Matthew Parris: My Week
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Yellow ribbons for Maddy in the Commons chamber. Yuk. What disgusting, mawkish, creepy behaviour by pathetic MPs hoping to tap in to the emotions of the mob, to live like the common people, feel what the common people feel. “Look, I’m blubbing too, just like you: vote for me.”
One secretary of state was even seen to arrive without a ribbon, notice them spreading like weeds backwards from the front bench, exit and return with her own ribbon. Were the whips dishing them out? Is this how people get sucked in to waves of shallow public sentiment? First you copy the ribbons, then the tears and finally you think you’re feeling it too. Poor parents of Madeleine McCann. Why doesn’t everyone just leave them alone?

My “Nuts About Hazel” promotional T-shirt, ordered on the internet, may never now arrive. Hazel Blears has suspended sales of T-shirt novelties plugging her for Labour’s deputy leadership, amid fears (reports T-Shirt Times) that the garments may be linked to a factory disaster in Bangladesh in which 64 workers were killed when part of building collapsed.
What a ghastly way to die. Imagine: the last thing you know is you’re working on a loom with a Nuts About Hazel T-shirt with a picture of her little face spread out in front of you – and then the roof falls in and everything goes black. Nobody deserves this.
I mentioned the diminutive dynamo’s T-shirt fiasco to a senior member of the Parliamentary Labour Party this week. His response shocked me.
“In the PLP,” he chortled, “colleagues are saying they now see the upside to global warming. With rising sea levels, Hazel Blears will be the first to drown.” And I bet he wore a yellow ribbon yesterday.

This week my faithful secretary and I went to the Old Vic to see the new production of John Osborne's 1950s classic, The Entertainer. It’s a play about a fading music-hall performer and his showbiz family trying with flailing bravado to keep a dying show on the road. The characters remind me of some of my showbiz relations. They had that brave, seedy gaiety of the used-to-be and the never-quite-was that I was later to observe in the Conservative party.
This is a great production. As the central figure of Archie Rice, with his quick-fire patter and his desperate grin, Robert Lindsay, famous for his characterisations of Tony Blair (shut up, Parris, don’t start) holds the show together, and Pam Ferris’s Phoebe (Rice’s pathetically brassy, gin-soaked wife) almost steals it. Both are stars already.
But most reviewers missed what could prove the birth of a new star. Archie Rice has a son, Frank, a damaged youth, brutalised by his father’s ego yet with the guts to face imprisonment for pacifism. It is a secondary role of which little might be made. David Dawson (of whom I had never heard) makes everything of it. Dawson has part-interpreted and part-invented a pallid, willowy waif: restless, flinching, with the nervous dance of an often-hit flyweight boxer, a hint of talent, a frightened smile and the delicacy of thin steel wire.
Remembering our play-reading of The Entertainer at school, I don’t recall Frank at all. Now I will never forget him.

