Libby Purveson
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O Bishops! O Gas and Gaiters! O feet jammed into ecclesiastical mouths! In this redemptive season, naivety on the part of one bishop from one denomination might be politely ignored, like an inadvertent burp. When two are at it there is no choice. Anybody who believes that religion involves more than words must say so.
For two bishops — the Rt Rev Tom Burns, Roman Catholic Bishop of the Forces, and the Anglican Bishop of Rochester, the Rt Rev Michael Nazir-Ali — have praised President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad’s showy release of our naval hostages. Both seem dazzled by the tricksy Holocaust-denying President, formerly best known for wanting his neighbour Israel “wiped off the map”. But one mention of Easter and religion and the churchmen forget all that, and roll over in delight. Bishop Burns says the Iranians’ faith is “exemplified by their good deeds. They are offering to release the sailors and Marines not just as a result of diplomacy but also as an act of mercy in accordance with their religion.”
Bishop Nazir-Ali — slightly less crazily — did at least acknowledge that both sides were acting from “mixed motives”. He did not specify exactly what Britain’s motives were mixed with, but praised the way the Iranians acted “within the moral and spiritual tradition of their country” and contrasted this with Britain’s “free-floating values” and our Government’s failure to say anything religious or “anchored in a spiritual and moral tradition”.
Well, if the devil can quote scripture, so can a poor despairing hack. To both bishops I can only say “Beware of false prophets, which come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly are ravening wolves . . . A good tree cannot bring forth evil fruit, neither can a corrupt tree bring forth good fruit. Wherefore by their fruits ye shall know them.” Or, to quote the rather less sacred Mandy Rice-Davies: “Well, President Ahmadinejad would say that, wouldn’t he?”
The cynicism of the Iranian leader’s lip-service to Easter and forgiveness should not need underlining. When Bishop Burns says they “put their faith into action to resolve the situation”, he ignores the fact that Iran caused the damn situation. They snatched seafarers who were not in their waters — even by their own original GPS positioning — and held them for a terrifying fortnight while mobs howled for their blood. They threatened them with years of prison unless they told lies on camera. From distant RE lessons I seem to remember that forcing other people to break the Commandments is considered even worse than doing it yourself.
When Bishop Nazir-Ali commends Iran’s “moral and spiritual tradition” he forgets that the prisoners were isolated and blindfolded, even after the farewell handshake; interrogated under bright lights, lined up to face a wall and frightened by the cocking of weapons. With Islam in his own family background he should perhaps also think about Leading Seaman Faye Turney, stripped to her knickers and told that the others had gone home and she was alone; in that context he might recall that the Koran’s fourth chapter enjoins: “If ye be kind towards women and fear to wrong them, God is well acquainted with what ye do.” Indeed in justice to all good Muslims it must be said that the game-playing cruelty of the last fortnight offends Islam as much as it breaches international law. You can explain it politically — by fear, by weakness, by the awful backwash of the awful Iraq war — but not religiously. No way.
When contrasting Iran’s behaviour with “free-floating” British morality, the bishop could pass the time counting on his fingers the Commandments broken by his Eastertide hero: false witness has definitely been borne, sending gear to Iraqi bombers who kill civilians, nurses and peacekeepers hardly observes Thou Shalt Not Kill; and as for stealing, we have yet to get back the boats and equipment seized in the 2004 incident, let alone this one. I am not too happy about the MoD encouraging the sailors to sell their stories, but at least the details will clarify the public mind about the Pharisaical hypocrisy of the Easter release.
What the bishops are betraying is a kind of desperation in the churches: a sense that when the battle for the public culture is being lost, you clutch at any straw, however filthy. They express delight at President Ahmadinejad’s disingenuous mention of religion simply because he did mention it. As Bishop Nazir-Ali says: “The President talked about the religious background to the release, with reference to the Prophet’s birthday and the passing over of Christ. What struck me was that if there were any values on the British side, they were free-floating and not anchored in a spiritual and moral tradition.”
If? If? A bit harsh. Our own Government is not perfect, by a long chalk, and I have opposed the war in Iraq from the very start; but in this case I do not see it as a sign of loose morality that Mr Blair stuck to respecting the “history and tradition” of Iran rather than waffling about God. Britain had simple enough values in the past fortnight — a desire to keep young people alive and to uphold international law. Rather better values, indeed, than those which led us into the Iraq war in the first place. But it is mad for churchmen to expect politicians in a mainly secular society to witter about the Resurrection during diplomatic negotiations. You don’t have to be Richard Dawkins to grasp that.
