Matthew Parris: My Week
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A festive custom we could do worse than foster would be stringing piano wire across country lanes to decapitate cyclists. It’s not just the Lycra, though Heaven knows this atrocity alone should be a capital offence; nor the helmets, though these ludicrous items of headgear are designed to protect the only part of a cyclist that is not usefully employed; nor the self-righteousness, though a small band of sports cyclists on winter’s morning emits more of that than a cathedral at evensong; nor even the brutish disregard for all other road users, though the lynching of a cyclist by a mob of mothers with pushchairs would be a joy to witness.
No, yet another cyclist-generated horror – and a new one – has come to my attention this Christmas. They’re chucking their empty cans of hi-energy drinks into hedgerows as they pass.
Bin-liners in hand, a group of us, infused with the seasonal goodwill that illuminates this column, of course, decided to walk a mile of a pretty and winding lane that had become particularly badly littered this winter, and collect it all. It’s amazing how much of the stuff there is when you start looking, and we ended up with a whole sackful. And what was the principal offending item? Plastic bottles and empty cans of Lucozade, Gatorade and other blood-sugar-boosting products were lodged high in hedgerows at cyclist level. Forgive me, but pedestrians were not the culprits here.
What is the carbon footprint of a panting, sugar-gulping, chocolate-chewing, Lycra-clad leisure-cyclist? a) His or her journey is totally unnecessary; b) whole convoys of cargo boats steam the Atlantic to bring the molasses to be energy-intensively refined for them; and c) the chemical processes that generate the vile materials that clothe, shoe and helmet a cyclist – not a man-made fibre among them – will be poisoning entire provinces of China.
But it’s the bad manners one cannot forgive. Driving or walking, don’t you just hate the way that, riding two or three abreast, they shout and curse at you or whir their angry little bells, as though it’s your problem that they need to clear the way? In just one little posse of these monsters there are levels of self-satisfaction that could power a small religious crusade.
Does cycling turn you into an insolent jerk? Or are insolent jerks drawn disproportionately to cycling?
— Scores of my family have arrived from Spanish Catalonia to stay for Christmas. Amusing to hear them discussing house-prices in Catalan. They’re still talking in pesetas! This bizarre and unwieldy currency, reckoned (for even quite modest sums) in millions and hundreds of millions (a smart house in London costs more than 250 million) was abolished more than five years ago in favour of the much easier-to-reckon euro; yet for big purchases, people in Spain, including my younger nephews and nieces, are still confronting a price in euros, then translating it in their heads to pesetas for a feel for what it really means.
In 20 years’ time, perhaps, a generation that never knew the peseta as legal tender will still be multiplying euro prices by about 160 to get a mental grip on them, and wondering why.
— Such is the pressure of numbers in our house this Christmas that I’ve yielded my bedroom to a brother’s family, my office to another brother and his dogs, and retreated into the sitting room, where a huge, soft sofa makes a wonderful bed.
I’ve never slept in our sitting room before: I’ve known it only when full of light, and people, and music or television.
But when the lights are out and the door shut and the house suffused by the silence of the small hours, a ghostly personality emerges: alone with itself, humans departed (except for one silent spy under a quilt on the sofa) the room comes into its own. Timbers shift and creak. There’s perhaps a mouse under the floorboards. Dying embers in the fireplace hiss. From an appliance on stand-by – the TV, maybe, or the CD-player – comes a faint hum I’ve never heard before. A red LED light – maybe from the appliance – glows with soft insistence. They all know each other, these signs and signals. Small sounds impinge, dim lights swell, tiny movements rivet the attention. It must be like this in here all night, every night. I’m meeting a personality I’ve lived with for 30 years, but never met.
We walk about, wrote George Eliot, “well-wadded with stupidity”. We have to. But “if we had but keen vision and feeling . . . it would be like hearing the grass grow and the squirrel’s heart beat, and we should die of that roar which lies on the other side of silence”.
Oh dear Matthew! As a runner I would have thought that you would have a little more respect for fellow athletes. As for the energy drink bottles all the cyclists I know keep their reusable bottles to themselves and would rarely throw them away. I think it's far more likely to be car drivers ridding themselves of all of their rubbish.
Brian Morris, bromley,
Well balanced and proportioned journalism yet again from the once informing Times. Mr Parris should be reported to the authorities for using such inflamatory words. The phrase, "What's smug and deserves to be decapitated," has no place in any part of a so called civilised society. I am sure Mr Parris is a columnist who believes in banning anything that he does not actually partake in. I'm sure he has a view much along the lines that violent movies and games should be banned as they influence the young and impressionable. He should retract his comments or be prosecuted for incitement as it follows the same people are those that read the pompous, poisonous prose of people in a priveledged position such as Mr Parris and then believe that gives them carte blanche to carry out what he states as though that makes it acceptable. His vehemant hatred of cyclists is no different to the hatred pedalled by the BNP. When an innocent young child is severely injured one hopes he feels content.
SOrmerod, Penrith, Cumbria
Well then come to India sometime. Of what the British left, nothing much remains for the cyclist to do but go on to the left most part of the street and may be hit a sidewalk. Of course, the SUVs and other gas-guzzlers can keep honking and smoking out of their windows.
Faiq, Bangalore, India
Ouch... a cyclist must have really upset him..... I think a large majority of the population know how to behave and know to take there litter home with them. As everywhere else in the world the UK does have it's own mindless bunch who don't think it necessary to keep the country clear of litter.
J, Cheshire,
Even more crap in the comments. I live near a single-lane bridge, controlled by traffic lights. Around here red seems to mean 'Go!' and the main junction in town suffers likewise. It's not cyclists who go down the wrong lane and turn across other traffic. That would be suicidal. Van-man and truckman (as 4x4 posers should be called) regard rules as applying to others. Does MP know why so many use trucks?. It's because of the bigger gap between seat & steering wheel. Made for heavily-equipped soldiers, but ideal for grossly obese thirty-somethings who gorge on crisps, sweets and energy drinks; all containers going out of the window. To foul MP's lane!. Yes, I sometimes wear lycra; it's a trisuit. Saves vital minutes in a race. As do elastic laces & racebelt. What's MP's sport?. Slagging off minorities?.
William J. Houlder, Pontefract, UK
Talk about rising to the bait. What happened to the famous British sense of humour
A word of advice Matthew, never go cycling with your tongue in cheek. If you take a tumble the consequences could be dire.
anton kleinschmidt, Cape Town, South Africa
I share many of the readers concerns at this crass attempt at cheap laughs. Piano wire was, indeed, strung between trees in my local woods and the results were not funny. Happily nobody was hurt!
I trust the columnist was not seriously advocating the course of action but instead parading his intolerance for the world.
I accept that there are inconsiderate cyclists in the world but there are also inconsiderate walkers - you know the ones... they walk line abreast and refuse to move aside even when all the bikes have slowed down to walking pace and lined up to take up the minimum of space...
Perhaps a bit more tolerance all round would be best... apart from people who are advocating physical harm to cyclists and horse riders.
David Lloyd, Buckingham, Bicks
After reading the above article I feel no choice but to write in and express my great disappointment with this well respected broadsheet for employing such a narrow minded person as Matthew Parris. As a keen cyclist and someone who has worked in the cycling industry for a number of years I have never come across such atrocious behaviour like that documented by Mr Parris, and feel such an article can only hinder the forging of relations between respectable cyclists and other members of the community.
Darren Crowther, Lincoln, Lincolnshire
Of course motorists would never behave irresponsibly by running lights at red, speeding, parking inconsiderately, emitting lethal pollutants, hurling abuse at others? And one further adverse outcome of motor transport deserves mention: the 55,000 innocent children, women and men killed or permanently injured by motor vehicles in the UK last year. That is in just ONE year. It seems reasonable to speculate that these epidemic levels of road kill in the UK would fall to near zero, were motorists to be removed from the scene in the way that is advocated for cyclists.
Derek Gould, Liverpool, UK
As a cyclist, I keep finding cigarette butts, alcohol cans, wrappers from picnics. Maybe us cyclists can club together and clear up this gunk littered by some anti social ramblers and car drivers.
eva, kent, uk
What a thoroughly misguided article. Round my way the detritus in the hedgerows usually consists of mattresses, abandoned baby buggies, wardrobes and fast food cartons. And whilst pavement cyclists are a nuisance I find that cars/vans mounting the pavement (that I'm already on) and forcing me to either stop walking or walk on the road is a bigger nuisance. And by the way pointing out that it's actually council tax that pays for the roads (and that a lot of non drivers pay council tax) is not splitting hairs or hiding behind technicalities. It's fact. Wouldn't be surpised if some of the car apologists here wanted to start taxing me for walking on roads that don't have footpaths beside them.
Peter McCormick, Carluke, Lanarkshire
This is a horribly generalised article. I am almost certain that 99.9% of road cyclists do not chuck energy drinks into hedgerows, not least because we tend to use re-useable bottles. Interestingly, some years ago I was nearly hit by a drinks can being chucked from a moving car.
