Matthew Parris
2 for 1 tickets to Casablanca, this coming Monday
I knew the news was serious when the Today programme cancelled me yesterday morning. I had been booked for five minutes of not-too-heavy exchanges, just before the BBC radio programme's end at 9am. The subject was the emerging results of Thursday's mayoral and local government elections in England and Wales.
I did wonder at the choice of me, for I know my place. Think “thoughtful/amused/discursive” - the ideal guest, say, for an item concerning a talking dog that could bark “Boris” when asked who should be mayor of London. But for a coach-crash election killing hundreds of Labour councillors and leaving a Prime Minister in intensive care, Parris is not necessarily your man. “Measured”, “sombre”, “insider” would be the programme-assistant's watchwords. “Careless”, “facetious”, “outsider” are mine.
So the call at 8.30 (“events have rather overtaken us”) did not surprise or offend, and I had brewed myself a cup of coffee and sat down at my laptop to opine.
Opine. “All newspaper opinion-writers ever do,” someone once remarked, “is come down from the hills after the battle is over, and bayonet the wounded”. From the hills this morning, now that those elections are over, it is our job to descend, and discharge the grisly task.
I cannot say I enjoy taking a kick at the already-humbled. Memories of being a Tory at elections during the dog-days of John Major's bloodied but still-twitching administration are too strong. On Thursday night, while the results came in, I sat from 10 until 3 in the BBC's Westminster studios at Millbank as one of Richard Bacon's panel of guests on Radio 5 Live. Joining us at different times were two Cabinet Ministers, Ed Miliband and Andy Burnham, and these capable and public-spirited men looked so tired and shell-shocked that it seemed gratuitous to crow, and still does.
Mr Miliband said the message Labour had now to get across was how different and dangerous were the Tories, who deeply hated government and wanted to cut it wherever they could. Mr Burnham said the message Labour had now to get across was how David Cameron and George Osborne were just shallow copycats with no philosophy of their own - their ideas and plans merely aping new Labour. I didn't have the heart to put to Mr Burnham what Mr Miliband had said.
But my reticence arises from more than squeamishness. For commentators and politicians alike, now the battle is lost and the Labour casualties groan in the mud, begins a fortnight of po-faced nonsense in which few of us really believe. We shall be filling columns, and Labour MPs will be filling interviews and speeches, with every kind of advice except the thing we suspect to be true: the judgment that takes only two words to deliver, one of which I shall avoid in print.
To that in a moment. But oh with what beard-stroking solemnity we shall avoid saying this. With what moustache-twiddling ceremoniousness shall we insist on what we know to be twaddle. Prepare yourself then for a great barrage of phrasemaking that will involve the endless repetition, in no particular order, of the following thoughts, typically conjoined with Gordon Brown's name:
wake-up call
message from the electorate
take it on the chin
listen to voters
learn lessons
heed concerns
need for change
get back in touch
sharpen up the act
show contrition
find a new narrative
feel their pain
show humility
understand more
blitz of initiatives
sense of purpose
simpler messages
sharpen the argument
clearer sense of direction
relaunch/refocus/rediscover/
redefine/repair/refresh/reshuffle/rethink/renew
begin fightback
still two years left
The general wisdom that Labour politicians will anticipate and themselves propose will be, in short, that on Thursday large parts of the British electorate told their Labour Government to pull up its socks, and put it on notice of a general election defeat if it failed to do so.
Sadly, this is a total misreading. On Thursday the voters told Labour to - well, let us say “push off”. By their votes and abstentions they indicated that they don't like the Government any more. They said they've gone off the new Prime Minister in a big way. They didn't mention anything about being ready to change their minds and I don't for a moment believe they are disposed to.
It's over. There was nothing constructive in the voters' message. These elections were not an invitation to change. They were a big two-fingered salute, a raspberry, a pressing of the de-trousered national buttocks to the window of the polling station. The voters are bored, tired, disillusioned and out of love. The affair, which in 1997 was (for the British people) uncharacteristically intense, is over, and the falling out is correspondingly bitter. Such flames are not rekindled - and certainly not by Mr Brown, whose personal stamp characterises this administration.
