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A generation ago more than a vestige of disapproval still lingered in the phrase “living in sin”, and unmarried couples were at odds with accepted social convention. Today there are at least two million cohabiting couples, and the term “partner” has become a normal official description of either of two people, regardless of gender or marital status, who live together. But though social mores have changed, the law has not kept pace. And whereas divorce law entails a panoply of arrangements to protect children, recompense those who sacrificed careers and determine alimony, when cohabiting couples split up there are few enforceable rights for either party.
Pressure to change the law has been growing, especially since the passage of the Civil Partnerships Act which offers legal rights to homosexual couples. This measure rightly acknowledged that gay couples were entitled to underpin their relationship with the same rights of inheritance, tax benefits and next-of-kin recognition as married couples. When the law was passed, however, such rights were denied to cohabiting heterosexuals on the grounds that they could, at any time, get married. That answer may have been logical, but it failed to still a sense of unfairness. Many couples think that the term “common law spouse” gives them rights. It does not.
The Government is therefore now proposing to look again at the implications of cohabitation, and especially at legal protection for those who suffer financially – almost always women – when the relationship ends. Next month it is to publish proposals to allow unmarried men or women to make claims against partners for loss of earnings, to win a division of property, regular maintenance payments or a share of their partner’s pension when they separate.
At the heart of all these plans must be the arrangements for children. It is here that all financial arrangements, visiting rights and maintenance payments matter. What children need is stability, and the commitment of marriage is preferable to ad hoc arrangements, some of which may indeed be enduring and provide a loving environment but which do not necessarily have the starting point of long-term commitment. A partner who misses out on a financial payday is far less a victim than a child raised in an unstable environment. Too often divorce today is about property, lifestyle and spending money. Recent huge settlements have focused on the trivial and the dishonourable – who gets what, how lavish was the lifestyle, how greedy are the claimants. Such cases overlook the real damage of divorce: the hurt of the children, their loss of opportunity and the breakdown in parental relationships.
Proposals to give legal rights to childless cohabiting couples should not become a route to riches for the unscrupulous. Little detail is yet given on how long a woman has to live with a man before he or she can claim maintenance. It would be outrageous if, say, a year were enough to trigger a vast pay-out by the wealthier partner. The young and foolish should not be penalised for mistakes.
If sensibly applied, however, the new law may strengthen, not weaken, marriage. Those hoping to shirk responsibility by not formalising a relationship will find themselves just as liable when that relationship ends. So why not marry? What the new law should do is to make them think harder about marriage before having children. More importantly, it should protect those children who are born to the unmarried. They are always the victims of separation.
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People clearly need to be told that there is a proposed opt-out scheme. Which means people entering co-habiting relationships in the future can have what is effetively a pre-nup - but legally enforcabable. Obvioulsy this law has to start somewhere and the people who are most in danger are those currently in co-habiting relationships who wouldnt have had that option. They have however had the option to enter a co-habitation agreement.
This isnt a law for goldiggers it is a much needed attempt to make people face up to their responsibilities - especially where children are concerned. So i suggest that if you are unhappy with this law either get your parnter agree to opt-out or dont go making promisies you cant keep. And if you think having children might be detrimental to you financially, use contraception to ensure you dont have them because you clearly dont have their interests at the top of your priorities. On the other hand, you yourself could give up work! - didnt think so!
Victoria, CARDIFF, UK
Amelia, wasn't marriage something you should have discussed with your "partner" before you got pregnant with him? You admit it was planned, if you are planning to have a baby with someone isn't the first step to get married? You can't complain if you were prepared to plan a baby with him as an unmarried couple that he wouldn't marry you after the event. I can't believe anyone would make a huge comitment like planning a family and not touch on the issue of marriage!
K , Derbys, UK
My partner informed me after i'd got pregnant (a pregnancy that was planned by both of us) that he wasn't going to get married to me because he thought the divorcee laws were unfair and he didn't think it was right that I should get half of everything he'd earned. I offered to get married with a pre-nup but this wasn't an option for him either as pre-nups are not legally binding contracts in the UK. Of course this law might give opportunity to gold diggers but there are plenty of other genuine people like myself whom it will protect if a relationship does break up. Unfortunately lots of man just seem to want to have their cake and eat it - they want someone to have and raise their children and look after their home but they're not prepared to make a proper commitment (ie marriage). Hopefully this law will put an stop to this as it's really not fair.