Your notes about the general standards of cycling are, however, justly founded. I find that whilst cycling around town I find other cyclists to be particularly irresposible. I think that some sort of cycling standards should be enforced, as I see many cyclists running red lights, using footpaths and never indicating.
However, I have nearly crashed into pedestrians who just cross the road without looking, and I've been run into by a car on a roundabout whilst I was clearly indicating.
In fact I have noticed that the standard of driving is slipping somewhat, with the use of indicators down to an all-time low (which is extremely dangerous to cyclists who don't know you're about to carve them up).
John Hale, Cambridge,
The original article couldn't possibly have been read as a good-natured, humorous leg-pull. It was a vicious, ill-tempered, ignorant, bullying attack on cyclists. If the Times had published an equivalent article attacking gays, there would, quite rightly, have been hell to pay. Parris's apology is as contemptible as his original article. He should be ashamed of himself for deriving a large income from the production of such malicious rubbish.
Michael Bartholomew, West Yorkshire
M.Bartholomew, Otley, UK
Matthew. I used to think you were ok, funny, and sensible. I have been cycling since I was little, and racing my bike since I was 12. I own a motorbike, I own a car. I can see the fact that when you are passing a cyclist you have to touch your brakes for a split second, and await a safe place to overtake. It's not exactly a trauma, is it? typically, overtaking a cyclist will delay my journey by, oh, around a second. Maybe 2. Comare that to encountering piano wire strung across a lane near where I live, the day after your ridiculous column appeared in the paper. I COULD HAVE BEEN KILLED. I NEARLY WAS. Instead I suffered a garroted neck, and narrowly escaped spinal damage. Naturally, I think you are a complete and utter idiot now. What a totally irresponsible article to write. F ine, dislike cyclists if you want, that's your prerogative. But to incite others to take action and KILL them is reprehensible. You ought to be charged with incite to inflict bodily harm, and jailed.
Martin Williamson, Glasgow, Scotland
I am triathlete so spend a large amount of time dress in what Mr Parris would deem as ludicrous wear. Isn't it true of all of us though that we each dress in a way that we may feel is cool within our own social group . Oakley glasses and Rapha clothing maybe the hight of cool among my cycling mates but are ridiculous to noncyclists and whilst my Blueseventy wetsuit maybe an item of envy among my tri friends I would get plenty of strange looks walking down the high street in it as would a jockey wlking around town in his racing silks, or a cricket player in pads. Given the number of cyclist killed each year (including a recent number of top athletes) it is a very cheap shot, so I am guessing his writting must be going downhill and it is all he can resort too. Cyclist use bidons so the rubbish thinkgis way off - he failed to mention the takeaway wrappers or beers cans he probably found to.
Tim K, Ashford, Kent
Although I do not condone Matthew Parris's article I must agree with AK of Swindon.
As a pedestrian I observe the following actions by cyclists EVERY day: riding on the pavement forcing pedestrians out of the way, riding through traffic lights at red, riding across zebra crossings when in use by pedestrians, riding without correct lighting.
Over the last three weeks I have resorted to recording the actions of cyclists and have found that approx. 72% of cyclist observed undertake one or more of the above illegal actions.
I have contacted several cycling organisations regarding the matter but none has replied.
I find this unacceptable considering that I asked for their comments on the death of Gary Green who was killed by a cyclist whilst walking on the pavement.
I object to the tone of the majority of cyclists who have contributed to this discussion who complain about their treatment when they ignore the rights of pedestrians.
A case of doulble standards I feel.
DB, Bideford, UK
I reda the sad news of Jason McIntryres death on the roads of Scotland and hope to God that Mr Parris, you are ashamed of your offensive article.
Wife and two children left behind - please think before you write!
Mark, Bourgueil , France
Dear me - if someone wrote the same article about beheading homosexuals Mr Parris would be up in arms! Hypocrite!
Annis, Glasgow,
I am sure the unfortunate relatives who came to spend time with Mr Parris have a completely different attitude towards cyclists. In their country as in most in Europe they see cycling as a noble sport that, at an amateur level at least, has grand tradition worthy of respect. When I ride out to escape the tyrany of such ugly, small-minded Clarksonesque apathy espoused by Mr Smarris, I am often greeted by walkers with dogs, horse riders and fellow cyclists with an acknowledgement that we are sharing a common experience. Mr Smuggis and his 'oh and I am such a worthy member of my community: evidence, my bin liner' has let himself down with the very thing he accuses Club Riders of - a smugness well known to all on 2 wheels. Being beeped whilst wheeling along chatting to my mate by a fellow old dodderer is enough to bring a smile to my face - advocating piano wire and 'hand bagging' is laughable and I guess guaranteed to raise your responses - well, you got me you clever man..Dave, Sheffield
David Kirkup, Sheffield,
Daniel K888 of Melbourne, Australia advises that cyclists are a danger to road users and pedestrians. Fact: 3500 people are killed on UK roads a year ; generally none of those are killed by cyclists. In the UK 32 were killed by Police vehicles in 2005 and 22 in 2007: who's the most dangerous? He suggests cyclists have "A little less belligerence and arrogance and a little more more self reflection please!" Perhaps Daniel may like to reflect on that statement as he displays both the belligerence and arrogance he finds so distasteful in his own text, and I assume that he projects when driving in the vicinity of cyclists. Let's all share the road - we all pay for them through taxation.
Hummer, Manchester UK,
As a fanatical cyclist and regular cycle commuter, I find Mr. Parris' article to be both deeply offensive and extremely irresponsible.
Simon Brown, Kendal, Cumbria
David Mitchell, London, and Alex, prenton,,
Certainly your self righteous responses prove my point excellently.
You avoid the fact that Roads in the UK are paid for by drivers not cyclists (which i think makes you parasites), whatever the technicalities of the taxation law, and talking about excise duty is utterly pathetic.
AND you try to avoid the issue of registration plates completely.
Cyclists contribute nothing and are a danger and nuisance to road users and pedestrians.
A little less belligerence and arrogance and a little more more self reflection please!
Try to be a responsible person and think about your RESPONSIBILITIES not your RIGHTS!
Daniel K888, Melbourne, Australia
The cost of vehicle tax for cars, motorcycles, light goods vehicles and trade licences
http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/Motoring/OwningAVehicle/HowToTaxYourVehicle/DG_10012524
Daniel K888, Melbourne, Australia
A typical response from a former Tory MP.
Taking the interests of a minority and putting them above the interests of the majority is what the Conservative party stands for after all.
Even if the fact that the current leader of the Conservative party is keen to jump on the cycling bandwagon has passed him by, Mr Parris must be aware that authorities across the developed world are promoting cycling as part of their efforts to reduce congestion and promote healthy lifestyles The newly proposed elevated cycle lane in Sydney bears out the value placed on cycling as part of an integrated transport scheme there.
My initial reaction to this article was that it was hideously irrsesponsible, and is just the sort of thing that would persuade some halfwitted hooligan to genuinely try it, then I though 'No, The Times doesn't attract such imbecilic readers!'
However, on reflection I was forced to concede that they probably do.
After all, they have just such a person writing a column for them.
Paul, Lincoln, U.K.
To advocate decapitation of any group - even cyclists- is both dangerous and seriously not funny.
Eddie, Dublin,
Dear Jen from Hampshire,
I'm sorry, you are correct. Had I read the article thoroughly I would have seen that Mr. Parris was picking up trash from the side of the road and had NOT seen a cyclist discard that trash but instead had "jumped to the conclusion" as we say on this side of the Atlantic, and decided that those "damned lycra clad cyclists" had discarded the trash. In truth I admit that I did not read clearly much beyond his suggestion that we all be decapitated.
Dennis Johnson, Visalia, California, USA
I am surprised that the Times should have printed Mr. Parris' tirade against a small minority of cyclists. using his logic, one should ban all motorists from using roads due to the irresponsible and dangerous behaviour of some motorists (not to mention the annual deaths and injuries which result from car-related incidents).
Has Mr. Harris not heard of global warming, sustainable development, obesity, preventative health care, Government Green Policy, Sustrans etc? If he has, then does he not appreciate the connection with cycling, walking, outdoor exercise in general?
That such a Luddite article should have been passed by the Times Ed. is frankly baffling.
Dr. Neil McKenzie, Llandudno, Conwy
It is strange in the world we live in that the esteemed Mr Paris sees fit to incite murder in his less than amusing rantings. Strange also that he would like to enlist the help of pushchair wielding mothers to carry out further crimes. As a committed (definitely should be) cyclist his claims that all and any jetsam on the edge of roads hail from cyclists is amusing and offensive, his views are pretty much typical of the lazy and unforgiving nation that we live in, to lazy to walk to get a paper, to unforgiving to accept anyones mistakes especially when in their beloved cars.
