Libby Purves
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Bonjour. Je m'appelle Fred. J'habite à Walsall. C'est une très belle ville tout près de Birmingham. J'aime bien aller à la patinoire avec mes amis, Thierry, Marc et Louise...
The teacher-examiner listens to the French oral spiel, painstakingly prepared over weeks and rich in barefaced dissimulation. Frankly, if your textbooks offer more vocabulary about ice-skating with Thierry et Marie-Claire than about doing graffiti, playing Grand Theft Auto and getting hammered on samedi soir avec les copains, nobody will dock you marks for lying. Just get the prepositions right and you're fine.
Similarly, the descriptions “une très belle ville” and “eine schöne Stadt” have been flatteringly applied over decades by pupils preparing for oral exams but unwilling to look up words appropriate to the less jolie qualities of their home turf. Indeed, why should you even try to pronounce “banlieue” or find the word for “godforsaken housing estate”, when “belle ville” is easier? It's a staged event, this oral exam spiel. The interlocutor asks a few civil questions, slowly and with crystal pronunciation and no jabbering, and it's all over. Tape goes to the exam board, result comes back, A to F.
The Qualifications and Curriculum Authority, however, indicates that soon it really may be all over. One-off oral language tests, it says, are not reliable, but in a telling aside from Lord Dearing we hear that “when people spoke about the oral test, however long ago it may have been, it is often remembered as a stressful experience”; so “these parts of the examination should be over a period through moderated teacher assessment”. Quality should not decline, he said, but there need not be this “highly stressful” evaluation.
The fact is, they're all running scared of the power of student choice. The difficulty faced by government and the QCA is that there has been a sharp drop in students taking a language at GCSE ever since they rashly made it optional in 2004. Not hard to join the dots there, is it? The decline is serious: bad for business in an ever more globalised market, bad for international understanding, bad for culture. Not least, it deprives students of the intangible clarification of thought and deeper understanding of one's own tongue that any human being gets by attempting a second language. But having dropped the compulsion, they panic at the decline in numbers and decide that the reason is the “stressfulness” of preparing a short speech and answering questions on it, face to face and in real time.
But stress is what foreign languages are all about, surely? They're not just for ordering drinks: if you travel you are likely to use them in an emergency. Perhaps not “My postilion has been struck by lightning” but “We left my sister's epilepsy medicine in the hire car glove pocket.” Or “The night porter took my passport, the guy with the ginger hair, look in the drawer! I saw him put it there! Please, I will miss my train.” The heart hammers, the arms windmill, miraculously the vocabulary arrives. Stress sharpens the wits: I never learnt Italian but have a reasonable grasp of grand opera, and thought that “Addio, senza rancor” or “Ritorna vincitor!” would be of little use; yet at a Hertz desk in Naples the “ritorna” word enabled us to ask where to park the battered Fiat after the hire.
Episodes of stress, moreover, are healthy. US and Canadian researchers reviewing 300 scientific papers and 19,000 interviews came up with what we all secretly know: the “flight or fight” response is natural, vital, and boosts the immune system. Long dragging anxiety, like bereavement, disability, poverty or chronic illness, has the opposite effect. But short-term challenges are fine, especially if you can prepare for them. Train for the match, practise for the oral. The event itself then becomes a burst of healthy stress, toning you up no end even if you fail. This we know. We also know that real life - the interview, deal, deadline or the sprint for the bus - is full of short stressful interludes to which we must rise. And we generally do.
Infants know that when they pull themselves precariously to their feet and hurriedly sit down again, laughing, they can try again. It is adults who want them to be wimps and worryguts.
Yet the curious thing that has happened to the exam system in many universities as well as schools is that the “sudden-death” final exam with its brief but stimulating shock value has fallen out of fashion, while draggingly chronic “continuous assessment” and a worrisome burden of “coursework” and “modules” take its place. The idea that you can replace fear and stress with constant low-key purposeful activity leading to cowlike contentment is appealing in its way, but psychologically it is utter nonsense.