Amelia Baker, Basingstoke,
"Proposals to give legal rights to childless cohabiting couples should not become a route to riches for the unscrupulous."
Well, obviously that's exactly will happen! Marriage has absolutely no benefits for men and very few for female breadwinners either. It´s entirely in the favour of women who prefer to stay at home with the kids. Everyone else is sensibly opting out. The government's response is to force the risks of marriage on them against their will.
No-one really believes that their girlfriend will stick with the 'for better or worse any more', and feminist commentators argue that there´s no reason they should. But given that we all know that, why should we put our financial security, homes and happiness on the line for a someone who will probably leave?
After this law it will be possible to change partner every couple of years taking half his (or possibly her) money with you each time you find someone you fancy more. And there's no democratic process involved at all
David Space, London, UK
The whole proposal is a load of old tosh. I assume that it will be officially known as the "Gold Diggers charter" as the proposed legislation seems to make it impossible not to be married someone.
Possibly this is seen as a way of legalising prostitution without alerting the unwitting public.
Bob, Reading,
This is more inappropriate State interference into private life. Marriage rates are at their lowest since records began, surely significantly caused by the penal and onerous life time burdens potentially and unavoidably imposed when a marriage fails (60% +). If adults chose not to bind a relationship in that way, that choice must be respected by the State. Children are already protected. Any laws aimed at imposing similar liability on mere co-habitees will lead to a reduction in co-habiting. Deemed legal "co-habitation" could gradually, without certainyy and without conscious thought arise, unlike marriage which a clear and distinct act. No properly advised person (of even moderate means) should marry today because of the potential financial risk if it fails and that prudence will soon extend to co-habitation. The UK will be a nation of single occupants; there will be no other means of financial self protection.
Howard Paul, London, UK
You can prove that you have been married to someone by producing the marriage certificate but it's pretty difficult to prove that you have been cohabiting with them. If they deny it you're stumped.
Otherwise anyone living as a lodger might like to think about the possibility of grabbing a half share of the landlady's property.
Tony Brown, Gloucester, UK
Surely then the correct answer is to be very clear about the current legal status so that people can (as rational adults) deside on the basis of their relationship themselves. The idea doesn't strengthen marriage if it chooses the right of people not to make commitments they don't want to. The best support to Marriage is to have a campaign that makes it clear what it does and doesn't mean and informed choices can be made..
N Johnson, Manchester, Uk
I totally agree, why not marry? If anything it will encourage more to marry so that the children have a stable home and a real mother and father.
SmileyRose, UK,
I entirely agree that the interests of children must always be paramount, but liability to maintain your children arises from the fact of parenthood rather than marital status. There are already powers to transfer property between unmarried parents for the benefit of the children. If children and their welfare were the sole justification for the proposed reform, it could be argued that the proposals are not necessary.
But unmarried couples is another matter altogether. I suspect most of the pressure for change comes from the legal profession, for reasons which are too obvious to require further elaboration. It is also attractive to the Treasury, because it shifts the burden of financial support on to the former partner. My worry is that a change along these lines will not encourage people to marry, but rather to go for short term, intense relationships, which are then discarded before the partner has had the chance to acquire rights.
Mike McNaughton, Great Moulton, Norfolk
I've seen it all now.
The government punishes men for getting married, so men stop marrying.
The government then notices a large proportion of men still want sex and a cleaner, so let women, shack themselves up in their house. The girlies then "accidentally" get pregnant, thus forcing the semi-reluctant (or at the very least hesitant,) man to become a father.
Thus forth the government punishes men for buying meals and providing shelter for a woman, in return for sex.
I therefore expect less intersex cohabiting but more house sharing.
This is good news, I was worried about a housing crash, but now we're going to have loads of men, and loads of women living separately.
Charles, London,
I love the idea that you can just pick on someone you're not married to, divorce them anyway and claim half their goods. Brilliant!!!
John Ledbury, Kings Lynn, England
Why should cohabitation cause a de-facto accrual of rights to property? Marriage carries with it such a right and it is explicit.
What is being suggested is that if a woman moves in with a man and then say leaves after a year and a day then the very act of living with him warrants that he yield a portion of his property and maybe offer her a life-long pension. It's mad. The new slogan could be "A girlfriend is for life not just for Christmas".
Mike Hinsley, Bristol, UK