If there really are bishops who think that governments should spout religiosity at all times, they are howling for the moon. More seriously, if they think that larding a religious gloss on to cruel, illegal, manipulative behaviour makes it all right, they are edging towards a position which can only — with a cautious shudder — be defined as evil.

Libby Purves worked for some years for BBC Radio 4, as a reporter and a presenter on the Today programme and, since 1983, has presented Midweek. She joined The Times as a columnist in 1990. She received an OBE in 1999 for her services to journalism and was Columnist of the Year in the same year. In her spare time she writes bestselling novels. Her opinion column appears in the The Times on Tuesdays
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Those so-called communist atheists were all brought up in a strict religious tradition which fixed their totalitarian attitudes to others. 100 million killed sounds impressive, but I wonder how many more the Crusaders and heretic burners would have managed with access to 20th century weaponry and gas ovens?
Reg Le Sueur, Jersey, U.K.
Libby, you forgot to mention the 100 million plus killed by communist atheists in the 20th century. Also, the only reason UK sailors are in Iraq in the first place was the BIG LIE about WMD and the 30 minutes before they would hit London.
We Americans are footing the bill to the tune of $1 Trillion dollars. I do get some enjoyment though at the imprisonment of our Libby and the incarceration of Jack Abramhoff. & I can't wait for the trial of AIPAC.
Isaiah, Dallas,
Ok, the two bishops are not the top brains in the world, but their messages show a major Christian distinctive not known in Islam - to try to empathise with your opponent rather than hit back. If only the Shias and Sunnis could show a glimmer of this tradition of loving your enemy, then Iraq could know peace.
DrT, Woodstock, UK
It is interesting to compare the Iranian handling of British prisoners with that of the American treatment of prisoners in Abu Ghraib and Guantanamo.
The Iranians have shown mercy, not a quality which is readily apparent among their adversaries.
Vincent Coles, Scotland,
Libby, you forgot to mention that "respect for religion" in Iran often means teenage girls are publicly hanged (not executed cleanly - they are hoisted gently and allowed to choke to death slowly) simply for being rape victims - often assulted by memebers of their own family.
And full marks to those commenters who point out that it isn't all that long ago that similar humanitarian crimes were perptrated by the Christian church.
If you really have faith then thank whatever god(s) you worship for widespread literacy - the one tool that can keep us free of domination by religious bigots. Long may it be preserved and spread and long may we have the sense to use it.
KR, Stockport,
When the Church was one of the great pillars of the State and the bishops its princes, the episcopate contained many men of distinction. Currently they are a bunch of nobodies (with a few notable exceptions, such as Richard Chartres who has a truly formidable intellect) fully deserving of their stipends which are less than that of a London Underground driver. It is amazing that anyone listens to them at all.
As for the hostages, although Iran is an incredibly dangerous state against whom pre-emptive strikes may be necessary, and President "I'm a dinner jacket" a thug and a terrorist, it is rather difficult for the West to take the moral high ground when the treatment of detainees in Guantanamo has been far worse than the treatment of the 15 British troops. They have been held for five years without charge, not two weeks, subject to torture, and also have anxious families desperate for their return. They probably include some dangerous terrorists, but certainly also many innocent men.
Alan, London WC2, United Kingdom
In the 1960s Bob Dylan sang about not needing a weatherman to tell you which way the wind is blowing. In today's world, all you need to do to learn which way the latest gust of wind is blowing is to look at bishops and other churchmen/women, people who crave popular approval and who want to be seen leading the latest trendy fads. They are truly "blowing in the wind."
James, Jacksonville, lllinois U. S.
I would take this lady seriously if she had said word or two about people taken prisoners by the Americans and rhe British. We expect other people to treat us respectfully but we do not extend the same to them. By all accounts I have read Iranians have behaved in a much more civilised way than we ever do. Then their political compulsions are different from ours: teach the wogs not to attack us but theirs is to draw attention to strongly felt injstice.
sinna mani, London, uk
I would ask Toby Selwyn of Wrexham, who posts below, why he doesn't like the idea of praising the thief who is decent enough to return something he has stolen. To my mind this is the appropriate step to take, and likewise Tony Blair should have acknowledged the return of the 15 - it is surely quite possible to do this, while at the same time decrying the original theft or abduction.
Richard Adams, Exeter, UK
Silly dam bishops,what planet are thay on,thay conveniantly forget Irans record on human rights,woman stoned to death,homosexuality punishable bye death,tortur carried out as a matter of course,children of 14 hung,children imprisoned,a country were laws are taken from a old manuscript,and not made by rotional human beings,preserve us from the religious.Then again i think the church would be happy to impose there beliefs on us,that would amount to the same,just differant faiths.the only hope is secular,personaly i think religious belief should be classed as a mental illness,ie delusional thought=mental illness.
kevin bowles, london, uk
Whenever a government justifies its actions on the basis of religion, as Iran's has just done, it's a sure sign of a corrupt, repressive government. Organised religion is the last refuge of demagogues who want to control other people. It may be a source of comfort to the downtrodden masses too, but its main effect is to concentrate unaccountable power.
