Murmurings have reached The Times’s political blog, Comment Central, that the Government is to quell Britain’s disunited cacophony by inventing a new national motto. Since officialdom is likely to invite suggestions from 1,000 members of the public, we decided to put the question first. Submissions have so far not evinced any heartfelt cry for unity and patriotism. They range from the magnificently bathetic – “That’s really most awfully kind” – to the melancholy “We apologise for the inconvenience” and the exuberant but hardly flattering “Dipso, Fatso, Bingo, Asbo, Tesco”.

So far, so subversive. But where is the ringing triumphalism of other mottos? Who, like the RAF, will persevere through struggle to the stars (Per ardua ad astra) or match the valiant Isle of Man’s Quocunque jeceris stabit – it shall stand whithersoever you throw it? Today’s dyspeptic citizens prefer to grumble about the state of British democracy, taxation and foreign policy (“In America we trust” may raise a cynical smile but hardly appeals to red-blooded Britons).

The best reflect the zeitgeist: “Yeah, but no, but yeah”, “Football is coming home”, “We didn’t win. Never mind”. Mischief-making is never far away – “Dentistry is not our forte”, “This motto may be recorded”, “Through the tunnel, then ask”. And several have been uttered by everyone: “Shame about the weather”, “Are we there yet?” and “Come on, Tim!” The truth is that, unless a motto is as severely practical as the Scouts’ “Be prepared”, it should be pious, obscure and in Latin to avoid argument. One reader suggests simply: “We’re British; we don’t do mottos.”