The wind of change is about to sweep through synagogue pews - challenging assumptions about God, clearing out liturgical cobwebs, delighting those long exasperated by them but upsetting others who delight in nostalgia.

This is the result of consultations by synagogues serving Britain's 42,000 Reform Jews, and will soon culminate in a new prayer book for the 21st century. Two key changes will make it radically different from previous editions. First is the use of gender-inclusive language, recognising both the religious equality of women and the importance of language that reflects new social realities. No longer will “every man praise God” but “every person”, while we will not worship the God of “our fathers” but of “our ancestors”.

The simple change of a word here and there masks a revolution in religious life. This applies also to references to God, who will not be “our king”' any more, but “our ruler”. Desexualising God may seem pedantic to some, but carries an important theological message that has long been accepted by Jewish teaching but needs to be expressed in daily worship.

The second startling novelty is that alongside the Hebrew prayers, their pronunciation will now be transliterated into English. It is an open admission that many British Jews do not read Hebrew any

more. Although the ideal remains that they should be familiar with the ancient tongue, and it is still taught at child and adult education classes, until that point is reached transliteration will provide immediate access to those prayers.

The existing prayer book already has many passages that are said in English, but being able to join in only half the service is off-putting. Some argue that transliteration will be counter-productive and stifle the need to learn Hebrew, but the hope is that it will be encourage Jews to take that extra step. Even more significant than these changes is the desire to create a prayer book that helps people to regain the ability to pray in a meaningful way.

Like churches, synagogues fight an everyday battle against the competing forces of secularism, doubt and indifference. It is vital that when people do attend services they find themselves engaged and enriched, with prayers that meet modern needs. The new liturgy will address those who come with raw emotions that may not be religiously correct but are very real, such as feeling angry with God. Thus a prayer after a still-birth or the loss of a foetus ends with optimism but starts with accusation: “Lord, I feel empty and hollow, angry and hurt... I pray that you renew the hope of new life in time to come.” Piercingly honest too is a prayer that can be said during times of depression: “My soul is full of anguish and my spirit in a state of terror. I see the world as through a darkened glass. I cannot connect with anyone, not even those I am close to.”

What does not change, though, is the distinctive nature of Jewish prayer. While the English word “pray” comes from the Latin precare, meaning to address, to implore - talking to someone, God - the Hebrew word for prayer comes from a term meaning “to judge oneself”.

So rather than just looking outwards, Jewish payer is also focused inwards, and prayer is a matter of self-examination; not only asking God for this or that, but checking up on ourselves in God's presence, whether we are behaving properly and heading in the right direction.

It is an important distinction, because it means there is much less expectation of God answering our prayers, and appearing to fail if expectations are not realised. Instead we are asking ourselves to live up to ethical values, and it is then we who succeed or fail, depending on how committed or strong-willed we are.

The best prayers are realistic ones, for qualities that enable us to achieve our goals, that make us kinder, braver, more tolerant, more responsive. As the poet George Meredith put it so well: the person who rises from their prayers a better person, their prayer has already been answered.

Rabbi Dr Jonathan Romain is minister of Maidenhead Synagogue and editor of God, Doubt and Dawkins - A Jewish Response