Only God can make a tree. But it takes the British Standards Institute to protect us from its trunk and disorderly dangers. It is drawing up the first national standard for tree safety inspection. Under this, a tree specialist will inspect the trees in your garden every three years; every five years a professional arboriculturalist will give them a more rigorous inspection in order to anticipate growing problems.

The precaution against trees is being introduced because of litigation after accidents: landowners have been found liable for injuries caused by their trees. Judges have obiter dictated that the accidents could have been averted if specialists had examined the trees beforehand.

Trees have been causing trouble ever since Eve was tricked by the serpent into tasting the fruit of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, and the infant George Washington took his axe to his father's cherry tree. Horace composed several odes out of his narrow escape from a falling tree on his Sabine villa.

But the poet's narrow escape was unusual, which may be why he went on about his “wicked” tree. An average of only six people a year in the United Kingdom are killed by falling trees. You are more likely to be struck by a runaway bike, bull or bullet. Of course, any mortal accident is sad. Of course, arboriculturalists would like to be empowered to inspect all trees. And, of course, somebody will have to pay for such hypersafety. Guess who? But Occam's axe should be applied to all such wild wood schemes: rules about trees should not multiply except from absolute necessity. In this forest of unnecessary regulation the BSI is way out on a dodgy limb.