I am not as he suggests nor are any of my cycling friends of which I have hundreds smug about cycling, I enjoy my chosen sport but never to the detriment of others. Even though it may have cost a reasonable carbon footprint to make my equipment, the running costs each year are pretty negligIble, so again he is somewhat off the mark, one suggests he ask his researcher to be a bit more thorough.
Steve Newman
Steve Newman, Bury St Edmunds, Suffolk
It's true that every single cyclist is arrogant and guilty of running red lights while trying to find pedestrians to terrorize. Sometimes my commute takes much longer than it should simply because I have to go round the block a few times looking for a pensioner to curse at.
What is also true (apparently) is that cyclists have a monopoly on illegal activities. I'm sure that every car driver obeys speed limits, stops at stop signs, uses their turn signals correctly, etc etc. In fact it amazes me that so much money is spent on speed cameras when it's blatantly obvious that nobody ever breaks the speed limit...
I live in New York City where it isn't practical, economical or even desirable to own a car. So I ride bikes. I wear lycra (functional not fashionable) and a helmet (since SUVs don't have external airbags). I save money, I get exercise, I don't pollute, and I don't cause traffic jams. So why the hatred? All I'm trying to do is get to work and back without being slaughtered
Andy, New York City,
I think it is a bit week claiming that vindictive words are a joke. I would invite Matthew to come and meet some cyclists, but then I doubt if he has ever ridden a bike more than 5 miles so would not understand the joy of Lycra. How ever I would offer to ride a tandem with him and join with any group in any part of the country he chooses to see if we can find a cyclist who would be crass inough to leave a bit of litter anywhere.
As a club cyclist I know for certain that it was not cyclists that caused the litter it was not cyclists. the hooligan element tend to ride very short distances in towns and rarely travel any distance.
Banana skins ! well may be, but then they would only last a few days.
Eddie Hatfield, Cambridge, Cambs
What a strange, unfounded, pathetic and hateful article Mr Parris . And to think I actually used to respect you as a politician and a jounalist.
I certainly will never be buying the Times again.
Andrew Burns, Cardiff,
To Mr Dixon
And his cricket bat wielding friend: While riding on the pavement is illegal and should be enforced as such (although its interesting that the maximum fine for riding a bike on the pavement is more than that for doing the same in a car), so is carrying an offensive weapon and assault with the same. Why don't you take you pointy stick into your local police station and explain your intent, maybe they'll put you in a cell with Mr Parris and then you can talk about how its all the fault of those mean old cyclists until you've got nothing else to talk about. Shouldn't take long...
russ, plymouth,
Mathew points humorously to the problem of cyclists on roads, but they are becoming a serious menace on our pavements as they hurtle at high speed through crowded areas. A friend of mine carries a cricket bat to ward them off. I myself am thinking of carrying a stout, sharp stick - to be deployed Agincourt fashion, to kebab reckless oncoming riders. It could also be used to prod any police seen in the vicinity, to enforce local byelaws which are now regularly flouted. Although I have to admit that the probability of seeing a policeman on foot, on the pavement is nowadays virtually zero.
Mark Dixon, Bristol, UK
Bicycles were here a long time before motor vehicles were invented, and they will be here a long time after they've become obsolete.
Rigger, Perth, Australia
Nice aricle, Matthew. I cycle a lot, but still had a good laugh.
Adam, Tokyo,
On what basis does Mr Parris assume that the litter he picked was discarded by cyclists? Did he witness these hoards of lycra-clad, behelmetted cyclists who overwhelm the poor folk of the countryside in the act of pushing these cans into hedgerows? This act alone would be a feat of athleticism for a cyclist to commit while riding. Perhaps the irony of his article's accusations of self-righteousness are also not lost on him when his own column has taken on a sermon-like quality of its own. As for the opening suggestion, about stringing wire across country lanes to decapitate cyclists; Mr Parris clearly didn't need to use a helmet himself when he wrote it: perhaps there are others who deserve similar punishments - anyone with whom Mr Parris happens to disagree? I'm not a cyclist, but before writing a tirade like this, I would try donning lycra myself and getting on a bike. With the narrow-minded ignorance demonstrated in this article, Mr Parris has done himself a serious disservice.
Glenn Reffin, Royston, UK
In many years of cycling, including daily commuting, leisure riding, mass charity rides etc I have yet to see a single cyclist purposley discard any empty drinks containers or food packaging unlike the many times I have seen rubbish thrown out of cars. It is highly unlikely that any "lycra clad cyclist" would carry a "can of drink" on any ride - it is not a container type that makes it easy to store or drink from throughout a ride. I cycle many dedicated off-road mountain bike trails in our national forests and I have yet to come across any rubbish that could be associated with cyclists. Take a similar route on a walker's trail in any of our great national parks and all sorts of waste discarded by walkers can be found. Visit a busy motorists lay-by and the story is the same. Sorry Mr Parris, but it is not just cyclists that consume energy drinks and that is evident by the huge range on offer in any shop - it is doubtful that we lycra clad cyclists could support that industry alone.
Colin Blake, Newcastle upon Tyne, UK
Until about a week ago I used to get much pleasure reading Mathew Parris' writings, watching his TV broadcasts and listening to his radio programmes. I felt a particular connection with him due to the fact that he was a local chap, the former MP of the area in which I live and the friend of several friends of mine.
However I also have a deep love of cycling as a sport, pastime and mode of transport. Now I realise from his article of last Thursday that he has a hatred of those like me. I can see no other explanation for the content of his piece.
Now I am unable to listen to his wonderful voice without being reminded of this hatred - somewhat like Alex in A Clockwork Orange. In a similar way I am unable now to watch Nigel Havers act without experiencing nausea.
Mark, Matlock, UK
Lycra and cycle helmets are designed and worn for sound practical reasons. The bright colours are also important for visibility. I think a snorkel and flippers look ridiculous but I am of course not ignorant enough to assume scuba-divers are making a fashion statement, nor would I ever hate anyone for what they are wearing, whether it is for style or practicalities.
Cyclists do not have to pay a tax for riding a bicycle. This is because cycling is a RIGHT. Driving a car is a privilege. It is a privilege because the driver has to prove they are competent and responsible enough to be in charge of a machine that can so easily kill and maim people. This is done through a driving test where the driver must demonstrate they are competent and are made fully aware of their responsibility to ensure the safety of all those who have a RIGHT to use the road. Drivers pay a tax/duty to help maintain the damage they do to the road structure and the pay for the driver only facilities, such as motorways. This tax however is minimal when taken into consideration the amount of police, health, NHS resources and environmental damage created by the use of motor vehicles. The cost of this is subsidised by other tax payers whether they drive or not.
There are irresponsible cyclists and irresponsible pedestrians. There are many many more irresponsible drivers. When cycling I rarely experience a driver giving me the allocated space (as recommended by the Highway Code) when overtaking. This is potentially life threatening, but never do I hear of anyone being prosecuted. As for cyclists who ride on the pavement (legal for under 16s) and jump red-lights. This is irresponsible and I do not condone this behavior. If, however, this is to stop, then we must make the roads safe for cyclists. In city traffic, a quick get away from a traffic light is sometimes essential for survival. It is predominantly male cyclists that take the risks, such as jumping red lights, and this may help explain why 80% of the cyclist deaths in London are female. Who would choose to cycle on the pavement if the roads were safe?
It is dangerous to go down this line of using âapparentlyâ humour to encourage intolerance against a minority. What benefit did racist, sexist, ageist, anti-gay, anti-Jew, anti-Muslim, humour bring. The roads were not built for cars, but they take dominance. First impatience and prejudice to horse-riders and cyclists, next will be prejudice to pedestrians. Canât afford a car! Not cool enough to drive a flashy car! Ha ha, out of my way serfs! Oh those people who are not like us and donât use a car, so pathetic, so ridiculous, kill them all.
People have a right to be safe on the street. Take this basic human right seriously. Whether you drive, cycle or walk: be considerate. Drivers, who have declared themselves responsible enough to accept this privilege, have a much greater duty of care.
Ian Tyson, Dunoon, Scotland
I`m still on the lookout for the Lycra clad female cyclists! Where are they? I never see any. Don`t women ride bicycles or are they the exception (or maybe just more intelligent). Or is it just serious looking males, who really should know better, that indulge in this dress. There is one in particular who I see practically every day on my way to work as he powers purposefully (standing up on the pedals) up a hill . It`s enough to make you want to go home and reset the alarm clock. By all means you can ride your bike (and even feel self-satisfied if it makes you happy) but can someone please invent a screen so the rest of the world doesn`t suffer having to witness such sights. Well done Mr Parris - you`ve really got some people very worked up - and probably chewing on their Lycra in apoplectic rage and indignation. It`s obviously a good article if it can generate that sort of response. Keep it up.
Jim, Herts,
Cyclists risk their lives cycling through heavu traffic. They don't polute, they don't cause traffic jams and are not responsible for deathly accidents. The cyclist is the one who gets killed in case of an accident. Please, a bit more understanding and respect for people who try to get from A to B.
