A couple of weeks ago I received an invitation to meet the Queen and have dinner at the White House during her tour of America.

It was a beautiful invitation: “Laura Bush and President Bush invite you to dinner on May 7” and so on.

What with my mother being a British subject this would naturally have been a tremendous honour. But unfortunately I’m in Los Angeles and had a TV show to do and so I couldn’t afford to take the day off.

So still the closest I’ve come to meeting royalty are American royals, back in college when I was working in a Rolls-Royce dealership. I was given the job of driving a 1954 Rolls Phantom belonging to Joseph Kennedy, John F Kennedy’s father, to the White House.

So I picked up my girlfriend, because you can’t miss the opportunity to make out in Joseph Kennedy’s car, and on the drive down we pulled over in a rest area and, you know . . .

When we got to DC I pulled up to the White House in the car, told the guards who I was and they waved me on through. Of course, now the car would be searched.

This shows you how times have changed. I explained who I was and the guard said: “Oh, okay go ahead. Just drive right on up under the awning.”

So I literally just drove up under the White House awning, the part you always see on TV where the marine guard is, and someone came out and took the car. That’s about as close to royalty as I’ve ever been.

I saw some of the Queen’s visit on TV, like her going to the Kentucky Derby. Actually Camilla was at the derby last year. I think she came in fourth . . .

Americans don’t really know how to react to seeing the Queen. I understand that President Bush took the time to learn a little bit of English so he could speak to her. It’s nice to see him making the effort.

The Queen was welcomed with a 21-gun salute, 22 if you count Dick Cheney’s gun that went off accidentally.

I could imagine the dinner, even though I did not get to go. I have been at the White House a number of times.

I’ve done what they call the White House correspondents’ dinner. They invite you to come and do jokes about the president, to make fun of him. He actually has a pretty good sense of humour.

Naturally he made a number of gaffes and the Queen gave President Bush a frosty look when he gave her a wink. You’re not supposed to give the Queen a wink, that’s the wrong thing to do.

But then again it was just a wink. Her Majesty is lucky she wasn’t there when Bill Clinton was in office.

I’m not quite sure what you’re supposed to say to the Queen. My mother was from Scotland, and to meet the Queen – well, it doesn’t get any bigger than that.

I think I would have to say something that is true, as she seems to have a pretty good built-in lie detector. We both have Bentleys and so I’d probably tell her how much I admire English goods and English products.

I’ve had my Jaguar for 25 years. I just bought a Lotus Elan the other day and I’ve got a McLaren F1, which is the epitome of British engineering.

I’ve always favoured the English chassis and engines even over the Italians. For one thing I can read the manual and understand it.