Lest you be judged. Can any parent look back and honestly say they have not made at least one mistake, have a memory of which they are ashamed. If we are good and loving parents how can we not have some small spark of empathy. The article is right, this tragic case should not be the foundation on which we all build our own sainthoods. Whatever the circumstances, however uncomfortable they may make you, be honest you do feel sorry for the Mc Canns. If you don't , where will you find comfort when you are in need?

moira ,lancaster

moira, High Bentham,

As the mother of a two-year-old, I have to agree with this. Why is the media only blaming Kate McCann? Both parents left their young children alone - but close by, and they continued checking on them. Do any of these critics, have young children - particularly three young children? If they do, do they remember how exhausting it is to look after one toddler, let alone three. So Kate and her husband, wanted to enjoy dinner together, and have some time together. Is that such a crime? They were still close to their children, and staying in a resort. Yes, in hindsight it might not have been the best thing to do.
But if any parent is honest, I think there has been at least one time in their child's life when they made a bad call, or dropped their guard for a minute - when it could have been fatal or their child was badly injured.
But for most of us - that one mistake, turns out okay.
For Kate and her husband - it ended disastrously, but everyone pretends it couldn't happen to them.

Marianne Kearney, Jakarta , Indonesia

My view has not changed over the months with regard to the McCanns. I have sympathy for their plight - no parent wants to be in the position they find themselves in. It is tragic. However, I find their apparent inability to admit their shortcomings with regard to the care of their children whilst on holiday, quite distasteful. It can never be just a 'mistake' to leave 3 children under 4 (repeatedly) alone. Kate AND Gerry McCann have yet to admit that. Instead they claim to 'regret having left them THAT night'. That means the other nights were ok and had it not been for some (supposed) nasty, opportunistic character taking advantage of unsupervised situations, it would no doubt have continued. This, in my mind is negligent and it is not appropriate to dismiss this fact so readily.
Furthermore, its seems this case has always been about the parents and how they are feeling. How can this be? The child has still not been found - shouldn't we be more concerned with her plight?

Dr. D Hyde, Montreal, Canada

I am not sure how I feel about the McCanns leaving their children alone - my views change. However what I am puzzled about is why the majority of critical contributors make their criticisms of the mother alone, rather than of the father or the parents combined? They were both there; they must have agreed otherwise the dissenting parent would have stayed with the children.

Pat Cook, Bournemouth, England

In all of this dreadful saga if there is one voice that comes through with reason and pure honesty, it is that of Madeline McCann. Even when the world is told from the parent's that Madeline asked; Why they did not come when she cried, all of those involved have tried to throw doubt on her meaning and integrity. It is quite a simple, but profound statement and in hindsight should have been heeded, rather than a couple of minutes perplexed discussion and then disregarded because they found no evidence to support her words. The Amber Alert is no substitute for alert parenting. The Tapas group failed to provide for their children's care and safety, leaving them unprotected and vulnerable to either a fatal accident or abduction. What if Madeline is one day found alive, if Mrs McCanns suspects, she is with someone. What would Madeline have to say to her parents if she's ever found? That you left us alone again and look what happened? Don't you owe it to your daughter to go back to look?

Tong Ellen, Hong kong,

The parents (and indeed their tapas friends Tanner and O'Brien) left their 'very young' children alone to go out wining and dining. Madeleine was, supposedly, abducted and has paid for their selfishness. It could have been more than one child abducted - the window of opportunity was there. Indeed O'Brien and Tanner's child was sick and they still went out after changing her sheets. What does that tell you? These people are intelligent doctors so they knew the dangers.

The parents were to blame and nothing can alter that. Madeleine, who should be here with us today playing with her siblings, is not because of her parents neglect to protect her.

My feelings will not be wasted on these guilty parents, but on the children who were left unattended. To not recognise that is to encourage other parents to do the same and put more children at risk.

wendy, alicante, spain

Really? the cruellest thing I have seen is a small child paying the ultimate price for her parents' stupidity and neglect. Now that's cruel... and unforgivable.

Lori, London, UK

Ms. Reid:

I was wrong! Reference to The Oxford Dictionary indicates that "cruellest" and "commentate" are indeed acceptable British spellings!

Please accept my humble apologies!

Having grown up as a British citizen, speaking the Queen’s English with excruciating propriety, reading most of Shakespeare’s plays…Wordsworth, Keats, Shelley, Grey, Milton…and dozens more…, I guess that I arrogantly assumed that I had some familiarity with the English language. I have been in the USA for a long time! England and The USA are, as Winston Churchill observed, “Two nations divided by a common language.”

Anthony G. Gumbs, Glendale Heights, USA

If the hostility shown towards the McCann's, due to their obvious neglect of their little children, makes even one parent stop and think about the full consequences of leaving a child/ baby unattended and how they themselves would become social outcasts for doing so, then it's certainly worth it.

Ann, Sydney, Australia.

beryl, I'm afraid you and a number of other posters are simply deluded.

not about the "neglect" or otherwise or the parents - clearly, if they had been more attentive, the abduction would not have happened. the extent to which they can be blamed (or merely criticised) is a matter of opinion.

however, this idea that they are treated differently because they are a nice middle class couple is simply fantasy. some people think they've been vilified because they're middle class; some people think they've been let off lightly because they're not council estate dwelling scum. it's all rubbish and it smacks of the "if that penalty had been at the other end it would have been given" comments that you hear every time united play.

the idea that a poor family would have had the twins taken into care is just stirring. it has no basis in fact.

most people are concerned with their acts, omissions and attitude and no more. because we know it could happen to us, rich or poor.

jem, london, uk

Whatever is said I come back time and time agin to the fact that the McCann's are totaly the authors of their own misfortune and that it beggars belief that they should consider it acceptable behaviour to leave 3 children unattended in this way.

Diane Moreton, Gloucester, UK

I agree with your article; however I see no likeness of Kate McCann in comparison to Britney Spears in the context of vilified mothers, particularly where Britney Spears has publicly proved on numerous occasions that she is an unfit adult, let alone mother.

Patricia, London,

What is so cruel about people's opinons on this matter? That Ms Read does not agree with some of the most harshest words spoken about the way the McCann's frequently left their children alone. In Mrs McCann's own words she states, "they' had been watching them using her hand in a wave like a sword to show to the world how quick and easy it is to abduct a child- a window of opportunity was it? Well this is because it is so sudden, whatever can happen to a baby/toddler. One minute they are fine playing, the next on a window ledge on the 12th floor of a building, or choking to death. Therefore to suggest checking on them every half hour is adequate in the circumstances is a total insult to all parents, and shows how completly out of touch they are with the majority of public oinion. I am still incensed at their blatant neglect, and as suspects, still being asked to speak on behalf of children in danger- or at risk. Madeline is the only sensible voice in family, and at last we hear her

Tong Ellen, Hong kong,

"Parenting the relaxed way, let the 3 year old babysit the 1 year olds."
2 Doctors who should have known of the risk of fire, choking on vomit, or falls & injury, & the trauma of waking & having no-one to hear them cry, still went & left them. So that's all right then is it? They ARE to blame for the abduction. They should have been with the children. It is NOT the same as going downstairs in a hotel for dinner though there is a still a risk in doing that..
If that had been Tracey & Wayne from some Council Estate going out for a Chinese the remaining children would have been taken into Care & they would have been charged with neglect.
A beautiful15 year old girl was taken to Goa for 6 months & left unattended drinking & taking drugs, then raped &murdered. She should have been at school and would still be alive today. More relaxed parenting. The mother is to blame by her neglect.
If you don't believe Children come first, adults last, then don't have them.

