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From The Times

December 20, 2007

I love boring old mobiles

Join me and resist all-singing, all-dancing, music-playing, photo-taking phones

Matthew Parris

Have you noticed (I wrote in an early one of these columns in 2006) “how the Nokia 6310i mobile phone is refusing to die?”. I had just collected a secondhand handset of my own.

Well, it's still refusing to die. My new 6310i has just arrived. As-new, really: it's reconditioned. The 6310i was discontinued years ago. You'd recognise the model at once: longer, narrower, heavier than today's, with a classic, “Radio City” facia. And people still want them, because the keyboard is big, well-spaced and straightforward, the carcass is robust and the battery lasts about three days.

Only tarts and tea-boys want phones that double up as mini-music centres, games consoles, cameras and broadcasting studios. Serious people want a phone for making phone calls. So insistent has been the demand that there is now a company http://www.nokia6310i.co.uk/index.htm offering reconditioned 6310i handsets for about £100.

The model's survival is a great example of consumer resistance to unwanted “product development” by manufacturers. The consumer's problem has been that the main customer for phone handsets has been not the user, but the mobile networks that market them. Their interest lies in peddling devices that access new services and make new business.

I was telling my colleague Danny Finkelstein about my new theory that the free market doesn't work properly when the real customers are those who commission a product rather than those who use it. It is, for example, businesses, not the householder, that choose the courier service that makes you stay in all day in case it calls; it is insurance companies, not patients, that are are private medicine's real customers. “Ah,” said Danny, “this conundrum is well known to economists. They call it the Principal-Agent Problem. There are whole chapters in textbooks about it.”

I felt as proud as Molière's Bourgeois Gentleman, enchanted to discover from an expert that quite spontaneously he had been speaking something called “prose” all his life.

They've got it all wrong about the Clegg/Huhne contest for the Liberal Democrat leadership, narrowly won by Nick Clegg on Tuesday. Because Chris Huhne has chiselled features, a stubborn and hungry determination to be top dog and a ruthless instinct for headlines, while Mr Clegg has conducted his campaign with all the drive of one of those par-baked baps they sell in boutique cornershops, commentators are calling Mr Clegg bland and Mr Huhne focused.

The truth is otherwise. Mr Clegg is a serious man with rather coherent beliefs to which he is strongly committed. Mr Huhne is more opportunistic: driven yet directionless. Mr Clegg knows where he wants to go but has looked hesitant as to whether he's the man to lead the way.

But so was Moses. Were I a Lib-Dem I'd back Nick Clegg all the way. Cameron Conservatives are not as secure in their new 21st-century home as many assume, and I think Mr Clegg a potentially corner-turning leader for Liberal Democracy, a man of depth and calibre. But I think he needs a big, horrible fright in his life, and a vicious scrap.

Everyone is urging him to be bold. I would rather urge his enemies to be bold: test him; drag him out of the restaurants and into the trenches; scar him; wound him; it could be his burning bush.

As the year nears its close with a new Prime Minister test-driven, run-in and, from the look of him, near done-in, your diarist wrestles with a professional problem. I think Gordon Brown is mad.

But the trouble is, I said Tony Blair was mad, too. I said it for nearly ten years. Readers will surely begin to worry that it is I who am mad — or, worse, that I'm just a former Tory MP who thinks all Labour leaders are insane.

But with Mr Brown it shouts at you, doesn't it? The constant, mindless, repetition of comfort-blanket verbal formulae. The anger, the obstinacy — a man by turns bullying yet paralysed by indecision.

And those awful stories: fits of yelling at people, refusing to look at people, unpardonable rudeness to staff, fidgeting, nail-biting, afraid of letting go of anything, terrified of committing yet clinging with blind rigidity to commitments he does make. Then there's the (surely) telltale mistrust of all but a small circle of devotees...

I could go on. But I promise not to. Look, in return for easing up on this in 2008, can I just say one thing now about this madness stuff? With Tony Blair it was a metaphor. With Gordon Brown it's a diagnosis.

The 6310 is a gem. I am a policeman and we were issued with these phones many years ago and they still perform better than any new phone. I have stockpiled handsets and batteries to see me into the future.

