Chivalry is in crisis. The modern man, as asserted in times2 today, flounders like a fly in a gin and tonic when spending time with a lady. What, in this age of equality and fluid social mores, is a chap supposed to do when the bill comes at dinner or when he seeks a second date? How can he steer a course of charm between the Scylla of superiority and the Charybdis of condescension? The problem is caused by the rise and rise of the poised modern woman, able without difficulty to pay for meals, carry her own (rather stylish) bags and resourceful enough to step around a puddle rather than wait for a cloak to be laid over it.

Today’s advice to men to cultivate “frisson management” and “light and cerebral” flirting would be marvellous were they able easily to achieve it. More likely, however, women will look on in despair at men’s transparent attempts to achieve sophistication without sexism. Yet for the human race to continue, chivalry must find a new way. It is for the modern woman to find it in her heart to be chivalrous to hapless menfolk.

Ladies, if a timorous gent plucks up the courage to help you with your coat, overlook it when he inadvertently turns it inside out. If he admires your red dress, suppress the urge to point out that it’s actually pink and specially chosen to match the shoes. If he overfills your glass, conclude that he is generous by nature rather than trying to get you legless. Let’s face it, men are dazed and confused by contemporary culture and so it’s inevitable that social theorists should encourage them to regress to an age of chivalry more fictional than functional - then again, more armour could bring more amore.