Rod Liddle
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India is not experiencing global warming, apparently - indeed, its winters are getting slightly cooler by the year. The reason is that the country uses lots of fossil fuels and the resultant black carbon and sulphur smog prevents a whole bunch of sunlight reaching the ground. In other words the stuff that causes global warming can also, in a rather crude manner, prevent it.
Global warming may also be slowing down the Gulf Stream, leading to a cooler climate in Scandinavia and Britain. Confused? I am. Almost everything to do with the debate about global warming is shrouded in a dense smog of non sequiturs, contradiction and anomaly. Never more so than when the world’s leaders hail such meetings as last week’s get together on the Baltic as the breakthrough that might save the planet.
Do you understand what, exactly, was agreed at Heiligendamm? Nothing, so far as I can gather. I suspected it would be nothing the more I heard George Bush telling the press how seriously and earnestly he took the whole business, his nose growing at a rate of one inch per second.
It seems to me that there was a firm and definite agreement by the United States to probably cut quite a lot of greenhouse gas emissions at some point in the future if China and India do likewise. China and India also announced that they were serious and earnest about it all but would not cut a single emission if it conflicted with their “development strategies”. There were no firm targets agreed to, just a sort of general consensus that it would be nice, in theory, if we could stop the temperatures rising by more than a couple of centigrade, this next half century. It’s rather like me telling my girlfriend that I take seriously her worries about my liver and will, at some point, cut down the amount of white wine I drink in an afternoon, probably, as I get the corkscrew.
And we cannot be certain that prevarication is not a rather commendable strategy. The Washington Post recently quoted the following from a scientist speaking in 1972: “We simply cannot afford to gamble. We cannot risk inaction. The indications that our climate can soon change for the worse are too strong to be reasonably ignored.”
This chap, though, was talking about global cooling - which was the apocalyptic consensus 35 years ago. In the past 100 years or so the scientific consensus has twice held that the earth is definitely cooling (1895-1930 and then 1968-75) and twice that it is instead warming up (1930-60 and 1981 to the present). In almost every case it has been our fault and something has been needed to be done about it.
Of course nothing has been done about it. Perhaps this time the scientists are right and their shrill prophecies that Essex will be a natural as well as a cultural desert by 2050 will prove true. But their track record suggests otherwise.
* * * * *
The strange, butter-faced celebrity heiress and drunk Paris Hilton is back in prison, due to public demand.
She had been let out on Thursday to finish her 45-day sentence at home, because - the prison authorities at first asserted - she has a medical condition and in any case showed great cooperation during her brief internment, which began last Sunday night, for serious traffic offences.
Sadly we have no more details on what precisely that medical condition might be, nor quite what “co-operation” took place; we must simply assume that she is a little poorly but still bent over backwards to accommodate her jailers at every available opportunity.
Now, however, a judge has bowed to the howls of outrage from the American public, almost all of whom hate Hilton and wish the woman to suffer and to be seen to suffer.
So, to summarise, with the benefit of a certain cynical hindsight: given a longer than usual prison sentence because she’s a famous slapper, let out earlier than usual because she’s a famous slapper, rearrested and banged up again because she’s a famous slapper. Perhaps Hilton’s medical condition has been brought on by being in a perpetual state of confusion.
Bono, the people's moaner
The G8 might be better rechristened the G9, since an inevitable presence at these convocations is the People’s Republic of Bono. Perhaps he should have a seat on the United Nations security council, too.
The incalculably pompous Irish singer in the perpetual wraparound shades was in Heiligendamm “holding private meetings with G8 leaders”. Why was he? What convinced them of the necessity to turn up and listen to his interminable, faux-humble, faux-naive “Oi’m only a rock star, but . . .” schtick?
Why didn’t they tell him to get stuffed, or punch him? Or just do what the rest of us do and ignore him entirely?
His eminence carped at the fact that the world’s richest nations are giving only £30 billion to fight disease in, primarily, Africa. The countries holding out were, he alleged, Italy and Canada: well, good for them.
There is no respite from this man’s megalomania, induced by the mysteriously impressive record sales from his lumpen rock band. One day soon he will announce that he is developing nuclear weapons. Perhaps then he will have at last found what he was looking for.
