WALK into any interfaith organisation, get involved in diversity dialogue or sign up to one of the proliferating “coexistence” websites and, sooner rather than later, you will come across the golden rule: “Love thy neighbour as thyself; that which you find hateful, do not do unto others; As you deem thyself, so deem others.”

There are variations, of course, but almost everyone will have learnt its basic tenets at an early age. The rule works as the common nugget of decency that reveals the humanity we all share.

It is easy to see why interfaith and reconciliation groups cling to it as a foundation on which to build better relationships between diverse communities. In this period of heightened tension, it is good practice to focus on what we share and use this as the basis for tackling difficult areas of divergence. When discussing the Israeli- Palestinian conflict, for instance, groups such as Israeli-Palestinian Bereaved Families for Peace play a vital role because they emphasise a shared human experience of loss and prevent people adopting easy “us and them” positions that leave no space for the middle ground. The rule can act as peacekeeper when everything else around it is failing.

But now I feel that the sun is shining a little less brightly on the golden rule.

The rule assumes a level playing field on which every person has the same ideals. To an evangelical Christian, for example, there is absolutely no problem with evangelising — it is the very essence of loving thy neighbour as thyself: The belief that following Jesus is the only way to Heaven means it would in fact be wrong not to persuade people to share in His love. But to many non-Christians being evangelised is the height of rudeness as it seems to discredit their entire belief system. “That which is hateful to you, do not do unto others” becomes more problematic when we realise that that which is not hateful to you may be extremely hateful to someone else.

This was especially evident in February when thousands of Muslims took to the streets in protest over the cartoons depicting the Prophet Mohammad. While defenders of freedom of speech used the principle to defend their actions — “We wouldn’t mind if Jesus, the Chief Rabbi or God were satirised in newspapers, so why are you so upset at this depiction of Muhammad?” — there were outcries when the Arab press published tasteless Holocaust cartoons in retaliation.

The freedom-of-speech argument fails because different groups have different ideas of what freedom means. To base freedom on a Western secular interpretation denies freedom to another group. It is not enough to say we are all human if we fail to recognise that not everyone will agree with our definition of human rights. The right to freedom of expression brings with it a responsibility to judge its appropriateness. So the golden rule fails in a relationship in which the dominant side dictates what humanity is, and, in so doing, ignores the central beliefs of minorities.

Instead of allowing the golden rule to dictate our actions we must see it simply as a starting point towards a greater understanding of diversity. One of the hardest challenges life brings is learning how to live with other people and communities.

The essential problem with the rule is that it doesn’t lead to the kind of effective dialogue it promises — it is a monologue masquerading as dialogue. We think we’ve asked people what they want but in fact we have assumed they want what we want. Dialogue isn’t easy. It requires great strength to be able to step out of your own moral viewpoint and try to understand someone else’s. And it means questioning your belief system when someone doesn’t agree with you. But dialogue is essential when engaging in matters of conflict; a failure to ask what people actually want means we never gain true understanding of others. The golden rule does still shine: it is the first step in understanding one another and reminding us of our common humanity. But it is merely the first step.

Louise Mitchell is youth and outreach officer with the Council of Christians and Jews, www.ccj.org.uk