Never mind. Cunning can supplement diligence. My ever-helpful daughter explains how she got through the even more taxing A-level French test. Instead of the worthy subjects suggested (“Racial tension in the Marseilles area... Viticulture and agricultural reform”) she named as her topic for the oral exam “The life and work of Gérard Depardieu”.
This, she explains, enabled her not only to list films with slow relish but to pose as a breathless fan and stop naturally at any difficult question, rolling her eyes, fanning herself and going: “Phwooarh! Gérard est si chouette! Oh mon Dieu! C'est difficile... je peux à peine respirer quand j'y pense... !”
I offer this ruse to this year's rising generation, with compliments. “Georges Clooney! Quel animal magnifique!”

Libby Purves worked for some years for BBC Radio 4, as a reporter and a presenter on the Today programme and, since 1983, has presented Midweek. She joined The Times as a columnist in 1990. She received an OBE in 1999 for her services to journalism and was Columnist of the Year in the same year. In her spare time she writes bestselling novels. Her opinion column appears in the The Times on Mondays
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Will we perhaps reduce the driving test to a theory exam and a requirement to provide an affidavit from a trusted professional confirming that you can actually drive a car?
No reason to put all those poor kids through a stressful practical examination surely?
Bob, Reading,
I rather thought that languages were invented so that people could..... TALK????
Shouldn't this be the FIRST priority??
Anyhow... how naïve can you get, Dearing, if you think that having 'little oral tests' throughout the course rather than one big one at the end will do away with all the pre-learnt, pre-prepared, memorized, predictable stuff!!!!!
I dare you... before long languages will become compulsory again! How else will you British be able to compete in the REAL WORLD, the REALLY INTERNATIONAL WORLD MARKET!!!!!!
One really (but really) experienced foreign-national-but-yet-realistically-englishized-French teacher.
aa, derbys,
When I read this particular proposal I went into shock. As an experienced MFL teacher, having worked in many different schools and a HoD for MFL, all I have to say is.....Actually, speaking 4 fluent languages I am actually stuck for words! They are taking the one element of the languages exam that students can prepare for thoroughly and show off their real abilities on the day. Plenty that I have taught have actually felt a real sense of achievement when finished (I nearly wrote enjoyed it, but it is rather stressful so wouldn't go that far). I've been teaching my pupils that the harder the task, the greater the reward...this is obviously not the view of our dear Lord. What happened to high support (teachers) high challenge (students) and hence educated people? And talking of which I have just completed a search and could not find anywhere how many languages Lord Dearing studied, succeeded at in examination, or even acquired through non academic means. Any clues?
Anne Jackson, Dubai, UAE
Dear Libby
I just agree so much with everything you say (always!). I have been a French teacher for over 30 years. The whole aim OF COURSE is to get pupils to speak French in meaningful sentences, which they put together in their own brains, using grammar, vocab and structures I have taught them. If these pupils then go to France, and hopefully they will, and wish to make a decent effort to speak French to a French person, how else will they have the confidence to try to do so if they have not been through the stresses of an oral exam - which will, amongst other things, make them realise that they CAN do it after all, however stressed they may have felt. If there is no oral exam, they will never get manage to find the courage to speak when in the country. Honestly, what is education all about? Why do 'they' want to dumb it down and down and down??? It drives me to despair. Libby for Prime Minister!
Trish Mardon, Winchester,
Dear Libby,
20 odd years ago I trained as a simultaneous interpreter and translator of French and German - now that's stressful! I worked for the German government. My friends and collegues are still out there greasing the wheels of international cooperation with their skills. Would we have achieved or had the guts to aspire to such careers if we hadn't been made to gather our stock of phrases and spit them out in exams at school? I doubt it.
