Magnus Linklater
Download 'Too Hot', an exclusive Specials track from iTunes
There is a line in that grim but absorbing movie The Lives of Others, about the East German police state, which reminds me about the altercation I have just had over my council tax. In the film, the Stasi interrogator, instructing a class of students, explains how to tell the difference between a guilty and an innocent suspect: “An innocent prisoner will become more angry by the hour due to the injustice suffered,” he says. “He will shout and rage. A guilty prisoner becomes more calm and quiet. Or he cries.”
I am not quite sure what this says about me, because, at the hands of my anonymous town hall interrogators, I shouted and I raged, but I also came close to weeping, so perhaps they succeeded, finally, in convincing me that I was not as innocent as I pretended. The Stasi, after all, suspected that every citizen of the GDR was more or less guilty of subversive behaviour. Maybe, like Josef K in Kafka's The Trial, simply knowing that you have done nothing wrong is no defence.
The letter that arrived last Friday morning, was as harsh as it was unheralded. Headed “Sheriff Officers & Messenger-at-Arms,” it told me that a summary warrant had been granted against me by the courts for the non-payment of £170.58, being unpaid council tax on my daughter's flat. Unless I handed over the money within seven days, a warrant would be “enforced without further notice”. Glancing at the date, I saw that four of my days had already gone. The notice expired on Monday. I had no time to waste.
Then I spotted something odd. The unpaid amount referred back to the year 2003-04 and an address that my daughter had left four years ago; truly, the mills of local authority justice grind small, but they also grind exceeding slow. I needed to know what I was paying for. The sheriff officer, or rather the girl at the call centre, informed me that they were merely agents of the council, with no remit to explain, vary or defend the demand. I said I had received no previous notification, and wondered whether a court warrant wasn't a little heavy-handed. “What would you think if you were threatened with enforcement?” I asked. She said it wasn't her job to think.
The next two hours were spent on the telephone, listening to various soothing messages telling me that my request was held in a queue. I reached one office that checked on my details and told me that the bill should be paid forthwith. “But what is it for?” I protested. “Why has it taken this long, and why was I not sent a reminder?” I noticed that my voice was becoming, not only louder, but curiously strangulated, a bit like Kenneth Williams in a Carry On film. The crosser I became, the calmer were my anonymous officials. They asked for details of my background, they checked on their computers, they seemed neither surprised nor sympathetic at an unpaid bill that was five years out of date. Attempts to establish human contact, such as “Just how ridiculous is this?”, met with passive disinterest.
But in the course of interrogation, the victim too may develop some cunning. “Why wasn't I served a warrant five years ago?” I asked. “But you were,” said the voice. “So why am I not in prison?” I demanded triumphantly. “You'll have to ask the sheriff office that,” said the voice.
So, back to the call centre, where a voice as rasping as a chainsaw told me that they had no knowledge of any previous demands. “So the council is lying?” I cried. “You will have to ask the council that,” said the chainsaw. This is the bit where I nearly wept.
There is a passage in The Castle, his other novel about impenetrable bureaucracy, where Kafka describes the mind of officialdom: “It's a working principle of the Head Bureau that the very possibility of error must be ruled out of account. The ground principle is justified by the consummate organisation of the whole authority.”
But of course the organisation is anything but consummate. It is riddled with incompetence. And it is on the double rock of obduracy and inefficiency that the whole principle of localism so often founders. Those who argue that power should be devolved downwards so that the citizens can be brought into closer contact with decision-makers, and can thus make their voice heard, ignore the fact that it is at town hall level that communication is often hardest. Anyone who has ever attempted to sort out matters such as housing benefit, disability allowances or planning permission, let alone challenged the might and right of a council decision, knows that finding someone who is prepared to listen or to understand is well-nigh impossible. Councillors or local MPs may do all they can to help, but when it comes to negotiating the system, even they may find themselves lost.
Yet no party now argues against the principle of ceding power to local authorities. Labour advocates it, the Liberal Democrats embrace it, and David Cameron, for the Tories, has become one of its greatest champions. “Local councils should be the collective instrument of local people rather than the local outposts of central government,” he said recently. At the same time, he added: “I have always believed that power needs to be accountable - and that means visible.”
There is, however, nothing less accountable or more invisible than a hidebound bureaucracy, exercising its right to omniscience and an implacable resistance to reason. If, at any time in my fruitless attempt to extract an explanation, one human being had said to me: “You're right, pal, this is an almighty cock-up, but you still owe us the money,” I'd have paid up gladly and immediately. As it is, I feel like emulating that great champion of citizen's rights, the late A.P.Herbert, writing my cheque on the side of a rhinoceros, and releasing it into the corridors of power. They might just recognise that there is one animal at least with a hide that is even thicker than theirs.
