Mick Hume
2 for 1 tickets to Casablanca, this coming Monday
When Jacqui Smith, the Home Secretary, admitted that she had smoked cannabis at university, surprised Oxford contemporaries said they remembered her as “dull and boring”. But there is no contradiction. Dope-smoking makes you dull.
If Ms Smith wants to reclassify cannabis in an attempt to put youngsters off, maybe it should be as B for Boring - especially for those who passively inhale the weed-smoking dweeb's nonsense. Perhaps, as reported by the satirical website The Daily Mash, we need a health warning on big cigarette papers: “Cannabis smoking will lead to a slow and painful conversation.”
Like Ms Smith and other ministers, I too can confess to “experimenting” briefly at university, although luckily I quit before exhibiting the symptoms of a narrow mind. Dope-smoking was just so ear-bleedingly dreary - the palaver of rolling a joint, the unpleasant taste and above all the feelings of self-obsessed paranoia and unhappy hippydom. The worrying side-effect was not the distant risk of schizophrenia but the immediate prospect of intellectual sedation.
That was why, like most students in Manchester, I stuck to the old-school drug of youth, alcohol. Now drinking is frowned upon not only by the Home Office but by smug dopeheads who claim that smoking cannabis is somehow morally superior. There can, of course, be an antisocial side to booze. But there is also a far more sociable aspect. It is conducive to having a laugh with friends in the pub rather than a lonely fit of giggles in the corner of a dope-smoke- filled room, and tends to make people feel confident and amorous rather than insecure and useless. Being preached to by “civilised” cannabis smokers might make the most pacifist drinker feel like punching their lights out.
If there is anything duller than a dopehead, it is the endless debate about whether cannabis should be Class B or C. Frankly, who gives an F? The classification system makes as much sense as a spliffed-up student discussing moral philosophy. It bears little relation to the risks or popularity of any drug.
Magic mushrooms, for example, are Class A even though, as one doctor says, “it is doubtful whether they ever cause more than a bellyache”. Ecstasy's Class A status has not dissuaded a generation of users from inducing a dance-trance that appears more moronic than ecstatic. Ritalin remains a Class B drug, yet is freely doled out to “hyperactive” children. As for cannabis, its popularity has fallen since it was last downgraded to C.
Might that have something to do with those ministers admitting that they tried it? Perhaps Ms Smith's best preventative option would be to declare that dope is now officially classed C for Cool.
Or maybe new Labour should give up the attempt to reclassify itself as a Class A Government by waging another phoney war on drugs, and instead try inspiring young people with something more mind-expanding than dope.
Mick Hume is Britain's only self-confessed libertarian Marxist newspaper columnist. His Notebook column appears on Fridays, and he also writes a weekly Thunderer column. He is also editor-at-large of spiked-online.com. which he launched as the online descendant of Living Marxism magazine. Hume is an ex-grammar school boy from Woking with a season ticket at Manchester United who lives in London
Enjoy screenings of all the classic films you love.
Have you ever dreamed of owning your own racehorse or a beautiful painting?
Enjoy comfort, safety, space and great design. Plus enter our great competition
Are you California dreaming? Explore the wonders of the Golden State. Also enter our fantastic competition
Do you have what it takes to be a Times photographer?
Your brain is capable of more than you might think...
Find out to make the most of your money with our wealth management guides
Need help with your property? We have an entire how to guide - buying, selling, letting, moving, to help you
Everything the Business Traveller needs to know to make a better trip
We are seeking entries for the inaugural Sunday Times Best Green Companies Awards
Enjoy some wonderful inspiring wildlife moments
An interactive preview of the brand new For Your Eyes Only exhibition

Love Sudoku? Play our brand new interactive game: with added functionality and daily prizes

Are you irritable when you return from work? Drained of emotion? You could be suffering from boreout
Prepare for some shock and awe, petrol lovers. Despite the greens trying to wipe it out, the car is about to offer us the most exciting year ever
We've trawled the brochures and websites to find this summer’s best holidays for every taste and budget


