it, and he did. It happens it's life, if I see a guy on top of a building, and he's pissing about, I would "shout jump if your going too" maybe some of these people people need help, maybe they just need a reality check.
Adam Webb, Milton Keynes, UK
Here is a very easy and common sense solution: ban the privilege of anonymity and introduce compulsory verifiable registration for all users. It works. The downside is reduced traffic for certain ISPs but a cleaner internet for decent citizens ...
London IT manager, London,
As a keen online player of World of Warcraft, a game which attracts 8 million players of all nationalities, I have found it to be a safe, caring environment. Anyone who comes out with abuse, or who behaves badly, quickly finds themselves ostracised by their friends, or reported to a game master for serious abuse, either of the game or fellow players. All ages play this game and the older members tend to guide the younger, rasher element into the etiquette of proper game play. There are few problems. We have a good laugh, we share quests and fight together, and occasionally help each other out online with problems. From the Norwegian on sick leave from the Norwegian army who had been shot six times in the chest in Iraq, to following the romance and pregancy of my daughter who cemented her relationship with her boyfriend through this game, all sorts of people are online, and their real characters shine through their avatars. And, as I say, largely self regulating.
Alison, Margate, UK
Yes, people should behave online, but any new laws, even if they do not seem draconian, will help the rich and powerful to suppress criticism of themselves (even criticism that happens to be factually true, well deserved or both), while doing nothing for ordinary people. Just like the libel laws.
Philip Cronin, Bedford,
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