This columnist's advice to the Parliamentary Labour Party is therefore simple. Give up. With the leader you've got and led as you are, all is lost.
And there's a second strand to the duff commentary that will be assailing us from today onwards. Having denounced Mr Brown and all his works, pronounced him terminally useless, doubted his ability to get his show back on the road and hinted that he has personality flaws so deep as to doom his premiership, many commentators are going on to say that there can “of course” be no thought of a challenge to his leadership. Labour's rules are too complicated and cumbersome, they say. Labour MPs “lack the killer instinct” shown by Tories and “don't do regicide”. The advice is then concluded with the suggestion that the Party will just have to get behind its leader as best it can, stop rocking the boat, rediscover discipline and carry on to the bitter end hoping for an improvement that the writer has offered reasons for doubting Mr Brown will ever be capable of. I was guilty of this myself last week.
Gee, thanks, Mr Columnist. So I'll end by challenging this wisdom, though my challenge is ventured hesitantly and with no great confidence.
It is possible to get bogged down in technical wisdom and miss the obvious. Colleagues don't walk willingly into the bonfire, whatever the rules may say. If it becomes clear to most where the path is leading then one way or another a means may be found to abort the journey. I have no idea who might challenge Mr Brown, or how; but, reasoning backwards from an outcome that many of his tribe must wish for, my instinct is that a way to produce it might be found. Things happen. Where there's a will, there's a bayonet.
Matthew Parris joined The Times as parliamentary sketchwriter in 1988, a role he held until 2001. He had formerly worked for the Foreign Office and been a Conservative MP from 1979-86. He has published many books on travel and politics and an autobiography, Chance Witness, for which he won the 2004 Orwell Prize. His diary appears in The Times on Thursdays, and his Opinion column on Saturdays
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Fabulous piece, Matthew. But the decay was spreading long before Brown took over, hidden by Blair's gleaming teeth. It was Blair who insisted from the start that Labour should look hyperactive, leading to the blizzard of 'inishertives', laws, bans and taxes which we now, sadly, take for granted.
PaulD, Essex, England
"gratuitous to crow" .. . oh no it is not.
Never mind just sticking in the bayonet, give it a twist.
Having said that both Boris and Cameron were good at resisting hubris after the election results. Good for them, but I am not a politician.
TrevorH, OXON,
In over 5,500 succinct words and comments, the dreaded "W (for WAR) word" is not mentioned once and the dreaded "T (for TREATY) word" is in a buried 'comment'. "WHAT WAR? WHAT SOVEREIGNTY?". In this warped , brave NuLab One World they don't exist, but 'the wages of treacherous sins' did on 1/05/08.
Robert Henry, LONDON, UK
excellent piece Matthew
i`m 42 , still can`t get on property ladder because, housing is given to immigrants who`ve just got off the plane and contributed NOTHING to this country, while I, year after year after year pay more in taxes, cost of living, and watch phoney labour hand it to..IMMIGRANTS!!
Matt, Horley, ENGLAND
Not much to add but at least gordon brown had the decency of a media blackout on polling day in the papers and on tv.had blair still been in power would things have been democratic?
That said every word written on these message boards is still not enough to express the loathing that i feel forbrown
robert, hants,
Brown needs to do a Keegan ("I'm just not up to politics at this level") or hold a General Election. It just might work. Many of us who have voted Tory before despise Cameron and might note vote for him
Tony, rochester, UK
Brown has betrayed the public and consequently he has lost our trust for good. Labour now stares into the abyss and prolonging the agony for another two years will mean capitulation at the next election, spending decades in the political wilderness. Labour are finished altogether, even if Brown quits.