Koos Kroon, Barcelona, SPAIN
Daniel, can you READ the other posts before commenting please? Dozens have explained that there is NO road tax in the UK. Roads are paid for from national and local taxes. Vehicle owners pay excise duty: this is based on emissions, so bike owners, just like green car owners, don't pay this. But as national and local taxpayers, cyclists pay for roads just like everybody else.
Alex, prenton,
Daniel K888, Melbourne , Australia
No right to anything? How enlightened.
Road tax? Do try and keep up to date Daniel, there's no such thing - Vehicle Excise Duty - the tax on on the vehicle. A rubbish argument anyway , using that logic tax on alcohol would provide better pubs, tax on tobacco would provide smoking lounges or something.
David Mitchell, London,
I understand that this has been a highly controversial topic, but I am with Matthew Parris 100%, both in understanding and appreciating his humour, and in supporting his sentiments. I would go further and comment that much of the righteous indignation expressed by the cyclicng fraternity merely goes to reemphasise his point about the mindset which such people not only reflect but actively evangelise. Good on you, Mr P - let's have more in this vein
Andrew Carter, Newbury, UK
Ian Pattinson, Manchester
Cyclists have no right to anything in my opinion as they don't pay road tax on their cycles , nor do they have registration plates on them.
Daniel K888, Melbourne , Australia
There is no humour in this article. When cyclists hit pedestrians it is counted as a criminal offence, when motorists hit cyclists it is counted as a accident. Why are cyclists so unequally treated? Provision for cyclists is appalling. Matthew Parris is just parroting the usual prejudice held against cyclists. If there is a real will to reduce congestion and CO2 emissions then this attitude needs to be reversed and polluting / congesting motorists need to be the one despised in the press, not cyclists.
David, Stockport,
The difference between some cyclists and other vehicle operators, is that the others generally (1) don"t aggressively compete with pedestrians and runners for space on footpaths, and (2) spray verbal abuse at other people who are exercising their lawful rights. Last year, my wife was knocked over by a speeding, lycra-clad idiot on a bicycle, whilst she was walking to work. The fool then proceeded to shout abuse at her, using the foulest language imaginable. This was despite the blood running from a two inch cut in her scalp, a deep gash in her leg, and her expensive work clothes ripped and progressively staining. Fortunately, a passing stranger intervened, and the cyclist left, still abusive, and without leaving his name or uttering a single word of apology. My wife's injuries required stitching, she suffered a huge black eye and concussion that kept her off work for several days. Worse, she now feels so intimidated that she no longer walks to work, for fear of a recurrence.
Malvern Star, Brisbane, Australia
If Parris has apologised, shouldn't you now take the original article off the Times website?
Jason Darby, London, UK
I have never seen a cyclist chuck an energy drink bottle. Usually, cyclists use their own multi-use bottles. If I, or anyone else, on a group ride saw a member of a group chuck such litter he would be forced to go back to pick it up or be excluded from the group forever.
colmf, boulder, colorado
My husband is from Holand and , belive me, they really love cycling there and by the way is a far more clean country than England. However I love cycling and never use this Power drinks but from quite often I see people throwing stuff like that from cars.
Dont think that cyclists are to blame.
Should we decapitate everyone that does not dispose rubish properly? We will be so little of us left.
Marina, Watford, UK
If a cyclist wrote an article for the Times suggesting the keying of cars that blocked the advanced stop lane, putting a D lock through the windows of cars that come sailing into cycle lanes or slashing the tyres of cars parked on double yellows would it see print? I doubt it. And those are calls to damage against inanimate objects, not violence against people.
Cyclists aren't all that smug, though we are happier and healthier, but if we are it's because we're using a better mode of transport than all those fuming, jealous drivers we pass.
Ian Pattinson, Manchester,
Today's Times gives a sop of an apology. The same number of column inches should have been spent on righting this wrong.
Natalie, Rickmansworth, UK
Ever seen crisp packets? Burger packaging? Coffee Cartons? Roadkill? Newspapers? I would probably take your views to be humoured rather than a rational analysis if I knew you better. I don't though and neither do most people. I'm amazed that you can suggest cyclists are more damaging than motor transport. I hope you get appropriately delayed in your preferred motor transport on the way to your chosen leisure activity which might give you time to reflect on what contribution cyclists do make to your environment
Neil Wass, Berkhamsted, Hertfordshire
I think that this is an in appropriate thing to joke about, and should be withdrawn.
Paul, Reading, UK
I am disgusted by this article. Speechless and disgusted.
steve, stockport, u.k.
Written in jest by Parris maybe but whatever the man's achievements in other walks of life, he has on this occasion clearly demonstrated that such inflammatory trash should never have been given space in any quality publication. Hopefully the Press Council will impose a sanction on him but should not the features' editor also be questioned as to their responsibility in this matter?
There are already more than enough examples of attacks on cyclists - and indeed other road users - by mindless thugs without suggesting the need for more, not that much encouragement is needed.
Parris refers to the visit of his relatives from Catalonia for the Christmas period. Presumably he visits them from time to time. A great pity that he doesn't appear to have observed the consideration extended to cyclists by the Catalan people during his visits.
He ends by quoting from George Eliot, âif we had but keen vision and feeling . . . it would be like hearing the grass grow and the squirrelâs heart
Colin Coe, Somersham, Cambs, UK
I am not just outraged by the article itself (shoddy overgeneralisations, wild and essentially unfounded accusations, incitement to fatally dangerous acts, ridiculing of the use of safety equipment, insensitivity and incitement to hatred), but also by the so-called apology which has now been published, in which Parris has excused himself by simply claiming that the article was a joke. A re-read of the article shows it was more than that, and the apology needs to go a lot further than that. This was an article attempting to accuse cyclists of a serious problem and making light of the issues of road deaths (especially those caused maliciously by pranksters), with a serious underassessment of the dangers facing all road users. To say, "oh, it was a joke, you weren't supposed to take it seriously, sorry!" is an insult to my intelligence.
Martin Q, London, UK
Just as easily those cans of drink may have come from cars....have you seen the litter on the motorway (where neither cars nor pedestrians may go)?
I can honestly say that being a cyclist makes me a better driver, takes me less time to get to work, and leaves more road space for all the town centre 4x4s (which have a much greater carbon footprint than me and my recycled bike)
Emily, Coventry, Devon
Mr Parris I confess I find your views a little strong - then I am a cyclist myself. That is not to say in this politically correct age that I believe that the dabate you have started should be closed down: as is the custom elesewhere for minority groups. Ofcourse we cyclists are a minority amoungst road users.
I wonder, as your article reserved particular vim for those engaged in sports cycling if you have the same feelings towards those of us who commute to work on a cycle? I wonder if commuters consume the same sports drinks that have littered your lane?
However, I would agree with you in your assertion that people who cycle 2-a-breast dis-respect other road users. This is somethisg I have always found particularly annoying on the occasions that I drive.
Richard Haigh, Milton Keynes, Bucks/UK
Doesn't this amount to threatening behaviour? Are there any police reading this that would care to comment? This is possibly worse than the rubbish spouted by Jeremy Clarkson. I have only just started reading the Times newspaper but if this is how the journalists feel I will not be buying it any more. Nor will I reccomend it to any of my cycling colleagues and friends.
David Beacham, wirksworth, Derbys
Mr Pariss- well done! Cyclists may absolutly HATE to hear it but in general I find they are a menace (note I said 'in general' so I do realise I am making a generalisation and with good reason) I am a pedestrian, and occasionally a passenger in a car. Many many times I have been struck or almost struck by cyclists swerving onto the pavements to avoid traffic (cyclists incedently are not allowed on the pavement ever, they must use either the road or designated cycle paths) and when I am a passenger in a vehicle I have often noticed cyclists taking stupid risks and showing no consideration for other road users. If a car driver commits a road offence it is possible to take their registration and report them. With a cyclist there is no way to identify and report them for ignorant behaviour, or assults (as I consider being knocked over, elbowed etc by cyclists to be)
This is why cyclists get so much criticism from all other road/path etc users
AK , Swindon ,
It seems that there is a very real possibility Parris may yet face the due process of law. Good.
But I bet this won't get past the "moderating team".
Peter, Maldon, UK
Having been on the receiving end of having a bottle deliberately thrown at me whilst cycling from a passing car. I can't express my outrage enough at this diatribe. Mr Parris I invite you to accompany me on a bike ride, yes we'll be wearing lycra, no we won't be carrying fizzy drinks in cans. Maybe if you left your cosy little comfort zone and experienced things to gain a balanced view you wouldn't write such potentially dangerous hate filled nonsense.
I live in Lancashire so the next time your in this part of the country feel free to drop me a line and we'll go for a ride, I'll even lend you a bike, better watch out for that piano wire though.