Magnus Linklater's journalistic career spans 40 years, taking him from editor of Londoner's Diary at the Evening Standard to editor of Spectrum and the Colour Magazine at The Sunday Times and editor of The Scotsman. He joined The Times in 1994 and writes a weekly column on Wednesdays. He was chairman of the Scottish Arts Council from 1996 to 2001, and often writes on Scottish issues
Win a luxury weekend to Newcastle and its neighbour Gateshead, find out more here
Risk, resilience and embracing new technology
Industry sectors news at a glance. Interactive heatmap, video and podcast
Discover the power of collective thinking. Submit a solution and be in with a chance to win a Media Hub Home Entertainment System
The inside track on current trends in the charity, not for profit and social enterprise sectors
Everything the Business Traveller needs to know to make a better trip
Make the most of the summer and enter our fabulous photographic competition, you could win a £5000 holiday
Corsica is an island of beauty and contrast, an ideal holiday destination
Enjoy further reading from Travel to Fashion, Business to Sport, discover more
Shortcuts to help you find sections and articles
The clever way to lease a new car is with Car leasing made simple™
2009
per month on 36-month
Personal Contract Hire (PCH)
2008
42850
Car Insurance
£24,250 - £30,346
MI5
London
£60,000
The Environment Agency
Bristol
Up to £90K
Boots
Midlands
OTE £85k
Credit Protection Association
Nationwide Opportunities
Completely London
Luxury Condo's in Manhattan with NYC views
The best new homes in Wimbledon?
Nationwide
Fabulous Cruise And Cruise & Stay Offers Including Virgin Atlantic Flights Prices Start From Only £699pp!
Last Minute Cruise And Cruise & Stay Offers. Med From £499pp, Caribbean From £699pp!
5 star quality at a 3 star price.
8 fabulous Canadian cities ...you won’t find cheaper
Contact our advertising team for advertising and sponsorship in Times Online, The Times and The Sunday Times, or place your advertisement.
Times Online Services: Dating | Jobs | Property Search | Used Cars | Holidays | Births, Marriages, Deaths | Subscriptions | E-paper
News International associated websites: Globrix Property Search | Property Finder | Milkround
Copyright 2009 Times Newspapers Ltd.
This service is provided on Times Newspapers' standard Terms and Conditions. Please read our Privacy Policy.To inquire about a licence to reproduce material from Times Online, The Times or The Sunday Times, click here.This website is published by a member of the News International Group. News International Limited, 1 Virginia St, London E98 1XY, is the holding company for the News International group and is registered in England No 81701. VAT number GB 243 8054 69.
It would be wonderful if we could get back to the "good old days" when councils just mended potholes in the roads and emptied the bins. Nowadays vast empires have been built up which quite frankly I detest. I have no need of council newspapers in which they blow their own trumpets and tell us how well they are doing. They may mean well but the cycle tracks that they were so keen to build are in fact little more than unpoliceable conduits of crime and vandalism. The "Low Cost Affordable Private Rented Accomodation" that they smiled upon also sounded most benevolent, however since its construction most people would say that the crime rate has gone up. Allegedly large numbers of "problem families" were rehoused in the properties.
Re the bill. One method is to get a large piece of cardboard and a crayon and write in huge childish letters "I DO NOT OWE U MONEY". If you are lucky they will be able to understand that. It will also save on your telephone bill.
David Benyon, Bude, UK, Cornwall
Sir,
It is not just local admin teams that operate a policy of infallible administration. The tax credit system does so with far higher financial consequences, a good source for examples of this is Peter Bottomley´s office.
Keith Burchfield, Brighton,
ML could seek help from his elected Councillor
Try BT!
I have been trying to find out why a simple request fro a phone to be moved within same town hasn't happened.
After at least six hours on the phone and being routed all over the place after long "holds" I am given a variety of expalnations. However unlike ML I cannot speak to anyone in AUTHOURITY - you must e-mail or write to complaints.
Does anyone know telephone number of someone in BT who is RESPOSIBLE?
JJJB
John Barrett, Rotherham, South Yorkshire
Devolution and accountability are not the same. The problem Magnus Linklater experienced was not due the level of government - the local council - but the way the law is administered
CR, berkshire, uk
It is a deliberate strategy to create a barrier between the rulers and the ruled.
Ramsey Pattison, Grays, Essex
For most of us the myth, which has currency now, of approachable local servants, attentive to the concerns of the local community contrasts with the remote bureaucracy we know, whose officialdom illustrate the insolence of office and the proud manâs contumely.