Paul, West Midlands,
Voters don't like Brown because he's a usurper. Blair, despite his manifest faults, was elected in 2005 to serve a full term as PM. By the autumn of 2006 the Brownites were conspiring to eject him, and they succeeded six months later. Brown seized power in a coup, and the electorate resents it.
Martyn, London, UK
Blair3 (D.Miliband) is their only hope against Blair2(D.Cameron). At least 100 Labour MPs will now realise their well rewarded sinecures have a 2 year life with Brown and start the revolt.
Tony Gee, London,
Hey you lot [government], get a move on the last bus is going!
Bob, warrington, cheshire UK
One result says it all, North Tyneside, a seismic shift, everything else is mere detail. This is in an area where had Brady and Hindley been the Labour candidates they would, untill recently been returned with a massive majority.
John Jobling, Melrose,
Matthew is 100% right. Labour has to take drastic action, otherwise defeat in 2010 is certain. Brown out, Miliband in, and an immediate election (while Tory lead in the polls is still soft) so that Cameron and Osborne's plans for the economy can be scrutinised properly.
Roy Pinney, Weston Super Mare,
When I grew up during Thatcher's reign there was a lot of talk of "the natural party of government". The last few years have taught me that any party that cannot quickly despatch a rogue, or hopeless leader, is not the natural party of government.
Paul, stafford,
Years ago I bumped into Mr. Parris in a hardware store in Bakewell. I observed that he'd bought some varnish and some bits and pieces of decorating material. Mr. Parris is obviously just the man to give New Labour a quick 'makeover'. The varnish may keep the rain off but won't conceal the cracks
Dr. Jimmy, Nottingham, England
Great piece Matthew. However I feel that the Scottish argument is not far from reality. Apart from Gordon Brown, how many other Scots are there in this government.....? Exactly..!
Rupert, Masham, N.Yorks, UK
And, by the way Matthew, in addition to I shall not flinch from and My vision remains unchanged, watch out for the number of times well hear bad things prefixed with the word global and good things prefixed with the word prudent.
And since this mornings reading, my Labour Party "lessons have been learned" counter has now clocked up 108 clicks, following the foot and mouth outbreak from Pirbright in 2007.
Theo Nelson, South Hams,
Familiarity breeds contempt, and we have become very familiar with labour over the last decade, In much the same way that we were very familiar with the tories a decade before. I suspect that this is the case now and will be the case in the future. Giant Douche or Turd Sandwich (South Park anyone?)
Gus, London, England
What if Brown doesn't respond by holding off the next General Election . Just suppose he calls it next week. This would look brave , perhaps to the point of recklessness, but also principled. He would be the underdog. Imagine he won , even by a whisker. 5 more years. Cameron R.I.P.
John, Southampton,
Well the elephant in this particular room is IMMIGRATION, forget the 10p tax business it's being used as a smokescreen by those in the Labour party to advance left wing causes.
What's Gordons solution, build 3m houses to house immigrants (theyre the one who have the most points.
keith, newcastle,
I love the recipes for rediscovery of popularity and simple explanations for this disaster - "its the 10p tax wot dun it". Sorry - no listening, apologising, leadership challenge or appeal to the almighty will change Labour's electoral fortunes. The next 2 yrs will be one long death rattle.
Mark, Berkhamsted,
Mr (Tiny Dot) Bean, Mr "call me Dave" Cameron, Mr Cleggover and now Braying Boris - what a precious quartet. Each one of them qualifies for David Lloyd George's dismissive description of Neville Chamberlain. "He'd make a passable Lord Mayor of Birmingham - but only in a bad year".
JLN, Ashford Middlesex, UK
Flawed at the end. Mr Brown will not be challenged in any meaningful way, as another palace coup will invite an immediate General Election, which will only bring the bonfire forward.
If I were Brown, I would have an election now, and watch the other lot divide on what to do on the EU treaty.