I was in a restaurant recently, where a perfectly helpful waiter served us, saying (as he put down the plates) “enjoy your meal”. I said “thank you”. In my head a voice said “and I hope your acne gets better soon”.
That was a horrible interior contribution to the conversation and of course I didn’t say it. I wouldn’t dream of doing so. I would cross the road to help this person, or any other person I meet, if the need arose. He was better-looking than me, anyway. I feel not one shred of antipathy towards such a man. It’s just that, ever since I could talk, disobliging observations, often of a personal nature, have popped quite unbidden into my head, and (when I was small) too often from my childish lips.
When last year at a big family reunion in Spain, dear Uncle Lester, saying a few words after dinner, added “And how Leslie [my late father] would have loved to be with us all today!” I heard myself shout out loud “No he wouldn’t. Dad hated this sort of thing.”
Who said that? Me? Why? How totally uncalled-for. Lester was only being kind. Where does this devil voice come from? I must redouble efforts to shut it up, but I cannot make it go away.
Matthew Parris joined The Times as parliamentary sketchwriter in 1988, a role he held until 2001. He had formerly worked for the Foreign Office and been a Conservative MP from 1979-86. He has published many books on travel and politics and an autobiography, Chance Witness, for which he won the 2004 Orwell Prize. His diary appears in The Times on Thursdays, and his Opinion column on Saturdays
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How to shut up?
Sellotape works well.
Tanjil Rashid, Ilford,
I'll do you a deal, Matthew. You keep quiet about any aspect of parenthood, and I'll spare you my opinions on show tunes and the later films of Barbra Streisand. Perhaps that way we'll both learn that you are not obliged to have an opinion about absolutely everything, and that things outside ones spheres of interest and experiance should probably be allowed to pass without comment.
B Mills, London,
Mr Parris in my opinion is one of the best columnists about, however I disagreed very much with your comment in regards to the attention shown in the search for Madeleine McCann. Admittedly there isn't always an even distribution to the amount of press coverage on all missing children, but surely that can't be a good enough reason to deprive this family of publicity that could save their child from unspeakable horrors? Again people may be jumping on the band wagon of support for this campaign but surely more the merrier, as this is the McCann family's wishes hence the number of PUBLIC statements which along with other actions from the family, the very last thing they want is to be left alone. Perhaps the only downside to the amount of attention shown is that it has de-sensitised Mr Parris & Co from the real life horrors that innocent Maddy is or has faced and they are becoming bored with the very publicity that could save her life.
Charlene McAuley, Manchester, GB
I completely disagree with Matthew Parris, When a four year old child can not sleep safely in his/her bed at night we ought to be doing something about it. It should not be possible to sell innocent toddlers. Surely we can pressurise political parties to make it their business to stop such trafficking. The McCanns have shown great courage in bringing enormous public pressure to bear on the plight of their daughter and, in so doing, may be saving the lives of other children as well as, hopefully, their own. I am a 71 year old woman and would personally prefer to wait an extra year for my hip replacement and have money directed towards this cause than see the face of another innocent child stolen from his/her parent's care The party who puts it into their manifesto, not just wears yellow ribbons, will get my vote.
Janette Brown, Altrincham, Cheshire
Matthew Parris is influential, much as most politicians would not like to admit it, and (until now) I have been a big fan. However, I think he is seriously misguided in his comments on the Maddy McCann case. For once why can't he leave his cynicism at the door? a friend of mine went missing in Thailand in 1995 and the only way that she was found and returned to her parents was to keep the story at the forefront of the public's minds and fully in the media. If it takes skin-deep politicians wearing yellow ribbons in the chamber then that is what it takes. He said on the news the other night that he is not a parent and therefore perhaps not able to appreciate the situation and may not be qualified to comment...so don't comment! people listen to you Matthew Parris. Take your influence seriously.
Jane Nunn, London,
Look a little harder Matthew! The McCann's want the search for Maddy to get as much publicity as possible. Who cares why the politicians are wearing yellow ribbons? The fact is they are, and that's good because in some small way it is a reminder that she's missing and those little reminders are what helps to keep the spotlight on her.
K., London,
I fully agree with Matthew Parris, we are overdoing this very unfortunate event - whilst I have every sympathy with Madeline's parents, I also have sympathy with other parents whose children have disappeared but who have not had the benefit of huge media interference in the due course of the legal process of a country.
Are MPs going to show some symbol every time a child disappears or is shot or knifed or ...... ?
John Morrish, Derby, England
Regarding Matthew's uncalled for comments - my husband is the master of this - I tell people he only opens his mouth to change feet.
S. Lewin, Northwood, Middlesex
You were spot on today Matthew. I agreed with everything you wrote but nothing struck a chord more loudly than your admission that you think unpleasant, but harmless, thoughts. I feared I was the only one who did this and have come to believe that I suffer from a latent form of Tourettes. Thank goodness that people can't read minds though I am sure that NL will be working on ways of doing it.
Tam Earl-Aine, Cheltenham,
Advantages of Creation of Bangladesh to Pakistan.
Usually smaller Parts of a country having extraordinary resources tries to break away from the mainland to take the maximum advantage of their resources for their advantage, and to protect themselves from the drain of their resources to majority or dominant section of the country, but in case of Pakistan Majority Part on the basis of population, which was also having scare resources, separated from the other part,Generally,it is regarded as an unfortunate event for Pakistan by people of Pakistan, but no Pakistani tries to see other side of the coin, of that event, for analysis of the benefits achieved to them by this event
The reason of this is that all literature about that event has been written by those who were living in East Pakistan and they suffered personally by this event, due to which they always indicate their miseries and losses and forget to explain the advantages of that event to whole Pakistan
M.AKRAM kHAN, Baldia Town,Karachi., Pakistan
No, Mr Parris, please don't make the inner voice go away.
You are one of those rare men who has the balls and brains to bring a voice of sanity into the media circus enveloping events in Portugal. I was pleased to see that the BBC Ten O'Clock news has started to see the light and had invited you to give an opinion. One can but hope that your voice of reason is heard by the editors of the 24 hour news operations - though I'm not holding my breath.
Bedd Gelert, Wales,
I agree with Matthew's view on the MPs/yellow ribbons/maddy bandwagon thing. Problem is he's directing his plea at the wrong people. It's the relatives of Maddy who are pushing and powering the bandwagon. Leave them alone? I wish they'd leave us alone.
Tim, London,
Parris in Spring. What better place to be.
Aloof, and sane, in a world gone mad
If only I wrote like he.
geoff mather, withnell chorley, lancashire
I find the exhortation 'have a nice day' frequently gives rise to such thoughts. I find the reply 'I don't want a nice day, thank you' seems to do the trick.
Roddy Campbell, Christchurch,
You are so right about the yellow ribbons. I never felt such contempt for MPs as I did when I heard about them.
On the question of leaving the family alone. It is police practice to keep such a case in the public eye as much as possible in the hope that someone will read it and offer a clue. It is just another dimension of horror that such a tragdey visits on the parents involved.
ian skidmore, March, cambs