Norman Paterson, Anstruther, Fife
For God's sake, why does every single article in this newspaper that mentions Ahmadinejad have to mention the words 'wipe Israel of the map'? It would only take you seconds to ascertain that the man never said these words.
Nonetheless, the bishops were indeed talking (opportunistic) codswallop.
Adam Neilson, Birmingham,
In 1 Thessalonians chapter 2v 1-4 we are taught that to be successful ministry must concentrate on faithfully putting forward the Gospel of Jesus Christ. This message, that every human is a rebel agaist God and faces His rightful judgement leading to eternal seperation from Him, and all that is good, but that in His mercy God has allowed Jesus to take our just punishment on the Cross and rise again to win us assurance of eternal life, is all that can make people right with God.
It and the proper reaction to it, of repentance, trusting in Jesus's sacrifice to save us and obidience to His rule in our lives, must be all preacher's concentration. Not praising questionable conduct by foreign politions.
Gareth Rhymes, Hull, UK
Religion makes bishops go bonkers? Very true - but not only bishops.
alan, cologne,
All this invective being hurled against the bishops is utterly beside the point. The reality is that the coalition is preparing for war against Iran, and this intrusion into their territorial waters was an exercise designed to test
the Iranian naval defences, prior to an amphibious landing on their beaches.
Ignore the bishops' circumspect remarks and concentrate on the coming
holocaust - one which the Iranian president WILL believe in!
Geoffrey Smith, Manchester, England
Will from Dublin said " also believe that there are more than enough secular Iranians, who do not agree with the mullahs"
Is that not we said about Iraq before we went in? That secular Iraqis would shower us with petals of roses? Iraq should serve as a lesson to all. Deal with these countries? yes.
talk to these countries? yes
Rebuild these countries in a secular mold? No.
Because the majority of the population is not receptive to a secular democracy.
Tom, New york, USA
I think religious leaders should keep their noses out of high profile political issues. Their beliefs, as shown by the ridiculous comments of these two bishops, clearly cloud their opinions. Stick to preaching the bible in your churches where those who want to listen can, and those of us who don't really value your opinion don't have to hear it !
petemorgy, chichester, west sussex
Entirely sensible opinion, Libby.
It's worth reading Damian Thompson's blog on the same topic over at telegraph.co.uk. His sentiments are similar: what makes it worth reading are some of the naive, gloopy responses trying to justify the ministers' words.
And to Will of Dublin: whatever the legality of the original invasion, the British Navy were in those waters at the request of the Iraqi government. Yes, the one that is currently recognised by the UN. Libby is careful to state that we've hardly got a clean copy-book in this regard; however, this does not excuse these bishops praising the Iranian release on religious grounds.
snafu, London,
I belive in God and I am a Protestant Christian,but as a commenter said previous we have shaken off the Christianity which wanted to dominate the people we are now free.Now its the turn of the Muslims to rid themselves of the rigid way that they are being governed by their own religion.We can all believe in our faith but without the hard line bishops or mullahs from the churches or mosques we are free and independant.
Taff
David Owen, Hereford,
The problem with our bishops is that they are trendy socialists first and Christians second.
Socialists hate our history, so when looking at, say, the Crusades, they pick all the good things that the Muslims did and all the bad things the Christians did. They're still at it today: picking the good bits from Iran's behaviour and the bad bits from ours. It's no surprise then that they think the Muslims are better.
In Islam, Imams who made statements offering comfort the head of state's enemies would not expect to live long. Perhaps our own clerics should ponder this before they next ascend the pulpit.
Scary, Windsor, Berks
Excellent article and it brings home to me the utter invalidity of christianity as a 'faith'. No doubt these same bishops would have appluaded Hitler for shovelling 6 million into the death camps on the basis that 'he loved his mother and attended church as a child'.
Jay, London,
"What the bishops are betraying is a kind of desperation in the churches: a sense that when the battle for the public culture is being lost, you clutch at any straw, however filthy."
Rightly said.
Here Bishops have unnecessarily overstepped into political muddle couched in Iran's religious interpretations. They should sound naive and look foolish!
As far as Iran's history is concerned, it is rotten. Early attacks on India were mainly from the barbarians of Iran. Never trust the languages mad mullahs of Iran say!