Why good girls pay good money for bad-girl baubles

Search The Times Births, Deaths & Marriage announcements
2007/07
£57,500
South East England
2007/57
£22,950
The Midlands
2006/06
£41,995
South East England
Great car insurance deals online
£40-55k+benefits+uncapped commission
Morgan Keating
South East
£60k plus excellent benefits
Barclaycard
Stockton / Northampton
£
£55,000 - £75,000 plus bonus and benefits
Diligenta
Based in Peterborough
£45,000 - £70,000 plus bonus and benefits
Diligenta
Based in Peterborough
Globrix, the property search engine
Visit Times Online Property for homes for sale or rent
Residential development site with planning permission
£1,500,000
Mortgages, bank accounts & money transfers to help you buy abroad
Dinarobin Hotel Golf & Spa 7 nights
From £1830 per person – saving £530.
Smart prices on ATOL protected holidays
Excellent online info & holiday selection.
Walt Disney World Resort Florida SALE!
From £619 per person!
Great travel insurance deals online
Contact our advertising team for advertising and sponsorship in Times Online, The Times and The Sunday Times. Search globrix.com to buy or rent UK property.
© Copyright 2008 Times Newspapers Ltd.
This service is provided on Times Newspapers' standard Terms and Conditions. Please read our Privacy Policy.To inquire about a licence to reproduce material from Times Online, The Times or The Sunday Times, click here.This website is published by a member of the News International Group. News International Limited, 1 Virginia St, London E98 1XY, is the holding company for the News International group and is registered in England No 81701. VAT number GB 243 8054 69.
Mick's right.
Wine, women and song beat sex, drugs and rock 'n roll anyday.
Jimmy, Auckland, NZ
One is finished when one becomes a slave, & that is what addiction is, irrespective of the substance one is addicted to.
Ian cheese, london, uk
Getting so stoned you spend your life in a perpetual giddy daze and cant concentrate on anything is not fun. Its like carrying your brain in a plastic bag. People who smoke seem to have no perception of anything outside themselves and thats just sad and boring. now and then but not all the time.
m, bath,
ummmmm,I forgot what the article was about now
Dylan, Bangkok, Thailand
Boring, but happy dope smoker, or exciting, but belligerent drunk. My Goodness! That is a tough choice indeed....
Clay Lovett, Clayton, NC, USA
Like, well, you know, man, uh, who cares?
Viktorovich, Moscow, RF
Obviously, from some of these comments, dull people do not realise they are dull.
JB, Nantwich,
I went through 5 years of smoking everyday all day. I stopped partly because being high all day is not advisable, and because it affected my motivation. I stopped smoking for two years. Now I indulge sparingly and its a great passtime with good friends. I do not agree that it is boring.
carlos, buenos aires, argentina
I smoked it for 12 years from the age of 15 before giving up. I really did not care if it was Cat A, B or C.
Like Mr Hesaltine said last night on QT, the Govt are only doing this to please a minority of electorates.
Phill, The Wirral, UK
like most of us, smoked a bit too and to be honest your right about alot of it but it depends on ones character as to whether they 'converse' or not. its very possible to interact and have a great time in a similar but slightly different way to alcohol.
i agree, there is no point inclass system tho
tom, surrey,
How about a class " Z " government Mick.
Colin, Corby, UK
Well Said John Muraki, sums it up!
kash, windsor, Uk
New Labour downgraded it when it rode the Cool Britannia refreshing youthfulness sweep away the middle aged Tories wave.
Now that youth so often comes with the tag "feral" they want to be seen looking look tough on any sort of delinquency. So back up it goes.
Shabby politics and spin.
Andrew Forbes, Thames Ditton, England
I think trainspotters find trainspotting exciting and interesting , That's why they do it. One mans trainspotting is another mans bar brawl. Anything wrong with that? We're not hurting anyone!
Ken, Leeds , UK
I bet if anyone did research they would find that the majority of cannabis users are men, & there is a very good reason for this.
All the men who would previously have been train spotters are now cannabis users. The special paraphernalia, the learning to roll a joint (in secret) - so tragic!
Victoria, London, UK
It certainly is B for boring in crummy old South Wales. The cannabis farm seizures have topped 300 since Christmas. Mostly set up in shut down hotels and other abandoned buildings, growing the weed is an alternative to a screw driver job on some tatty industrial estate. Lots of addicts in Wales.
Jones, Swansea, Wales
Smoking cannabis IS superior to drinking. Duh. How many cannabis smokers you see passed out on sidewalks in their own vomit? How many cannabis smokers miss days off work due to hangovers? How many tax dollars are spent carrying cannabis smokers to the hospital? Alchohol is by FAR the worst drug.
Dee, London,
written by a man who's never sat around the kitchen table with fellow smokers revelling in the stories of the day...
weed is enlightening, celebratory and truly relaxing.
Drinkers quite often try to take the moral highground in my experience and Mr Hume appears to be no different.
james, teesside,
i prefer stoned people to drunk people. and smoking to drinking. and strangely enough, i still have fast and enjoyable conversations. even with sober people!
hanna, hamburg, germany
Give me a cream cake anyday !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am a diabetic and would rather go into a hypo from the cake than suffer any of the detramental affects or effects of cannabis !!!!
Ian Payne, WALSALL,
Really ca`nt remember the last time I trashed a town centre after a couple of spliffs but never mind, narrow minded bigotry is obviously alive and kicking.
Richard, Plymouth, Devon,
Great argument: reminiscent of "Reefer Madness" for it's one sidedness.
simon, Guildford, UK
Yeh Bob Dylan, The Beatles, Ray Charles, Stevie Wonder, Alan Ginsberg, Jim Morrison, Jimi Hendrix... dull characters....
George, London, UK
If it's no fun, why are so many people doing it?
Simon H. , London,
Have you ever been sober in the company of drunks ?
Chris, chesterfield, uk
I find your bias frightening. Your comment about "punching their lights out" sums it up. Drinking leads to nothing but violence and stupidity. Forgive me, but I'll take sedation and stupidity over a pointless bar brawl anyday. How many intelligent conversations have you had with a drunk?
John Muraki, Honolulu, USA