Beryl, Windsor, England

I just dont agree,as parents ,i think they are lacking ,considring their wealth and education...truth will out

Jean Matthews, london, England

I agreed wholeheartedly with your article but I don't think that it has done a lot of good. I haven't read all 100 comments but enough to see that most of them are going over the same old ground.
They made a big mistake which they will suffer for for the rest of their lives. I think that we ought to have compassion.
I had thought that if I lost a child then I would do my utmost to see that it stayed in the news until they were found. However, having seen the way that the McCanns have been pilloried, I have changed my mind completely.

Jenny, Reading,

I have every sympathy for the McCanns - I can't begin to imagine what they are going through and, with every passing day, despite their brave words, I'm sure that hope must now be dying for them.

I do agree with some of the comments however about the different perception of educated professional behaviour and that of working class 'council estate' parents. I was shocked a few years ago by a surgeon colleague and his wife who, sadly could not have children of their own. Having spent literally years jumping all the hoops to adopt a beautiful little girl, they promptly booked a holiday with a 'kids club' so they could spend 'adult' time together!

When our three sons were children, the 'kids club' consisted of me, their dad, a cricket set and a football!

I'm not doubting the genuine love for their children but there does seem to be an element of 'got the career, got the house, now we must have the requisite family.' - As long as they don't get in the way!

Antoinette Foers, sheffield,

"We watch, we comment, we judge" reads one comment.

Are we watching a competition to decide who goes into a West End show?

No, we're following an atrocious true story of a child's kidnapping, possible abuse and murder which happened less than a year ago.

Who are we judging - the kidnapper, the abuser, the murderer?

No - we're judging the parents, especially the mother.

Why? Because some of us think we're class warriors, some of us have a problem with how Kate McCann looks, some of us don't like the publicity sought by these parents, some of us are uncontrolled gossips, some of us believe in a conspiracy theory, some of us "just find the McCanns' actions unacceptable - period! (we're from North America), and some of us just don't like snobby doctors.

But the thing that all of us can do - which Kate and Gerry McCann can't - is switch to something else when we've given the world our so-important opinion.

"We watch, we comment, we judge" - we should be ashamed.

Mike, Cardiff, U.K.

How is it surprising to see that people do not approve of bad parenting? You see I do understand what Melanie was trying to say, that we have our archetypical mother, the good-enough mother, the perfect mother and Kate does not fit the mould, and many women do not - females are vilified for not being devoted enough to their children and this modern 'shame' feels like a curse to the working mother.

However, the McCann story is very different - the world is missing a child and with no answers - she vanished, it is a mystery. What is not a mystery is that she did not go from under the parents noses - they were enjoying a holiday as if they were childless, and when they were down by one they turned it into a PR exercise. No amount of spokeman releases can neutralise the facts! They left her and now she is gone - the blame is actually responsibility and it was one they took lightly - we watch, we comment, we judge

Madeleine was lost as soon as they left her

vicki, derby, uk

I would be very pleased to leave the McCanns alone. Unfortunately journalists persist in writing about them and the McCanns persist in seeking publicity. Please - no more stories in the press - only tell us if any new facts emerge about Madeleine's wherabouts.

Carol, London, UK

I think you too easily condemn so called 'self-righteous' parents, I am a parent and far from perfect.... I do not claim to have always shielded my children from harm, in hindsight I have made mistakes.

However what I can say with all honesty is that I have never and will never knowingly put my children at risk of harm. I just can not understand how two bright, highly educated parents could not see the risks of leaving their children alone before the event.

Admittedly abduction wouldn't be something I would have thought of as a high risk... but what about a fall from bed, an upset tummy, a half asleep youngster wandering from the apartment to look for mummy and daddy because they don't understand the dangers and possibly worst of all a fire - their room had shutters on the windows!!!

The McCann's must have, even fleetingly, weighed up these risks and chosen to ignore them. They must deserve at least a small proportion of the blame here!!!!

CS, Liverpool,

if this was a single mother on benefits or a low income family. the opinion would be different. they would get slated. but because they are 2 professional people they arent allowed to be critiscised for doing something so stupid. they were in a strange place and it was ok for them to leave them in a strange place of course they are bad parents and should feel guilty. every one is entitled to an opinion. but you wouldnt catch me sticking up for these pair, as common sense will tell you not to leave 3 children under the age of 3 alone in an apartment.anything could have happened besides an abduction, accident or a fire. they should feel guilty as it is their own fault. maddie is the only one who really suffered in this case as she is a young child and the people she trusted most werent there to protect her.

donna williams, port talbot,

Thank you Melanie for this article, and thank you so much for the analysis and clarity it contained.
As a journalist myself, and a working mother for a lot of that time who has also made mistakes along the way, I cannot remember ever having seen such a long term, and unneccessary character assassination of an already suffering human being.

Alexandria, Munich, Germany

What is shocking about the McCanns is their inability to take any sort of responsiblity for what has happened, and the fact that so many other adults rush to their defence. We really must stop putting adults before chidren and learn that parenting represents the highest form of responsibility for the protection of young lives we have (in their case) chosen to bring into the world.

ingrid, Lisbon,

“My sons are teenagers and I still don't leave them alone.” They were also horribly vindictive: “Sorry Kate, but you have only yourself to blame.” They even, outrageously, cited God: “You can never replace the time lost with your children which God has blessed you with.”

chantal, Nice,

The bullying in society that is going on around the whole issue of parenting is getting to ridiculous levels. It has becoming impossible now to talk about the McCanns without also saying 'of course they made a mistake' or 'of course I would never do that'. The McCanns themselves have admitted they made a mistake.

Scott M., Huntsville,

Of course the McCanns must be devestated and of course no one deserves that to happen to them but I have yet to hear of them admit that leaving 3 very young children alone was reckless and downright wrong. They are always quoted as saying they" made a mistake "
and it is this arrogance and Mr McCanns attitude in particular that makes it difficult to empathise with them. He is quoted as saying that it was like at home with the adults in the garden and the children in bed!
How self delusional can one get?
I am also tired of middle class journalists defending their actions, India Knight in the Sunday Times reported that almost everyone she knew had at some time left their children in similar circumstances-well that does not make it right!
She herself hadn't of course, no and neither have I.
Sacrifices have to be made when you have children that is the name of the game. If Mr McCann showed some humility I think a lot more people would feel more sympathetic.

rita varley, Chesterfield, England

We all should sympathise with the plight of the McCanns, but unfortunately I feel it is tempered with the start status they seemed to have achievd through their mistake,

They have their own professional spokesperson, have met the Pope, lobbied the European Parliament, flown endless air miles etc etc. Whereas this keeps the profile of the search for Madeliene high, an objective which tends to get lost sometimes, it can nonetheless create a negative outlook

terry, L'Absie, France

I have never hated the Mccanns and I agree the press have been much over the top. However as someone else mentioned I also refuse to be brainwashed in to condoning a parental style that is simply wrong.

