In the week before Christmas, time is precious. Particularly time spent at parties. In the crush and swell of seasonal social life it's vitally important to avoid the greatest danger that this time of year poses. The Bore Trap.

You may only have half an hour before you have to head home to relieve the babysitter. The outlay for the evening has already been considerable, in terms of babysitting costs, travel expenditure and time spent getting ready, which could have been used productively (filing away bank statements, filling in tax returns, applying for work permits in New Zealand). You're desperate to catch up with all the gossip from Simone and Ed. But, before you can make your way through the mwah-mwahing swarm to the safe environment of your old friends, you are suddenly intercepted by the oncoming bore, an innocent social butterfly caught by a malevolent lepidopterist. And pinned down for what will seem like eternity.

So how can you avoid it? How can you guarantee quality time with friends at parties and escape the attentions of the marauding bores? Here's my instant guide to bore-spotting this party season.

Bore conversational giveaways:

“May you live in interesting times, as the Chinese say, it's actually a curse you know...”; “Ah yes, The Times, are you allowed to write what you like or does you-know-who dictate the line...?”; “I could never be an MP - I'm too much of a free spirit to follow any party line”; “The thing about Bush is that he's just as much a fundamentalist as...”; “As an Aries...”; “Didn't we meet at Shaun Woodward's birthday party...?”; “I think that chap Vince Cable's been extraordinarily prescient...”; “I could never send my child to a faith school, I don't want them brainwashed”; “I never read the Daily Mail, Simon won't have it in the house...”; “Once you do the work it's easy to tell the difference between good carbs and bad carbs...”; “Well, the country's full, isn't it...” “Wagner - yes - some great moments - but some terrible half-hours...”; “Well, my answer to the West Lothian question would be to just...”; “This is the death of capitalism isn't it...?”; “They'll be writing books about this in years to come...”

If, despite exercising evasive action you are, eventually, trapped by a bore, then the only answer is to fight tedium with tedium - so I suggest responding to any bore with words guaranteed to send anyone screaming from the room begging for mercy...

“Well, it's funny you say that. You see the whole thing started in America...”

Sexy music?

Last week I asked readers which popular music of the past 100 years could expect to be played by new performers in the future, in the same way as the best classical music transcends its time. I was inspired to ask the question by Roger Scruton's assertion that of modern popular music, only the jazz classics and the music of the Beatles, Clapton and Abba would have a life in performance beyond the original performances by the original artists. Many of you suggested that some of the works of Bob Dylan, Paul Simon and even Elton John be added to the list and I can see a case for each.

But, listening to the terrifyingly intelligent Marcus du Sautoy on Desert Island Discs, another thought occurs. He chose not popular music, but classical compositions, from the last century. Scarily complex stuff from Messiaen and so on. Which he was even able to whistle. Making him officially the cleverest person in the world, so fearsomely brainy as to make Professor Scruton seem like Arthur Mullard.

But for those of us who're not as clever as Professor du Sautoy, and who can't appreciate the mathematical games that Pierre Boulez plays with his music, is there much pleasure to be derived from these guys? Never mind the debatable virtues of Abba and Elton John. Will anyone apart from academics listen to the likes of Stockhausen, Messiaen or Boulez in the future? How do they do on iTunes?

Indefensible

We're cutting our defence spending again. Just as we did in the Thirties. We're living through a financial crisis again. Just as we did in the Thirties. But 2008, as well as being the year of a world financial crisis, was also the year a resurgent Russia attempted to snuff out democracy on its borders, the year we failed to remove Mugabe even after his people voted for change, the year we failed to prevent the Sudanese Government continuing its genocide in Darfur and the year we failed to stop the Burmese Government continuing its genocide against its own people.

Osama bin Laden famously argued that when

people see a strong horse and a weak horse, they will follow the strong horse. He is only too willing to test our strength again, and again. Which is why I ask, what lessons from the Thirties do we still have to learn?

Michael Gove is Conservative MP for Surrey Heath

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