Here’s a two-choice question, which I ask you to consider carefully. When driving to the Mediterranean beaches — in Italy, Spain or France — should you (a) thunder furiously through the continental road network nonstop, risking life, limb, marriage and no-claims bonus?

Or (b) kick back, appreciate the journey, stop to eat and sleep, and so arrive on the right side of a stroke? If you go for (a), well, bon voyage, and see you in intensive care. If you prefer (b), try the following routes. They will get you to the Italian and French rivieras, the Costa Brava and the beaches of southwest France and northwest Spain — but in a couple of days, rather than a single, straight-through stampede.

It’s rarely better to travel than to arrive, but the travelling can, at least, be pleasant.

A couple of words on French motorways before we kick off. Stick to the 130kph (80mph) limit: there are radar traps all over these days. At toll stations, avoid the gates marked with a T: they’re for people with season tickets. Gates marked CB are for payment by bank card only, and not all British cards are accepted.

Finally, don’t shun French service stations. They’re generally bright, with clean toilets and decent coffee. Off we go...

ROUTE ONE: to the French and Italian rivieras

DAY ONE, MORNING
Calais to Arras: 1hr 10min, tolls £4.65

Getting out of Calais is a doddle. From Eurotunnel or the port, follow signs for the A26 to Reims and Paris. Within moments, you’re bowling through rolling farmland speckled with the occasional slag heap — the juxtaposition of agriculture and industry.

It’s likely that you’re also thinking of lunch. A wise move. All you need do is pull off to Arras (exit 7), make for “Centre Ville”, then “Les Places”, and park in the Grand’Place.

The fantastic Flemish facades line up like huge flat skittles, both on this square and on Place des Héros, next door. Stroll both beneath the arcades, then return to the short Rue de la Taillerie, which links the two, for lunch at Le Between (“between” the two squares. Cunning, eh?). It’s new, contemporary and skilled with fish and meat (00 33-3 21 73 57 79; from £15).

AFTERNOON
Arras to Vougeot: 4hr 45min, tolls £25

Return to the A26 and stick on it for Reims. Don’t get siphoned off down the A1 to Paris. Now you’re trolling through hedgeless arable expanses where farmers still plough up bombs and bones from the first world war. Clip Reims, then make for Lyons. Coming up soon is the Montagne de Reims, bearing bespoke champers vineyards. If you owned five acres here, I’d be your friend. Beyond Dijon, there’s more priceless plonk, as Burgundy’s most celebrated vineyards back up to the little hills of the Côte d’Or. The vines have apparently been machine-stitched into the landscape. If you owned five acres here, I’d marry you.

Your destination for tonight is one of the best-known wine villages. Take exit 1 to Nuits-St-Georges, then double back a couple of miles to Vougeot, which weds the agricultural reality of wine (tractors, wellies, vats) with the posher aspects (chateaux, cut glass, sniffing).

Check in at the Hôtel de Vougeot (18 Rue du Vieux Château; 03 80 62 01 15, www.hotel-vougeot.com; doubles start at £41, but go for the spacious, newly restored rooms overlooking the vineyards, £75). You’ll like the stones and simple stylishness. Walk 200yd down the road to Clos de la Vouge for dinner (from £15).

DAY TWO, MORNING

Today you split into two camps: one for the central and eastern Italian Riviera (from, say, Savona via Genoa, round to Rapallo and beyond); the other for the western Italian Riviera (Sanremo and co) and the Côte d’Azur. First, you all rejoin the motorway, towards Lyons. Just past Villefranche-sur-Saône, everyone sheers off onto the A46, following the first signs for Marseilles.

Shortly afterwards, the first, Genoa-going group will spot directions to the A43 and Chambéry. You will obey them and set off on the following morning itinerary:


Vougeot to St-Jean-de-Maurienne: 3hr 20min, tolls £21

Once on the A43, putter past Bourgoin, of rugby-union fame, and, soon enough, the Alps will be filling the windscreen. Mighty and menacing, they have clearly come from a different dimension of geography to terrify the punier among us.