We can all use the reverse pyschology as many have here. I can equally say that most here condone their parental style to appease their own guilt at leaving their own children on their own and refuse to acknowledge such a parenting style is deeply flawed. I will not adopt and never have adopted such a style of parenting no matter how 'OK' and 'Acceptable' it becomes.

I am well aware the Mcanns will pay for their reckless parenting for the rest of their lives and I certainly dont need the press to rub more salt in the wounds. But do not cast us who have a different opinion from most on here on as souless uncaring individuals.

Gerry and Kate have paid the ultimate price, but how they got in to such a situation could have easily been avoided.

Sara James lee, Edinburgh, UK

No two parents could have tried harder to rectify their mistake and I find the idea that they should be villified just so disappointing. Britain is increasingly a mean-spirited nation which enjoys the misery of others and allows its opinions to be formed by the headline writers of the morally bankrupt tabloid press. What is wrong with feeling sympathy for a couple who must be hurting in a way that most of us could only imagine? Why not say something positive about their predicament or save your wholly unoriginal and spiteful comments to yourself?

Andrew Raisbeck, Shenington near Banbury, OXON

Thank you Melanie. Some total sense at last.

Being a mother/father is exhausting, frustrating, wondrous and the best gift in the world. Mummy guilt comes with the job - we all get it wrong sometimes.

Let us remember what is at the heart of the story of Madeleine. A little girl is lost to her parents and siblings, a family has lost a much beloved daughter. Let's support her family and others like them and help make the world a better place altogether.

Anna, Amsterdam,

sorry Melanie have to agree with Jane It seems there is one rule for educated middle class people and us common or garden working class stiffs
Any other family as soon as they landed in GB their kids would have been snaffled by social workers

Richard Dow, Stenhousemuir,

I have lost respect for reporters on tv and i only buy the papers
on the weekend.That is because of the way Kate and Gerry
McCann were threated by the british media .

William Sheehy, london, uk

Well said, Melanie Reid.

The trouble is, nothing you say will have any effect on the sanctimonious finger-pointers whose comments are truly sick-making.

The grief of a mother over a dead child is bad enough.

The grief of a guilt-ridden mother over a child who may be dead, may have suffered who knows what horrors, is appalling.

The only proper human response is to turn away and weep silently.

But no, the holier-than-thou commentators will continue as self-proud and merciless as ever!

Mike, Cardiff, U.K.

Blaming the victim is the most cowardly form of abuse in our so-called civilized society. Misogyny is not a victimless crime. Unfortunately, misogyny has abusers from both sexes of society. While people will always ultimately/dogmatically/politically line up on the side of race/country/nationality, by both women and men the reality leaves women who suffer this unfortunate fate as virtually unprotected.
Who would perpetrate a crime so all at once misognistic. Victims both female. Both beautiful. Mother and daughter both vanish; the mother mentally/metaphorically the daughter physically/really.
Melanie is kind in her comments about the macho police state. What do they have to prove? There is a similar situation going on in Italy with an American Student and her Italian friend being set-up for a crime of which science says they are innocent, It is Ego vs Law! It is Consciousnes vs God! When it becomes Military vs State - we worry. When is the "world" against a woman/girl?

Marie, Vancouver, Canada

When I lived in the UK in 1996. Most middle class families had a Nanny with whom they left their child while the adults left the country for a holiday. Or they sent their children to boarding school only a few miles away. I found that bizarre.

According to these comments, no one has ever left a child with a babysitter and gone out to dinner. No one has apparently ever had to juggle kids coming home from school and unplanned overstays at work. No one has ever nipped out for bread or milk while the child has a nap.

This is just part of the blame the victim mentality that arises when the real villian is unidentifiable

I agree wholeheatedly with his article, it doesnt diminish the horror of what happen, and points out that all the McCanns are victims here; even more so when the media pick at their wounds which will probably never heal anyway

Carmel, Adelaide, Australia

Yes Dave. Please allow me to repeat your sentence. "This is the first decent article about the McCanns that I have read. Thanks Melanie.

'People. You can never change the way they feel, better let them do just what they will, for they will; if you let them steal your heart from you.' KISSING A FOOL by Singer George Micheal.

Megan, Hong Kong, Hong Kong

I wonder why Melanie Reid assumes [para 2] that all the editors of the tabloids are men? Sounds like she has her own gender prejudices to me.

alistair shearer, Laxfield, U.K.

I can´t believe this. Were you ever a child Ms. Reid? Do you think Madeleine woke up, maybe from a horrifying nightmare, in a strange, presumably dark room, cried in vain for someone to come to her, then said to herself "Hey ho! Must remember to take Mummy aside and give her a little ticking off in the morning" before nodding off to sleep again?
She was three years old, for goodness sake, and would have been utterly terrified, not to mention at risk of a serious accident.
One might, at a pinch, have forgiven it happening that once, but the next night as well? Still, the checks were allegedly more frequent this time so that´s all right then.
And it´s the press who have been cruel?
I don´t feel vindictive towards Kate McCann, Ms. Reid: I have other interests. Moreover I agree that none of us is perfect: I´ve made plenty of mistakes myself, both as a mother and grandparent. But I refuse to be brainwashed into tolerating and understanding that sort of parenting.

Sylvia, Bristol,

I just cannot believe that people are still queuing up to take some sort of sick pleasure in hammering Kate McCann for her mistake. Surely this is sadism, nothing less. No-one has ever condoned the fact that the children were left alone but by god, what more do you want her to do in order to atone? Do you want her to commit suicide in front of you? Public flogging? What will ever satisfy your self-righteous lust for her to suffer more and more? And why do we rarely hear the point that in actual fact it is an evil pervert's fault she is missing...

ClaireC, London, UK

All this might matter if we really believed what the media has to say about most things. Do a little test - read or listen to a media report about something that you know about and see how much of it they get right. Very little in my experience - so why would I trust them on things I don't know about? My grandfather used to say "Believe half of what you read and nothing of what you hear" - wise man.

Al, weybridge, uq

I can't believe people are lining up to ask for Karen Matthews to have a nice article written about her. On what grounds? Do we hate normal middle class people so much in this country, that anybody from a working class estate, no matter how dispicable or chaotic their life may be, is seen as equal or superior? Is this is extent of reverse snobbery in 2008?

I'm stunned. Morally, Britain is hollowed out, exhausted, incapable of distinguishing between right and wrong. We deserve everything we get. I'm glad I left.

David Pritchard, Madrid, Spain

The hatred is driven by scared parents who want to convince themselves that only the children of bad, neglectful parents are abducted. By dumping their rage on Kate McCann, they're seeking to reassure themselves that it could never happen to them because they're 'good' parents and watch their children like a hawk 24 hours a day. If they vilify Kate McCann, it helps them feel like better parents and therefore feel safer and more secure in the knowledge that it couldn't happen to them. It's a way of distancing themselves from the story and feeling in control of things.