I now teach French to adults in a private school where we can barely keep up with the demand. These are people keen to learn because they have holiday homes, careers to further or simply because they see the value of stretching their brains a little. I put them on the spot. I make them speak. How else will they cope in a French-speaking environment? Do we want a nation of (non)linguists who can deal with something later when they've looked it up? Who is now finishing uni with qualifications to teach MFL? Scary, but then I won't be jobless...
Fiona Warner, Hitchin,
Henry Percy,
I am a translator. Believe me - the software that normal people have access to is not developed enough to translate a text with no in-depth knowledge of the language. Even translation memory programmes are only as good as the person putting the information into them. They are blank when you get them. Maybe the military has better software progammes, I don't know. But what there is available right now will make good language skills necessary for a very long time to come.
And to Sam who wants to know what 'fag' is in French - look it up in a dictionary. There's more to learning a language than just turning up at a class. Even at school, I did more research into French than the stuff taught in the classroom. One is responsible for one's own learning.
Martina, Dusseldorf, Germany
I am a 15 (nearly 16!) year old student in my G.C.S.E year.Year 11 that is. The consensus among my year is that the French/German/Spanish oral is by FAR the worst exam we will take.Now why should that be?
It is because it is immediate.In a written exam, one can hum and haw, skip a question and come back later. A 10- second pause in the oral while your brain desperately tries to think of the word for 'cup' will cost you several points.Truly,unnerving and stressful.But a course assessment would include that, so why bother?
In reply to Ian Kemmish from Biggleswade,it is indeed meticulously prepared and worked over. The teacher helps, the textbook is allowed etc.
(On the other hand, the stress may well be caused by the gimlet eye of our French teacher...)
Claire, Kent, UK
Nice to be able to speak the language of a country you regularly visit, but it has never been less necessary. With present translation software you can correspond, but the day is not far off when you will be able to talk to anyone using a mobile phone for simultaneous translation. Perhaps this is why students are shying away from languages.
Henry Percy, London, UK
When I took french O level some some 40 years ago, We had no idea what we would be asked to talk about. Although I passed, I make no claims to be a linguist. However on holidays, my ability to communicate in french is much better than that of my son who has a 'good' pass in french GCSE., so I suppose the scrapping of the oral is a logical next step in what has become a relentless march to mediocrity .
Lily, Truro,
The government should never have made learning a foreign language voluntary at GCSE. They belatedly now include English & Maths among the 5 subjects (at A*-C) that count in the league tables. They should also include not only a foreign language but also a proper science (not just General Science). Then we would know what proportion of children were having at least the rudiments of a proper education.
Dave, Wrexham,
Oh the poor little darlings; how terrible that learning something new, and difficult for some, could be even slightly stressful. What are we raising these days? A bunch of molly-coddled babies scared of trying anything new, frightened the the outside world is too dangerous to venture into, terrified of approaching a stranger? Dumbing down is one thing, but this is simply dumbing out! I can see the days returning when employers start to use interview exams again as what is awarded by the examining boards isn't worth the paper it is printed on.
Brian, Farnham, UK
I was educated in the UK. I'm 45. I lived in France for 6 years later in life and now speak French pretty fluently. When the need arises and I switch to French those around me regularly note with astonishment that an Englishman speaks another language, and ask me how it came to pass. In Belgium, where I live now, it is natural to speak at least two languanges fluently, and university courses and exams are very often in English (not French, not Flemish).
David, Gent, Belgium
The most stressful oral exam I ever had was while I did the third year of my physics degree on exchange in Switzerland. Many of the exams, worst of all in nuclear and particle physics, were in French and oral!
Stephen Webb, Chester, UK
Life is and should be stressful. If students choose not to learn a language, fine. However, I can't think of a situation where you can be more out of your depth than arrving in a foreign land and trying to speak the language. No exam and especially not coursework will prepare you for the necessity of making do when blindsided by requests and demands of a foreign culture. the language itself isn't so important really, it's the confidence that comes from handling your own affairs in a culture that is quite different. After that, coming home to what you know really poses few worries.
