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My Week: Rolf Harris

G’day, Glastonbury – whip your didgeridoos out and let’s rock; The veteran entertainer gets all pumped up for his fifth appearance...

Lighten up, Auntie, and ditch the leaden middle managers

Lighten up, Auntie, and ditch the leaden middle managers

We have a BBC which is suffocated by massively over-remunerated and not terribly bright middle managers

Odd way to define a pain in the neck

Here’s the forecast: the Met Office will get it wrong, again

Thank the Lord the Met Office wasn’t around in Noah’s day with a forecast for the Ararat region

Ben’s murder was not racist

Apologies if this offends, but most violent street crime in London is committed by young black men

We can't make BBC salaries public

If we knew what Auntie paid, it would kill her. We've had enough of transparency and openness

Spendthrifts, dolts, madmen – ooh, I can’t wait to vote

WIll you vote for some wretched Westminster wannabe or one of the weird ones on the fringe at the polling boot this week?

Better an MP’s true arrogance than false humility

We are simply jealous of his large home and what right do we have to know of his personal arrangements?

Let the BNP speak – and drown in its own poison

Guess what song British National party leader Nick Griffin has for his ring tone. Sweet Home Alabama

Still we let you stay, Jacqui

It’s an especial privilege to have you as home secretary, Jacqui. Have another hundred grand for your housing expenses, love

Swine flu to kill us? And pigs can fly

What is the right response when you see someone wearing one of those stupid face masks?

Auntie’s hollow lessons in the art of public speaking

Letting Alastair Campbell teach kids is like putting Beelzebub in charge of a Sunday School

’Ello, ’ello, ’ello - PC Porkie Pie is on the case again

For an institution seemingly run by serial incompetents, the Met is extraordinarily creative when it comes to telling lies

The mole men of Broughton put the brakes on Google

Probably an entire village of weird, alien-type creatures from a John Wyndham novel

Gordon, you may need the left-footers one day

Those of us who consider ourselves true progressives would have said abolish the monarchy, full stop

So a gay, blind suicide bomber walks into a bar . . .

At last – legislation is about to be passed which will make homophobic jokes illegal

Nutters have a right to protest

Are you allowed to ask baggage handlers if they are inclined to slip plastic explosives inside people’s luggage?