GCSE in Donald Rumsfeld studies. Candidates must answer all questions if they know the answer, and should indicate known unknowns wherever they know they do not know the answer, while identifying those unknown unknowns where they are sure that there are answers that they know they don't know. Total time allowed: Still to be ascertained.

1. I like to be known by my close friends as: (a) kind; (b) generous; (c) dependable; (d) Rummy.

2. Complete the following phrase: “I came, I saw, I...”: (a) conquered; (b) bought a T-shirt for my son; (c) took a photograph; (d) ...raq.

3. I believe it is not always necessary to have: (a) double-glazing on north-facing windows; (b) charisma; (c) sugar in my tea; (d) an exit strategy.

3. As Defence Secretary, I didn't take to generals calling: (a) me at 3am; (b) for troop increases; (c) collect from Iraq; (d) for my resignation.

4. My view has always been that what happens in Basra: (a) is a tragedy; (b) a foundation for the future; (c) encouraging; (d) stays in Basra.

5. I find that I tend to be: (a) grumpy until I've had my first coffee of the day; (b) in bed by 11pm sharp; (c) shy with strangers; (d) a hate figure.

6. What most scares me is: (a) that America will leave Iraq before our work there is done; (b) driving without a seatbelt; (c) heights; (d) being invited by Dick Cheney to go quail-hunting.

7. When plotting a graph, it is always crucial to identify: (a) the correct co-ordinates; (b) the best line of fit; (c) the gradient; (d) the Axis of Evil.

8. My fave Waugh is: (a) Scoop; (b) Decline and Fall; (c) Unconditional Surrender; (d) on terror.

9. I like to arrive in a country with plenty of (a) checked-in luggage; (b) local currency to tip bellboys; (c) reliable guidebooks; (d) shock and awe.

10. I eventually decided to resign because I wanted to spend more time: (a) fishing; (b) reading; (c) lecturing; (d) with my known unknowns.

11. I believe in (a) God; (b) the Tooth Fairy; (c) Santa Claus; (d) Weapons of Mass Destruction.

(All papers to be marked by Hans Blix. If he can't find them, we'll understand. Stuff happens.)