Damien, Monchengladbach, Germany
Matthew, I used to love reading the great Bernard Levin and have a couple of his books plus a collection of his columns: you are in danger of carrying his mantle into the future. It could not sit on the shoulders of a better intellect or at the nib of a greater writer. Well said.
Philip Franklin, Wellesbourne, Warks, UK
An entertaining piece as ever.
My first thought on hearing that New Labour intended listening to the electorate was to wonder whether said goal might be achieved in their minds through increased snooping on emails and bugging of telephone calls.
rob smith, london,
Thanks Matthew,
However I remember all of the local elections when the Saintly Margaret was told what the Public thought of her policies and their effects on poor hard-working people. I also remember that her cheerleaders in the media always revived the ghastly corpse.
thomas quintin crimp, Basingstoke, england
woooow there - hold on everyone. We should be reminded that the recent years of prosperity, economic growth and low inflation has been soley due to the wise and prudent fiscal policies of Gordon Brown, but this unfolding economic catastrophe is entirely due to external global events....(ahem)
Peter Harvey, Malvern,
Two clear messages:
1. The Tories did not win: Labour were slaughtered. The real message from the electorate is coming from the 65%, who didn't bother to vote and in those many who destroyed their ballot paper: votes for none of the above.
2. Boris was elected to get rid of Red Ken.
Peter W, London,
Matthew Parris and Boris have several characteristics in common. Both are decent, honest men. I've never voted Tory but I could vote for either of them.
I don't believe Gordon deserves this misery. He's too cerebral for a modern day PM. He is vastly superior to Blair but lacks vital charisma. Shame
Brian Hill, Edinburgh, Scotland
Matthew, If Brown and Labour are so discredited how is it that Dave and George have pledged to continue their spending policies for two years in the event of the Etonians getting power.
Bulllingdon Bill, Basingstoke, england
Interesting piece. Particularly liked your remark "How different and dangerous" Now when did we hear that sentiment before? How long before we hear the words "Clear blue water" etc?
It's almost like 1995 revisited.
Mister Jones, Nanaimo, Canada
You Tories are entitled to gloat Mr Parris, but the New Labour Project just continued where you had left off, with selling off the family silver, running down the industrial base and encouraging households to take on ridiculous amounts of debt. PFI was a Tory idea, as was the millennium tent.
Paul, Coventry,
Problems for New Labour, include:
-Party are in as much debt as country
-Country is in as much debt as Labour Party
-People are in huge debt to banks and Building Societies
-Banks will take hit on falling property interests
-The fag end of business cycle is here, on time
-SNP pincer movement
pondy, Berwickshire, Scotland
Jodro, Cambridge, UK
Blair and Brown created New labour after Old Labour was finished by Thatcher. It was Thatcher who indirectly created New labour. As far Tories under Cameron ,he is practising the 'one nation Toryism, the liberal kind' which Disraeli created
ages ago. The tax cuts will come
Gary, LONDON,
If the message was that clear why do the Conservatives need 30 million of Lord Ashcrofts money. The effect is that there is little difference in what the Conservatives will do-hence large sums have to be spent foelmouthing new Labour.
Malcolm Perry, Stroud Glos, U.K.
I find the 10 p tax "excuse" implausible. It is inconceivable that Treasury wonks had not foretold the income brackets of those taxpayers destined to lose the most by this change. Maybe the Chancellor thought the general election would return Labour before anyone discovered the effect of the change
David Yates, Cambridge,
Douglas Bell - "...the difference is that Brown is Scottish and to many in England that is his worst crime...".
Er, no Douglas. We don't share about your chippy obsession with nationallity. Brown has many more things to answer for.....: try pension robbery and a surveillance society for starters.
Jonas , Shrewsbury,
Aaaah the glorious days of the 1980s :- record bankruptices, record house repossessions, record un-employment, record interest rates.
With the cameron crew wont we just get more of the same.?
