Magnus Linklater
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There are two ways of dealing with the agony of a bad back. The first is to invite a largish bone-cruncher, otherwise known as an osteopath, to arrange your limbs into a pattern of exquisite vulnerability, and wait until he drops the full weight of his body on to your spine. There will then be a palpable crack as two of your lumbar vertebrae are driven into realignment; a few days later you are back on your feet; the only drawback is that if he gets it wrong, you may never walk again.
The second approach is to do nothing. Throughout a lifetime of back trouble, during which I have experienced every conceivable treatment from traction to ultrasound, biofeedback to chiropractic, I have found that doing nothing is the best therapy of all. A few weeks of hobbling, complaining and generally making other people’s lives a misery, and the pain recedes. Nature, it appears, prefers a straight back to a crooked one, and aims to help it readjust, if given the chance.
The latest research into this most intensively researched of all human conditions challenges my theory head on. It suggests that acupuncture works; that the ancient Chinese art of sticking long needles into the skin works better than physiotherapy, drugs and all the conventional cures that doctors recommend. This is not just any medical study, it is the University of Regensburg’s medical study, conducted on 1,100 bad-back sufferers by Michael Haake. And if the name suggests to you a character like Dr Strabismus (Whom God Preserve) from the Beachcomber column, that may be no coincidence.
Well intentioned as the good doctor is, all he has demonstrated is the old adage that there is no sucker like a crippled sucker. The patients who are offered the choice of several weeks of gradually reducing pain or else the opportunity of sampling the latest batch of snake oil will generally go for the snake oil. They like the instant remedy, and the phoney stories that go with it.
Just as the quacks who used to go round selling miracle cures for every ailment from hair lips to goitres relied on tall tales of how their formula was distilled from ancient plant cures used for generations by mysterious tribes of indeterminate origin, so today’s alternative gurus draw on mythology at the expense of science. It is tosh, of course, but it is the kind of tosh that people want to hear.
The British Acupuncture Council trots out something similar when it suggests that “according to traditional Chinese philosophy our health is dependent on the body’s motivating energy – known as qi – moving in a smooth and balanced way through a series of meridians (channels) beneath the skin”. By inserting needles, the acupuncturist “can stimulate the body’s own healing response and help to restore its natural balance”. The council will be delighted to learn that out of Dr Haake’s 1,162 back sufferers, nearly half of those on traditional Chinese-style acupuncture (47.6 per cent) recovered more quickly than those being treated by conventional means. It will be less thrilled to find that nearly as many (44.2 per cent) of those who had needles jammed in any-old-how also benefited.
The team from Regensburg concluded, rightly, that the results were confusing. Could it be, they wondered, that acupuncture has no effect at all, or that it works but it doesn’t matter how well or badly it is done? Alternatively, simply taking part in an extended medical trial might have concentrated the mind – participants offered a placebo often do just as well as the rest.
I have an alternative explanation. The world is divided into the sceptical and the credulous, with the balance tilted firmly towards the latter. The credulous are those who believe implicitly in the concept of alternative medicine, who warm to faith healing, mysterious “black boxes” that can cure at a distance, the laying-on of hands, and the multifarious accounts of miraculous remedies achieved by ingesting the roots of a South American plant mingled with the secretions of the Brazilian tapir.
They are the willingly gullible; their eyes widen as they talk of holistic cures, of hypnotherapy, homoeopathy, herbalism or healing with animals. They are full of complaints about the idiocies of ordinary doctors and the inadequacies of the NHS, and relish instead tales of unexplained cures and extraordinary recoveries. They ignore any challenges to their deeply held convictions, and are simply uninterested in statistics that show the failure of alternative medicine to stand up to normal testing.
All this gives them a seemingly invincible weapon in their fight against illness. It is a collective suspension of disbelief – a faith in the unknowable that transcends the tedium of mere science. Why suffer the rigours of a long bout of painful therapy when you can have your meridians twitched? Whole schools of modern therapy are built on the theory that discovering the strength of the inner self is a more effective route to good health than hours spent hanging around an outpatient clinic. Ask Carole Caplin or Cherie Blair. True faith, they would argue, is the ultimate medication.
And, of course, it is a lot more fun than the dreary scepticism that infects the rest of us. While they experience transcendence, we simply see a row of ridiculous needles. We do not believe in strange and unexplained cures, so we lack the capacity to benefit from them.