John, Oxford, uk

I compare Gordon Brown to a bar of fruit and nut. Matthew draw you own analogy

steve, chester, chester

I have tried but fail every time! Once a year I get an new, free, cutting-edge phone from O2 and after about 3 hours to 7 days it gets thrown in the drawer and I go back to my 6310i. I really would like to move into the 21st century, but unfortunately Nokia (and every other phone maker) have yet to produce the repalcement 'industry-standard phone' to to replace the 6310i which is why so many of us find the new phones ..... fancy wannabees. I have a contact in Stoke who has supplied me and a few mates with some brand new 6310is from Germany (not refurbs) so we can afford to wait a year or so more for its tru esuccessor!

Simon, Altrincham, Cheshire

I have what is now at least a seven year old 6310i, with its leather case (with belt clip), and personalized initials on the plate. It's still in great condition, the battery lasts seemingly for ever and it runs on a sniff of a signal. It has infra-red, bluetooth, software to back it up to your PC - what more could you want from a phone?

My only problem with it (having bought it when living in the UK) is that it is only a tri-band phone. Now that I am back in the US again there are areas (at least near my home north of Atlanta) where the phone beeps to tell me I have voice mail and the phone never rang. It also drops calls more than I would like. Alas and alack my Razr (quad band phone) doesn't have this problem. It has polyphonic ring tones too - I have to say I do like that. I don't just get the Nokia ring tone - it's the first 18 seconds of "Bond back in action" from the Goldfinger soundtrack. When my phone rings everyone knows it's not theirs :-)

The 6310i - classic

Tim Brookshaw, Atlanta, GA, USA,

It's true...some of the older Nokia's are superb! My first Nokia was a 2146, with a steel backplate to ensure if it got stamped onby any curious (or otherwise) kids, it would still work! The next phone I'd recommend is the superb 6230/6230i. Brilliant, well made, robust and does *everything* you can imagine with ease!

Pritesh, London, UK

Hello,
I love the simplicity of my old Nokia,I keep asking friends if they have an old handset,I am on my third handset.
My reasons for trying to keep this is simple...it fits my hands free kit in my car,it sends and receives calls,it also does text messages.It does not have a colour screen nor a camera,yes to me it is the perfect phone and Nokia had to kill it off....

steve mcgowan, Nottingham,

Matthew, how do you bore a mobile? Old or otherwise?

Alex, London,

As much as mobile phones are a bit of a godsend as far as keeping in touch with your offspring and the like, they should just be phones, end of.

C.S-U, Edinburgh, UK

It's not the technology per se, it's the marketing of, lets be honest, sub-standard technology (have you SEEN how bad a cameraphone picture is?) as a 'must-have' that rankles.

An older person who also works in IT, Haywards Heath,

It's a popular view in some quarters- ignorant though. It's the equivalent of beaming with pride whilst saying saying "I never learned to swim" or "I don't know nothing about politics". Or maybe serious people don't listen to music, watch TV, read books, use the internet, cameras or diaries?

Chris, London,

Features on techno-toys such as mobile 'phones are rather like church hymns; there has always been a good supply of new ones but only the useful and robust ones stand the test of time. 'Oldies' such as me prefer to sing the tuneful and meaningful hymns and let the younger congregation wear out or break in the new ones. I look forward to this process of natural selection one day presenting me with a mobile phone that has something new that is as useful as ordinary conversation, but I fear the wait may be a long one.

Thank you to all you singers of modern hymns. You have saved me the bother of singing them myself.

Sandy Dowell, Chesterfield,

I am IT Technician, I hate all the rubbish attached to phones. I am a non-tecnophobe but I know what I want from a phone....communication, nothing else.

Gerry Beckett, Liverpool,

Well Dan Davies, you are obviously the technical expert that gave us VHS instead of the superior Betamax, and the crappy cassette recorder instead of the superior cartridge, ands now we have MP3's with sound quality of a tin can and a piece of string. Yes we love your technical advances. Now if you can give me a digital camera with 50 megapixels, the equivalent of a good 35mm camera, I might be interested.

David, N,

Don't you think this continuing canard about "not looking at people" is a bit unfair? He's blind in one eye and partially sighted in the other -- no wonder it's hard to maintain eye contact.

J Smith, London, UK

Up until 3 weeks ago, I would have agreed with you. But 3 weeks ago I bought an iphone and I have found Nirvana!! It is the most amazing, wonderful, easy, handy gadget I have ever owned. I disconnected my home phone, home internet and other cell phone and just have this, and I've never been happier - at least with electronics. WAY TO GO, MAC!!!