Its the Global Economy stupid.!!!!!
brian bunting, Chorley Lancs, united kingdom
David Milliband would probably make a better Labour Leader. Labour current position is a result of a very few things:
1) The Economy could crash without truly clever intervention
2) Cameron is broadly photogenic and not scary
3) Brown is not Photogenic
4) No one has said sorry for Iraq
Ian Powell, London, UK
Even the Tories lack the killer instinct to dump a leader in less than a year. But it was Iraq which ended the love affair with Labour.
Peter Kirk, Chelmsford, UK
The mantra of the electorate is "Gordon Brown, go back to your (Scottish) constituency, and prepare for opposition."
Brian Roberts , Plymouth, Devon UK
Just watched the movie Downfall about Hitler in his bunker as everything on the outside was collapsing. This seems to be the British political scenario for the next two years.
Paul Odtaa, Richmond, UK
'Push off' was indeed the message and just to make sure it was Wales of all places that truly delivered it.
figurewizard, Petersfield, UK
Nice one Matthew!
R James, Clifton, UK
I don't know why every one is getting hot under the collar we will all be told by Brussels what we can and cannot do in fact to a very, very large degree we already are, what party is in (what word can I use here not power thats for certain as the power is now in Brussels) "goverment" is no longer
Syd, Leeds, u
Socialism, the religion that killed 100 million in the 20th century, largely through starvation caused by their economic illiteracy and sociological stupidity. Don't let them get the knife again.
Steve, Cambridge,
sadly until a political party re-invents UK politics we will have a middle ground party in power - red or blue.. and true democracy will suffer.. neither the main partties are noted for their listening to the country once they achive power. True accountability to the electorate must be instilled.
zugerman, zurich, switzerland
To Douglas Bell of Argyll: You say: "The difference is that Brown is Scottish. " Blair is also Scottish.
Andrew May, De Panne, Belgium
I was already grinning with great satisfaction about the inevitable election results (I know it was a bit mean to grin whilst those proverbial bayonets hovered over the mortally wounded, but I just couldn't help myself). This article made me giggle out loud.
LOVE this Parris guy! :)
Kathy C, London, UK
Matthew, it is indeed true that the New Labour ship has run it's course and now appears to be sinking into the depths to join past governments. You do a great service in masterly commentating the sheer failure of a government which is proven now to be as flawed as it is hypocritical.
Edward Rivers, London,
The thing that really annoys me about this result is that such a strong showing that no-one wants this government in power is just going to keep them from calling a general election for as long as possible - I wish somebody had the bottle to start a vote of no confidence and force an election
Jonathan, Bolton,
From the moment Gordon strode manfully to the podium to accept his "election" as PM, this expanding man with the short legs reminded one of a fully pumped ballon just as the air starts to escape. He flustered and blustered around.
But now he's landed.
Brompeter, Fulchester,
How long before we hear Gordon Brown saying, 'Leadership is my passion, but listening is my priority.'?
Erol, Brighton, UK
You missed one mantra, Matthew ....."It was the 10p tax, Guv"!
R Green, Redland, UK
much as i dont care for brown it was blair who got us into iraq, opened the doors for unlimited immigration... the difference is that as brown is scottish and to many in england that is his worst crime. we will see how good the country will be under cameron - i doubt very much difference sadly
douglas bell, argyll, scotland
Matthew, like a good burgundy - no, a very good burgundy - just keeps on getting better. It is wonderful how a career as a misfit politician has set up another career as a masterly commentator on the follies of politics. Please don't ever give up.
steve-roberts, Leicester,
Matthew I hate to put thoughts into your mind that perhaps are already there but the joy and pleasure felt by seeing this incompetent, pompous, self-righteous government being given the boot must be slightly tinged by the realisation that deep down all politicians are of the same breed.
Doug George, Chester, England
Quite correct Matthew - Labour have had it. The public are sick of this authoritarian government with its snouts in the trough. Nu Labour is a threat to democracy. And Gordon Brown still keeps on talking about imprisonment for 42 days without a charge. Bact to higher standards please.