Sean Owens, Preston, England
As a long time admirer of Parris' work this is a huge surprise to me. It's the sort of rubbish I would expect from Littlejohn or Clarkson and of ocurse it is probably based on a false premise. Mountiain bikers mainly used water bags on thier backs, with tubes to such through and all road bikers use bidons (cycling bottles desgined to fit into bottle cages attached to the frame), so it is highly unlikely that bikers are the main culprits.
karl, sheffield,
Dennis,
Perhaps if you read the article properly you would be able to see that Parris became annoyed at the cyclists whilst picking up litter at the side of the road.
Jen, Hampshire,
Mr Parris Christmas jest says more about him than all the comments in here could ever say.
Craig M, Greenock,
Some 3,500 people were killed on the roads in Britain last year, all caused by other motor vehicles, none by cyclists.To get uptight about the odd bit of rubbish in a hedge in light of this statistic is at best facile, at worst irresponsible and small minded.
Cyclists are part of the solution to our clogged and dangerous roads not a part of the problem.
Nick, london,
It's pretty obvious that the 'ludicrous' helmet is there to protect the cyclist from the inevitable fall incurred through trying to unscrew a bottle top, then not spill the contents, while riding down a county lane. Yeah, cyclists like to make their pastime a bit like the game show 'It's a knockout'.
Thanks to your suggested solution to the mis-attributed problem, cyclists will now be forced to offend your questionable sense of purposeful attire by also sporting wire-proof neck and face guards.
Ura Pennis, UK,
Is this what passes for news and commentary in The Times these days? Oh how far our standards have fallen. Mr. Parris, I assume that your outrage was spurred by seeing a cyclist discard a can onto the side of the road. Instead of seething and building up enough bile that you could write the column that you did, you might have stopped and picked up the can. That path of action would have left a cleaner roadside and a calmer drive. The path you chose leads only to ongoing upset and potential for further injury.
Dennis Johnson, Visalia, California, USA
You must be joking when this is deemed journalism, and in of all places, the Times? I will remove this link from my favo(u)rites even though I have been a long time visitor. That was the final straw. Shame on The Times.
Andrew Maher, Wiesbaden, Germany
I expect better of Matthew Parris. Many fine writers have had a pop at cyclists over the years. Their points may have been fundamentally flawed, but the humour they have expressed has made them notable and worthy of engaging in debate.
This, however, is unimaginative nonsense which doesn't even warrant criticism of its numerous clumsy prejudices and desperate assumptions.
Clive Andrews, Brighton, UK
This article is utter rubbish and suggests a staggering lack of understanding.
Will, Leamington Spa, UK
Any road user can behave irresponsibly or incosiderately. Anyone can drop litter. I'm pretty sure that the abandoned fridge I passed the other day wasn't hurled from a bike.
Yes I'm a cyclist, but also a motorist. I try to behave considerately in both roles, and that includes adopting a zero alcohol limit when driving, and sticking to the speed limits. After all, the consequences of arrogantly assuming that I don't need to do this might be that I needlessly injure, or even kill someone. Something, I think, not to be taken lightly. I hope that Mr Parris would endorse this view, and extend it to his attempts at (hopefully) humour.
Dave Elliott, Amersham,
Definitely a comment on a matter of public interest. But fair? Not sure about that. I hope lawyers are sharpening their quills for the moment a cyclist suffers as a result of this misconceived clap-trap.
Johnny Morris, Aveton Gifford, UK
Some people who read the Times seem to have no real appreciation of cycling so let me clarify a couple of things: Firstly, in 20 years of cycling I have NEVER met another cyclist that carries fizzy drink cans while cycling.... think about it (I know you are Times readers but this shouldn't automatically preclude free thought): fizzy drinks + long bike ride = exploding drinks can. We use plastic bidons and non-fizzy drinks. Bidons are pretty expensive and we never throw them away. Secondly - try cycling more than 10 miles wearing cotton or wool - believe me it's not a nice experience. Lycra and other man made fibers wick perspiration away from the body. There have been a couple of cases in Lincolnshire/Humberside of people using fishing line to âremoveâ cyclists from their bikes⦠My 8 year old Daughter wonders why a grown man would want this to happen to her Father â maybe Mr Parris could help her out here because his sentiments are completely beyond any form of reason I can apply?
Dr Antony Daniels, Lincoln, Lincolnshire
Oh dear here we go again.
As usual cyclists are being singled out for vilification. I wouldnt mind so much but when was Mr Parris last on a bike? He is obviously an expert on this subject, we have enough idiots on the road trying to kill us without his rant that we are the devils children. He has obviously run out of material this time of year so he has had to resort to cyclist bashing. I have lost count on how many times I've seen rubbish being thrown from cars and other types of motorised road users.
Maybe he should direct his angst at clubbers who leave bottles of lucozade after a hard night of jumping up and down and having a good time.
With regard to the carbon footprint I'm not even going to go there, less said the better really, it doesnt deserve a response.
Anyway Matthew I look forward to you raising this subject again this time next year when you are bored.
Andrew, London,
sir firstly this man is inciting violence secondly as others have commented cyclists
re use their drinks bottles. having recently returned from spain i was pleased to see how welcome cyclists were , they were treated with respect on the country roads and there were many groups of cyclists particularly in the hills and rural areas.
returning to the comments re the violence lets hope that times readers are more sensible than the writer and would not stoop to such despicable levels
dave, chatham,
Well in my opinion, the fact that he has put the idea of stringing up wires across cycle routes is by far the more irresponsible act than anything the cyclists are doing (or not) with just that little suggestion so many gangs of kids will think 'lets try that' so shall we hold Mr Parris responsible for all the deaths and injuries caused by wires strung across cycle paths, for the next few weeks, months, years. I would reckon that anyone so injured might have a good case for prosecution on grounds for inciting assault or similar.
Get a grip man, there are enough random acts of violence on our streets without giving out ideas for more.
Now take reponsibility for your irresponsible comments.
we wait and see you shoulder the burden of any injuries that result from your stupidity.
Peter Ashby, Canterbury, UK
The bottles of lucozade are likely to come from energy drink guzzling car drivers. Cyclists use their own drinks bottles as they fit onto their bikes and just wouldn't disgard bottles in the manner you describe. And as for helmets and even putting the suggestion into peoples' heads about decapitating cyclists....I just don't want to write anymore....
Rachael Elliott, Newbury,
Matthew Parris' comments about cyclists are based on evidence in the form of discarded bottles of energy drink. They are not to be dismissed merely because we might think cyclists are inherently good. Walkers in the countryside do not, on the whole, drop litter but evidence from observation shows that many cyclists think no rules apply to them; they happily ride on pavements and jump red lights in traffic, so it wouldn't surprise me if they littered as well.
Frank Upton, Solihull,
"...ludicrous items of headgear..." Would Mr. Parris prefer to be picking up fragments of skull and brain from his hedgerows?
Ben, Leeds,
I believe Mr. "P" is just plainly "Pathetic".
Why would any cyclist throw out anything and especially bottles or cans?!!!!!!
The bottles/cans would just cause accidents and especially to cyclists!!
When a car is parked on the street that does NOT bother him, however, when two bicyclists ride next to each other that is just too much navigation work for him.
Roman, Prague, Czech Republic
Matthew, I feel that your sojourn to the sitting room has affected your reason, perhaps due to a lack of sleep. Whilst I admire your public spiritedness in cleaning up the hedgerows this does not give you the right to incite such acts of violence. It countermines your argument and in fact adds to the real hazards we face cycling in the countryside. I would like to know how 'rural' this area of hedgerow is. In Devon we are often miles from refreshment and to chuck away bottles is not only ecologically damaging but reduces the possibility of replenishment at the next 'tea stop'.
Please would London journalists stop lumping all cyclists together - stereotyping does no-one any favours!
Nicole Pethybridge, Ivybridge, Devon
Sir,
I note that you have employed Mr Richard Littlejohn as a columnist in your newspaper. Please terminate my subscription forthwith.
Yours sincerely,
Anthony Carroll, Yorkshire,
Oh how pathetic to pick on cyclists, as if car and lorry drivers are not even ruder and more self righteous.
I challenge the rider to cycle for a short while and not find his distaste redirected towards the gas guzzlers in their metal cages who really think nobody else has a right to use the road.
Cyclist, London,
Mr Parris, do you irresponsibly want to encourage violence against other members of society, such as homosexuals for example? If there are irresponsible cyclists who occassionally drop litter in an inconsiderate way, I would suggest that as far as practises go, its not as revolting as some acts committed in public by other members of the community...
NPK, London, England
The article is a rather poorly written diatribe from someone who obviously needs therapy, and fast. I can imagine the bafoon sitting at his desk wondering what to write and then in desperartion sees an opportunity to co-join his obviouse and irrational hatred of cyclists with people who throw litter into hedgerows. As a cyclist I ride over 7000 miles a year mostly in groups. I have never and I mean never seen a cyclist throw so much as a sweet wrapper into the countryside let alone a can of drink. Perhaps if Mr Parris did his research he would know that cyclist carry drink bottles which contain drinks prepared at home. The bottles are taken home cleaned and refilled. Generally cyclists do not carry cans of drink around as they are too heavy! Mr Parris your irrisponsible and offensive article is an afront to all decent people whether cyclists or not.