MK, SLC, USA

Good old Dan, he must be the technical expert that forced VHS on us instead of the superior Betamax system, and the crappy cassette instead of cartridges with superior sound quality. Now we have to put up with MP3s with the sound so compressed we have the reproduction quality of a tin can and a piece of string. If you can get me a digital camera with 50 megapixels, the equivalent of 2 20 year old 35mm camera I might be interested.

David, N,

I am telecommunications manager with a national company. I've had twenty years of working with mobile phones and the phone I carry most of the time is a 6310i. My supplier got quite upset when I harranged them for letting Nokia cease it. I do have a very pretty N73 for those occasions when my position demands I look like I've got all the toys. BUT the phone I carry because I like it the most is a ten year old Nokia 2110 - it's huge by todays standards, doesn't do anything other than make calls (maybe a text) and it is virtually indestructable. One came through a helicopter crash and mine survived a drop down the steps of an airliner in Frankfurt. I agree totally Matthew.

James, Glasgow,

Could't agree more. Still have Startac. Even alarm clock requires more time than I am prepared to spend simply to wake me at six. Look at TV remote . I need on/off, volumn, change channel, and start DVD. You can shove the rest.

Colin Halifax Nova Scotia

Colin Smith, Halifax, Nova Scotia

I last owned a mobile phone in 1994.

Since that time hundreds of people have tried to persuade me to own a mobile. All attempts have failed. I have been called a Luddite, a technophobe, brave, weird, to no avail.

I run my life for my convenience, not for the convenience of others. Some people get quite irritated when I say that.

Augustus Nomisste

Augustus Nomisste, London, UK

Hi,

I am also an MD and an economist (who knows a fair amount about the Principal-Agent dilemma). So let me say to N.Cook that it is he who is actually the best example of the Agent Principal Dilemma. He, as a Director, is the "agent" of the shareholders (the "Principals") in his company. So HE does not employ anybody... his company does. He on the other hand is also EMPLOYED by his company just like the other staff who he is so dismissive about.

If I were a shareholder and had just read the pompous arrogant post he made I would be considering whether Mr. Cook had a future at my firm. Maybe somebody a bit more tech savvy and less arrogant would do a good job?

Mark, London, UK

Quite right Matthew, what's next, a blow up doll on these mobiles? I also agree with James, Canberra about watches and what's more, I don't think a Â£15 000 watch tells the time any better than a simple, say Â£50 Swatch?

Mia Fume, London, UK

I am MD employing about thirty odd people, we have fifteen mobiles which are entitled to free upgraded's each year, only one does not upgrade and thats me ? (I am fourty six), this is because I do not need to embrace every bit of technology to make a personal statement, also the remaining twenty are willing to spend every last penny on the latest phone yet in next breath are asking me for more money also most of the twenty somethings who have the latest toy can text at lightening speed, but are incapable of good interaction skills with 40/50/60/70 year olds, as for Mr IT London, its the like's of me who give you jobs.

PS. dont feel sorry for us because you will soon be joining us when you grow up.

N Cook , Burnley,

Older consumers aren't necessarily technophobes but they are likely to be a little more cynical about the need for the latest electronic fashion gimmick.

Des, London, UK

Not everyone is a technophobe - younger people are happy to embrace different technologies. I feel sorry for people who refuse to use new technologies and learn new things. It's entirely up to them of course, but they are missing out

A young person who works in IT, London,

Only clueless old technophobes have to make snobbish remarks about "tarts and teaboys" in order to justify their own unwillingness to embrace anything new. The world is full of educated young people who actually get excited and get some use out of these technologies.

Younger Than Matthew P, london,

oh, now you tell us Blair's madness was a "metaphor"!

wish you'd said so at the time...

John Ware, London,

I see. A telephone should have a dial, and be attached to the wall with a wire. And, better, it should be located in the hall of your house with nowhere to sit.

Jon, Geneva, Switzerland

I to have a Nokia 3310 - it's in a leather case, and the only reason for this is that I dropped it so many times that I was afraid that once I took the back off it I wouldn't be able to get it back on again!! I've had it for over 5 years now, and it does exactly what it says on the tin!