Ian Burgess, Bristol,
Doesn't matter what politicians say, in the end they are true to type. Labour is tax and spend. People are feeling the pain of high taxation on top of rampant inflation in food and fuel prices. But you can't turn this round in a couple of years, no matter who is in charge. It's time for a change.
andrew, swindon,
Mr Brown and his politically correct, spend free, out of touch, Utopian, liberal middle class socialists should get out of office. Over the last 10 years they have destroyed everything which is recognizable about Britain. Cool Britannia was just spin. I deplore Labour for what they have done.
Andrew Tagg, Halifax, UK
Amazing to see so many old-style Tories parading the "Labour is about tax and spend" rubbish'
Jodro, Cambridge, UK
How much have taxes gone up? How much has public spending ballooned? And how much crippling debt is the country in?
So yes it is tax and spend, and we are starting to see the cost
Steve, Norwich, UK
How I wish I could write like Mr Parris. There is nobody to match him in the British press for wit, clarity of thought and incisive prose.
Mr mcKeever, brimingham, england
If Gordon Brown actually beleived what he says when he tells us that he wants to listen and give the nation the best deal, then why doesn't he simply go? Call an election and let the party in who generated the wealth base on which he rode so long (and for which he falsly claimed responsibility).
David L, Brussels,
We don't have to wait to see if the Tories 'say one thing and do another.' Boris now has to do what he promised. There are two years to judge the Tories in power. Lets see if Boris cuts off all the funding for the ethnic pressure groups that Ken relied on to keep him in power. Let the sacking begin.
bert, islingtown,
The British tax payer is drowning in a sea of taxes in order to pay for low quality public services. How did he British electorate allow themselves to be fooled by New Labour?
If house prices fall this will be the final nail in the New Labour coffin.
Good riddest to New Labour!!!
Costas, Cyprus,
When Governments begin to inconvenience the voters through rare rubbish collections, lack of GPs, post office queues, claiming tax credits instead of tax cuts this is when they strike back with venom.
mike lincoln, wakefield,
The in-word these days is- We will now listen/ we need to reflect after these results. I remember the tories saying EXACTLY the same thing in 97. So even nu labour is stealing their words after a defeat let alone policies.
John, Essex, UK
Labour, the 20th century party whose time is up. Yes push off, and take the sad lumpen relics of socialism with you. Be gone.
Victor, London, UK.
Increasingly Gordon Brown reminds me of Robert Mugabe and he will try to cling to power no matter what sneaky undemocratic trick he has to perform. ZaNuLabor cannot survive without Brown and he knows it. During the next two years you will see a raft of measures to buy votes at the tax-payers expense
Roger Davies, Aberdovey, United Kingdom
Brilliant as ever Matthew!
I well remember how last year you wrote that Brown needed a quick election or it would be downhill all the way. How right you are.
Brown is finished and so is NuLab. Please tell Simon Heffer when you see him. With this Dave/Boris victory so are Cassandras like him.
Adrian Gilbert, Tonbridge,
Now we can assess where Gordon Brown's priorities lie. Self, party, country. Or country, party, self.
If the latter he will quit for the greater good for which he was put on this earth by his father.
If the former he will vainly cling on for personal vanity.
Over to you Mr Brown.
Ubi, Edinburgh, UK
Brown, amiable enough for a Parish life, was never meant for national exposure - an ambition too far - won through the back door. He should go now, back through the same door and let country, we the electorate, expose our dire amibition for another Government. He's had his moment.
John, Denmead, England
Agreed, to Gordon Brown .........just go and good riddence, Labours legacy has been the dumbing down and dilution of Britain in every sense, I now abhor Labour with a passion.
Charles, Mumbai, India
With the ecconomy going down the pan and duff Brown in charge, it is a worrying time for us all.
But who would take his place in the Labour party ?