Steuart Saunders, Bridgwater, Somerset
I don't think this is all from cyclists but I will say there are rude people in all aspects of life. I am an über bike nerd but throwing trash and not following traffic laws it not right.
Darren Weisz, Sioux Falls, USA, South Dakota
My daughters define a lycra-clad cyclist especially one past his or her prime as it were, as a "seedy".
Very apt
g davies, narrabeen , NSW
The comments in this article are well written for those of you that have commented in an almost knee-jerk reaction - perhaps you should re-read what is being said!!!
As a little helper
- Far from being a fat, unfit car driver the person you are being rude about is public spirited enough to go out and collect litter thrown by other people - he has analysed the resting place of this and has reached a reasonable conclusion that it is being left by cyclists.
Frankly I consider almost all road users to be inconsiderate and rude, with no consideration for each other be they cyclists, pedestrians, motorists etc etc - all have their faults - so before anyone cares to bicker any longer, try to be a bit better behaved yourself and hope that everyone can try a little harder.
Mr Parris, whilst your article has valid points you may wish to consider your skill at delivery!
Dominic Lambert, Witham, Essex, UK
I think the lucozade actually has more to do with drug-taking night club types. I was on a cycling holiday in Northern Ireland/Eire last year and the roadside was absolutely carpeted with lucozade - it looked almost like an advertising campaign. There are definitely not that many cyclists on the Northern Irish coastal roads - and my own theory is party-goers, although shops in N.I. do have refrigerated displays absolutely packed with Lucozade.
Andrew, York,
None of the group of cyclist's that I ride with litter. The other day when out for a ride I counted debris from 4 car accidents ( bumpers, windscreens and number plates etc.) These accidents are most likely to be from motorists hurtling round country lanes too fast. These are the biggest problem road users. If you have trouble overtaking cyclist's then should you be on the road yourself?
Nick, rugby,
Matthew Parris vs. BikeSnobNYC (http://bikesnobnyc.blogspot.com/) in a cage match. It's on. Winner brings home all the Spanish olives.
spokejunky, Charleston,
Follies from the Commons. A Traveller's Tale. With thanks to wikipedia.
Poor Matthew. Living in A Castle in Spain, Coping with the Soviet Union. Living An Outsider's Life in Politics. Became a Chance Witness and discovered a discarded can of Inca Kola. So Far So Good.
Using The King's English, he got a bit Off Message and went slightly Against the Law (I Wish I Hadn't Said That).
The Experts Speak - and Get It Wrong! There is A Treasury of Things Politicians Wish They Hadn't Said. Scorn with Extra Bile, Scorn with Added Vitriol,
Scorn: A Bucketful of Discourtesy, Disparagement, Invective, Ridicule, Impudence, Contumely, Derision, Hate, Affront, Disdain, Bile, Taunts, Curses and Jibes. Matthew, Look Behind You.
Great Parliamentary Scandals: Four Centuries of Calumny, Smear and Innuendo I Couldn't Possibly Comment.
Kevin, Bacup, Lancashire
Looks like the battle between cyclists, motorists and pedestrians rages on in other parts of the world.
Last year, I published an article on cyclist-motorist tensions in Woodside, California. There was enough controversy between cyclists and motorists there for me to actually worry about the safety of riding a bike: a local teacher commuting as a cyclist was struck and killed in 2005 by a drunk driver, a cycling fundraiser for ALS was voted down, and a cyclist who chucked a water bottle at a motorist missed and instead struck an elderly woman in the face, knocking her to the ground unconscious. All in the span of one year.
But most interactions between motorists and cyclists result in injury or death to the cyclist. No surprise there, and no beheadings necessary. Motorists must learn to EXPECT cyclists and SHARE the road, and cyclists have to ride in a paceline. It's that simple. It is Parris' article that is "smug", trying, but failing, to add humour to a serious issue.
Dr. Gregory T. Wright, Brewster, Massachusetts
think green, vote blue.
Was there really no way you could work your pathological hatred of the prime minister into this column?
Must try harder, Matthew.
herbert pocket, edinburgh,
Yawn. I believe they give the basic template for this piece to all who finish the third-rate columnist correspondence course. Simon Hoggart dusts it off once or twice a year as well.
I'm off now to lynch a few gays because I don't like their clothes or their quiches, then I'm going to get my BMX bike out and try the new pavement in front of the old folks home.
Paul Bowen, London, UK
I simply wish to register my disappointment at Matthew Parrisâ ill-informed and hate-provoking column. An apology would be the honourable course of action.
Gareth, Aberdeen, UK
Cyclops's point is well made. Journalists now work in an environment where they must prove that readers engage and respond. This is especially true of a columnist such as Parris. An online forum such as this is an effective measure of how well they perform against this requirement. Perhaps Matthew was a little short of his year-end target? He is an intelligent man and would know that cyclists rise to the bait every time.
Martin Hayman, London,
Ann Coulter and Matt Paris, two people who want to hurt others for not thinking how they do.
jon, charlottesville, USA/VA
As a Sustrans ranger whe spends a lot of time picking up litter either thrown out of cars or left by pedestrians, mostly teenagers, I find your article highly offensive Matthew. I think you should publish an apology for your ill-judged remarks.
Simon Geller, Sheffield, S. Yorks
Are you trying to incite a violent act Mr Paris? Very unbecoming of a politician!
Cyclists drinking from bottled drinks? Never. Bottles reused and held on the bike more like.
Do not forget that the vast majority of these lycra clad individuals are also motorists.
Besides, I would have thought you'd find the lycra bit, somewhat attractive perhaps yourself, or are you in some kind of denial?
What was your anti cyclist rant meant to achieve? Comedy? At your expense and credibility.
Steve, bristol,
I used to cycle as a teenager, but I did not consider myself above pedestrians in any way. I couldn't agree more with Matthew Parris's comments. Anyone who lives in London has been sworn at at least once by a cyclist, usually for the heinous crime of crossing the road at a pedestrian crossing. There is a cycle lane on my way to work which crosses the footpath. A big "give way" sign is painted onto the cycle path because it joins the road at that point, and the last time I checked pedestrians have a general right of way on footpaths. But every time I cross the path when a cyclist is even approaching, I get foul-mouthed abuse.
And the lycra on unfit middle-aged men out for a 2 km bike ride really is pathetic.
Freya, London,
If I didn't know you had a sense of humour, Matthew, I'd suggest your views might be indicative of the kind of reactionary jerk attracted to the Conservative Party of Thatcher.
Maybe you should have a go at "the gays" next ;)
Chris, Epsom,
Those defending Mr. Parris by saying that cyclists jump red lights and ride on the pavement (what? Both? That's, er, interesting) are missing the point. Mr. Parris isn't calling for "courtesy" from cyclists; he's asking for the indiscriminate beheading of a group based on a rather weak premise.
Collective punishment is SO last millennium, darling.
Elizabeth, London, UK
I commute 15 miles each way once or twice a week. I cycle "politely and non-aggressively". I wear bright colours, thank motorists who give me room and slow down for pedestrians. However, after another two near death experiences this week (cars cutting from inside lane to leave roundabout), I am investing in a helmet camera and will be reporting to the police, with video evidence, examples of dangerous driving. It's the only way to redress the balance between skin and bone and one and a half tons of poorly controlled metal.
Dr DP
(Car owner and tax payer)
Dr D Paul, Glasgow,
What can I say! Clearly Matthew Parris has issues! I cannot believe Mr Parris can be so ignorant, considering the amount of car drivers that throw litter from their cars and also the fact that energy products are used in every sport!
Steven Griffiths, Hornchurch,
I believe Matthew Paris is an out-and-out rascal, terminally untrustworthy and close to being unhinged. I said from the start that there was something wrong in his head, and each passing year convinces me more strongly that this man is a pathological confidence-trickster. To the extent that he even believes what he says, he is delusional. To the extent that he does not, he is an actor whose first invention â himself â has been his only interesting role.
Kevin Cahill, Bacup, Lancashire
Cyclists prefer SIS, High5 and Maxim last time I checked which they mix up themselves into a frame-mounted bidon (re-usable water bottle). Best of all and the most popular is good old tap water though Mr Parris! CHECK YOUR CYCLING FACTS.
Also. No serious lycra-clad helmet-wearing cyclist would ever carry a separate branded bottle or carton in their pocket because there are no pockets in lycra â duh?
Last time I checked - most people drinking Lucozade and Gatorade (sold in every supermarket) are unlikely to see their toes, god forbid a cycling helmet! The only people I see drinking Gatorade too are those driving home in their cars from the gym too.
Sam Hocking, Deal,
So car drivers don't throw out there fags into the street?
I think you have gone way of course with this obserd article .Peaple who'm throw out there litter on to the streets are just plainly un civil ,as a former lycra clad cyclist myself i always came back with my litter stuffed in my pockets or took care toget rid of it in a bin somewhere .What you say that you have witnessed is just a case some peaples lack of respect & education ,a sighn of the times maybe in a backwards direction ?
