Jeremy Hart
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Nick Mason is impatiently gunning the engine of a black Rolls-Royce Phantom.
He is at the start line of one of the most challenging race tracks on the planet and the clock is about to start ticking.
The challenge is simple: he must complete one lap of the Nürburgring in Germany before the end of the first half of the Pink Floyd track Shine on You Crazy Diamond.
This is not as obscure a challenge as it might at first appear, for the ring is the longest race course in the world, measuring more than 14 miles, while the song in question is one of the very longest in rock’n’roll history.
And each is a rollercoaster ride of twists and turns, peaks and troughs. It is a perfect opportunity for the Mason to mix his twin passions of music and motors.
Mason, of course, is the human metronome who drums Pink Floyd - arguably the world’s biggest progressive-rock band - through marathon sets at venues such as Earls Court and Madison Square Garden. But he is also the owner of one of the biggest car collections in Britain and about as big a car nut as you can get.
“Normally, when I am touring I have to forget about cars and racing. It’s even stipulated in my tour contract,” he says.
In one of his Ferraris or Porsches (even the classic ones) today’s battle of racing and rock would be weighted in favour of the car. Sports cars easily lap the ring in 10min, while the song, which was written in honour of Syd Barrett, the band’s founder member, who died last year, weighs in at 13min 33sec in duration. Actually, that’s just the first part: the full version, which was so long it was split into two parts on the album Wish You Were Here, lasts for more than 26min.
But in a car such as a Phantom, the duel is more equal. The Rolls was tested round the Nürburgring as part of its development programme, though the reason for choosing it this time is to allow us to enjoy the playing of Shine on You Crazy Diamond precisely as it was meant to be enjoyed.
And that means not drowned out by an Italian banshee engine wailing inches behind the driver’s head, but instead to the accompaniment only of fresh Eifel Mountain air rushing past the windows, and the faint purring of the Phantom’s glorious V12 6.75 litre engine way off in the distance – somewhere between us and the Flying Lady up front.
Mason nods, and that means we are ready to gig. I hit Play on the CD player and he pushes the start button on his stopwatch while jabbing a foot down onto the accelerator.
The power reserve indicator on the dashboard leaps from its resting 100% to 25% (the Phantom has no rev counter, but simply tells you how much power is still available for you to use).
The 453bhp engine growls at such unsophisticated treatment and near three tons of motor car lifts from the start line and ploughs forward towards the first chicane of the track with a surprising amount of verve.
Meanwhile the song has got off to a far more leisurely start. In fact it is several seconds before the first synthesised notes are even audible. It’s not for lack of power from the sound system, as the nine-channel amplifier generates 420 watts, playing through 15 speakers.
As the music swells into the cabin, Mason is plunging into corners and over blind crests at speeds that no self-respecting chauffeur would consider either safe or desirable.
“For the size of car and its image as a luxury cruiser, the steering is very positive and overall it’s a very controllable vehicle,” he says. “It takes a while to build up confidence with it, but once you have done it’s almost as good to handle as an M-badged BMW.”
Two minutes and 17 seconds have passed, and the haunting guitar played by Floyd’s Dave Gilmour fills the 100mph auditorium as Mason steers the Phantom through the back section of the track between the Flugplatz (meaning airfield) and through the corkscrew bends at Adenauer Forst.
As the four-minute mark passes, Mason is now multitasking, beating out the rhythm of the song on the steering wheel with his thumbs while wrestling the big car through a series of bends and dips. The speedo rarely dips below three digits.
Unlike most racetracks, the Nürburgring is not a series of straights and corners; rather it is, as Mason describes, “a series of corners followed by more corners”.
And the most famous of these is Carousel. More bobsleigh bend than racing corner, it is a hairpin that flicks the car about its apex by a full half-turn while banking inwards to about 30 degrees.
It sucks in and then spits out both car and driver, and reminds one of the track’s frightening nickname: Green Hell.
The lyrics cut in and we are still only two-thirds of the way round the track. But not once has Mason made the Phantom do anything brash or grating.
As an accomplished but small dancer would waltz with a large lady, he uses technique rather than brawn to get the Rolls through the track as rapidly yet as smoothly as he can. Ten minutes have come and gone, the lyrics have now stopped and the song feels as if it is beginning to wind down. Only three corners now lie between us and the finish line.
“It’s going to be tight,” he blurts as we exit the last bend.
Now it’s a straight drag race down the mile-long Döttinger Höhe and straight to the line. The engine seems to be louder, but that might just be my imagination. The wheels are burning the tarmac, eating up dozens of yards per second.
But it’s a mile too far. Within sight of the finish, all 15 speakers go silent. I turn up the volume in desperation, hoping to find a last, lingering note but Shine on You Crazy Diamond has finished, and we have not.
The car roars across the finish line and Mason releases his grip on the wheel for the first time.
“Maybe we should have used the live concert version we used to play,” he says, wiping the sweat from his face. “That one is about 17 minutes long.”
Long players
Tubular Bells (1973) Mike Oldfield, 48min 57sec
Bitches Brew (1969) Miles Davis, 27min
Sister Ray (1968) Velvet Underground, 17min 27sec
Sad Eyed Lady of the Lowlands (1966) Bob Dylan, 11min 23sec
Fools Gold (1989) Stone Roses, 9min 53sec
Jesus of Suburbia (2004) Green Day, 9min 8sec
Alternative public circuits
Where Le Mans, France
Why Because it’s scene of the most famous endurance race in the world, and you can drive the road part of it
Info www.lemans.org
Where Isle of Man TT
Why Because the TT takes place on public roads, anyone can hit the lanes
Info www.ttwebsite.com
Where Monaco
Why You get to drive in central Monte Carlo along the same Formula One route as Lewis Hamilton takes
Info www.acm.mc
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"A change of Seasons" - Dream Theater. One song, 23 minutes. Bet he'd lap the 'Ring in a Logan in that much time!
Charles Pennefather, Mumbai, India.,
I'd like to add "telegraph road" by the dire straits (live version as on "money for nothing") with around 12min.
Lars, Munich, Germany,
"The speedo rarely dips below three digits." yet he cant lap in under 13m 33s ?? something doesnt add up here..
Wh00sher, mirfield,
Something wrong here. If the car rarely went below 3 figs, as you state, then Nick would have finished the lap inside of a Bat Out of Hell.
Tim, London, England
...you forgot to mention frank zappa's song bily the mountian, and also arlo guthrie's alices restaurant (extended version), two very long songs...
Meg, Young, Aust/NSW
Don't forget this is a big, wallowy car that weighs over 3 tons - the brakes won't be that amazing for stopping all that weight over and over again, and the suspension is in no way designed for tracks.
Harvey Baldwin, Whalley, Lancashire
This probably sounded like a good idea, at the time. But in hind sight, ideas are sometimes best left in the pub.
Edwin Rogers, Auckland, New Zealand
A solar? Yuk. Take off some of the silencers Nick, let's hear those 7 litres in full glorious voice.
Ivor Duarte, Shepperton, UK
You should try the Ring Cycle on the M25.
Tim Metcalfe, Oxford,
it's sad to see such music icons get stuck in the 70's. too bad their energy is narcissism instead of solar. drive a hybrid, nick. grow up!
will segen, san francisco, usa
Was he peddling that thing round Flintstone style? I reckon I could have ridden my unicycle round faster than that!
simon peter, Toms River,
It would be great if we could see the video of Nick driving. I find it hard to believe he couldn't get the old girl round there quicker than it took Shine on You Crazy Diamond to end!
samcadwallader, Ulverston,