I was once persuaded by a friend to telephone directly the Head of Social Services when I was faced with a desperate dilemma of care for a relative. This lady knew him from church to be pious and affable. He did not take my call but phoned me back directly, with a five minute tirade to berate me for my impertinence in contacting a high ranking officer like himself.
It is local government that provides the foot soldiers of the political correctness that oppresses us. They serve an abstract code not us. Thus for example they impose civil rights rulings on schools, in defiance of parentsâ wishes, and destroy the discipline essential for teaching. Schools thrive only when they are insulated from L.E.A nonsense.
D Barfield, Greater Manchester, UK
Magnus .your time is of value! Calculate the number of hours
you spent dealing with their incompetence and send them a
bill for the value of your time.
John, LONDON,
Our Council in Solihull has local offices where you can speak to just one person, across a desk, and the person is knowledgeable and helpful. Solihull Council, too, has been financially screwed by Central Government, especially badly in our case because we don't vote Labour. However, the Council still manages to provide a human face and, more importantly, a human brain.
Other Councils should follow suit.
Frank Upton, Solihull,
Some very smug comment here that completely miss one big point. You don't have to deal with any given commercial operation, but you do have to deal with City Hall.
jon livesey, Sunnyvale, CA/USA
But how does the story end?
Neil, Oxford,
Yes but central government and its various agencies is just as incompetent and mired in endless layers of bureaucracy. They owe you money? Good luck because you'll spend months trying to get it. You owe them money, they will send in the bailiffs even for a few pounds. They will also do this if they have made a mistake and correcting the mistake is as frustrating as you suggest. The people we get to speak to are poorly paid, poorly trained and have no discretion to get anything done. Those with power and discretion cannot be reached, perhaps deliberately. Is this why so many benefits, rebates, grants etc go unclaimed every year?
Paul Owen, Birmingham, Uk
at least ML can speak person to person with Town Hall or local Councillor
try making contact with reality at BT. they have the perfect system of perpetual motion arriving no where. nobody is responsible so pass on to someone else - with the usual five minute plus wait.
JJJB Rotherham
John Barrett, Rotherham, South Yorkshire
OK so you've had a bad experience with a local authority. Have you never felt frustration with you electricity supplier, your bank, a shop or anything else that provides a service? Why is it that local councils are regarded as such fair game for criticism? Mistakes are capable of being made by anyone, in any walk of life and in any type of employment. In fact, in my experience, local authority staff are committed individuals who try to do the best they can despite being burdened with ever increasing responsibilities by central government. A private company would not last five minutes if it had to provide more and more services on less and less money. So, be fair and balanced, that's all I ask.
Peter, Leamington Spa, Warwickshire
Not sure how this is an argument against local government. Bureaucracy at all levels can behave in this way (including in private companies such as utilities).
I suspect if local governments had more power then they would attract more competent councillors/mayors, some of whom would then help to improve levels of service.
On a different point, Magnus should have just phoned up once to ask his questions, then, upon not receiving a good reply, sent a letter by recorded delivery requesting proof of the veracity of the bill along with copies of all prior correspondence relating to the demand.
After all, worst case scenario is that they really go through with the summons, you go to court, ask for the documents there, they provide them and you pay up but in sure knowledge that it is legitimate. If they can't provide evidence then you don't have to pay.
James, London, UK
Some people's interactions with their local council are smooth and efficient, for others, it is slow and obdurate.
Journalists on the other hand, are content to parade their brush with petty officialdom, traffic wardens and goodness knows who else on the basis either that:
(i) it's my experience and therefore it is universal;
(ii) as a result of my experience i have some wonderful insight;
(iii) my individual and personal experience tells you something of wider importance.
(iv) it's news.
In fact, it's none of the above.
It's boring.
It's like granny complaining about her arthritis and saying it is a symptom of a wider malaise in the NHS.
So you've had an annoying interaction with your local council. What next?. Had a bad experience with a call centre?
Tell us about it, why don't you?
C. Nugent, London, UK
I could come up with an argument for getting rid of local councils completely, unfortunately there isn't enough room here, but it would cover such arguments as to why we have different education policies in different areas; why are planning issues not decided by planning professionals applying the law, but by local politicians making a 'judgement' (golf course anybody); why when road repairs don't get done it's somebody elses fault, but when they do get done it's the result of the councillor doing something; why different criteria are followed for the provision of care to the elderly in different areas........
David Leslie, Perth, Scotland
You should try dealing with the DVLA, twice in the last year I have been forced to pay for their mistakes. They have a licence to print money.
Dr Lee, Bristol,
Contact the Local Government Ombudsman.. Thats the way forward...!
Dianne, Lancashire,