They're wrong of course as bad things can indeed happen to good parents and child abduction doesn't exclusively happen to neglected children. But, like bullies, some parents are insecure and need to dump on other parents to shore up their confidence. Kate McCann has become a victim of their bullying.

MB, Edinburgh,

This isn't about gender at all - what a ridiculous idea. It is about neglect and selfishness. Many of us do balk at the idea of parents who put their own holiday enjoyment above basic common sense precautions. My abiding thought on this subject is, 'How could they have left three small children alone in an unlocked (or locked) apartment?' I had three boys, and I know how trying parenthood is, but they were never left until they were able to fend for themselves.

Tony Volpe, Newcastle upon Tyne, UK

Dear Ms Reid

Like you I have watched with distaste the persecution of Kate McCann . I am very glad that you have used your platform in the Times to speak out so strongly and so eleoquently about this injustice. I agree with you that alongside the loud, cruel bullies there are many who offer her understanding ,love and support. I am one of the latter group. I hope she hears our voices .

Yours sincerely

Judena Goldring, Belfast Northern Ireland,

Why does all of society feel that they are in a position to comment personally on the past and current actions of Kate McCann? It may seem flippant to say in light of the consequences of Mrs McCanns' choices, but we are all human and mistakes are made, whatever the effects. Would we all be so condemning if the headlines had read 'British toddler falls and breaks leg whilst parents dine in nearby restaurant'? The McCanns cannot be blamed for the abduction itself. Many parents have committed worse crimes than leaving their children for one night.

Caroline Fisher, Edinburgh,

The thing that really appalls me is that all parents at that holiday resort had the option of getting unknown nannies to check on their kids every half an hour while the parents dined at on-site restaurants; the nannies would find the parents if there was any problem. The McCanns preferred not to use this free service, instead choosing to run those checks themselves. That's more than many, many parents at such resorts choose to do, and yet they are accused of being neglectful, because lightnig struck - stranger child abduction is incredibly rare. If it's so neglectful, how do Mark Warner Resorts get insurance cover for the practice? And why did almost all parents at the resort do it?

I have no idea why the public hate those poor bereaved parents so much, but it says very, very ugly things about human nature. They've had their child stolen, isn't that suffering enough for anyone? And yes, they almost certainly did have their child stolen. There is no actual evidence of anything else.

Kate, London, UK

Children have been snatched here when their perents were at home. There may have been things the McCanns could have done to have limited the risk of this happening. They need compassion, sympathy and understanding. Parents never get over a stolen child.

Michael, Canberra, Australia

Excellent article but as you can see from the posters there are still the 'holier than thou perfect parents'.

Show me a perfect parent and I'll show you a liar because there is no such person!!

Joan Murray, Aberdeen, Scotland

Ms. Reid, my congratulations to you on your direct and no mincing words of exactly how those Brits are perceived and shown to be in reality who have taken upon themselves to destroy the lives and reputations of a couple who are going through a great tragedy and are as yet unproven to have caused their child harm. The ugliness and nastiness of their speculations, rumours, and then their own self-serving statements of their 'perfection as parents' is appalling to say the least.

What is of interest though, one might note, not one of those 'sainted' people who stand in judgment of the McCanns putting in writing their self-righteous condemnations of them have the courage to use their own name. They hide under aliases.

Cheryl, Washington DC, U.S.

I agree wholeheartedly - I have been sickened by the attacks on, not perfect, just like you and me - but vulnerable, loving - and most telling of all - much loved by their children, mothers. Why are we not writing realms of condemnation everywhere about the abductor / murderers - no, we jump on those the victims loved most in the world, and who were most of the world to their mothers. Equally shocking comments (and journalism - I cried at one online Daily Mail article I read, the woman journalist, was so shockingly biased in her presentation of the story - about Fiona MacKeown, who has done everything she can in her nightmare to avenge her childs murder and not let those who try to cover it up rest. She has other children - all regared by their neighbours as lovely, well-behaved children by the way - who love her and Scarlett who died - what cruellness to write just unkind wickedness about their darling mother for them to find - whatever we write will be there for all time.

Sarah, Wales, UK

For those who announce that they would forever after adopt a 'I will never smile again' attitude, could you please all move to a remote uninhabited island, so that your self-righteous misery can be contained in one place? There are people who have had their entire family networks extinguished in concentration camps who are determined to smile again.

ZS, London,

Richard G: Quite right. But people are determined to find a reason to hate the McCanns, so reason doesn't appear to make much headway.

You can argue about that one choice they made, but have the Matthews "family" ever made a good choice? Why are so many (including one neo-Marxist columnist in this newspaper) so keen to defend them rather than the McCanns?

Totally bizarre.

David Pritchard, Madrid, Spain

I,along with many people have read about "Maddy"not just in this paper but virtually every other available paper and find it utterly disgusting the amount of abuse this family has endured.Of course it would in hindsight be nice to turn the clock back and all the young ones wouldn't have been left alone,that of course can't be done.Instead off condemning them we should be offering Gerry and Kate a shoulder to cry on,Everyone does something wrong in their lives without tragic circumstances occuring.For what it's worth i wish them all the luck in the world and pray that it all has a happy ending.

G.Edwards, Tibshelf.Derbyshire.,

I'll define 'left on their own' for you, if you are having difficulty (my ten year old nephew understands though)
A child in a dwelling/residence/building/house/appartment with no adult present in said dwelling ...
Wow that was easy!

AK, Pig Hill,

How many parents have sat in their backyard in the summer with a couple of friends having a barbeque and not thought anything of leaving their children "safe" in their bedrooms? Let he who is without "sin" cast the first stone. It is unfortunate that there are people who prey on children, it is a fact of life that terrible things can and do happen. The second guessing and questioning of all parents about parenting decisions they make are also part and parcel of being a parent. Only in hindsight can we see 50/50. Enough cliche's on this subject. Anyone can critise another's decisons - that is easy, until you can lead a blame-free life and I don't believe you will in this life, be more compassionate and understanding of the pain of others.

Virginia, Halifax, Canada

Many years ago whilst on holiday in Spain, my wife and I left our two young children asleep in the hotel bedroom, as indeed did several friends of ours on the same holiday. We organised a duty rota so that one of the parents checked each room periodically, during the evening.

I see nothing wrong with this, or indeed the the McCans arrangements, and all this bleating about not leaving children alone at all is nonsence. One makes the best arrangement possible and that is all one can do.

Mrs McCan deserves sympathy but is unlikely to get it from the English press or the "pronounce myself perfect" brigade.

The lady has lost a child, but has always behaved with dignity, and this is whats annoying the detractors who are aware they would have been mujch weaker,

Norman West, Truro, UK

I don't think the point is, as someone said, whether or not they SHOULD have left their kids alone. i think the point is more that they are in enough of a hell, i would imagine, without us all being callous enough to dump more salt on the wounds.

i agree wholeheartedly with the writer of this article. leave kate alone if you can't support her in what must be an interminable grief.

