I am hugely grateful to all those readers who wrote in to upbraid me for my reluctance to read foreign fiction. My worry that subtlety of language and precision of thought would inevitably be lost in translation, making B-list Brit novelists a better bet than front-rank foreigners, is, I now understand, total Balzac.

The point was made forcibly by many of you that the best translations are works of art in themselves (Pope's Iliad and Odyssey) and some are actually better than the original (the Scot-Moncrieff Proust, the English versions of Asterix). I received one, formidably learned, thoughtful and considerate e-mail, from a government special adviser, with several recommendations for wider reading that made me hugely respect the Cabinet minister (and I won't reveal who) responsible for hiring someone with such a well-cultivated hinterland.

But the best of the many replies I received came from Professor Tony Briggs, the translator of the Penguin War and Peace. He pointed out that how much was lost in translation depended on the scale of the work, “a tiny lyric poem will lose a lot, a prose masterpiece in four volumes very little”.

And on that basis he confessed: “I wince for your shrunken life if you have not yet read War and Peace” (I haven't). In an effort to seduce me, in the midst of my busy life, to dive into Tolstoy's arms, the prof also gave me some top insider advice that he explained he'd never given anyone before: “Dive in media res. Go straight to volume 2, part 4, and read it all, only 13 chapters, pages 533-587. (See overall plot summary,

p1385.) There's nothing very sensational here, just the domestic life of a landed Russian family in the autumn and over Christmas. But wow, the wolf-hunt and the evening after, the young people falling in love, troika rides under the stars, family celebrations, dancing, vodka, singing, happy youth and contented middle age...it makes life seem so good. Virtually nothing will have been lost by your not knowing Russian because this work depends hugely on events, (mis)adventures, character and ideas. All of these can be transferred from mind to mind even in translation. They are more numerous, challenging and inspiring in Russian literature than anywhere else.”

Is Mary just the ticket?

Thanks to the miracle of Sky Plus it's possible to watch the programme you want at the time you want, unconstrained by the tyranny of scheduling. Which is why, surfing coverage of the US party conventions this weekend, I was able to catch this vintage footage from al-Jazeera's Holy Land coverage of 2000 years ago...

“So, Luke, how are people reacting to the Almighty's pick of Mary for the cherished place on his ticket as Blessed Virgin?”

“Well, I have to say people are already asking some tough questions about this unconventional choice for the BV role. Who is this unknown with no experience of life outside the tiny community of Nazareth? How will she cope on the world stage? She's been plucked from obscurity to be one heartbeat away from the Messiah but there's nothing in her record so far to suggest she can hold her own against the formidable Herod machine.”

“What are the Establishment voices saying about this high-risk strategy, Luke, is there some criticism there?”

“You bet, Salome, there's real concern among the Jerusalem insiders, the Pharisees and Sadducees who have real foreign policy heft, that Mary will be way out of her depth and won't be able to impress in key centres of power. There's no way they'll ever lay on the bells and ceremonial for someone like Mary in Rome, they say.”

“And she's got very traditional redneck views, I understand, Luke.”

“Yes, she's pro-Life, which will appeal to the Almighty's base but as an unwed mother she may also have some crossover appeal with the all-important constituency of tax-gatherers, women taken in adultery and thieves whom the Almighty wishes to make his own.”

“And finally, Luke, any news from the Herod camp on this new rival?”

“They're very relaxed, and news that they've drafted in Pontius Pilate from the Caesar Augustus campaign team to work on their attack strategy is just bearing false witness, but I can confirm they will have Barabbas on their slate for the big vote later.”

Satirical blindness

Kathy Lette was on the radio this weekend arguing, as others have in the past, with amazing literal-mindedness, that anyone who likes American Psycho is himself psychologically damaged. She seemed not to appreciate, as so few have, including the makers of the film based on the novel, that it's satire. And, just like Jerry Springer -- the Opera, what the work demonstrates, more powerfully than anything, is the huge difficulty any writer has when holding a mirror up to a culture of shallowness that is now almost beyond satire.

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