I know, I know, we’ve cried wolf before. In the past we’ve said that automated call centres are the worst thing. We’ve said that Christmas is the worst thing. We’ve said that working for bankers is the worst thing. We’ve said that holidays are the worst thing. New year. Kids. Relationships. Lift music. John McCririck . . .

But actually it’s driving. No, really, it is. It’s driving. Driving is the worst thing of all because it brings together so many of the multitude of elements that combine to make us grumpy. Just think about it for a minute.

It’s got queuing — at petrol stations, on side roads, on A roads, on slip roads, on motorways, at car parks, for ferries, and even at the “drive-thru”. Very few things make Grumpies more grumpy than queuing.

It’s got being ripped off — when you buy a car, when you have it serviced, when you buy anything for it, when anything goes wrong, when you put petrol in it, when you wash it, when you park it, when it gets towed away and when some a******* you’ve never met bumps into it.

It’s got being messed about — again, when you buy it, when you want to book it in for a service, and when you tax it, insure it and get the MoT for it, when it gets ticketed or towed away, and again when you want to sell it. And last but not least, it’s got that most essential ingredient of our grumpiness: driving is a triumph of disappointment over expectation.

When we were kids we thought driving would be wonderful, the ultimate freedom, the keys to the highway, and all it has turned out to be is a total and colossal pain in the tushkin.

So driving. That’s what this series is about. Sure, sure, plenty has already been written about driving. There are countless magazines, books, reviews, endless websites, and loads of TV programmes — I believe even an entire channel called Men and Motors. However, none of them, I do assure you, has looked at driving from quite our perspective. Find out what I mean next week.

© Stuart Prebble 2008

Grumpy Old Drivers by Stuart Prebble is published by Orion at £9.99. Copies can be ordered for £9.49 including postage from The Sunday Times BooksFirst on 0870 165 8585

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