Tina, Paris,

The last high profile abduction in the UK was of a girl taken from her bedroom whilst her her parents were asleep in theirs. She was I believe specifically targeted.
If Madelaine was specifically targeted it might not have made much difference if her parents had been sitting outside their apartment drinking wine rather than 100 metres away.
If Im on my patio having a drink on a warm summers night after my 4 year old has gone to sleep i dont go and check on her every 30 minutes like the Mcanans - or at least I didn't used to.
Please define 'leaving on their own'.

Richard G, bedford, uk

Interesting article and, shamefully uncannily true. I have noticed how many Saints we appear to have that are so vocal in how wonderful they are in the art of motherhood; it is a wonder their halo hasn't slipped a fraction and choked them.

The true Saints of motherhood are the ones quietly going through life molding and guiding their precious cargo to adulthood. They are silent and anonymous, never looking for praise nor condemning those who don't quite meet their standards. They do not expect the right to condemn; instead they quietly learn from others mistakes.

These mothers will raise children who are not hateful who, will, instead have compassion for their fellow man. Children who will not judge nor demonize someone when they are at their lowest ebb; the same young people who with the grace of God, will mend a broken country.

I cannot condone the McCann parents action of leaving their children that night; but, I will not condemn them and state they are culpable.

I have often thought over these dreadful months of the McCanns' suffering, if we have so many perfect mothers who never once made any mistakes; why we have so many youths killing other youths?

Where were the mothers and fathers when their child was stabbing another poor child to death?

I am not perfect, never have been, never will be, but I refuse to allow my children to read the Tabloids which carry so much hate for a grieving family, my little ones will learn the meaning of hate soon enough, but not yet, no, not yet.

Kerrie St. John, Irvine, California USA

No one is chastising the hotels and travel companies for their "babysitting service" which was no different to what the parents were doing in this instance. It always is the terminally stupid who seek to attack others so as to feel morally superior to make up for their failings. They lack the insight to see that they too are human and make errors of judgement. No, instead they see themselves as perfect and incapable of doing wrong but usually with such people you only need to scratch the surface to find the skeletons they hide. The McCanns have paid the worst possible price of their error of judgement on that holiday and yet people still seek to vilify them. Many parents have said they have done similar and have walked away unscathed. It must be so nice to be perfect.

Sally, uk,

At last, some compassion. Our urge to destroy another human being already devastated by grief should, in a civilized society, be contained.

tessa smith mcgovern, westport, ct

Any parents who leave their children alone in a strange place should be condemned. Two 18-month old children and a three year old! Going to check on them every half hour still means there's a good twenty-five minutes that those children are left alone to cry and wonder why no one come. Besides which, anything could happen and something did.
Why on earth couldn't the McCann's leave their children with the child care facilities that are available in that resort? They certainly seemed happy enough to do so during the day.
And to all those who say, I was left alone and it never harmed me, you were fortunate.

EK, York, England

The difference is that i hardly think the McCanns would have left their children at home and gone to the pub every if they were at home, as a lady who had been to the same site as the McCanns weeks before they did, said, 'many of us left the children in the rooms if they were tired or asleep as it seemed so safe', (i read this on a comments page). Although i don't agree with anyone leaving the children alone in the slightest it does seem to me that Kate is getting much MORE critisism than an average lower class family would BECAUSE she is better off, which is totally unfair. I have heard many people say why didn't they take the children with them but i feel that a lot of these people are probably the same ones who would complain about children running around in restaurants, so you really can't win can you.

Nita, Nottingham, UK

There is nothing the press - or public - enjoys more than a (real or imagined ) unfit mother.

Liz, London,

Unfortunately the Mc Canns made the biggest mistake of their lives by leaving three under 4's unattended. I'm afraid with small children on holiday there is very little 'me' time; that's in the nature of being a parent. I seem to remember thinking when my 4 children were young that holidays were not much of a rest for Mum and Dad.

aana Johnston, Cernay , France

What surprises me is the media's inability to take a balanced view of the McCann's - it's either 'they're terrible parents' or 'they're excellent parents who just made one tiny, tiny, little mistake'.

I think that many people have sympathy with their plight. However the McCann's and their friends showed absolutely no common sense in their decision to leave their children unattended and, clearly, this left them in a very dangerous situation with awful consequences.

In my view articles like this one make the situation worse
because they refuse to acknowledge this and therefore contribute to the polarised view of the McCanns.

Charlotte, Skipton, UK

My sisters and I were left alone in similar circumstances as children, as were many others that we knew. It would have been most strange for our parents to go to bed at seven each night, or to remain watching us sleep, and we never expected them to do so.

Nobody has the right to judge the McCanns, surely their obvious suffering deserves respectful silence, if nothing else? People differ, parenting differs, this is life and it has consequences, but there is no one 'right' way to go about.

F. Smith, Bristol, England

To claim that the McCanns have been 'vilified' is ridiculous. What really surprises me is the amount of sympathy they still seem to attract:, in spite of their repeated neglect and abandonment of their children - had ordinary low-income parents left their very young children alone to go down to the pub with their friends, night after night, and your opinion, Melanie, would no doubt be very different!

MJ, Lisbon,

it is easy for those sittng in comfort to condemn the mc canns . we never left our children but many do without dire result .. madeliene was not lost because of parental failure but by the evil intent of a pervert .. the incompetance of the local police is more worthy of condemnation than the mc canns .. the first need a kick to their rear end while the two docs, having searched their consiences, have i expect judged themeselves they do not need others to do it as well

martin, tonbridge, u.k

I suspect some of the nasty comments directed at Kate by so many self rightuous perfect parents,are motivated by jealousy.The awful thing is that the abducter,most probably a man,is getting away with it,and could take another child.

lynne , Rushden,

I haven't followed all the nonsense about the McCanns apart from seeing the occasional headline. Has it occurred to Miss Reid though that it is she and the rest of the 'tittal tattle' media that has kept this rubbish going on and on? Persecution indeed! The media are the persecuters. I sometimes wonder why I believe in a free press when I read such abject tripe.

Kenneth Wheatley, St Pée sur Nivelle, France

Isn't all publicity good publicity for the McCann's ? Surely they want to keep the story alive and the search for their daughter to continue. Why would they care less what people say about them ? Their daughter has disappeared, how could anything but their search for the truth and the care of the younger two children be of any interest to them ? I don't see how the papers reporting on the child's state of mind prior to her disappearance is out of line

Mary, Marseille,

Outstanding article, thank you.

But will you write an equivalent for Karen Matthews?

James Turner, London, UK

Get real and stop whipping this up into some darker conspiracy. The fact is that when Mrs McCann decided to play a very high profile media game she also offered herself up to be torn apart by the self same media. That's what the media does. Anyone who thinks that 'journalists' will continuously play 'their' game and take 'their' side is in for a very rude awakening.

The 'journalists' concerned built up newspaper sales and or ratings by first portarying this lady as a saint - the problem is that the 'Kate's Agony' style headlines work for a while but not forever. When they start to fail the media took the opposite course, tearing her apart. The story changes and develops as per commercial priorities. This is what 'journalists' do and they would do it to anybody - male or female, young or old.

If the McCan's had some decent PR advice they would have been told this at the very beginning.

