It may never have become a natural ice-breaker on the terraces at Ibrox, but for a brief period it was the question every modern male had to consider. Are you just gay enough? The idea that contemporary masculinity required a man to keep in touch with his effeminate side was one of the tropes of our times. Whether it was David Beckham in a sarong or Jamie Oliver cooing over ceps, male role models had to bust out of the old stereotypes. They demonstrated just how comfortable they were in their (carefully moisturised) skin by going in for the sort of behaviour their dads would have thought positively nancyish, without blushing.

The idea that men should have to take an interest in grooming, cooking, interior design and (the horror of it all!) emotions to be thought passable as mates for the modern woman was, of course, deeply troubling for me. I dreaded all those “Is your partner just gay enough?” questionnaires in magazines and newspaper supplements.

They asked such questions as: when you are in the chemist's and you ask your man which soap he'd prefer, does he reply a) Imperial Leather; b) Roger & Gallet; or c) Soap? No, it has to be Clarins shower gel! While a) was the answer of the mouldy old cardiganed loser your wife was better rid of, and c) was the answer put in to emphasise that there was a whole world of campness beyond being just gay enough, b) was the preferred, sensitive, tasteful, yet not too outré reply. These questionnaires seldom had space for my preferred reply: “The Swarfega in the garage will do me for a wee while yet ...” It has been a while, in any case, since being just gay enough, or JGE, has been the approved benchmark of fashionability for the modern man. And I wonder if the time isn't ripe for a new measurement of hipness and general fashionability.

Given the wave of love for all things Boris right now and the recent upswing in popularity (for the moment at least - and we might as well enjoy it) for the Conservatives in general, perhaps the time is right for all of us to consider if our partner is Just Tory Enough.

Now I stress, as with JGE, that this is all about modernity and getting the balance right. If your partner is Simply Too Tory, then your friends may ask questions about whether he can ever really settle into a long-term and mutually fulfilling relationship with you. But then again, if he Isn't Tory Enough, then you risk being landed with someone who, whatever his other virtues, will be a bit of a throwback, and out of touch with the Zeitgeist.

To help you to decide whether your partner is Just Tory Enough, I've devised this simple quiz. Answers below.

1. You ask your partner if he'd like something in tweed for Christmas. Does he reply a) “Yes please: plus-fours, Norfolk jacket and weskit, M'dear”; b) “That jacket in the Boden catalogue would be nice”; or c) “Yes, an earl to put on the fire.”

2. You ask you partner if he'd like to mark the Queen's 60th wedding anniversary. Does he reply a) “God Bless Her! And the Duke, too! Let us raise a bumper to our sovereign Lady Elizabeth and may the Almighty confound her Enemies!”; b) “I think it's rather good of her to cancel her own bash because the economy's in schtook - she's got much better judgment than most of the people elected to advise her”; or c) “Mark it? Mark it? I'd rather bow the knee to a King Charles spaniel than show any reverence for an hereditary monarch and the oppressive class system it embodies.”

3. You ask your partner who his favourite Today presenter is. Does he reply a) “I never listen to anything on the Bolshevik Broadcasting Corporation other than when Vaughan Williams is Composer of the Week on the Third Programme”; b) “Evan Davis seems very balanced;” or c) “It's not about personalities; it's about issues, and until we move away from this presenter-led model of broadcasting to a more radically democratic way of holding power to account, we'll never get anywhere.”

4. Your partner is looking for a book to while away the time on your holiday plane journey. Does he opt for a) Friedrich Hayek's The Road to Serfdom; b) Young Stalin by Simon Sebag-Montefiore; or c) anything actually by Josef Stalin (or, failing that, Noam Chomsky).

5. You ask your partner for his ideal holiday destination. Does he reply a) “The Wagner festival at Bayreuth”; b) “Cornwall”; or c) “Holidays are a trick of the bourgeoisie to make the alienation of wage labour tolerable to those whose eyes have never been opened to the dream of justice - but if you're paying, it's got to be Goa, hasn't it?”

6. Which is your partner's favourite film? a) The Dam Busters - or, basically, any film in which Jerry gets it in the eye; b) the first Elizabeth, with Cate Blanchett; or c) The Wind that Shakes the Barley, Gandhi, The Patriot or Breaker Morant - or, basically, any film in which British imperialists get it in the eye.

If the answers are mainly a), I fear your partner is Simply Too Tory for words. And no less loveable for that. Cherish this rare creature by keeping him well supplied with port, pipe tobacco, bloater-paste sandwiches and copies of The Salisbury Review. If the answers are mostly c), I'm afraid your partner Just Isn't Tory Enough, but no less loveable for that. Cherish this increasingly rare creature by introducing him to the dwindling number of others like him (Seamus Milne, Robert Fisk, Ken Livingstone ...) and keep him happy with a constant supply of conspiracy theories involving Dick Cheney and Lord Lloyd-Webber. If your answers are mostly b), congratulations - your partner is Just Tory Enough. But don't embarrass him by letting him know that you know. Wait until he suggests over breakfast that taxes on hard-working families should be cut and replaced with measures to reduce pollution, and give him a knowing smile.

Why Play for Today is not the way to go
I was intrigued by Kevin Spacey's plea last week to bring back Play for Today. Did he see any of these when they were broadcast in the 1970s? I remember trying to watch these dreadfully earnest exercises in socialist-realist art during my childhood and thinking that watching live footage of people queueing for a bus would be more compelling. Play for Today was such a terrible exercise in viewer patronisation that it was directly responsible for making the snooker that was on at the same time on BBC2 a huge TV success. Even though we were all watching in black and white.

I take Spacey's point that he'd like TV to provide a showcase for new theatrical talent beyond the seasonal contest to find a star for the latest Lloyd Webber musical. Even though I hugely enjoy these camp extravaganzas (is I'd Do Anything Just Gay Enough? Discuss), I understand why we need more quality platforms for new actors. But they won't come by reviving Play for Today. Instead we should learn from the US, where the success of series such as Six Feet Under, The West Wing, The Sopranos and Mad Men shows that great writing and great acting flourish when you create the right competitive pressures in broadcasting. Spacey's stint running the Old Vic is living proof that the British stage benefits by learning from quality American imports. We should build on that insight.

Lame flame slogan
That Olympic torch parade. With Gordon Brown at the centre of it all. What should have been an historic handover turned into a maladroit performance that left no one happy. No further comment needed. Except to say: have you ever heard a worse example of marketing speak than the Olympic torch slogan, “Light the passion, share the dream”? Why not light the dream, share the passion. Or dream the passion, share the light. Or, well, as Wittgenstein said, whereof one cannot speak, thereof one must remain silent.

Michael Gove is Conservative MP for Surrey Heath.

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