It has to be said. The platitude that Britain “punches above its weight” is
being tested to destruction. At the moment, it seems, we couldn't punch our
way out of a proverbial paper bag. The nightmare at Terminal 5 confirms our
legendary reputation (Channel Tunnel, Wembley Stadium, Scottish Parliament,
Dome, etc, etc) for being the worst country in the Western world at bringing
mega-projects in on time, on budget and with all systems working on the day
they open. And it has raised huge doubts about London's ability to deliver
the Olympics.
Then there's the collapse of belief in the Government's economic competence,
and a gloomy sense that we will all end up paying for the cock-ups inflicted
on the banking system by the overpaid, overweening barrow-boys lording it in
the Square Mile and Canary Wharf. Add to that a nationwide dismay over the
seemingly unresolvable chaos on our grossly overpriced railways; and a
widely held perception that, despite all the decrees issued by a succession
of hyperventilating education secretaries, the majority of British children
are leaving school with fewer real qualifications than before 1945; and a
general feeling that our once-admired broadcasting standards have declined
to such an extent that 95 per cent of what's on the telly seems designed for
a target audience of brain-dead crustaceans; and, and ...
But enough! Just because T.S. Eliot told us that April was the cruellest month
doesn't mean that I have to pile on the gloom. Let's look on the bright
side. After all, the trees are in bud. There are lambs and daffs lighting up
the countryside. A survey last week may have placed Britain beneath such
nonentities as Luxembourg, Monaco and San Marino in the rankings of “stable
and prosperous countries”, but I'm not emigrating to Monte Carlo and I doubt
that you are, either. So what keeps us here? Well, I've drawn up a list of
Five Great Achievements that Britain has managed in my lifetime. See if you
agree.
1. Goodbye, hated tower blocks
Three cheers for people power! It has not only halted but begun to reverse the
detested high-rise housing policies imposed by “we know best” architects and
town planners in the 1950s and 1960s. There are still dozens of inhumane
inner-city estates waiting for a friendly wrecking-ball. But the tide has
turned. Domestic architecture is again grounded in what ordinary folk want,
rather than the chilling theories of haughty visionaries who wouldn't dream
of living in a tower block themselves. Combined with the regeneration of
once-crumbling industrial cities - Manchester, Newcastle, Birmingham and now
Liverpool - the trend has rekindled a real pride in our urban landscapes.
2. Hello, proper food
When I recall what my parents fed me when I was young - bread and dripping,
fish coated in more than one's own body-weight of batter - I'm amazed that
I'm still here. Love or loathe big supermarkets, you can't deny that the
British have revolutionised their tastes in food. And cosmopolitanised them,
too. The range of high-quality culinary experiences available now, even in
relatively small towns, is exhilarating to anyone brought up in an era when
the eating-out options for ordinary families comprised chippie, Wimpy or
greasy spoon.
3. Irish peace
I was a teenager when the Troubles started in Northern Ireland. There were
times - after Bloody Sunday in 1972, or during the hunger strikes in 1981 -
when I felt (along with nearly everyone else) that this seemingly
unresolvable clash of loyalties and aspirations would remain a festering,
shaming sore in our national fabric for ever. Today, the barricades of
Belfast and Derry are tourist attractions. I see that historians have
already begun arguing about which politician or sectarian leader can claim
most credit. But I believe it was an unswerving desire for peace and
normality on the part of the Province's long-suffering citizens - the
feistiest folk on these assorted isles - that prevailed in the end. Ireland,
north and south, is an astonishingly inspiring place. Now, after hundreds of
years of bloodshed, we can all enjoy it without fear. It's our generation's
finest political achievement.
4. Countryside matters
Despite all the fears about swaths of Britain disappearing under housing
estates and out-of-town malls, our doughty conservationist bodies have been
remarkably successful at preserving our rural landscapes and spectacular
coasts. That's a vital achievement - because it is landscape, more than
anything, that nourishes and defines the soul of a nation. And thanks to
some far-sighted lottery awards that landscape is now opened up - via
long-distance paths, cycleways and lovingly restored canals - as never
before. We should all get out more and enjoy it.
5. Tolerance and its rewards
The Britain of my childhood was a bigoted, blinkered place - still derisive or
suspicious of non-whites, still locking up homosexuals for being true to
themselves, still censoring films, plays and books judged to overstep
boundaries determined by Victorian prudes. We can and should have a vigorous
debate about how many new immigrants Britain needs, or can absorb. But what
cannot be denied - except by the Little Englanders who seem to control
certain newspapers - is that the ethnic diversity that is now so much a
feature of Britain's big cities has enormously enriched our cultural life,
and largely been achieved without the ugly racial clashes evident in the US
or France. Britain can now credibly claim to be as tolerant and as vibrant a
multicultural society as exists on this planet. In my book, that's a cause
for celebration, not lament.
What do you think of my Five Great Achievements? Superficial codswallop?
Dangerous twaddle? Do let me know! In the spirit of open-minded tolerance
that I have just applauded, I may even print the more entertaining responses
in a week or two.
It's all a conspiracy, I tell you
The coroner may be right to deride fantasies about the “murder” of Diana,
Princess of Wales. But the notion that the conspiracy theorists will shut
up, just because a bloke bearing the quintessential Establishment moniker of
“Lord Justice Scott Baker” tells them to, is as fanciful as the theories
themselves. The paradox about conspiracy theories, whether they concern JFK,
Jack the Ripper or 9/11, is that the more the authorities shout “bonkers”,
the more the theories flourish. Rational appraisal of the facts rarely plays
any part in this process. I've been dipping into the new Chambers
Dictionary of the Unexplained, a brilliant compendium of bizarre
“occurrences” that apparently sane people claim to have seen or heard over
the centuries. Despite Scott Baker's strictures, I fear that what happened
in that Paris tunnel 11 years ago has now entered those seemingly indelible
annals where yetis, poltergeists and flying saucers roam.
Poor show
Theatrical types hate being labelled as “whingeing luvvies”, and most aren't.
But Kevin Spacey has not best served his own theatre, the Old Vic, or
theatreland generally with his petulant attack on the BBC for showing TV
talent contests that identify new stars for West End musicals. “Are they
going to do one about a play?” he asks. Of course not - for the same reason
that Match of the Day televises football and not croquet: mainstream
TV covers mainstream interests.
Even so, TV shows such as Any Dream Will Do lure millions to live
theatre. Some of those newcomers will go on to sample the serious dramas
that Spacey puts on. But even if they don't, the unarguable fact is that big
musicals drive the West End's entire economy. If Spacey can't see that,
perhaps he should go back to Hollywood - where, of course, populism is never
allowed to override integrity.