Mark, Berkhamsted,

This terrible article only demonstrates that you can always count on someone to excuse the inexcusable. I’m sorry but if not abandoning your children is “failing to live up to idealised, romanticised - and wholly unrealistic - maternal standards” then she should never have had any.

What I find impossible to understand about this whole case is why the children were ever left alone. If the McCanns wanted to go drinking and dining every night with their friends on holiday then why on Earth did they decide to ever have children in the first place?

It seems entirely typical of irresponsible parents that they will insist on having child after child but are not remotely prepared to compromise their lifestyle or make the necessary sacrifices to ensure that the child is properly raised or looked after.

I am just amazed that there hasn’t there been more focus on this neglect and should not social services be investigating?

Jason Mead, Bristol, England

Russ, Glasgow - the Shannon Matthews story has put paid to this classist nonsense once and for all. If anything, poor, working class mothers are defended beyond all common sense and reasonableness because of their circumstances. Even now, most people shake their head in despair when they read about Karen Matthews but, from what I've read, very few heap scorn, vitriol and condemnation on her.

As for being a bad mother, I've seen that the quickest to judge and defend their own maternal qualities are in fact those with the least compassion and selflessness towards their children. I don't know whether Kate McCann is a good mother or bad mother but she is extremely unlucky and has remained dignified under unbearable pressure. I don't recall people criticising Sophie Hook's parents a decade ago when they let their 4 year old sleep in a tent in their back garden. She was abducted and murdered but, quite rightly, her parents received nothing but sympathy.

Claire, Bishop's Stortford, Herts

I applaud Melanie Reed's article. A tradgic mistake was made and hindsight is a wonderful thing. This was a joint decision by two parents who are both resposible for that decision, lulled into a false sense of security by the laid back environment of the Mark Warner complex..
Our children live in a totally controlling world, talk now of chipping our children like dogs, where they have no freedom and no free fun. We do them no favours. To all those who say they have never made a mistake I hope you never close your eyes from the sun when sitting on a beach because remember that is all it might take if someone is intent on snatching YOUR child.

barbara, north east,

Actually Sarah Henley, the reason why Madeline's parets were named suspects was down to portuguese law. Certain questions that the police wanted to ask them could only be asked if they were named suspects. if there had been one shred of evidence against them, don't you think they would have been charged by now?

I agree with melanie, I'm amazed at how people have reacted. i think everyone who has made a negative comment should be ashamed of themselves.

hannah, Sheffield,

Thank you for this article.

No mother is perfect, no matter what she herself thinks.

Some of the sanctimonious clap trap that people have come out with over this case has been just plain appalling.

Sometimes I wonder if our mysogenistic society and media will only be happy when Kate McCann is hounded to her death or a looney bin.

Being vindictive towards Kate McCann does not make the individual making the comment into a better parent and it will not protect their own children from harm. It merely makes them into an uncompassionate, judgmental bully. Let's hope their children don't learn that.

Laure, London,

Well said Melanie. Which one of us would want our parenting exposed to such scrutiny so we could then be blamed for the actions of a child-abducting monster? Leaving the children alone - even while close at hand - may not have been the wisest move but Kate and Gerry (and Madelaine of course) did not deserve what happened.
The real crime here was committed by whoever took Madelaine - trying to turn the blame completely onto the parents is like harking back to the old myth of 'wear a short skirt and you deserve to be raped'...

Barry, Petersfield, Hampshire,

Why are there so many people who are defending the McCann’s appalling neglect of their children? I can only assume it is because many are neglectful parents themselves and should never ever be allowed to have any children.

Being a parent should come with a licence.

Phil Dearnley, Cheshire, Britain

Good article, Melanie. As a (male) parent, I too have had that "well, maybe I shouldn't have done that" post-action reflection, but got away with it. Mrs (and Mr) McCann made a judgement that turned out to be the wrong one. She will have to live with that for the rest of her days. I don't see the point in punshing her - she will be punishing herself. But hey, when has great British media ever passed up the opportunity to kick someone when they are down? Truly despicable.

Bob H, Glasgow, UK

Let's get real shall we. Leaving toddlers unnattended so that one is kidnapped is much worse than the pres holding the parents responsible. In fact, the McCanns have received an astonishing amount of support and money from eveyone. I personaly cannot understand why, when they are lamentable parents who - if they were of a low socio-ecconomic class- would really know what it meant to be lambasted in the press. What is shocking about the McCanns is their inability to take any sort of responsiblity for what has happened, and the fact that so many other adults rush to their defence. We really must stop putting adults before chidren and learn that parenting represents the highest form of responsibility for the protection of young lives we have (in their case) chosen to bring into the world. I personally am sick of people defending neglectful parents.

Dr J. Poole, Romsey, Hants. UK

Another good article Mel. The most startling thins I saw about Mrs McCann was the suggestion that because she had taken time to put matching earrings in she was clearly not upset. Horrible.

Edwin, Glasgow,

Ms. Reid: You are missing the point. I would hold both Drs. McCann equally responsible. I am a Ph.D. and a father of four (now grown) sons. I would NEVER have dreamed of leaving any of my sons alone. This isn't a witch-hunt. It is about allegedly educated people who simply wanted "it all". Nobody was forced to have these children, but now they had put them into this world, they are WHOLLY responsible for their welfare and if they didn't want to devote all their time and efforts to their children, then they shouldn't had had them. I, too, have never met either Dr. McCann, but their reactions were strange from Day1. If ANY of my sons had EVER been abducted, I wouldn't stop searching from them. Drs. McCann were busy with interviews, visiting the pope, appearing on shows and never appeared to look for their precious child. I stop searching the day I would either find her or stop breathing myself. I know of no parent who would react otherwise and not even the police could stop me searching.

P Beck, London,

We all miss the point, no matter what anybody else thinks it will not hurt them as much as their own guilt!

Jeremy Nicholls, St Albert, Canada

Such a well written article. I hope Kate McCann reads it.

Sam Wingfield, Liverpool,

The astoundingly glaring ommission? The case concerning Shannon and Karen Matthews

The expected prejudice? Couldn't resist getting a bit of anti-Catholic sentiment in there could you?

Statement of fact? Gerry and Kate McCann left their children alone and unattended. They were in the wrong but do not deserve the nastiness being heaped upon them from some quarters.

John R, Warsaw, Poland

All possible things can happen as a result of leaving children alone. 30 minutes can be a long time for a small child.

Rose, Surbiton, UK

Brilliant, brilliant, brilliant. The best piece of journalism in The Times this year. I wish every woman in the world could read this piece. Thank you so much. Absolutely outstanding piece of writing.

Petra, London,

How on earth can you say the people hate her, when they've given them over a million pounds, for leaving their kids unattended!

Hey, you can hate me if you want to give me a million!

Arthur, Newcastle,

The fact that Maddie was left to cry the night before she disappeared may or may not be relevant. Whether that information should have been leaked is another matter entirely.

However, I would not have left my purse in an unlocked apartment let alone my precious children.

I'm sorry Ms Melanie Read if that makes you think I am 'sanctimonious' but I and the vast majority of mothers (and fathers) would beg to disagree!