Now, feeling as adventurous as you can on a motorway, you’re climbing among them to skirt Chambéry (direction Turin) and singing snatches from the much-missed John Denver. Come off at exit 27, into the mountain town of St-Jean-de-Maurienne, and head for the Hôtel du Nord (Place du Champ de Foire; 04 79 64 02 08, www.hoteldunord.net; menus from £12).

AFTERNOON
St-Jean-de-Maurienne to Genoa: 3hr 15min, tolls £37

Back onto the motorway, and continue yodelling through the highlands to the eight-mile Fréjus tunnel into Italy. The cost of blasting under the Alps explains the high toll on this section. The tunnel charges £21.50, one-way. So, if you’ll be coming back by the same route, consider a £26.70 return.

Now you’re arrowing through the Italian Alps, over soaring viaducts and through more tunnels built by a people who have lost none of the Roman road-building skills, and have little patience with mountains.

Circle Turin on the Tangenziale (“north”, then “south”, direction Piacenza) until, just short of Alessandria, you transfer to the A26, south towards Genoa, bouncing down through yet more tunnels.

At the coast, turn right for Savona or carry on left, to Genoa, Rapallo, Portofino and points south. It’s been a stirring drive, but you’re in tip-top shape. Find a terrace, a drink and a sea view, and use them wisely.

BACK TO the second group, whom we left zipping round Lyons. You continue following signs to Marseilles, taking the A7, so the itinerary is:


MORNING
Vougeot to Orange: 3hr 30min, tolls £18

Now you’re in the Rhône Valley — more great wines, but the river itself stays mainly hidden. Instead, you get pleasing little hills, the clear light of the south — and Montélimar, for your nougat requirements.

Lunch in Orange (exit 21), at the classily Provençal Le Parvis (55 Cours Pourtoules; 04 90 34 82 00; from £12 weekdays, £17 weekends), handy for the town’s wonderful Roman theatre. It’s worth spending an extra hour here to see it.

AFTERNOON
Orange to Nice: 2hr 45min, tolls £15

Back onto the motorway and, when you can, abandon Marseilles directions for Nice. Cruise past Aix and the immense white slab of Mont Ste-Victoire, then cross the Provençal plain, with first the Maure Mountains, then the Estérel Hills rearing up around. Soon, you may start sliding off to your chosen destinations — St Tropez, St-Raphaël, Cannes — or continue to Nice, entering town along the broad, brilliant sweep of the Baie des Anges. Sanremo, on the western Italian Riviera, awaits 50 minutes further on (£3.50 tolls). Driving there, you’ll edge mountains that drop directly into the sparkling briny. The light will be brilliant, the sky huge. You’ve arrived.

ROUTE TWO: to Languedoc and the Costa Brava

DAY ONE, MORNING
Calais to Péronne: 1hr 40min, tolls £6.95

Leave Calais as before, on the A26 — but, this time, veer onto the A1 (direction Paris) after Arras. Lunchtime is approaching, so come off at exit 13.1, for Péronne, which looks a bit shot-at, in a northern industrial manner. Don’t mention this, though. If the town is slightly ramshackle, that’s because it was fearfully smacked about during the first world war. You are on the Somme here.

In the Historial, the place boasts the finest great-war museum anywhere. It’s in the castle. You can’t miss it, and you shouldn’t. Then lunch on nearby Place Louis Daudré, at the recently refurbished Hôtel St Claude (00 33-3 22 79 49 49; from £15), for proper provincial sustenance.

AFTERNOON
Péronne to Bourges: 3hr 50min, tolls £18.85

Back to the A1 to roll across battlefields that are now full of farming. The white-stained patches are lingering evidence of shellbursts and craters.

So, to Paris and, um, certain death, no? Well, not if you stick with signs for “Paris centre” until you pick up others for Bordeaux. Follow these as if they were markers on the route to salvation. With a bit of luck, they’ll whisk you round the outer road in 45-50 minutes.

Once you have emerged, breathe deeply and stay with Bordeaux directions as you glide across the flatlands of the Beauce breadbasket to Orléans. Here, forget Bordeaux signs (they have served you well) and take off instead for Bourges and Clermont-Ferrand.

