Martin Samuel
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We have a strange attitude to crime in this country. We want law and order, longer sentences and life to mean life. We want coppers on every corner clipping young offenders around the ear, and if that doesn't do the trick, lock the parents up. We want deportations, the death penalty and detention without charge. Given half a chance we would turn the Isle of Man into one big Guantanamo Bay.
Then a footballer gets his house screwed in Liverpool and everyone shrugs. The news that Alex Curran, wife of the Liverpool captain Steven Gerrard, was left frightened out of her wits as intruders ransacked their home in Formby is being written up in some quarters not as a horror story but a morality tale. The public is appalled by the player's pay, so here is the player's payback. This is what you get for being a show-off, Alex. If you've got it, don't flaunt it, is the message. There were children in the house at the time, aged 1 and 3, but that does not seem to matter, either. He's a thick footballer, she's a silly cow. Had it coming, didn't they?
“Raid terror for the WAG who bragged of a £10,000 watch,” read the headline in a newspaper whose default stance places it several steps to the right of any recent home secretary. “Gang struck after Alex's brag about £10k present,” was the take of another publication, not known for its soft stance on, well, just about anything, really.
And, yes, Curran did rather artlessly tell Closer magazine that her husband was getting a Cartier timepiece for Christmas, but the idea that four otherwise reasonable men read this and immediately went out, bought balaclavas and came through the back door with an axe is a tad simplistic. The Gerrard family were hardly believed to be living hand-to-mouth before this revelation; the £3 million mansion being the clue. And Gerrard, who was on a football pitch in Marseilles on the night it happened, is the ninth footballer from Merseyside to have his house burgled while playing an away fixture. So maybe Alex's big mouth wasn't the giveaway after all.
No real star would be seen dead in Closer, so it creates a celebrity galaxy of its own. Footballers' wives are a favourite because they are accessible, ordinary and display an insouciance when talking about their wealth and their lives that makes good copy if your readership is shallow enough to be interested in high-fashion handbags. This is not the fault of Alex Curran. She did not ask society to plumb this depth; she just chanced to be standing nearby when the fall came and cashed her chips; but it does not protect her from this snobbish contempt for the working- class nouveaux riches.
As it turned out, she put no price on her Christmas gift in Closer. She spent much of the interview complaining that Steven has to work over the holiday, and revealed she had her tree professionally decorated, which seems a little sad, but even if she had provided Closer with the contents of her shopping list, plus receipts, and was photographed lighting her Christmas candles with old fivers, what part of that makes it her fault that a masked gang turned up in her living room?
If people really care about law and order, are there not more important questions to be answered? Like, has the police strike started yet? And if not, where, exactly, were the Old Bill on Tuesday night?
That is nine footballers burgled in one area (eight in Merseyside or its surrounds, one towards the Manchester end of Cheshire) in similar circumstances since May 2006. And if that is not a pattern, then call me Clouseau. And, while it has been announced that Liverpool Football Club is to review security for its players, not before time, do we also not have a law enforcement agency for that purpose?
Footballers, like any minority group, congregate together — although in these ghettos deprivation is only having five bathrooms — so it would not be too hard to put an extra police presence around the estates that are targeted on the nights the team is known to be away. Put it like this, if there was a police chiefs' convention in London and on the first night nine of their houses got turned over, by the following morning there would be a copper outside each door of the ones that escaped burglary.
When Liverpool travel, 18 houses are known to be at risk. Just the odd patrol car around the nice part of south Liverpool and an extra nose around Formby should do it. Merseyside Police got a helicopter to Gerrard's place after the event, which is an irony as the local station is 500 yards away; had an officer walked it and remained a visible presence in the area on the night, the Swat team may not have been needed.
Merseyside Police have a marketing department. I'm not making this up. “The Marketing Team carry out monthly surveys with members of the public and victims of crime,” it says on the website. “We also carry out street interviews and postal surveys to find out what people across Merseyside think.” I've got some recent results here. Apparently, nine out of eleven footballers' wives think hubby should sort out a move to Chelsea, while 100 per cent of men wearing black balaclavas and carrying pickaxe handles reckon statistics could mean anything and just because a specific section of the community has been robbed at a rate of once every eight weeks for almost two years, it does not suggest a change in police strategy is required.
The funny thing is, I always thought a product needed marketing only if there was competition. Maybe, if the pay talks fail, law enforcement in Liverpool is to be put out to tender. If I was Gerrard I'd get the Israelis in. Let's face it, if he can afford to have his Christmas tree decorated by outsiders, he could certainly stretch to putting a couple of lads from Mossad on the door. I bet they wouldn't be caught doing market research during Liverpool's next away game. Remember Entebbe? Now that is what you call a strike.