It would be nice, perhaps, to jettison the great advances of medical science, and embrace the alternative world, but it’s surprisingly difficult to become an overnight air-head. Besides, I’ve simply got to stop. My back is killing me.

Magnus Linklater's journalistic career spans 40 years, taking him from editor of Londoner's Diary at the Evening Standard to editor of Spectrum and the Colour Magazine at The Sunday Times and editor of The Scotsman. He joined The Times in 1994 and writes a weekly column on Wednesdays. He was chairman of the Scottish Arts Council from 1996 to 2001, and often writes on Scottish issues
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Well if western medicine is so great, how come so many people have bad backs? And why do so many of them find non-conventional therapy useful?
Many people find that chiropractic, ostepathy, yoga, pilates and acupuncture help them manage the pain. Go see a regular doctor and you'll get anti inflammatories and an offer of surgery if it doesn't get any better. Is it any wonder sufferers look for alternatives?
elemjay, london,
Poor Magnus I know just how you feel.
I had a nerve decompresion on the LH side of my lower back about 20 years ago by an excellent Neurosurgeon. It worked really well and my activity level rose but about 7 years later the problem started on the RH side to a lesser extent.
I stumbled on over the next 15 years finding that my once quick recovery i.e. about 3 days before I could walk was taking several weeks sometimes but was always in some sort of pain.
After losing the sight in my left eye due to undiagnosed Blood Pressure problems, the root cause of which was an enlarged prostrate and extended bladder. I believe the swollen bladder contributed to my slow recovery from an incident of severe back pain as my recovery times went back to normal and the pain was less severe.
Since discovering cushioned heel footwear of a well publicised make about 4 years ago I have not looked back. From being unable to manage a 1 mile walk I can now manage upto 5 miles at a brisk pace+ No incidents!
M. Sheridan, Oldham, UK
Physical therapy, Yoga and other directed disciplines can help greatly. I cured my back with the former and that helped me tremendously with the latter. Active cures far outvalue the passive ones.
eugene, heidelberg, germany
Have a look at www.intramuscularstimulation.com (IMS) it explains why acupuncture works by default, no ying, yang or qi and that when IMS/ dry needling is used within an orthodox orthopaedic diagnostic framework it works so much better than esoteric `hit and miss` acupuncture. IMS has a well researched and rehearsed evidence/ patho-physiological base to it. Effective, minimal side effects and contra-indications and cheap.
Trigger points which respond superbly to palpation and needling are thought to be responsible for up to 75% of all musculo-skeletal pain. Big in The States, less popular but growing here.
Robin Shepherd, Guildford, Surrey
Magnus, I count myself at least as skeptical as you and had the same reservations about acupuncture - until I saw it work on a cow. Now it's entirely conceivable that what I saw was the work of a skilled illusionist, but, against that, my guess is that if we knew the full extent of the slaughter inflicted by "conventional medicine" we'd be horrified. All we know for certain is that it gets it right some of the time - about the same success rate that I can claim for me and plumbing.
Ken Leyland, Liverpool, U.K.
If your Osteopath is jumping on your back and you're praying he/she gets it right you're seeing the wrong osteopath. Mine sometimes is so gentle I'm not sure he is doing anything and I always get results. It's a real science not guess work.
Just because you don't understand something doesn't mean it doesn't work.
You don't like your back pain, try swimming. It does wonders for back pain. Try taking some personal responsibility and quit whining and making fun of other people's choices.
An Art and Science that has survived for 1000's of years must have something to it. The problem is some people get a few 100 hours of training and call themselves experts in TCM (traditional chinese medicine) when in reality it takes years to learn and master. So perhaps these people who had the accupuncture done, didn't have it done by well trained people. Perhaps the 'sham' Accupuncture wasn't really a sham. How did they control for this? How do they know they didn't release any endorphins?
Ellen Samuels, somewhere, USA/NY
I have suffered terribly from lower back pain, to the point that in June 2006 I could do little more in the morning except crawl on all fours. The solution (not necessarily cure), in addition to medication, was to undertake a daily series of gradual stretching exercises focused on improving overall core body strength. The book Back in Control by Dr. David Borenstein provides a very good guide. Within 10 weeks I was off of the medication and the pain was quite manageable. I then moved from the daily stretching program to working with a trainer to improve core strength even more. I am now completely pain free, in better shape than in years, and with a margin of safety for back issues. My conclusion is that back problems often result from overall poor physical condition, thus poor posture and the concommitant stress on the lower spine. Thus, doing nothing and letting the pain recede really is not a solution. The pain is a warning sign to get back into shape. Best regards.