Sometimes though, what you are taught is not so useful. I went to Germany during university and all the way through my education, nobody had told me what "kriegen" meant. I assumed that people were referring to "Krieg" or war, whihc made for interesting episodes given the historical. My german girlfriend asked me what "pop" meant. Try speaking English excluding "pop" as a verb e.g Pop by, in, etc
John, Knutsford, UK
No doubt there are shortcomings with the present arrangements for oral testing. But how will these problems be averted in any new system?
Richard Ashton, Maidstone, uk
In my GCSE French oral I claimed to have been born in 1684. They still gave me an A.
Monkeys.
Sam, Oxford,
I am a British businessman living in French speaking Quebec. What is essential is to be able to speak and read French or whatever the âhostâ language is. Unless you want to be a translator or some other type of specialist, you donât need to be able to write the language. You can always tell someone, who is a native speaker, in their language what you want to say and they will write it for you. Aural examinations are essential in an increasingly multilingual world. In fact from the employerâs perspective it would be useful to have the mark for âverbal comprehensionâ split out in the GCSE certificate.
Hugh Philliips, Boucherville Quebec, canada
My French oral(O Level in the days when it meant something!)was an unmitigated disaster.Normally I'm very "gung ho" in most circumstances but for some reason the examiner put me straight off right away.I went blank when she asked me to chat about "taking tea"(there was her tray on the coffee table before us)I could not remember the French for saucer,teaspoon,etc.which helped not a lot.(Indeed I still panic when in Paris and have to ask for a specific item)Needless to say I failed which I deserved to do as I was pretty hopeless.I resat the next year and scraped through having put more effort into my revision!Such exams are necessary to keep up standards.(My linguistically- minded classmates sailed through of course.)
HD, WsM,
This is a brilliant idea.
I should also be delighted if a lot of persons ceased their pathetic efforts to speak English.
David Williams, Eastnor, England
Life is stress.
John, Reading, uk
i agree with most of what you have to say, the problem with the current system is that one can coast for most of the school year, and cram all of the 'stock' vocab before the big day. by stock vocab i mean the vocab that one can throw in to saound intelligent when talking about racism, 'maghrébin' being invaluable to a french student.
however, i am living in france at the moment, as the third, or sandwich year of my languages degree at cambridge, and despite what i consider to be a fairly good education and grounding in french, i struggled a lot on coming here, as i didn't know the word for 'fag', or simply the more casual spoken style that one finds amongst the french youth. in principle the year abroad is here to teach us these things, but i do feel that the education system would serve us better if there were more emphasis placed on oral skills, getting us used to unexpected situations, i.e. getting out of a fight after the semi final between france and england...
Sam, Bordeaux/Cambridge, France/England
I firmly believe that short-term stress is Nature's way of telling you to raise your game. I firmly believe that viva voce examinations are A Good Thing - just watch Dragon's Den!
But, unless things have changed since my day, what we're talking about here is ten minutes of a basically boilerplate conversation that's been prepared to within an inch of its life. Did the fact that I passed really prove anything?
Ian Kemmish, Biggleswade, UK
Stressful? What? Speaking a foreign language in a safe room in your local school is 'stressful'? Let me tell you what's stressful about speaking foreign languages....
When I arrived in China a month or so ago I couldn't speak a word of the language. Now I can speak 'taxi Chinese'; 'left', 'right', 'straight ahead', 'here is good', etc. Now I'm expanding both my cultural and linguistic horizons. Last night I learned the word for 'beer' in Chinese which I remembered with alarming ease - possibly because I grew up in the UK. However, for the life of me I can't remember the Chinese word for 'toilet'. Now THAT's stressful.
Scot Richards, Beijing, China
In 1963 I actually conversed in French with a lovely young Francaise examiner for 'A' level oral. I thought of asking her out but figured that was pushing my luck a bit.
I can still converse in French.
gwilym rhys-jones, costa del sol, spain