Now you’re on the A71, nipping past Vierzon and, at exit 7, leaving for Bourges, a grand little stopover where Charles VII was based during the Hundred Years War. It retains a touch of the regal in a centre of sinuous streets, gothic facades and self-confident bustle. Check in at the Hôtel d’Angleterre, on tiny Place des Quatre Piliers (02 48 24 68 51, www.bestwestern.fr; doubles from £65), dine nearby at D’Antan Sancerrois (50 Rue Bourbonnoux; 02 48 65 96 26; from £22), then stroll to the epic cathedral and on round the centre, all splendidly illuminated on summer evenings.



DAY TWO, MORNING
Bourges to Aumont-Aubrac: 3hr, tolls £9

Bob round Clermont-Ferrand and up into the Massif Central, for one of the most exhilarating motorway stretches in France. These rocky uplands may lack the majesty of the Alps, but you’re still bouncing along at altitudes higher than anywhere in England and Wales. And the forests, wild pastures and stone villages have a weather-beaten grandeur of their own.

Take exit 35 and make for Aumont-Aubrac, which, though miles high and nowhere near anywhere, has a superb restaurant at Pierre Roudgé’s Grand Hôtel Prouhèze (04 66 42 80 07, www.prouheze.com; from £26). There’s a convivial brasserie alongside, if you don’t need the full Michelin-starred works; two courses start at £14.

AFTERNOON
Aumont-Aubrac to Gerona: 3hr 45min, tolls £14

Rejoin a motorway still cutting its contemporary swathe through a rural past. Just short of Millau, you begin to glimpse Norman Foster’s magnificent viaduct, which spans the Tarn Valley and completes the grand landscape to a sublime design.

Cross the viaduct, then the Larzac plateau. Bracingly barren, its features include scatterings of sheep, rocks and the farm of France’s most moustachioed troublemaker, José Bové.

After the Escalette tunnel, the road plunges down the mountain and you’re in the real south, of garrigue, vines, high skies and candid heat. Follow signs to Béziers (not Montpellier) until, soon, you’re on the A9, sauntering along the Languedoc plain towards Narbonne, with more vineyards around you than anywhere else on the planet.

Time to pop off to the sand of the western French Med — should, say, Valras-Plage, Gruissan or Leucate be your destination. Otherwise, hold steady for the Pyrenees. Up and over into Spain, then tool towards Gerona, zipping off to the lovely, crinkle-cut northern Costa Brava as your chosen resorts show up on the signs.


ROUTE THREE: to southwestern France and northern Spain

DAY ONE, MORNING
Cherbourg to St-Quentin-sur-le-Homme: 2hr, no tolls

(We say “Cherbourg” here, but anyone driving from Dieppe, Le Havre, Caen or St Malo can hop on for most of the itinerary.)

Follow signs for Caen, Mont-St-Michel and Rennes. At once, you’re undulating to Valognes, from where orthodox route-finders will whisk you straight to St-Lô. Ignore them. You’re in no hurry. Instead, turn right onto the slower, but much friendlier, D2, towards Coutances and Mont-St-Michel.

Thus, you will wind through villages and pastureland fought over ferociously by American troops in summer 1944. Just look at the 15ft hedges and imagine a young GI’s terror at not knowing what lurked behind them. (No problems these days, of course: it’s cows.) As you dip towards Coutances, note the gothic cathedral on the skyline. Continue to Avranches — where Patton broke through in 1944, and where you will join the A84 motorway. You’ll leave it pretty sharpish, at the first exit after Avranches, for St-Quentin. There, Le Gué du Holme (02 33 60 63 76, www.le-gue-du-holme.com) awaits to serve oysters, lobster and salt-prairie lamb, either from a full menu (from £20) or from a new bistro option, with excellent mains from £6.50.



AFTERNOON
St-Quentin-sur-le-Homme to Mesnard-la-Barotière: 2hr 50min, tolls £2.30

On the road again, to Rennes, which you skirt, following signs for Nantes. Once there, look for signs for Bordeaux and La Rochelle. Follow these slavishly, over the soaraway Cheviré Bridge and on to the Vendée.