Brown should quit, take his Lordship and let the country go to the polls. Alas I suspect he will cling on and we will have 2 years of decline.
roger, london,
Amazing to see so many old-style Tories parading the "Labour is about tax and spend" rubbish. People don't want to go back to cuts in taxes and services. The UK has become a social democrat country. The reason Labour was bludgeoned is because it ended up passing the Tories to the right.
Jodro, Cambridge, UK
Gutless Gordon is said to be an intelligent man, I am not sure of this, an intelligent man would have seen this coming & would not have treated his employers with such abrasive disdain.In my opinion his knowledge of politics was mistaken for intellect, he should have read the blogs, it was all there
maggie millington, brittany, france
"...Mr Miliband said the message Labour had now to get across ..." I clearly recall the NuLabor voices after the last general election, when the results were sufficient, but still a great loss to them. "We have to learn the lessons.." "We hear what people are saying.." Deja vu, but with a vengeance?
S. Barraclough, Huddersfield, W. Yorkshire
The nation is tired of government and instinctively knows that, if the Torys stand for anything, it is less of it.
Arnold Ward, Weybridge, Surrey, UK
Brown says he will listen to the people. The people's message is that he should go. Have we really got to put up with two more years of this man's insufferable conceit that he is economically competent, when in reality he is a binge borrower relying on chinese sweat shops to suppress inflation.
Peter, Wetherby, UK
"Mr Burnham said the message Labour had now to get across was how David Cameron and George Osborne were just shallow copycats with no philosophy of their own "
I think you'll find that's YOU Mr Burnham. By the way, Labour don't have the personalities to 'fight back'.
judy, Liverpool, England
TAX, TAX, TAX, WASTE, WASTE, WASTE - It isn't called Labour for nothing......
Adrian, aldershot, England
It's simple, and much more than irritation over a 10p tax band. The electorate have woken up, smelt the coffee and voted against the setting up of a Stalinist state.
Martin, Newmarket, Suffolk
As a former Labour councillor in Tipton I was once faced with just the sort of problem or OPPORTUNITY as I prefer to call it, as Gordon faces now. I overcame a substantial Tory lead with sheer hard work, on the doorstep and even on the forecourt of my car dealership.Courage mon brava!
Lee Marklew, Birmingham, UK
Thank you Matthew.Vengence is mine say the brassed- off.
It matters little what commentators say on such an enjoyable subject ,and the highjinks to come.
You carry on with the bayonet and we will shoot the stretcher bearers and puncture the Ambulance's tyres.
10p for the ferryman and fun for all.
robert everitt, wolverhampton,
Brown needs only do one thing to reverse all of this. Turn the Labour Government into a Labour Government and get rid of all the neo-Conservative Blairite fakery. At the moment the population thinks - 'We seem to have an ideologically Tory Government anyway, so we might as well have a real one'.
eric campbell, harrogate, uk
It must be difficult for the cameroons to get motivated. Why produce policies when the Prime Minister keeps re-loading the revolver and pressing it to his instep? Road tax 09 - watch this space...
john miller, Bromley,
The Bloodless Coup perpetrated by Mr Brown and his tawdry cronies is a prime cause of his bad night. Driven by ambition and lust for power his gang have hounded out and replaced a popular leader and his team with an unelected cabal who have no policies except less plastic bags and self-advancement.
David, Crewe, UK
Too many people are saying that the Tories don't have any plans.
Oh yeah? How about Swedish school choice, pushing back the "on the sick" crowd, and "broken windows" policing? Cold turkey for BBC-drugged Britain.
Conservatism is "compassion and community without compulsion" --Minette Marrin.
Christopher Chantrill, Seattle, USA
All very true. But one month of Boris as mayor could turn it all around...
Paul Schleifer, Chiswick,
It's not a catastrophe, it's a setback. We have set up an enquiry to determine the cause of the setback. That enquiry must be allowed to run its course.....
Whatever did ever happen to all those enquiries that were set up under Labour following "setbacks"? Are they still enquiring may I enquire?
