I drove home last night in a new Audi TT Roadster. The sun was setting,
the sky was blue, the air was clean, the roads were quiet and the car was an
utter delight. It snarled when I wanted it to snarl, it cruised when I
wanted it to cruise, it had a lovely steering “feel” and a perfectly judged
ride.
As a driver’s car, it was a world apart from its “cabin doors to manual”
predecessor.
“I could have one of these,” I thought as I pulled into my yard. But of course
I can’t, because I am a man and the Audi TT is so completely girlie that I’m
surprised it isn’t supplied with a bra and high heels. It really is Jane
Austen with windscreen wipers.
Or is it? If you believe hardline feminists, the sort of people who have
Amazonian lady-gardens and wear dungarees made from hemp, then all men are
intrinsically rapists and the only reason we don’t actually molest every
single girl we see is because we’re all at home beating up our wives. Males,
thanks to their physical size and their muscles and their need to spray seed
into everyone and everything, are threatening, dangerous and deeply
unpleasant.
Really? I only ask because if we look at nature, it’s normally the other way
round.
Only recently we were shown pictures in the newspapers of a lioness that had
attacked another mother’s cub and then dragged its bloody carcass under a
tree and eaten it.
Then you have the praying mantis. As we all know, the female celebrates a
successful impregnation by biting the head off its lover.
Other examples include the Mills-McCartney, a curious one-legged animal that
infests the male’s nest for a short period of time and then leaves with most
of its contents.
And now comes news from the world of science that female chimpanzees in
Senegal like nothing better than to rush about in the jungle murdering as
many other primates as possible. In fact, to make the murdering easier,
they’ve even learnt in recent decades how to make spears from branches.
Researchers are saying this proves that the origins of technology in humans
came from the female of the species, and that therefore Isambard Kingdom
Brunel must have been a woman.
Maybe so. But for me, what it shows is that in the big wide world of nature
it’s the females that are the violent rapists and spouse beaters. And it’s
not just praying mantises, chimps and lions either. We see girl power among
golden hamsters, hyenas and many types of fish.
Indeed, Mrs Stickleback will shag her mate and then it’s “Wham, bam, thank you
man” as she immediately rushes off to find a new sexual partner, leaving the
first to look after her eggs. We see the same sort of thing in Newcastle on
a Saturday night.
As a result I’m not sure the Audi TT is a girlie car at all. With its
nonthreatening curves and its benign, wouldn’t-say-boo-to-a-goose face, it
is plainly male.
No, really. A TT wouldn’t kill and eat your children. A TT wouldn’t shag you
and then bite your head off afterwards. And nor, with its traction control
and its airbags and four-wheel-drive system, would it come round to your
house on a lovely afternoon and stick a rudimentary spear in your throat.
I have more evidence. Look at the mallard duck. The female is drab and brown
and not at all interested in style or appearance. The male, on the other
hand, struts about with a green head and flashes of blue on its wings.
As a result of this pioneering work, which I’ve researched tirelessly for
several minutes on the internet, I’ve decided that actually it is possible
for an alpha male to buy an Audi TT. It suits our inbuilt need for style and
our completely unthreatening and rather lovely personalities. And it corners
well, too.
So what about the violent, ugly, murdering bastardhood that is womankind? What
sort of car should it have?
Well, as we know, human females like to drive massive four-wheel-drive cars;
it suits their need to kill as many other road users as possible, damage
other people’s property, and if you believe David Cameron in his fair-trade
trainers, destroy the whole world as well.
And all of that brings me to the newest 4x4 to hit the marketplace, the
Cadillac SRX4.
This is a very ugly car. So ugly in fact that you’ll want to get inside it and
shut the door as quickly as possible. But sadly when you are inside it’s
even worse.
Cadillac has gone for a half-timbered look with bits of wood nailed to every
flat surface, and some that aren’t flat at all — the steering wheel, for
instance. Now this kind of thing worked in Elizabethan times. Team it with
some wattle, some daub and a hint of thatch and all is well. But polish your
wood until it gleams and then team it with plastic and I’m afraid the end
result will be, and is, absolutely revolting.
Still, it could be worse, and it is, when you fire up the big 4.6 litre engine
and go for a drive. Because immediately you run out of petrol.
Officially the SRX can achieve 16mpg, but unofficially, on the school run say,
you’d struggle to get more than 12. Couple that with the £36,895 asking
price, and the likelihood of piano-falling-from-a-tower-block depreciation,
and this car could well turn out to be more expensive to run than the Iraq
war.
It gets worse, too, because it’s marketed as a seven-seater, but it isn’t
really. To fit into the rear seats you’d have to be so badly deformed that
you’d need all manner of specialist equipment to keep you alive. An iron
lung, for instance, and that isn’t going to fit.
