Guy Fawkes Night is when every self-respecting dad believes he has inherited the fire-making genes of his caveman ancestors and reckons it doesn’t require the skills of the SAS to construct a brilliant conflagration.

Incredibly, while householders can be fined for not sorting out recycled rubbish, there are no bylaws banning garden bonfires. It remains perfectly acceptable to construct a cathedral of rubbish hot enough to peel paint off the neighbour’s guttering, and no questions asked.

Picking the right location for a pyre is crucial to success, so common sense suggests you choose a spot at least 15 yards away from your wife’s favourite rose bed and, obviously, overhanging trees. Ramsey-Street instincts should prompt you to alert the neighbours so they can shut windows, gather in the washing and lock pets away.

Where to turn for a quick tutorial in kindling technique? The outdoor expert Dave Watson, of Derby-based Woodland Survival Crafts (www.woodlandsurvivalcrafts.com), says it’s pointless digging a fire pit during winter months because the soil beneath is often wetter than the surface. Instead a circle of boundary stones will help manage the size of the fire.

Collect a bundle of dry tinder sticks and put them on the ground at the centre of your circle. Place a couple of substantial logs either side, to help contain the kindling, and a couple more logs at right angles across the first two to provide a platform. Crisscross the wood as the pile grows, increasing its size and filling large gaps with kindling where layers don’t touch, to ensure an even burn on all sides.

Leaving a small tunnel to the tinder core makes the bonfire easier to light. Construct a pyramid of wood around the platform. The shape is important to ensure the materials collapse inwards, fuelling the flames below and not tumbling across your manicured lawn.

Light a newspaper torch to reach the centre of the bonfire, or a burning rag on the end of a stick if yours is a monster. Never use petrol or paraffin to light or restart a fire — the explosive fumes have the potential to relieve you of more than your eyebrows — and avoid burning rubber, plastics and foam, which can give off toxic fumes, while aerosols can explode.



Where the law stands

There are no bylaws prohibiting garden bonfires. However, you should consult the environmental services department of your local council, which may have “smoke control areas”. Fireworks can be set off legally only until midnight tonight, and are banned from 11pm to 7am during the rest of the year, except for certain festivals. Lawbreakers face a fine or jail.