David Ralston, Clifton, Virginia USA
It sounds like you should try it and then tell us. There's enough persistent testimony to give it the benefit of your doubt. Don't dismiss it because of the qi explanation. No one knows why it works, the most plausible explanation I've heard is that it manipulates the pain matrix in the brain. I wouldn't soldier on with no remedy only to find out years down the line that it works. (And I had been too proud a skeptic all that time)
tim, london, uk
I've suffered in the past from a fair amount of back trouble. I had a fantastic Chiropractor(now retired) who only failed me once in many years. I've listened to many people with back trouble, and often they have their own preferred treatments, but chiropractic certainly worked for me.
Since I stopped playing tennis and badminton, and taken up smoother forms of exercise, I've had no problems, so I no longer need chiropractic.
A. Taylor, Nottingham,
I woke up one morning with what appeared to be low level whiplash. I couldn't move and it took an hour for me to painfully get out of bed. Convinced the pain would go away I did not consult a doctor (it was the weekend and we wouldn't expect NHS Doctors to be available then, would we?). A week later, I still found myself in pain, unable to move my head and neck more than the slightest fraction. In desperation I attended my local Chinese Medicine woman. One hour later the pain had gone, and I could move my head and neck fully. I have no idea how it works, and I'm scared of needles, but the fact is that it did work, and I didn't have to go and see a Doctor who would have no doubt given me some pills to mask the pain and put me on a months long waiting list for some sort of therapist.
Medicine is an evolving science, it does not yet have all the answers, why is it deemed so 'fashionable' to dismiss the ancient and accumulated wisdom that the Chinese have been turning to for years?
Anne, Manchester,
I may be wrong about this, but as I understand it, a placebo can sometimes work even when the patient is sceptical.
I use travel bands for my travel sickness, which are just two bumps of plastic on the inside of elasticated material around the wrists (i.e. pressing down on a supposed acupuncture point). I was deeply sceptical of the benefits of these prior to use, having had no joy from various pills or other approaches, but they have worked so well that I have persisted with them for 15 years (although less often now, as the sickness itself occurs less). I'm still unconvinced by the underlying rationale and suspect these are placebos, but that's fine by me.
Perhaps it's worth Magnus giving the random pin-jabbing a go...
James Clarke, London,
I suppose that we all have different types of back injuries, so the treatment might be different for each of us.
Mine is a pretty boring L4-L5 injury that responds well to a quick dose of anti-inflammatory drugs and a 1-2 days of physio. Certainly not your several weeks.
I would suggest picking up a copy of the "Back Doctor" by Hamilton Hall. The book describes the different back injuries and what the medical profession can do for you; but mostly it is about you taking ownership of fixing your back.
Finally, after much skepticism on my part, an Olympic athlete friend of mine, convinced my to take up Pilates. I still think it is goofy, but it does seem to help quite a bit.
kevin, Ottawa, Canada
I had back pain for 7 years. I tried everything and eventually a new physio doing an initial exam spotted that I had a vertebrae our of place. Poppped it backed into place and hey-presto a.o.k.
Moral - identify the problem and the cure will follow.
Steve, Zürich, Switzerland
For back pain caused by arthritis leading to trapped nerves, daily stretches and exercise give relief and even prevent further pain provided the discipline is maintained after the pain has been minimised. The problem is that many sufferers do not continue with the discipline until the pain has minimised ( a process which can take months), or, when some relief has been gained, do not continue with the regime.
Provided that the pain is accepted as a spur to changing the habits of a lifetime, and making new ones, it can be a great life!
Gordon Cardew, NORWICH, UK
I have just one phrase...... Global warming/climate change.
Bob, London, uk
Frie martin & Kay Leeds:
Did you read the above peice at all? The whole point is that yes, nearly half of people got pain relief from acupuncture, but about the same number of people got pain relief from sham acupuncture. All this nonsense about qi energy and meridians is just that - nonsense!
Now, perhaps there is something in having needles stuck into you as there's bound to be some physiological response. Perhaps it's down to placebo, which can be very effective itself. Whichever of these it is, it certainly seems that the traditional chinese explanations are simply wrong.
Frie Martin, where's the evidence that acupuncture has been know to work for thousands of years? It may have been used for ages, but that doesn't mean it works.
Tristan, Guildford, UK
Three weeks ago, I had trouble with a frozen knee. When I bent the joint to less than ninety degrees, I was in a great deal of pain. After just one acupuncture session, I recovered full range of movement. You can be as pompous as you want about the therapy -- that doesn't change the fact that it worked for me.