David Cohen, London, UK

I changed phones at the beginning of the year. My Nokia 6310i had got to a stage where the keypad lock mechanism was working loose and the battery was not lasting as long as it had (although with hindsight it was still longer than the battery on the new phone lasts.)

I cried when I had to remove the Sim card. It was like putting down a favourite pet. My Nokia 6310i had seen me through 5 years, 2 jobhunts, organising 4 major external events and was a loyal friend.

When I chose a new phone the only extra services I wanted (that were on the 6310i) were a voice recorder, a countdown timer and an extremely useful converter application (that would convert currency, weight temperature etc - v useful when buying stuff abroad). There was only one phone in the entire shop that had those features.

Elizabeth, London,

I work with a wonderful, elderly and very wise colleague. He was given his first mobile, a nokia 3310, in 1997. That remains his mobile to this day. It requires charging everyday. It has changed colour from original blue to a mixture of dark blue, pale blue, green and patches of white. He has absolutely no intention of changing it.

Prabhat, UK,

Definately the 3310.

Snakes 2 is by far the most addictive mobile phone game ever.

Pete, Cov,

Dan Davies, IoM - you just don't get it do you.

The functions available on video recorders, microwave ovens, digital cameras and telephones are not used by a large proportion of people. They are "value added" items so that a manfacturer can pretend that the product is worth the Â£200 you are paying rather than the Â£20 of manufacturing costs.

Many people want single-function devices not toys, gadgets or fashion statements.

Is it an age thing? Probably - but do not confuse that with the inability to cope with complex, nested menus and operating systems. People over 30 are mature and secure enough to make decisions based on personal choice rather than peer group acceptance.

I give you the KISS principle.

Keep It Simple, Stupid.

R Bingham, Lauzun, France

I agree with you whole-heartedly about redundant technology. I think my nokia mobile is the model you describe, though as it has nothing written on it to say so I can't be sure.

The best example of technological overkill at the consumer's expense is Windows Vista. Windows XP works extremely well (well most of the time anyway). All that I can see that makes Vista superior is it's better handling of 3 D. Who needs that? And who wants to go to all the trouble and expense of buying a) a new computer to run it on, b) paying for Vista itself (not cheap) and c) having to upgrade every piece of software they use?

No wonder Microsoft are having to back-pedal and start offering reverse 'down-grades' to people who want xp on their new computers instead of the Vista they are supplied with. Could it be that we are turning a corner of some sort and consumers are learning they have the power to say 'No'!

Adrian Gilbert, Tonbridge,

the main reason people want 6310i is that it is the only phone that fits the cradle for their built in car device. The phone was sold as standard kit then nokia changed the connection system for all their newer phones. This demand will stay until all the company cars with this equipment leave the market because when the car is sold people keep the phone. The purchaser then has to buy a 'new' phone to use in the car.

richard, belper,

I have a Nokia 1100. It makes and receives audio phone calls and text messages. Nothing else.

I haven't voted Labour since Bliar sent our soldiers into Iraq. I thought I might revert to type once Labour had embraced regime change, and renounced weapons of mass deception, but now I'm not so sure. Voting Tory is unthinkable, so it's LibDem or Green for me.

Pattern-chaser

"Who cares, wins"

Steve Merrick, Stockport, England

The 6310i?

That's WAAAAAY too modern. The one you want is the 3310.

I, to my shame, have a Motorola V3. I got it because someone at work offered it to me for thirty quid when my beloved 3310 finally gave up the ghost.

Still, at least it's got big buttons.

RNC, Haywards Heath,

did you mean the Nokia 3310.Its indestructible I still use it .
james

james hazan, huuddersfield, U.K

On the same theme, the "gastro pub" is not a nice eating establishment and certainly not a pub but that is what the breweries think we should want.

BJ, London,

I'm with you Matthew, all I need is a mobile 'phone that sends and receives texts, and makes and receives 'phone calls. If I want music I'll listen to the radio or an MP3 player, if I want to take 'photo's I'll use my camera. Why on earth would anybody want to check their email when on the bus, going home?

Is Brown mad? As a hatter, but that was obvious before he became PM, which was probably why Tony Blair refused to support him. Brown will probably go down as one of the worst PMs this country has had, ever.

David Leslie, Perth, Scotland

I've been a fan of Matthew's for many years - right back to when he used to write a weekly piece for the Chronic Investor. Most of his articles are thought provoking or amusing - or both. Occasionally they reveal an incredible lack of knowledge of the real or commercial world - perhaps no surprise given his world is the one of politics.