Martin Samuel has been a sports writer and columnist for The Times since 2002. His football column appears every Wednesday and on Tuesdays he writes for the op-ed pages
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Martin Samuel may have a point, but his comments on Marketing reveal gross ignorance.
He says: "The funny thing is, I always thought a product needed marketing only if there was competition."
This is rubbish and based on a misunderstanding of what Marketing is. Marketing is a management process used to work out what customers need and want and about working out how best to provide it. It is entirely reasonable for the police to have marketing department - I'd be shocked if they didn't as it would reveal that they weren't giving the needs and concerns of the public their proper priority. Having worked this out, the police have to let people know about what they're doing both as a deterrent to would-be criminals and to inform those that need their help.
Merseyside police may well have failed to deliver the necessary service, but this is a different issue.
HJ, Reading, UK
We have lived for many years an an area with good transport links and a steady year-round influx of tourists, some of whom I understand may be from the North West , and have yet to have a problem.
Simply dress your security conspicuously, give them hats that make them look 8 foot tall and a bit like bears. I should have them stand like statues for hours with shiny buttons and things that the unwise oppurtunist would be caught for trying to steal. Might I suggest they make an enormous fuss of the change of shifts, provided you are surrounded by a good, sturdy fence You will be quite safe I assure You.
Phillip, westminster, England
Considering that Merseyside Police has one of the top Police to Population ratios's in the country, the number of "real" Police who patrol the streets or respond to public complaints is very low .
(All of these statistics are publicly available via Home Office sites, for those who care to check.)
If you read some of the Chief Constables Web forums, you can see public complaints about slow or non existent follow up.
We need people who can manage and deploy Police Resources better.
Using Helicopters at a minumum cost of £500 per hour plus, is hardly a display of good management .
Unless of course we care more about appearances not results?
Tricia, Birkenhead, Merseyside, U.K.
I live in Liverpool,and i have to say that crime rate here is very high especialy between young generation,my car been vandalised 3 times in 1 year,police just doing too much paper work,cant believe that Liverpool is going to be European Capital of Culture 2008,something must be done, whole generation is wasted!!!!!!!!
Sam, Liverpool , Merseyside
when I heard of the robbery my first thought was 'why didn't Steve Gerrard hire a security firm to patrol the house when he was away'????? He must have seen a pattern as it was so very 'bleedin obvious' so why leave his wife and children at risk? I like Steve Gerrard but maybe all footballers are thick.
michael Martin, nice, france
As the police do an appalling job on the whole they REALLY need to market themselves. As an emergency service they seem to come between Pizza Hut and Interflora, at least THEY turn up
Ken Wyatt, Todmorden, uk
Private security?
Angus, London,
If the wives of the thieves had read the article in closer what does that make them, Swags maybe?
Anthony, London,
I would like to pose a question to Martin Samuel. Why do you not like the citizens of Merseyside? It is a common theme in your articals that you seem to make what I believe are sometimes offencive stereotipical comments? You seem to be the Jeremy Clarkson of sport authors. Oh, now I've done it, I'm now a hipocrytical stereotype!
Jonathan Williams, Winchester, Hampshire
I don't think this artical is either fair to the Gerrard family at all. Firstly I though that the Gerrard family were the victums in this. Alex and her children don't deserve to be robbed because they flash around watches. No one deserves to be robbed whether they have millions or just the clothes on there skin because I get the impression that the author is saying 'well thats karma, she flashes watch, gets robbed.' Secondly, this is a similar point to what Mark (Southampton) wrote. Gerrard has not inherrited tallent and gone and used it without effort and hours of work. He has trained and spent hours of work into what he does. In his autobiography it is writen that he got a garden fork through his foot when he was 10. He has suffered pain and all sorts to get his salary. Yes I do admit it is exagerated wildly but if UK clubs capped all footballers salarys, players would move to different clubs abroad.
Jonathan Williams, Winchester, Hampshire
NEKP: have you visited Formby recently??? or ever???
EB, Manchester,
What are we suggesting here, every time Liverpool play away Merseyside Police should increase its resources in and around the footballers dwellings? Will they do the same for me and mine when we go away for the weekend? No they won't nor for any of the other residents of the county. It's a terrible crime whether it be Alex Curran or Mrs Jones in the Dingle but she and her ilk don't deserve special treatment because she's a celeb [I use that word in its loosest terms]. To increase resources in and around the homes of these footballers means depleting them elsewhere. If they want extra protection let them pay for it at 'private cost' rates and not at the expense of the taxpayer. Or maybe they can make do with PCSO's like the rest of us mere mortals. They're the future in case you have'nt guessed it and that's where the £30m that the Home Secretary has saved will go, not on extra Police Officers.