Regards,
Krishna R. Kumar, Udupi, India
Regardless of who was right or wrong with regards to the actual GPS details I think it best that no one mentions anything to do with 'international law'. On the basis that the US/UK troops are in that area of the world on an illegal war/invasion/whatever it is hardly their place to dictate to others about international law.
I also believe that there are more than enough secular Iranians, who do not agree with the mullahs, who can bring about change in that country and they need all the assistance they can get. I dont think that everyone in that country can be made into monsters.
Will, Dublin, Ireland
Libby makes more sense than a barrel full of Bishops
Richard, Palma de Mallorca, Spain
One of the reasons that the West has become increasingly secular is that in the last 1500 years we have been hag-ridden by religious wars and religious murders and strong religious resistance to simple progressive things like washing, and contraception, and lightening rods (yes, lightening rods).
We have shaken off many of the chains Christianity had wrapped us in, and have taken away most of the weapons of law and military force the Church used in the past to torment us. These bishops should read a little of the history of Christianity and be grateful, simply as humans, that no Christian church holds the reins of secular power in any country today.
Here in the United States, we are once again fighting against a group of Christians who want to impose their peculiar flavor of Christianity on the whole nation and take control of the government. God save us all from devout Christians!
E. Carpenter, New York, USA
I think the writer neatly summed it up in the first paragraph..
"Anybody who believes that religion involves more than words must say so"
Silence.
You don't have to be Richard Dawkins to grasp that either.
Bill Kerr, Singapore, Singapore
Great piece....especially the reference to St. Mandy-of-Llanelli. One small point. The Authorised Version of the Bible does say: 'Thou shalt not kill' But the AV, while a magnificent piece of English literature, is often an innacurate translation. Closer to the Hebrew original "ratsach" is 'murder', the premeditated killing of another human being. But even this isn't quite right, my Jewish friends tell me. It in fact means roughly that you shall not deprive a human being of his soul without good reason. The Bible furnishes plenty of good reasons for killing people, destoying the enemy being one of them.
Peter Hawkins, Montréal, Canada
Perhaps if the Foreign Secretary and the rest of the Cabinet had some serious spiritual values, there would not be British service men and women suffering and dying in Iran and Iraq for the sake of Blair's vanity.
As it is, an appeal by the pope has got our godless government off this particular hook. But will they learn any lessons? Can we expect to see our troops home soon? Will we see a chastened cabinet living by a higher morality than the oil price?
Vincent Coles, Scotland,
How can you describe changing in to prison cloths as being forced to strip to her knickers? She was given privacy - she mentions that even when they came to measure her for her suit it was a woman who did the measuring and shouted the figures out to the man who out of respect for privacy did not enter the room.
I also find it hard to believe that she was terrified of being raped by "frothing at the mouth" iranian sailors on the iranian gun boat right after her capture as she describes in her Sun interview. Her video of enjoying a fag on the boat after capture gives a somewhat different image.
With regards to GPS - if you look at what the british sailors plotted on the maps it shows not one GPS co-ordinate but a whole series of them taken from their GPS recorder - it clearly shows they kept on entering iranian waters - not just once when they were picked up.
fred trent, london,
By any standard of "religion" today,
God is not religious. God is God.
God walked as a man among men in old Jerusalem
and directed plenty of wrathful invective toward
the "religious leaders" of that town.
Jesus of Nazareth did not ever intend to "start a new religion." The human world has always been overflowing
with the confusion of man-made "religion."
In the 4th chapter of the 4th gospel, at His meeting
with the Samaritan woman at Jacob's Well,
the LORD annulled worship in geographical locations
and Instituted "worship in Spirit and in truth."
Read it for yourself.
If more people followed the secrect ways
of "worship in Spirit and in truth"
a lot of old-fashion "religious" confusion
would vanish like smoke.
Jordan, Vernon, Alabama
I completely agree. The capture of the seamen in the first place was a moral and political disgrace. To give credit for their release is misguided, to say the least. It's like praising a thief for having the decency to return something he has stolen.
Toby Selwyn, Wrexham, UK
Well written. All three Abrahamic religions are outmoded versions of the same paternal lie, whether broadcast by a bishop, rabbi or immam. No universal Father ever spoke to any man. These belief systems were designed as controls on humanity and it is time to confine bearded and non-bearded theocrats to the history books. Peace in the ME and throughout the warring world will come through the nous of mankind itself, not by the benign intervention of some off-planet deity. Belief should only be greater confidence in the divine indwelling wisdom of humanity, not the implanted slavery of religion. Stick that in your chasubles and smoke it, bishops!
Tony Gold, Southbourne, UK