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From The Times
February 7, 2006

Words and music

What the Rolling Stones really meant to sing
Thank heavens for Sir Mick Jagger. In times of national self-doubt, the country needs its finest ambassadors to help the rest of us through the morass of uncertain absolutes and conflicting beliefs. In agreeing that TV executives could censor the more explicit lyrics from the Rolling Stones Super Bowl set, Sir Mick struck a timely blow for tolerance and audience sensitivity. He has form: the Stones have understood the qualifications of free speech since singing about spending “some time ” rather than “the night” together on The Ed Sullivan Show three decades ago. But why stop? Who better than the Stones to trumpet the inoffensive and embrace those for whom rock music is a form of social exclusion and an expression of regrettable taste?

Some title advice: end the youthful flirtation with “Mr D.” and dance instead with “Mr J. C.”, while expressing Sympathy for the Prophet. In Will You Be My Lover Tonight? replace “Lover” with “TV Dinner Companion”. Enrich Sticky Fingers by amending it to Sticky Toffee Pudding.

Some lines also need a little work. “sweet cousin cocaine” sounds better as “sweet cousin Catherine”. “I can feel your tongue on mine” is clearly impossible while singing. More realistic and, during the flu season far more sensible, to replace “tongue” with “hand”, or even better, “surgical glove”. Too many lines are open to misinterpretation. After boasting “I’ll take you places that you’ve never, never seen,” insert, “like Morecambe and King’s Lynn”. And in Beast of Burden, “I’ve walked for miles, my feet are hurting, All I want is for you to make love to me” should become, “All I want is a new pair of sensible shoes.”

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