Karen, Salisbury,

It seems middle-class female journalists think it's ok to leave three children under four alone while you go out to eat.

Yes the criticism has been harsh, but whatever Kate and Gerry McCann are going through, Madeleine has probably been through a lot worse thanks to their negligence.

Seasider, Hampshire,

I believe that a lot of vilification that the McCann's have received, is on some level due to fear. Parents in every walk of life want to rationalise what happened, in order to persuade themselves that it will not happen to us.

The way in which this is being done, is by making out that the McCann's were bad parents and this kind of thing would not happen to themselves, since they are, by implication, good parents.

It's a reflexive action to fear, which doesn't make it right, but it does at least make it understandable.

Martin, Bristol,

I do not agree with the argument that this fact should not have been published. It throws an interesting light on the parents' attitudes to the children, and helps to explain the attitude of the local police.

The McCann's behaviour was outside the norms for the UK. A shared sense of "That is not the way to do it" helps to keep other children safe from many forms of harm. Such a shared sense is built up by what may be called "gossip" which undeniably is about shared norms.

This sad case has pointed up the sacrifices made by the many parents in much less comfortable circumstances who never leave their children alone, even sleeping. Yes, they are entitled to question the choices of the McCanns.

JJ, Norwich,

In her rush to defend errant mothers, Melanie Reid appears to have forgotten about their children. It is likely that Madeleine McCann would still be with her family if she had not been left alone and crying with her 2 younger siblings while her parents were out. It is also likely that the late Princess Diana would have been a more confident and happy woman if her mother had not abandoned her as a child.

Additionally to describe the Portuguese police in the way that she has makes Melanie Reid sound xenophobic. Is she privy to the police investigation and do we not have 'macho' police and unsolved cases in this country?

An very poor one-sided comment in my opinion.

Anna, Peterborough, England

'Bad mothers' were often treated better in medieval times than today. The Courts were extremely reluctant to pursue a prosecution for infanticide when a baby died, except on the clearest, direct evidence. They would not have tolerated a Professor Roy Meadow and his junk statistics. They understood post-natal depression as a form of 'temporary insanity' and would make allowance for it. When a child died from neglect, they would investigate and might blame the mother, but the purpose of the investigation was to warn others rather than to exact a penalty. They were also harsh on the gossip-mongering media of their day who might spread hatred of the mother - hence the ducking stool.

Frank Upton, Solihull,

Interesting many people pick up on the unlocked door. If the door had been locked and there had been a fire I'm sure the same people would be harassing the McCanns for locking the door. Fires are lot more common than child abductors and considerably more deadly.

Roger, London, UK

How different is the story and the reaction if the circumstances are changed slightly:

If it were a council block of flats instead of holiday apartments.
If it were the local pub instead of a tapas resturant.
If they weren't a middle class professional couple.

They are rightly villified and their actions post the abduction only support this. The parents media circus and touring around europe without their remaining children is sickening.

Russ, Glasgow,

To say "it seems Kate McCann must be punished for failing to live up to idealised, romanticised - and wholly unrealistic - maternal standards" to me is bizarre.

Is it really 'idealised, romanticised and wholly unrealistic' to want to be there for, and to protect, one's babies? For most mothers it's a human instinct. Even the animal kingdom does it.

We're talking here about three tiny children, supposedly left alone evening after evening. Even if they were checked every half an hour, do you not feel that up to 30 minutes could be a long and frightening time for a very young child to be crying?

Apparently Madeleine did.

AW, London,

Well done Melanie. I cannot understand why the British media has such a blood lust for that poor couple, Kate and Gerry McCann. I could not understand it either when Lindy Chamberlain was accused, tried, convicted and imprisoned for the death of her infant daughter Azaria. Mrs Chamberlain had put the baby to bed in the family's tent at Uluru in Central Australia. She claimed a dingo had crept into the tent and carried the child into the desert. Years later Mrs Chamberlain was released from prison after the baby's jumpsuit was found near the Rock. Suspicion fell on Lindy Chamberlain and her husband Michael because their behaviour was believed to be odd: like the McCanns they were composed in their grief. These days the media and the general public are unsatisfied when people endure grief stoically. It was on fine display when Princess Diana died. I will never forget the sight of her two young sons having to comfort the crowds at the Palace.

dianne , melbourne, australia

Mr and Mrs McCann actively seek publicity. They could have chosen to keep a low profile. We feel for their terrible distress, but it is puzzling that they do not seem to feel that they were negligent. Perhaps journalists too are simply so out of touch with ordinary life that they do not appreciate that parents of tiny children do not leave them unattended while they go out to dinner.

Jenny, Petersfield Hampshire, UK

Melanie Reid, what a great article. This is the first country I have lived in where the media are so ruthless andtry to destro people. Good to read something so heartfelt.

Ginge, Radbourn, Herts

Good article - about time journalists started to speak out more against those journalists/newspapers so eager to pander to the baying mobs of the forums. The bullying in society that is going on around the whole issue of parenting is getting to ridiculous levels. It has becoming impossible now to talk about the McCanns without also saying 'of course they made a mistake' or 'of course I would never do that'. The McCanns themselves have admitted they made a mistake. They can't undo it and it seems to me that the McCanns's mistake arose from not being as paranoid as the rest of us parents have become.

B Devlin, Belfast, Ireland

Kate McCann should be preaching about responsible parenting in a 'don't do what we did' way instead of preaching about an amber alert/lock the stable door after the horse has bolted system. Maybe then she'd get a bit more sympathy from the public in general. My sympathy lies firmly with Madeleine and her siblings. Madeleine suffered the ultimate price for her parents neglect.

Julie , Merthyr Tydfil, Merthyr Tydfil

Why all the focus on just Kate, the mother? Gerry the father acted in exactly the same way. Sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander.

Karen Mutch, Exeter,

Like the ripples made from a stone falling into water, this tragic story shows the consequences following one mistake/error in judgment, that of leaving the children alone. This was the first ripple. The next was leaving the door unlocked. The next was their being left in a strange place. The next, something terrible happened to Maddie. The remaining ad nauseum ripples are all the conjecture and myriad of opinions as to whether the parents are/were fit to BE parents in the first place and "trying" them in the media, followed by bashing them over the head time and time again (particularly the mother) with every mistake they/she ever made. There's no question those children should NEVER have been left alone, PERIOD. But bashing their sanity won't bring Maddie back. And tabloids that spin the story to make a Euro should be put out of business for being barbaric. They and anyone buying that trash should be ashamed of themselves. Civilized, my arse.

Susan Norris, Gardena, CA, USA

leaving them alone is one thing..but leaving them alone in an UNLOCKED apartment is at best contributory negligence

John, exeter, England

I can understand why newspapers feel the need to prevent abusive comments, but saying that primary school aged children, let alone babies and toddlers, should never be left without adult supervision is common sense, not abuse. If nothing else, maybe the tragedy of madeline's disappearance brings this issue to the public's attention.

Hannah, Shrewsbury,

It's obviously wrong to leave toddlers unattended while you go out for dinner.

But abusing grieving parents in order to sell a few more papers to the mob - that's worse.

Good article, Melanie.

