I live on a quiet street in Beverly Hills. Well it was quiet until David and Victoria Beckham moved in recently. I could tell when it was because one day I came home and saw tons of photographers at the bottom of my street and even a guy with a camera up in a tree.

At first I was a little flattered but then realised it had nothing to do with me. I don’t usually get in the tabloids. The last time was when there was a water shortage here in LA. A tabloid said I had bought 1,500 bottles of Perrier to wash my car. I was besieged with angry letters from people saying what a foolish person I was. Like I would wash my car with carbonated water. It was kind of fun being in a tabloid. And I wasn’t even having sex with anyone.

So the other day I left to go to my garage at 9am and there was a whole phalanx of photographers camped out. I came back at 3pm and they had been there in 90 degrees heat all day.

I called some of the photographers over and said: “Can you really make a living taking these pictures? She’s only leaving her house.” One says: “It’s not just leaving her house, we have to follow them and we need 10 of us because we have to track every car that leaves in case they might be in one.”

I’m amazed at what good sports the Beckhams actually are. She had been on the show with me about 10 years ago with the Spice Girls. They are a nice group and we had fun. When they came this time, everyone was a bit “oh my God, what’s it going to be like?” But they hadn’t changed at all.

Like last time, she was really nice and very funny. Remembering the photographers outside my house, I laughed when she told me she had bought these sex dolls, dressed them up in wigs and put them in the back of the car. Then they would send them out and the photographers would trail after these dolls and take pictures of what they thought was her in the back of the car. You have to have a good sense of humour to live like this.

David came along to the show, too, and was just standing in the hall when the show was over. He put his hand out to shake my hand like two guys meeting in a pub. I said: “Nice to meet you,” and we talked about cars for a little. He said: “I hear you have a great garage,” and so I invited him to drop by sometime.

They will go down very well here. She did a reality show called Victoria Beckham in LA and they followed her to the Department of Motor Vehicles to get her driving licence photo. A normal thing to do, except she has hair and makeup people with her. It looks hilarious but she does it tongue in cheek.

I hear he has a Cadillac Escalade, which is a big hit with what the Brits call footballers. It’s an indicator the Beckhams have embraced the American way of life. Maybe to cement his new American lifestyle he should get a Z06 Corvette too.

Victoria has a Bentley convertible, which is good for her. I like the fact she drives around in a convertible. It’s good she is not hiding. People will follow them around and take pictures as long as they want to. But then those of us in Beverly Hills have found that out already. The good thing about this for me is that, with all the cameras and security, I now live on the safest street in the world.

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