Holidaymakers heading for this region’s huge beaches — perhaps St-Gilles-Croix-de-Vie or Les Sablesd’Olonne — should, when the opportunity arises, branch off to La Roche-sur-Yonne and onward to the coast.

Others should continue south on the A83, but only as far as exit 5, direction Les Herbiers. After a few miles, turn left, in Vendrennes, to Mesnard-la-Barotière, where the chambres d’hôtes in the stately chateau will give you the impression that you’ve left the motorway behind and entered a more graceful world (02 51 66 14 16, www.vendee-tourisme.com; doubles from £68, B&B; open April 15-September 30). If you book 48 hours ahead, the lady of the house will prepare dinner; from £18pp.

If the chateau is full, or the prices sound steep, head for Les Herbiers, and Le Relais — a good restaurant with functional rooms (18 Rue de Saumur; 02 51 91 01 64, www.hotellerelais.com; doubles from £36 in low season, £49 in high).



DAY TWO, MORNING
Mesnard-la-Barotière to Bouliac: 2hr 50min, tolls £14.70

Sing ho for Bordeaux, or almost. Onto the motorway and, once within spitting distance of the city, pick up signs for Bayonne, which, as they whirl you round the ring road, will bring you to exit 23. Take it down to the roundabout and turn right towards Bouliac.

Follow signs up the hill, past the gendarmerie and into the village centre. It’s a luminous little spot, offering pleasing views over the River Garonne to Bordeaux. It’s also odd, in that all three village eateries — the posh restaurant (St James), the bistro next door (Bistroy) and the traditional café down the street (L’Espérance) — are in the same hands.

I’d go for L’Espérance (05 56 20 52 16, www.saintjames-bouliac.com), a café-eaterie so perfectly restored — wooden bar, bottles, simple furniture — it’s almost a museum replica rather than the real thing. But it buzzes authentically, and lunch is breezily served (in the bower, if sunny) for about £15. And so on through the endless Landes forest (planted only 150 years ago, to stabilise marshland), turning off to the Atlantic coast resorts (Mimizan, Hossegor) if that’s where you’re going. Otherwise, skirt Bayonne for the delightful Basque coast — Biarritz, St-Jean-de-Luz — and, if that isn’t enough to hold you, sail into Spain and along the Spanish Basque coast to Bilbao. From there, the Costa de Cantabria and Costa Verde stretch away to fulfil your wilder hopes.

CROSSING THE CHANNEL

Eurotunnel (0870 535 3535, www.eurotunnel.com) has a lead-in Folkestone-Calais fare of £49, one-way, for a car and passengers. But, as with many ferry companies — and no-frills airlines — the price rises as capacity fills.

On the same basis, P&O Ferries (0870 520 2020, www.poferries.com) and SeaFrance (0870 571 1711, www.seafrance.com) both offer one-way tickets from Dover to Calais, for car and passengers, from £21. SpeedFerries (0870 220 0570, www.speedferries.com) has an all-year base price of £29, one-way, from Dover to Boulogne; and Norfolkline (0870 870 1020, www.norfolkline-ferries.co.uk) offers one-way crossings from Dover to Dunkirk from £19. LD Lines (0870 428 4335, www.ldlines.com) has resuscitated the Portsmouth-Le Havre route, while Transmanche (0800 917 1201, www.transmancheferries.com) links Newhaven with Dieppe.

Condor Ferries (0870 240 8002, www.condorferries.com) serves St Malo from Weymouth (via the Channel Islands) all year; St Malo from Poole from May to October; and Cherbourg from Portsmouth on Sundays from July 15 to September 9. Brittany Ferries (0870 536 0360, www.brittanyferries.com) sails from Portsmouth to Caen, Cherbourg and St Malo; Poole to Cherbourg; and Plymouth and Cork to Roscoff. Irish Ferries (0818 300400, www.irishferries.com) links Rosslare to Cherbourg and Roscoff.