Bob, Liverpool, UK

In UK it is illegal to leave children under the age of 12 without 'adult' supervision (someone 16 or over). Whilst I feel desperately sorry for the parents, I don't understand why they didn't use a portable baby monitor when they knew they had three 'babies' on their own in their appartment. I am not being sanctimonious here, but surely it is common sense. It is too late now, and they have been punished enough, but if one good thing is to come out of this tragedy it is surely the reminder to parents that if children are out of ear shot then checking every 30 minutes is not enough. Poor Maddy and poor Kate and Gerry. Hindsight is no comfort at all.

Jane, harrow, uk

This is the first decent article about the McCanns that I have read.

Dave Rado, Colchester, Essex

I have a certain amount of sympathy for the point you are trying to make but would take strong exception to your use, in the first sentence, of misogyny. It seems to me based both on my own observation of the story, as well as your own description above, that the overwhelming part of the vilification and bile heaped on Kate McCann has come from her own sex. And to the extent that there have been criticisms from males, they seem to me to have been based (as with the women) on criticism of her having left her children unattended rather than any inherent malignant feeling towards women per se. The misogyny label just doesn't fly.

Billy Barnett, HK,

The comments leveled at the McCanns defy belief. The sanctimonious folks who "have never done anything" that would remotely compromise their beloved kids are living in cloud cookoo land. They need to get real, examine their entire lives in minute detail and then, if they still believe they are totally innocent, I might accept their comments ....... with a pinch of salt and another in reserve. They are liars.
My heart goes out to the McCanns they must be in living hell and there but for the grace of you-know-who go all of us ... except the sanctimonious ones of course.

Dinoz, Brisbane, Australia

We never left our children alone until the oldest was at least 10, possibly more (the youngest 5), and then only very briefly. But assuming that Maddy was abducted, which still seems the most probable explanation, the suffering of the McCanns (and, yes, of course, of Madeleine) is out of all proportion to any error in leaving the children in what must have seemed very safe circumstances.

Faustino, Brisbane, Australia

What about Gerry? Does he not have any responsibility toward his children? Should he not have gone to his kids when they were crying? Why is it always assumed that childcare is the mother's responsibility?

I agree with this article - mysoginy rules in the UK. Let's all bash mothers, Of course it would have been preferable that one of the McCanns supervised their children but mistakes happen. Are we going to repeatedly berate them when they are already suffering so much?

I wish them well and hope they soon find Maddie.

james, london,

What none of these self righteous "I would never do anything that could possibly harm my children.." people seem to be forgeting is that none of us are protected from tragedy. Until the children of these 'perfect' parents have grown up as stable, reasonable adults and are themselves able to say their parents never caused them any damage, such claims are meaningless. We all want to do the best for our children but what the 'best 'entails is subjective. If you got a group of 10 parents together the chances they would totally agree on the best way to treat a child are slim, yet they would most likely all believe they are doing the right thing-or the best they can. It seems that the moral debate over whether the McCanns were wrong to leave the children has totally overshadowed the most important moral issue of someone entering their apartment and stealing their daughter. Villifying Kate McCann is just a way of making certain individuals feel better about themselves,which is itself ,tragic

suzanne, worcs, uk

Sorry but I disagree with you in a few ways. I don't care where you go or how safe you think your children are you do not leave them alone. Especially children as young as Maddy was. Never have I left my children alone in our home let alone a place they don't know. The farthest I have ever gone is the back yard. As for the leaving the children crying part that I am just not sure. We do not know the whole story in regards to that. Did the Mom actually hear her? Maybe Maddy has been playing a stalling game at bed time where she pretends to cry so her Mom will come back in. My son did that a few times. Although I did not leave him i could understand why Maddy's Mom might. Still it all comes down to the fact that they left there children alone while they went to have dinner. You just don't do that. I don't care how safe you think they are. Would they have done that at home?

Nancy, Burlington, Canada

I have been disgusted by the tabloid treatment of Kate McCann (and it is largely her, not her husband) and the vicious, sanctimonious comments about it all being her fault Madeleine was abducted. I am sure she deeply regrets leaving her children, and some sympathy and understanding, or at least not brutal savagery, would not go amiss. The judgements made about Fiona MacKeown are also appalling. I doubt that the people criticising are perfect parents, since there is no such thing, and they should consider how they would feel if they lost their child.

Rebecca, Cambridge,

I hate to point out the obvious Melanie - but if Kate hadnt left those 3 toddlers all alone in an unlocked apartment then she wouldnt be being vilified now.
Remember Madeleine?

Jane, Birmingham, UK

Karen Matthews, Shannon's mother is at present being ripped apart by the Third Estate. Why not write an article sympathetic to her - instead of concentrating on Kate McCann all the time?

Groom, Crawley, UK

No it's not, Mirameau. I went as a single parent on one of these Mark Warner holidays. They didn't have adjoining rooms when I tried to book on special offer, but I was assured how safe it was there., so my sons slept in the next room at ages 10 and 11. I believed the tour operator -- and for us, what they said was true enough. I KNEW from experience that the McCanns no doubt thought was that theire children were also safe, watching from where they were in the restaurant that night. You are made to feel every family is safe. And for the most part it is true. But human nature has its dark side. I hope someday we do find out what happened to Maddy -- so we all learn something about just how naive or cynical we all can be.

DA Robinson, Abingdon, UK

Whatever happened to common sense - just how far removed are journalists from real life?
Not one mention of Madeleine's pain?
sorry............words fail me

LynnD, Suffolk, UK

wake up, Melanie Reid
it's about Madeleine, about three children alone at home!

Mirameau, Zurich, Switzerland

Its about time that somebody stood up for people like this. The tabloid media seem to think that the public seem to WANT to see innocent people torn down and trampled on.

So one night, a mother didnt go to her child when she cried? So what? Does this mean that one act is resoponsible for something that happened a whole day later? No it doesn't - its not important, and is not relevant to this case - something personal to the McCanns and that doesnt need to be in the public eye.

To those who criticise, I say you are only lucky that you have not lost a child of your own under such tragic circumstances and have to put up with your own arrogant prejudiced views.

Jay, Bournemouth, UK

Well done Melanie Reid. I hope Mr & Mrs McCann read your article as it will surely bring them some little comfort. These poor people have suffered enough and have done so with quiet dignity - despite the constant baiting. It is high time someone in the British Press spoke up for them - thank you!

Mary, Sutton, England

This sentence: "Any sign of weakness, any suggestion of being “unfit”, any hint that a mother is compromising her child by seeking small freedoms or equality,.." For goodness sake, equality comes nowhere into this - but integrity does.
We, both men and women, have the freedom to think and make decisions to protect both ourselves and our YOUNG children. How many adults would really have left their small children unsupervised in an unlocked department to go off and eat and drink out of sight of that apartment. No one I know would have done that and would have elected to take the children with them or sent out for meal and bought in wine and beer.
Equality indeed! What nonsense!

Janey Carol Milner, Portsmouth,

leaving kids on their own was a really big mistake which will haunt McCans forever. But they r the ones who r suffering. being a parnt myself i can imagine what McCans are going through. people should leave them alone.

sara, stoke on trent, uk