Oh, I see - the N-word is just fine in the ’hood
When is it socially acceptable to call someone a “nigger”? This is the question I posed to my posse of bitches and hos yesterday morning, in the wake of the latest Big Brother race row.
A fairly dense white woman, Emily Parr, was kicked off the programme for saying to her black housemate: “You pushing it out, you nigger?”
It is perfectly acceptable, I was told, if the person committing the niggering is black, in which case it is meant as an affectionate soubriquet signifying ironic solidarity.
However, it should always be spelled with an “a” at the end and without asterisks. The plural form usually takes a “z”.
What if a white woman says it, I asked? Ah, I was told, that’s okay only if the white woman in question is a “wigga”, which is to say a white person habituated to using black vernacular and Jamaican slang to the extent that they cannot themselves remember what colour they are. These are confusing times and it is important to sort stuff like this out, to avoid giving possible offence.
* * * * *
The Prince of Wales has run into a bit of bother with a planning application for his holiday home in Wales - both from some of the country’s most endearing inhabitants and indeed the Welsh.
Bats live in a barn Charles wants to convert - and these days they take precedence over royalty. So the building work must stop.
A Welsh couple living nearby are bitter that Carmarthenshire county council approved the plans in the first place when their home extension application was rejected. Kerry and Jacqueline Thompson insist they are properly Welsh, rather than some wacko satrap of the imperialist English who converses with moss.
Strung out between the bats and the Thompsons, Charles must sometimes feel like jacking it all in.
Rod Liddle left his post as editor of the BBC's Today programme in 2002, after a row about impartiality in an article he wrote for The Guardian. He was formerly a speechwriter for the Labour Party. As well as writing for The Sunday Times, he contributes to The Spectator and Country Life and presents current affairs documentaries on television
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It has become warmer on Mars as well: forget CO2 think sunspots.
Ray, London,
Joe, does that mean that Shanklin and Ventnor are not in Britain? Is the Isle of Wight part of Great Britain, but not part of Britain? Are people who live on the Island therefore not British?
Frank Upton, Solihull,
did this guy ron liddle play for the white sox ?
bill, nyc, ny
There used this thing about 'If you are eighteen and not a socialist then you have no heart, If at thirty, you are still a socialist then you have no brain.' This describes Rod Liddle brilliantly. His editorial on the 'Today Program' would use any device to substantiate socialist sentiment, he was one of those that the Times reported on yesterday in the official report over bias at the BBC. Almost as a reaction to the way that he was treated by his piers Rod has suddenly become far more sensitive to the issues of the day and this article and its several denials is a rounded piece that graces the arguments it addresses. His socialism sought undeniable truths his scepticism fights obvious anomolies. If you hold the opinion that this country has demands for services and supplies of energy that are strained by massive population, too big for its good, then the Government would be in gross dereliction of its duty if it did not ration energy as it does and then call it Global Warming.
Malcolm Turner, Alsager, England
for? canon fodder, tell you what! you be the first in line, take the shot, die your noble death for "queen and country" and when the world and your country have no recollection of your name, 48 hours after the fact (eclipsed of course by that 'Beckham" womans bra size) ponder the wisdom of your statement. in short- patriotism is the opiate of the terminally thick
Duncan, Dubai, United Arab Emirates
Northern Ireland is not in Britain. It is, however, in the United Kingdom. Britain is the name of the island containg England, Scotland and Wales.
Joe, London,
To globle warming ,i think that we need to cooperate each other,researching the cause of the globle warming.
claytonsneyder, guizhou-hezhang, China
Regarding your leaflet "a taste of summer"
It is my concern that you have omitted Northern Ireland in your list of restaurants in Britain.
As an English woman who has lived here for over 50 years I would like to say you have made an embarrasing mistake, they are exellant eating places here too . Please don't leave us out. We are British too!
Irene J. Houston, Ballymena, N.Ireland
Quote: " What if a white woman says it, I asked? Ah, I was told, that’s okay only if the white woman in question is a “wigga”, which is to say a white person habituated to using black vernacular and Jamaican slang to the extent that they cannot themselves remember what colour they are. "
You clearly asked a white person about this. The majority of the black community think that the word should be used under no circumstances whatsoever, and wish that their yoof would stop bigging it it up. The rap culture (NOT the whole of black culture, by the way - assuming itself is being, erm, somewhat limited in perception) that uses the N-word is, many people in the black community think, legitimising the use of the word by racists (and it is still used in a racist manner in the deep South, USA, for example, behind closed doors and away from the 'PC gawn mad' crowd.