Above all, one thing it did not require in any way, shape or form was belief. Nor did the therapist even begin to suggest I put any faith in anyone or anything. If your body responds to the treatment, it responds; if it doesn't, it doesn't. I'm not going to scoff at you because you don't respond; please don't scoff at me because I do.
Rob, London, UK
Frie Martin, Echternach, Luxembourg
"Should you in that case not accord the same respect to treatments which have been around ,and known to work, for thousands of years?"
Of course I forgot we were doing so well with medical treatments up until the invention of the scientific method and progress based on unbiased results (double blind trials etc.).
Sorry about the sarcasm but look at our modern advances in medicine and technology. All of this has come about because we now need cold, hard, unfriendly evidence.
You might think reality is unromantic, but if you transported back in time to thousands of years, you might well only live to 40, die in childbirth, plague, wound infection or be burned at the stake.
BP, London,
I realize there's all sorts and degrees of back pain. But what works for me is a bar of strong-smelling soap (Irish Spring) under the fitted sheet, in the curvature of my back right at the waist. I used to waken all stiff and in pain. Not now. Have no idea how it works. And wouldn't you think a large lump of a bar of soap would disturb one's sleep? Well, it doesn't. As a cure, it's cheap, legal, effective, and non-invasive. I pass it on in case it would help even one sufferer.
Maewynia of Pennsylvania
Maewynia, Pennsylvania,
You say people shouldn't phoo phoo the advances of modern medicine.
Should you in that case not accord the same respect to treatments which have been around ,and known to work, for thousands of years?
And your description of an ostiopath's treatment is grossly unfair.
Sure there are a few hamfisted ones around, but a good one will never treat you the way you describe.
Have you ever tried any of the treatments you talk about in such a negative way?
A closed mind is probably a far worse problem for you than the pain in your back!
Frie Martin, Echternach, Luxembourg
Is a 'hair lip' what we used to call a moustache?
Robert H., Birmingham,
Jeremiah1974: And your evidence is what exactly?
zeno, Glasgow,
I have also been a chronic back pain person. Chronic pain changes one's psyche. I did find relief for my problem with physical therapy and a great physical therapist who was more willing than the doctors to pursue the root of my problem.
Best of luck with your problem. I hope you find relief.
Mary Knight, Pittsburgh, PA, USA
You should try some of this www.tapping.com
New-age munbo jumbo... but it works. :)
Jeremiah1974, Bristol,
I, too, have suffered for years from a bad back. At least an MRI scan told me why I had pain. The blame is degenerative disc disease. OK, so what options are there for treatment? Well, it's not possible to have artificial discs installed with, it seems, a very good outcome. Trouble is that the NHS won't pay for this treatment and offers the cruder laminectomy and fusion with all its attendant risks and failures.
I, too, have worked out ways to mitigate the pain and put up with the limited range of movements.
Without doubt, osteopathy has been the most successful treatment I've had, but as the author comments, when a bulky 18st rugby-playing osteopath has his knuckles buried amongst your vertebrae, and he suggests that you relax as he throws all his weight across your body, I for one find it hard to comply.
What I find unacceptable is that much of my pain comes from muscle spasm which can be treated without analgesics by using very low doses of diazepam. My GP refuses to offer it!
Captain Grumpy, Southampton, England
I suffered from a trapped sciatic nerve and shredded disc which eventually resulted in major surgery.The only time I got relief from agonizing pain in almost every position taken,was when acupuncture was administered by the surgery physiotherapist.It came back once I tried to walk again when the nerve was trapped again, but it was a blissful relief for that time.Maximum strength and dosage painkillers didn't work as well as that, even using a TENS machine to supplement their effect. I am not an enthusiast for bizarre therapies, but acupuncture really did work as pain relief. In any case it is a major mainstream treatment in China and is hardly some quack remedy.
kay, leeds,
Having suffered a bad back for 20 years I know that what you say is true. My tips.
1) Stairmaster as much as possible.
2) don't jog.
3) don't sit cross legged or wash the dog. leaning over is bad.
4)have as much sex as possible.
5)get a massage when not having sex.
6) when it gets really bad drink beer.
7)get on with whatever you want.
pierre, peterborough,
I don't get this article. The writer bemoans the fact he has chronic back pain, writes about how acupuncture may/may not work for back pain... and then never tries it?????
Scott, irvine, usa/ca