The distinction between a 'customer' (pays for the transaction) and a 'consumer' is well known. Parents and children are often the obvious examples - and marketing messages to the two groups are clearly visible.

A better one to consider might be the MOD and the armed forces. It explains why our servicemen are so often provided with inappropriate or inadequate equipment.

As to the mobile observations - with an ageing population, why are modern devices aimed at young chavs when most of us want buttons we can press, screens that we can read and batteries that last more than a few hours?

Ray, Dartmouth,

Blah blah blah. Tarts and tea boys want a camera? Blah. Only old farts want a phone that's 'just a phone.' I am neither a tart nor a tea boy - well, I would say that wouldn't I? - but I have a reasonably advanced mobile which has a great little 3.2 Mpixel camera on board. It plays MP3s too, if I really want it. The only people who berate the increasing number of features on mobiles are people who don't quite understand how to work the technology. It's a safer standpoint to sit and smugly announce 'it's just a phone isn't it?'

Will you still be clinging to your VHS recorder in 30 years time because you can't be bothered to use the new technology?

Dan Davies, Isle of Man,

Â£100 sounds a lot for a second-hand phone. My last two have been Â£10 virgins, so to speak. I top up with Â£10 every few months, and feel terribly smug when I hear of people locked into contracts costing them Â£40 a month.

Will Duffay, London,

I bought my mobile ten years ago for Â£15, it is large, readable and efficient. It sits, switched off in the glovebox of my car just in case I break down. I put Â£10 credit into it at the time of purchase and I still have over Â£6 left. I'm very happy wherever I go.

Dai Jenkins, Aberystwyth, Ceredigion

I bought a mobile some years ago after my last car twice cut out putting my foot down to safely overtake a long string of geriatrics going nowhere fast on an open road. It was cheaper than getting another car.

And I pay-as-you-go, about Â£10 per annum being enough for me. I only get a replacement when the battery refuses to hold its charge. Last time it netted out at under Â£8 by using the extra Â£5 on the unwanted SIM in the old mobile at home plugged in all the time to the mains before I got rid of it.

I use my mobile for the occasional text to my adult kids to keep in touch and convince them that I am only 98% uncool. I take it with me when I meet them so that if they are outside Leicester Square tube station with me at Tottenham Court Road, we eventually discover the fact and can deal with it.

I make a telephone call at least every six months so that the account does not lapse. And I try to remember to take the mobile with me when I want to use the outside lane out of town.

Stephen Felce, Enfield, UK

Matthew-I think you're right about Gordon Brown and wrong about Nick Clegg. They should have chosen Chris Huhne. I think the Liberals need somebody with "a stubborn and hungry determination to be top dog" if they are to improve on their present lowly position in the polls.Nick Clegg appears to be a likeable man but is not a leader. A leader needs a bit of the "fear factor" about him/her e.g.Harry Truman/Margaret Thatcher. Nick Clegg doesn't have that.

Robert Thomas, Colchester,

After 3 calls in the one week while i was sitting on the can, I am now happily mobile free

Udo , melbourne, Australia

And I'm still using my trusty old StarTac. I've worn out two batteries, am on my third, and have another stashed.

I don't even know how to send a text message - and I've no interest in learning.

morgan, Gr Manchester, UK

I feel the same way about watches. When I look at a watch, I want to know the time - not the barometric pressure in Denmark. As for the principal-agent problem, surely this what's wrong, among other things, with the NHS.

James , Canberra, Australia.

â€œAh,â€ said Danny, â€œthis conundrum is well known to economists. They call it the Principal-Agent Problem. There are whole chapters in textbooks about it.â€

-It's a shame it wasn't more widely known among the Conservative government that privatised so many public services making the state the customer. It is, after all, why our rail service is so contemptuous of passengers.

Jamie Gilmour, Bolton, UK

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Matthew Parris

Matthew Parris joined The Times as parliamentary sketchwriter in 1988, a role he held until 2001. He had formerly worked for the Foreign Office and been a Conservative MP from 1979-86. He has published many books on travel and politics and an autobiography, Chance Witness, for which he won the 2004 Orwell Prize. His diary appears in The Times on Thursdays, and his Opinion column on Saturdays