Lawrence, London, UK
We're told elections are lost by governments not won by oppositions. This is a superb example, Brown's last stand hubris as Chancellor announcing the 2% tax cut paid for by the abolition of the 10% rate has rained down nemisis on his head.
Clever? not really.. egotistical and arrogant, more like
Clive Sterling, East Sussex,
There was enough evidence at the last election that Labour led by Tony Blair was all smoke and mirrors. People who voted Labour because they thought they were well off have no cause to complain - they should also 'sharpen up' and 'take it on the chin'.
Phil, Bishop's Stortford,
Suppose Labour do mount a coup and replace Brown.
Will the electorate feel any more kindly toward a second PM imposed on them without an election ?
(I know it's possible but appearances and perceptions also count for something).
Stan(expat), USA, USA
Matthew, you overlooked I shall not flinch and My vision remains unchanged.
By the way, my Labour Party "lessons have been learned" counter has now clocked up 105 clicks since the foot and mouth outbreak from Pirbright in 2007.
Theo Nelson, South Hams,
'Reflect' is the ministerial repetitive catch-word you missed out, Matthew.
Rather apt: New Labour - all smoke and mirrors, light glances off but does not penetrate.
Tricia, Sussex, uk
This is the end for the Government. These local elections were a referendum on Gordon Brown and everyone said "we do not want this revolting man" foisted on us by a supine Labour party. What is truly bad is that we cannot get rid of this baggage for two more years, whilst he wrecks the country.
Roger, Esher, Surrey
Labour are completly snookered
No matter what they do now, it'll be a the wrong move.
Even if they announced a referendum, cut fuel duty and slammed the door shut on all immigration they'd still be hanging themselves.
Check Mate.
Phill, The Wirral, England
Opine. All newspaper opinion-writers ever do, someone once remarked, is come down from the hills after the battle is over, and bayonet the wounded. From the hills this morning, now that those elections are over, it is our job to descend, and discharge the grisly task
Parris at his best!
Edwin, Bucharest,
These days, if we get the wrong result at an election or referendum, the question is simply thrown back at us until we give the correct result.
Edwin, Bucharest,
Matthew a nice, restrained, twist of the cold steel. However, would you in all sincerity now suggest that Torydom can hail its own leader as the engineer of this success? Or that the Labour routing is directly attributable to his charisma and prowess? That blade is double-edged and can cut both ways
Mike L, Chippenham, Wilts
Labour governments usually come unstuck because of excessive taxation and borrowing, and corresponding wasteful public spending. This government is no different. Labour has spent 11 long years squandering the legacy of Ken Clarke's stewardship of the economy, and now the music has finally stopped.
Denis Buckley, Telford, England
This government is where it is because it keeps saying one thing and then does something else. They call it spin. I call it deceit.
Brown says he will listen but then blithely tells us the decisions are right and that we will see this. Thus he will continue to the bitter end.
Paul Owen, Birmingham, UK
Excellent article. It is indeed, very much over, and with quite a lot of bitterness on the behalf of the jilted (the UK electorate) who clearly feel very let down.
It has restored my faith in the power of the ballot box, just like the vote for the SNP last May,
Sarah, Scotland,
Any Party willing to publicly annouce that it will make the interest of England the priority ( note "England" not "Just The English") will find the next Election there for the taking. The UK is moribund
" But he never means anything serious till he talks about justice and right" - Kipling
Peter Bolt, Redditch, UK
"...a pressing of the de-trousered national buttocks to the window of the polling station..."
...is a turn of phrase that will be savoured long after the demise of the current tawdry band of parliamentary players.
It exudes elegantly wilful bad taste. Bravo.
Drew, London,
Who cares who challenges Brown. Some other Newlab suit. Another spin recording on two legs. Your litany of spin phrases sums it up, Matthew. Roll on the Tory victory and the Scottish backlash against it which brings Scottish independence. I speak as a Labour Party member for 24 years until Iraq.
Raymond , Edinburgh, Scotland