Ronald Reagan, as President, never quibbled with his sibyl. He wouldn't take his nap without consulting his White House astrologer, Joan Quigley. It now turns out that Churchill, too, trusted the stars: part of his black propaganda strategy to woo America into joining the Allies fighting Hitler was a Hungarian astrologer named Louis de Wohl who convinced Britain's intelligence chiefs that he could alert them to what mischief Hitler would make next. How? Because de Wohl told the War Office that the Führer didn't sneeze without first checking his horoscope. And since de Wohl could read the same stars as Hitler's own astrologer, his astrological eavesdropping could obviously keep Britain one step ahead.

So if astrology was good enough for Churchill and Reagan, why not also for Gordon Brown?

OK, some might sneer that government policy shouldn't be steered by an astrologer. On the plus side, it would be comforting to know that it was being firmly steered by somebody.

May we help? See that Sun with Taurus rising in Aries, Prime Minister? It indicates that you should abandon threats that might drive non-doms from Britain for tax reasons. As Libra moves into Scorpio, your travails over dodgy donations to the Labour Party will wane - but only if you never again mention your moral compass. Mars appearing in Virgo gives warning that you must allow Alistair Darling to regrow his beard, the shaving of which has evidently sapped his financial might. We would elaborate on the impact of Gemini, with Mercury retrograde, on how Northern Rock will turn out, but professional ethics forbid us from imparting really grim news.