Smash Hit

Kirstie’s in charge, so fill your boots

One year ago, if you suggested it was okay for bankers to have their bonuses, you would have been shunned by polite society

Sisters, this will have you frothing again

No more jokes about women from me, then, not even that hackneyed old line about why did the feminist cross the road

Brucie, Du Beke and the Beeb – I don’t know who’s worst

The white liberals squirming and shuddering about this television programme for idiots are racked by mere faux-guilt

The bankers haven’t learnt that greed is good . . . for nothing

I wonder if you added up the cost of the crimes of every prisoner in this country whether the total would come to anywhere near £27 billion

Questions for the skivvy may hang milady out to dry

Very shortly I will be able to reveal to you the whole truth about Baroness Scotland’s employment of an illegal immigrant

Immigration farce played out in Milady’s parlour

Government doesn't have the slightest clue how many illegal immigrants are in the UK at the moment or for whom they are working

The big scandal here isn’t the sale of Rover, minister

A public inquiry took £16m to tell us what we already knew and buy some time for politicians

Oi, you big nancy, I know who the real bigots are

If the Bishop of Winchester pulls out, I’d like to be considered as a replacement on the shortlist for bigot of the year

The truth: there are too many of us

The quicker the problem of overpopulation can be uncoupled from racial rhetoric, the more likely we are to address the real issue

No politicians and no clue, either

The last thing anybody wants is for their local politician to be a politician

It’s no secret — the weathermen are just guessing

Camp weathermen might be a defence mechanism, given that nobody trusts them and we assume they are just there to entertain

No wonder we take a sickie - to avoid this hype

Bored with work? Have a couple of weeks off then, and tell them it’s swine flu

My thought for the day: God has left the BBC building

The BBC’s conception of religious belief is constrained by political correctness and alien to a good many people in the country

Nick Clegg can’t support troops with blanks

News from Afghanistan has been grim recently and getting grimmer - now onto the battlefield strides Field Marshal Clegg

Labour enacts a law, then opposes it

The 2003 Extradition Act is a dreadful piece of legislation that enables the US to swoop on British citizens and jail them

My Week: Rolf Harris

G’day, Glastonbury – whip your didgeridoos out and let’s rock; The veteran entertainer gets all pumped up for his fifth appearance...

Lighten up, Auntie, and ditch the leaden middle managers