Some people think that the world could end on Wednesday. That is when the Large Hadron Collider, the world’s biggest particle accelerator, begins its search for ever more elusive atomic particles by trying to recreate conditions at the birth of the universe. The physicists, of course, insist that the world will not accidentally be sucked into a black hole and anyway the important collisions will not start until next month.

What would be the implications of the end of the world? The good news is: it will finally stop raining. What’s more, we can all stop worrying about whether we’re doing enough to save the environment. Being sucked into a black hole will also be good news for England’s footballers: an acceptable excuse, just about, for a poor performance against Croatia that evening.

And the bad news? Brace yourself, because as we all disappear down the celestial plughole, the last thing we will hear is Gordon Brown assuring us that this is a universe-wide problem and nothing to worry about.