I think an apoligie is in order Mr Parris!
Philip ex pat, Pau, France
So Matthew thinks that buying Lycra gear causes global warming. How many pairs of Lycra tights would it take to equal the environmental impact of one Porsche Cayenne? And some cyclists may be irritating but none can match the driver of a huge 4WD reversing up to the gate of a local school a while ago. When challenged about the obvious danger to children he just said, "well they wouldn't be my children would they?"
Learn to do sums Matthew, or is it cool in your self-regarding metropolitan circle to say "Oh I was never any good at maths," and walk away from reality.
Chris Rust, Sheffield, England
Just registering my disapproval, not sure what the author was hoping to achieve with this other than upsetting and trying to alienate a vulnerable minority from his ill-informed and narrow minded clique.
I regularly ride on country lanes with my 8 year old son, and have to contend with speeding cars, broken bottles (cyclistâs again?), uncontrolled dogs, ignorant walkers (such as Matthew) and now piano wire?
Tongue in cheek or not, this is a very dangerous article to write. I hope the next physical attack on a cyclist is not spurned on by this article.
I suggest an apology and retraction is the least that can be expected.
Smith, Wrexham,
Did your wife leave you for a cyclist or something?
I would think about leaving the comedy to people who know what they're doing.
Dave, Hull,
There ARE in fact some rude, self-centered cyclists out there, just as there are far too many self-entitled motorists who are prepared to risk the life of a blameless bicyclist rather than sacrifice a few seconds in consideration of a fellow human being.
In promoting the prejudices of the biker-haters in print you have contributed to the selfish, narrow ways of thinking that are making our relations with one another more and more uncivil.
William Dennis, Salt Lake City, Utah, USA
Matthew, whats this! TV on standby, CD player humming and led lights everywhere. You are wasting electricity TURN IT ALL OFF AT NIGHT. It's a fire hazard too.
You could also save yourself a few quid a year by switching off.
Carol, Buckinghamshire, uk
Cyclists have their own bottles and bottle cages. Runners /joggers on the other hand have erm well hands, and when drink is empty?
Shaun Crowther, Jersey, Channel Islands
Don't you think the energy drink bottles were thrown from car windows by binge drinking youngsters ? you say country "lane" so I assume vehicular traffic exists.
Cyclists use bottles on their bikes that they do not discard. (unless racing in the TDF where souvenir hunters eagerly grab them)
Were you bullied at school, Mathew? or maybe you lacked the basic co-ordination required to ride a bicycle?
Alfred, London,
Isn't your rant ,Matthew, a fine example of the "bad manners" you wish to punish with piano wire booby traps. Get some exercise(a bike ride perhaps). Your mind will work much better as a result. Mike Brown,Fort Worth,Texas
Mike Brown, Fort Worth, Tx.
The reason cyclists ride two abreast is so that fat lazy car drivers who can't be bothered to take their foot of the accelerators and onto the brakes for a micro second can get past quickly and safely. 10 cyclist riding two abreast take up about the same length as a lorry but not as wide, if they were strung out in a line they would be the length of three lorries and take longer to get past. In a responsible club the man at the back lets the others know traffic is behind and then the rest will try their best to let the cars through quickly and safely. I have cycle'd a lot with various clubs and have yet to see anyone throwing bottles about. You see it in the tour de france but those bottles are picked up by the fans and kept as momento's. I also drive a car and ride a motorbike so I dont have an axe to grind against other road users but I would consider myself to be a courtious road user.
Les Sangster, Newcastle,
Nice rant but all a tad immature. You would be suprised at how high discarded cans and plastic bottles are thrown by pedestrians and please note that high energy drinks are not the preserve of cyclists. On a similar note, the rubbish strewn along the verges of our motorways either shows all motorists to be irresponsible litter louts or points to a significant minority amongst them that have no concept of public space. Are all ex Conservative MPs so ignorant of the world around them? Let's hope not.
Richard Noble, Norwich,
Shockingly ignorant and blatantly prejudiced. If sentiment like this was applied to other minority groups like racial minorities or religious groups this would count as incitement and presumably would result in a court case. Why a respected broadsheet journalist (and presumably his editor) felt it fit to publish this is beyond me. I think he needs to sort out his personal issues and understand where such repressed anger might come from.
Bruce Cairns, London,
Appaling attack on cyclists Mathew. There is no logic in your assertions regarding littering, carbon footprints and vile fibres. As for the incitment to hatred against a minority coming from yourself - oh dear!
Michael Gleeson, Birmingham, UK
I will not dignify Parris' article by trying to argue on the merits of his ravings. Suffice to say that he is displaying precisely the same self-righteous ignorance which he (wrongly) attributes to "cyclists" (as he seems to label all cyclists the same). Regrettably Parris has chosen the method of proposing murder to further his bigotry. And as far as I can tell from his ranting, he is not joking. I will certainly be writing to the Metropolitan Police to ask them to investigate this matter.
Stephen Psallidas, Newcastle, UK
Dear Matthew,
your insights into historical developments are great. What about a review of cycling and its role in forming modern society today, from paved roads to the Wright brothers.
Most cyclists I know use reusable water bottles - only the professionals trash them in a race. Suggesting violence against people who are practicing a technology that might hold a key to our future, not just our past, is not something that will help promote healthy change.
Garrett, Co. Louth, Ireland
Never mind the bikes. When is he going to stop telling NZ radio listeners that Northern Rock is a building society?
maurice, Tauranga, N Zealand
I travel approximately 20,000 miles a year on my local roadways, 7000-8000 of which are on my bicycle. I have seen bad behavior from cyclists and motorists alike. Rather than suggesting violent acts against one particular group, even if made in jest, why not take a more positive role in correcting the problems. You obviously have a public forum, through which you could educate the masses. There is no denying the power of words, use them wisely.
Brian Adams, Tucson, Arizona/USA
Dear Mr Parris,
I presume your comment of "A festive custom we could do worse than foster would be stringing piano wire across country lanes to decapitate cyclists." was meant to be humourous. Do you consider any of these incidents taken from the BBC News website to be homourous?
Thursday, 16 August 2007
A cyclist was thrown from his bike when he was caught in a metal wire trap strung across a road.
Friday, 7 July 2006
A cyclist has been treated for serious facial injuries after riding into a wire which was deliberately left strung across part of a Swindon park.
Saturday, 22 October 2005
An eight-year-old boy has been left with facial injuries after cycling into barbed wire fencing stretched across a road as part of a "prank", police said.
Tuesday, 5 August, 2003
A teenage BMX-rider is recovering in hospital after riding into a piece of wire deliberately stretched across a cycle route.
Will you be laughing the next time one of these incidents occurs?
DR, London, UK
I used to genuinely enjoy Matthew's wit and insight in print and on TV. Now I find out he wants me decapitiated.
Ouch.
Higs, Macclesfield,
There are enough unstable characters around to take your comments on board and act on them.
Live with it Mr. Parris.
Chris Penney, Bristol, UK
This article has caused a lot of anger amongst Britain's cycling community with many people saying (in cycling forums on the web) that they are making a formal complaint at the Press Complaints Commission, whilst others are making compaints to the police.
Mr Parris has clearly overstepped the mark here. I would speculate that he was either very angry at picking up a lot of litter, or had one too many when he wrote it. Why on earth he had an infantile rant against Lycra lord only knows? Its anly a material!
His mission was obviously to upset and intimidate cyclists. I think it will be he that comes out of this most upset and intimidated. I anticipate a robust response from well known cyclists such as Jon Snow (President of the Cyclist's Touring Club), Jeremy Paxman with both barrels, and of course an entertaining ripost from Boris.
Alan, South Oxfordshire, Lardyland
A surprising and vicious incitement to homicide. Imagine the reverse, an article in Cyclist's Monthly advocating that journalists be run over by cyclists and left to bleed to death. What's he playing at?
Alex, prenton,
"A festive custom we could do worse than foster would be stringing piano wire across country lanes to decapitate cyclists. "
A despicable and dangerous comment.
Noel Kelly, Surrey,
I'm a cyclist (and an owner of two cars). Smug? Me? I'll say I am. My journey from my home near Heathrow to Barnes ALWAYS takes me 40 minutes by bike whereas, if I'm very lucky it might take as 'little' as that in the car, and this can be achieved all without going through red lights OR going up pavements - I know, because that's how I ride. Oh yes, and it costs me a couple of new tyres per annum.
Do I pay for the roads? Yes, through the car I'm leaving parked on my drive and by being a UK tax-payer on two incomes, so which one of us is the greater threat to road-using society?
Am I insured? Yes, by being a CTC member.
Do I drop litter? No, but let me know where you live and I'll reciprocate in the spirit of Christmas
If you want to garotte someone smug, perhaps you could set your wire at Master Of The Hounds head height.