Juggzy, Oxford,
Actually the cooling of northern europe as a result of global warming is really not that confusing, ten seconds searching google will give you all the info you need, maybe take the time and just make the effort?
Rich, london,
Congratulations for showing a more recent photograph in your column for the Times, Rod. Not only is it a superbly written column, but now you have a smile to match! Best wishes from everyone in Newcastle.
Dave Cook, Newcastle,
The notion that CO2 produced by man determines warming remains a hypothesis. Mere correlation does not establish causation, and the impact of human CO2 is too small to assess, given the effect of other greenhouse gasses such as water vapour. From 1940-1975 temperatures fell while emissions rose. Since 1998 temperatures have remained stable despite rising emissions. Things are not as simple as the green lobby would have us believe, and the alternative hypothesis - that the Sun and cosmic activity drives climate change - continues to gain support.
ASI Blog 28 May
Alister, Cambridge, UK
Actually, science is spectactularly GOOD at predicting things - as long as they refer to situations where only one variable is changing. Ohm's law is a good example; if it wasn't I wouldn't be using this keyboard.
Unfortunately science is being led into disrepute by bogus scientists claiming too much on it's behalf. Systems containing too many elements with too many degrees of freedom are only susceptible to stastical modelling, which gets dodgier as the complexity increases. That's why weather forecasts are so bad & why economics is not a science.
andy young, saffron walden, uk
"The notion that CO2 produced by man determines warming remains a hypothesis. Mere correlation does not establish causation, and the impact of human CO2 is too small to assess, given the effect of other greenhouse gasses such as water vapour. From 1940-1975 temperatures fell while emissions rose. Since 1998 temperatures have remained stable despite rising emissions. Things are not as simple as the green lobby would have us believe, and the alternative hypothesis - that the Sun and cosmic activity drives climate change - continues to gain support."
Adam Smith Inst blog 28 May
Alister, Cambridge, UK
Think your quote about global cooling is a myth. Can't find it in the Washington Post. Lots of unattributed quotes of it. Mind citing a reference?
George Johnson, London,
Isn't it time Bono started paying tax like the rest of us.
andy, Godalming,
more details should make the concept clear.
Joya, Jamaica, NY
Very enjoyable, a small pleasure every Sunday morning. Thanks.
JAMES GALLAGHER, LONDON, U K
There does seem to be an increasing stock of words which, apparently, are only acceptable when used by certain members of society. Some we can laugh about, certainly - but when words like "Holocaust" appear to be heading rapidly in the same direction, maybe we should pause and think....
Ian Kemmish, Biggleswade, UK
Regarding the Big Brother race row comment, I wonder if anyone else has noticed something which I think is sort of in the same league? In advertising, mixed-race relationships - and by that I mean 'nigga/honky' relationships - are almost always represented by 'black man' with 'white woman', rarely the other way round. I have my theories about this. It would be interesting to know if Rod does too.
Robert, London,
Science is spectacularly bad at predicting things. It's good at explaining why things happened in retrospect but its predictions leave a lot to be desired. One only has to look at weather forecasts to see this. Satellites, super computers and weather buoys dotted around the seas still can't prevent them getting it wrong very regularly.
This of course never stops the media, television and film producers from trotting out stories about impending disaster from supervolcanoes, hurricanes, tsunamis, new ice ages, the latest food or lifestyle choice that will cause cancer or indeed global warming. All are reported uncritically or turned into entertainment.
So far so relatively harmless.
But then we get a story like global warming. Then we get the eco warriors hectoring people for daring to drive a car, take a foreign holiday or leave a television on standby. And our leaders, desperate to look green, buy this tripe and tax us accordingly. When will we ever learn?
Paul Owen, Birmingham, UK
Can you provide, say, 20 citations from the peer reviewed scientific literature published between 1968-1975 that warned of harmful climate cooling. I'd like to compare them with the current papers on global warming.
I suspect you can't, though.
Jamie, Bolton, UK