Salt is bad for you. Or, to be precise, too much salt is not very good for you. Amateur health fanatics have long suspected as much. Today we publish a survey of the effects of salt on human metabolism. From a large cohort of victims, over a long period, those who had reduced their intake of salt were found to live (a little) longer, and to have reduced (slightly) the maladies and malfunctions that flesh is heir to.

This is nearly as shocking a discovery as the one made by eating an apple in the Garden of Eden. For salt is the oldest, most sacred and most valued of foodstuffs. Scriptures of all religions are seasoned with metaphors of salt. The Disciples were the salt of the earth: “But if the salt hath lost its savour, wherewith shall it be salted?” The Japanese salaryman takes his job description from the rations of salt with which the Romans paid their legions. Before refrigeration, salt was essential for preserving food through the winter. Ancient cultures have their salty proverbs. For Arabs, to eat a man’s salt creates a bond between host and guest. Ancient Greeks said: “Guests are sacred: trespass not against the salt.” Persians condemned those who were untrue to salt. For Shakespeare, salt was a metaphor for vigour and strong passion. Item: “Master Page, we have some salt of our youth in us.” To sit above or below the salt defined class as well as diet.

So, moderation in all salty things. But food without salt is like life without wit (Attic “salt” in many lingos). Those who give up Man’s savoury mineral condemn themselves to the seventh circle of Hell, where carnal sinners are rationed to a diet of unsalted porridge and eggs. They may not live any longer; but it will just feel like it.