Chris Green, Hounslow, UK
Online journalists rule number 23: If your hit count is low, slag off cyclists - they'll respond.
Ok, I'll bite.
1. Carbon footprint on clothing and helmets? So you own nothing from China - they only make cycling gear do they? Most cycling clothes come from Italy incidentally. I trust you car was made locally in Hampstead.
2. I don't know any cyclist that carries cans around - they don't fit in the bottle racks. We pour them into plastic bottles before we leave.
3. So the journey is unnecessary - apart from the health benefits and enjoyment. Is every journey you make of vital importance? Do you really have to make that trip to the theatre - couldn't you just read the play? Most of my miles are commuting.
4. It's due to anti-cycling media that we treated badly by drivers. A consequence of this I spent Christmas Eve in casualty with a broken nose, wrist and twelve stitches after a hit and run. But don't worry, you hit count is up and that's what's important
REN, Cardiff,
Mr Parris would now be in prison if he made these remarks attached to a person of colour or of a different religious view to his own. There must be a cyclist somewhere legally trained in a position to make this man amendable for this statement.
John Buckley, Belfast, Ireland
It's all because the Lycra squeezes all the testosterone into the bloodstream when pedalling. This causes their messianic delusions that they have a right to ignore all traffic laws (red lights, zebra crossings), delay all other road users and run over pedestrians stupid enough not to jump out of the way. The sooner oil runs out and lycra, chain oil, and rubber tyres are banned the better. Well said, Matthew.
asmith, Epsom, UK
Cyclists, Padestrians, Motorists, Horse riders, all are as bad as each other when it comes to the laws & rules of the road.
I love Mr Parris ideas of it being cyclists & cyclists only! Its like me saying only former tory mp's drop rubbish on the streets of Merseyside... Baffoon
Tim, Liverpool, UK
How ridiculous that the cyclists feel they have the same or more right-of-way on the roads. Roads were not built for the cyclists or walkers, but for vehicles, whether they began as dirt roads for horse-drawn carts or multi-lane highways for automobiles. Ride on the roads at your own risk on your bicycles and stay out of the way of motorized vehicles. The automobiles should have the rights to the roadways.
Marcella, Ohio, U.S.A.
I'm amazed that Mr Parris can complain of others' self-righteousness.
Will, Farnham,
I wonder if you substitute homosexuals for cyclists you would have even considered writing anything this poisonous?
dexey, Birmingham, England
Editor, on the evidence of this demented and offensive rant, Mr Parris is clearly in need of a holiday - please make it a long one.
Alistair, London, UK
Yourself - In answer to your article's headline. Your text just displays your ignorance and dislike towards the cycling population. Your very sterotypical report shows a total disregard for cyclist' safety and even promotes the decapitation of them. Is your hatred channeled towards riders as you yourself cannot even ride a bike? Perhaps your just big headed? It would seem so. Thus making yourself top heavy and therefore rendering you useless to keeping yourself balanced on our prefered mode of transport?
lloyd , soton,
I'd always considered Parris an articulate, intelligent and well-informed commentator. Not any more. I'm not a cyclist but I found the remarks made in his latest column both outrageous and offensive. To call for the decapitating and public lynching of any group of people - even in jest - is an affront to any right minded person. When Muslim extremists demonstrating in London against the Danish cartoons made similar remarks, there was quite rightly a minor public outcry. Parris's remarks are no different. The fact that they're made by a nice white middle class male on the pages of an august publication makes no difference. They're quite simply unacceptable in this day and age.
Andrew Williams, Worcester,
What you say is utter rubbish. Do you think you are funny saying "A festive custom we could do worse than foster would be stringing piano wire across country lanes to decapitate cyclists"? Or have you really got that little a brain? I ride bikes, both on and off road, I ride on the roads to get to work, and off road, as a leasure activity. I also do not litter the countryside with plastic bottles, as I, and almost all the people I ride with use camelbaks, and so refill them with water when we get home, thus causing no litter or damage to the environment.
you may be a fat, unfit, car driving lout, but that most definantly does not make you better than us cyclists.
Also, taking the mick out of helmets? Are you one of these 'hard men' that think if you wear a helmet, then you're gay or something?
Disregard for other road users? Excuse me, I have as much right to use the road as you or any other car driver does, and usually its the car drivers that couldn't care less for the cyclist.
Sam, London,
Make a list of people you dont like. Round them up and kill them.......sounds like a time in history that many people fought and died to ensure it never happened again
Alan, W Yorks,
What a joke, a bike vs a car cmon! How about every cyclist refuses to buy any magazine/paper that you contribute to then maybe you lose your usefulness to your boss and you will have to ride a bike and then see road use from the other side of the fence. Been riding for 30years never once taken a can with me but been knocked off, yelled at, screamed at, beeped at, bullied more times than I can remeber, and with articles like that fuelling a new fire to kill cyclists in a new way what a joke.
Nick Slim, Glos, UK
The fleeting mention by Matthew Parris of piano wire should not obscure the genius of last Thursday's column with its description of his sitting room, seen and heard from the vantage point of a sofa in the early hours. I once attended the initial session of a creative writing course. The strong injunction to students was to "write what you know about". You could hardly have a better example here. Furthermore regarding the scores of Catalans who have descended on Mr Parris for the festive season, I have just returned from a visit to the new and impressive Historia de Catalunya interpretive exhibition by Barcelona's waterfront. If the story told there over five floors of audio visual displays is even half correct then Matthew would be well advised to turn his powers to an explanation as to why this tiny nation should have spawned such an awesome supply of creative and original talent.
Councillor Ron Sands, Lancaster.
Ron Sands, Morecambe, Lancashire, England
I was quite simply shocked at the views expressed. The journalist just shows his ignorance - how little does he know about cycling. Cycling is, albeit slowly, becoming the preferred mode of transport - a more acceptable alternative to the car. The proportion of cyclists that cycle in lycra is probably quite small and the proportion of cyclists that throw bottles into a hedge, at car window height, even smaller.
Sarah Wood CTC right to ride representative for Ru, Farnborough, Hants
Matthew Parris is a conundrum. Just look at this article, which has sparked fury and calls for his arrest and sacking from the Times. And the first half of his article was indeed horrific. And then you read the last part, quite lyrical and beautifully written, with that brilliant quote from George Eliot. When Matthew writes about the need for a secular society and an end to faith schools, he is brilliant, cogent and stylish. He can also be witty and light of touch when writing about parliament. Then he screws it up with sudden abusive and violent articles attacking our decent politicians in intemperate terms, accusing them of insanity and corruption, calling on opponents to kick their heads in and insulting them. He becomes the clunking fist of journalism. Then he switches again, and does a beautiful light piece on hair washing or heat pumps or llamas or the joys of Catalonia. What a rattle-bag of conflicting sensibilities is the Parris!
Tony, London,
I would hate to jump to conclusions as Matthew Parris has done in his diatribe against cyclists on December 27, but I would guess he is just a little biased in his attitude towards those who choose to travel on two wheels. Why does he assume that the bottles of soft drinks he found in the hedge 'at cyclist level' were thrown there by cyclists; few cyclists I now would ever take fizzy stuff like Lucozade and Gatorade on rides unless they wanted bellyache throughout the journey. Chocolate and other sugar loaded snacks are similarly not cyclists' snacks of choice because they simply don't help in giving the kind of energy needed by cyclists. So why the spleen? Maybe he's spent too long reporting the spite and bile of what passes as debate in Parliament and ought to get some fresh air on a bike.
Graham Large, Hampton, England
I feel robbed of the five minutes it took to read this drivel.
I demand a refund.
Frank Booth, London,
All the cans & bottles I've seen flying through the air into hedgerows at "cyclist level" have been tossed from the windows of passing cars & vans, some of them aimed at walkers & cyclists. But doubtless Mr. Parris considers that to be one of the inalienable rights of motorists, like the right to dump fridges, furniture, builders rubble & the like at the sides of rural lanes, drive down those same winding lanes, with their multiple blind corners & lack of verges or pavements, at 60 miles an hour, talk on their mobile phones while studying their satnavs, jump red lights, & drive on pavements (NB. more pedestrians are killed by motor vehicles on pavements in the average year than by cycles in a decade), all of which appear to be pretty normal behaviour in Berkshire. Somehow, none of this offends him as much as someone getting out in the fresh air & getting some exercise.
BTW, isn't incitement to violence against the law? Where's the CPS when you need it?
Paul, Reading,
Brilliant article Matthew. Cyclists are the most selfish people in our society-taking and demanding more and more room on our roads yet not paying a penny in VED. Then we're expected to be grateful to them for "saving the planet" while they are swearing at pedestrians while riding on the footpath. Don't let me start on them jumping red traffic lights. There's an internet campaign running to discredit your writing and report you to the police for inciting murder, so stick to your guns.
Ravenbait, Scotland, UK
Neither funny or correct. Cycling clothing is pretty much ALL man made fibre. Cyclist, as a whole, dont use cans or luc