Paul, Wirral, Merseyside
The players used to live in Gayton, Burton and Caldy on the Wirral. If I were them I would go back to those areas. The advantages of these areas is that they are a little harder for thieves to get to (no direct bus routes from Liverpool!). The added advantage is that it would be a little harder to distinguish which home belongs to whom. Most people in these areas have the funds for this type of lifestyle so a footballer doesn't stand out. Formby is not the same area as Gayton or Caldy. Having grown up in Gayton, most of my friends had cartier or rolex watches given to them when they turned 21 (I am 27 now). We all wore them when in the area and when we did venture to Liverpool (very rare occurance) we wore a cheap casio. The motto we shared was - if it isn't nailed down don't expect to come home with it. I love Liverpool but the idea of property rights has yet to reach this part of the world.
NEKP, Hoboken, NJ
I wish that you along with many of your colleagues would not presume to speak for the nation by stating what 'we' want. You only have limited knowledge of what other people's opinions are and it is wrong of you to assume otherwise.
Les Lawson, Woking, Surrey, England
"a self governing Crown dependency?" Would that be the same
Island that permitted the Government of the United Kingdom to
use parts of it as an internment camp for UK aliens in 1940?
David, Morpeth, UK
At least the police turned up eventually. 'Ordinary' people like us will be given an incident number so that we can claim on our insurance and left to our own devices.
Mikey, Bromley, Kent
The rich have a moral responsibility not to showboat. Then again, paying people £120,000 a week to kick a football is the sign of a society seriously out of balance. Free market or not. Hopefully the 'WAGS' will now review their repulsive conduct.
Stuart, Manchester, England
Saying that you have a 10k watch in the house is like waving a red flag to a bull. stan white, leeds
How exactly is that Stan? Is it not a matter of common sense that wealthy people are likely to have expensive items at home?
Richard , Jersey, CI,
If they did catch the thieves they would get away with a relatively small punishment or even get off scot free, so what's the use? (cross reference with the - somewhat hidden - story in today's paper regarding the five lads who were found guilty of the manslaughter of Ernest Norton and were freed yesterday - that's British justice for you).
John Tomlinson, Brentwood, UK
I dont think public opinion matches the headers you've mentioned from the two rags... rags being almost the appropriate word. The impression I have of Gerrard, is a well spoken player and humble - probably the best there is and very unlike his Chelsea/ManUtd counterparts. This is a terrible crime and the police should be ashamed that they don't have a clue whats going on. Would it be wrong to suggest the attitude of the local force is maybe reflected in the papers...? Jealousy is a terible thing! Gerrard should have ate more pies when he was younger, then he could have got a job in the force and complained about not earning enough rather then dedicating himself to a life of fitness and limited social evenings to achieve his (many) goals...
Mark, Southampton, UK
The real story-behind-the-story here is that a young woman and three small children were completely unable to defend themselves against armed, violent intruders. As is known, the police have no obligation to defend individuals : how soon before thoughtful, erstwhile law-abiding people take quiet steps to provide themselves with realistic means of self-protection for their lives and property ?
H. Dobson, Portsmouth, UK
"If you have a 10k watch in the house is like waving a red flag to a bull"
Exactly the point the author was trying to make.
If you want something in this life, don't work for it; don't accept you might never get it.
Go and take it from someone who has it.
What a civilised culture.
P, singapore,
Chav is as chav does. Chav brags about watch, chav is relieved of watch. Thieving chav sells watch to fencing chav. Thieving chav gives money to dealing chav. Dealing chav pays hard-working chav to stone-clad his slum. Hard-working chav coughs up dosh to pay ludicrous wage of chav husband of bragging chav. Hey presto! A whole chav economy. Isn't pond life fascinating?
Bob, Liverpool, England
I am glad she is physically ok and my best wishes go out to both her and steven , no one deserves that no matter what their financial background . Hopefully the police will finally get its act together and actually take this problem seriously , or maybe it will take a sexual assault or severe battery to make them take notice , these things normally bottom out at the the worst case senario before the powers that be decide to do anything , and I dont think we have reched that point yet . Go and get a couple of attack dogs steve and invest in decent security , but by now you won't need me to advise this
dave t, liverpool, uk
I think they'll find that 100% of people think that the police should stop wasting taxpayers money on pointless marketing (as if there's any other kind) and use the funds to employ proper police officers and pay them decently.
Phil, London, UK
"we would turn the Isle of Man into one big Guantanamo Bay" the isle of man is a self-governing Crown dependency and is not part of the United Kingdom. so good luck with that
iliveontheisleofman, isle of man, isle of man
Saying that you have a 10k watch in the house is like waving a red flag to a bull.
stan white, leeds, wngland