It’s hard to conceive of a story more likely to inflame the “political correctness gone mad” lobby than the everyday tale of the four doggers and the fire brigade.

To recap, four firefighters were returning a few months ago to Avonmouth from Bristol’s main station in the centre of town. For reasons best known to them, the crew made an unscheduled pitstop near Circular Road on the Downs, an area popular for late-night outdoor sex or “dogging”. If you remain blissfully unclear as to what this practice entails, I shall now quote verbatim from the authoritative www.swingingheaven.co.uk website.

“Dogging is a predominantly British activity that involves outdoor exhibitionism in car parks, wooded areas and the like. The term dogging originated in the early 1970s to describe men who spied on couples having sex outdoors. These men would ‘dog’ the couples’ every move in an effort to watch them. When the swinging scene discovered that open-air sex has its own special thrill they began meeting in car parks, and the doggers found a new and rich supply of voyeuristic fun. Moreover, the doggers soon realised that these couples were actively encouraging them to watch, even performing for them, and sometimes allowing them to join in.”

As we’ve got that straight, let us rejoin our intrepid firefighters, who on arrival at this popular location disturbed four men pleasuring each other in bushes near a public convenience, and shone a torch at them.

Now one might imagine this intrusion by four men in firefighting rig, accessorised with a big red fire truck and those suggestively long hoses, would have been the cherry on the cake for the Dogging Four.

After all, as the experts tell us, the point of dogging is not just random al fresco sex in grotty laybys. It is the thrill of being watched by other strangers having random al fresco sex with strangers in grotty laybys that floats their boats. Indeed one can even imagine a full-scale Village People-style scenario, in which the delighted doggers invited the uniformed duty firefighters to join their party with cries of “Where’s the fire?” and a tremendous time was had by all.

But that is not what happened. One of the men who had been dogging on the Downs called the Terrence Higgins Trust, which campaigns mainly about Aids and HIV, and questioned why, exactly, the firefighters had tipped up at the scene. He accused the firefighters of homophobia. The trust alerted Avon Fire and Rescue Service to the incident, and there followed a three-month investigation, during which the four were suspended on full pay. At its conclusion, the service docked two officers’ pay by £1,000 each, demoted the third and gave the fourth a written warning for bringing the service into disrepute and misuse of fire equipment. It also transferred them to other fire stations. The firefighters had 26 years’ experience between them.

Predictably, the PC-gone-mad brigade went berserk.

Richard Littlejohn, in the Daily Mail, was in no doubt as to who was at fault in this open and shut case. It was the half-dressed men “going at it like labradors” of course. “Open air sex is a real criminal offence, yet – surprise, surprise – none of the men in the bushes is facing any charges. The shame, ignominy and punishment has [sic] been heaped upon the heads of the firemen who disturbed this disgusting orgy.”

A fellow firefighter told the Evening Post in Bristol: “This is a complete farce. I believe that all four officers have been let down by their senior officers when they needed their support the most. They have been treated as the criminals in this case and it has been completely forgotten that they may have witnessed a criminal activity occurring in a public place.”

Whoah there. Steady on, boys. Much as I also share the view that this sticky incident could have been dealt with differently – in an ideal world the firefighters would have not enjoyed playing their torchbeams over the bare bums of Bristol men; in an ideal world, the doggers would have shrugged off the insult; in an ideal world the clodhopping Avon Fire and Rescue Service would not have wasted taxpayers’ money and almost wrecked the careers of four officers – I cannot agree that the doggers are the criminals here, and the firefighters the victims. Littlejohn is wrong.

For a start, dogging – or to be more specific in regard to gay men, cruising – is not, in itself, a crime. It may be offensive, but like many things, it becomes an offence only if someone complains (or it takes place inside rather than outside a public convenience, Sexual Offences Act 2003, Section 71). We cannot accuse the doggers of being criminals, because they’re not, not yet, anyway.

So the millions of happy doggers in our midst – and, since you ask, there are 779,435 members of www.swingingheaven.com, and 53,823 registered members of www.dogging.co.uk, meaning there are more doggers in this country than there are members of all our political parties, which is a thought – are in the clear in the eyes of the law. Gay or straight. Whatever you may feel.

And you may feel that you would like dogging or cruising, or indeed homophobia, to be a crime whether it affronts other people or not. I respect that. But I do feel that when it comes to cruising or dogging, the men who go out seeking release on the commons or heaths of our country often do so because they have no alternative. They cannot do so at home, either because they are married, or they live with their parents, or because they are still in the closet. There is no similar excuse available for the homophobes who still enjoy vigilante gaybashing as a bloodsport.

Luckily we live in a mainly tolerant society, and Britain is kind to gays, according to Matthew Parris, who would know about these things. Homosexuality is no longer a crime but homophobia could be, if someone pressed charges. After decades of persecution by the police, the boot is finally on the foot of the homosexual in the shrubbery. The berserk brigade may not like it, but that’s how it should be, in principle.

Anyway, as it turns out, the chap who called the Terrence Higgins Trust declined to press charges (that really would be too much to bear) and instead allowed the Avon Fire and Rescue Service to sort it out. And oh boy, did they just.

I can quite see why everyone foamed at the mouth when Avon sent the firefighters home for three months on full pay. This week, however, it has ordered the firefighters to attend a two-day “equality” conference with Ben Summerskill of Stonewall and Brian Paddick, the gay former deputy assistant commissioner of the Met, entitled Lesbians, Gays, Bisexuals and Transgender Equality in the Fire Service – an Absolute Taboo?, which has been in the diary in Bristol for ages.

As punishments go, that’s a peach.

rachel.johnson@sunday-times.co.uk

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