What’s more, you can only get into these seats from the driver’s side, and
only then if you have no legs, no arms, no head and a torso that can be
twisted like Plasticine. Best to push the little button that electrically
folds these seats away and pretend they don’t exist.
That way you end up with an expensive-to-buy, expensive-to-run,
expensive-to-fuel, half-timbered and very ugly five-seater that is longer
and therefore harder to park than the seven-seater Volvo XC90.
It’s not going well for the Cadillac, so I suppose at this point I should
mention its good points.
Er . . . I suppose the V8 Northstar is pretty potent when you bury your foot
in the nylon, and I’ll admit that for an off-roader the ride is pretty
smooth as well. So smooth in fact that it made all three of my children feel
sick.
I also liked the enormous sunroof. But I can’t say the same for the driving
position. The steering wheel is too far away and will only adjust for
height, not reach. Yes, you can move the pedals up and down, but if I’m to
be honest this only turns the situation from bad to worse.
So if you want an unnecessarily big antisocial 4x4 — ie, you are a female —
you can do better than this. The Volvo XC90 remains my favourite. I like its
sensible layout, its reasonable price tag and its nonthreatening exterior.
You, as a girl, may prefer the similarly practical but much more militarily
butch Land Rover Discovery.
The Cadillac? It has no discernible sex. But then it has no discernible
purpose. If it were a creature, it wouldn’t be a lion or a praying mantis or
even a chimp.
No, I think it would be a wasp — useless and hateful in equal measure.
Vital statistics
Model Cadillac SRX4
Engine 4565cc, eight cylinders
Power 325bhp @ 6500rpm
Torque 315 lb ft @ 4400rpm
Transmission Six-speed auto
Fuel 16.9mpg (combined) /396g/km
Acceleration 0-62mph: 7.4sec
Top speed 40mph
Price £36,895
Rating 1/5
Verdict One star for the sunroof, none for anything else
Land Rover
Nissan
Peugeot
Volkswagen
Subaru
Alfa Romeo
Fiat
To satish, akron, USA.
American roads are boring, no sweeping bends or s bends As im sure your aware American cars just cant hack it against europian or jap build quality,ride quality or performance. I feel the US car buyer is years behind. Plus the GT....most of it isnt acutaly American...
chris, Glasgow,
I was shopping for a "ski" car and ended up buying a SRX. Yeah, while I will probably pay an arm and a leg on depreciation and services when it breaks, you can't beat the drive @ 80mph over the continental divide in -20 below... that is where this car really shines. Oh, and I'm 6'6.
Thimme, Denver, Colorado, USA
Sorry you feel that way. I know it must be difficult...
John Bersinger, Sacramento, CA, USA
WHAT?? I purchased the 2008 SRX4 and find it to be the most comfortable, flexible AWD around. I LOVE it! The interior is luxurious and functional. It is the happy medium between a car and SUV. And as far as the exterior goes-not everyone has to have their ego stroked by others attention. Poor review
Kim Hogue, Streator, USA
I live in an area where big fancy four by fours are very common. I've seen Lincoln Navigators, Cadillac E-things, horrible GMC Tahoe's, and so on. But I have never seen a Cadillac SRX4 bulldozing around town in the usual one-passenger format. Judging from this review, I can see why. Appalling car!
Jason, Kitimat, Canada
Your dissertation on females would be all right if it wasn't so polite. Why can't you describe the mentality of the average woman in the same words you used for the SRX4? But maybe that's what you were doing.
Robert Allen, Braintree, Essex
Wow do you really think all women are like this? I suppose if they are they could afford this car! Maybe that type of woman would in fact find this car to be lovely.
But, please don't lump us all in this category!
Mona, Montrose, USA, Califonia
Even out here in North America, I am in BC, Canada, the SRX is a bad seller.
Chris, Vancouver , Canada
my dad has a chlyer voyager and no long jonerys its relly uncomftble and if you are drving at nigth the seates beome relly cold and i shere
luke trehene , london , england
"Look at the mallard duck. The female is drab and brown and not at all interested in style or appearance. The male, on the other hand, struts about with a green head and flashes of blue on its wings."
Are you describing yourself Clarkson? Strutting your stuff and repeating your views of women? An awful car for drab women.
JANE FLEMING, PETERBOROUGH, CAMBS
Finally a car review which I only wish an American periodical would publish "calling Car & Driver" to get a fricking clue!
The Cadillac which zigs...doesn't necessarily do so in this format. I live in supposedly one of the more "green friendly' environs in Gringolandia and EVEN the flaxen Aveda dyed overtly faux tanned Soccer MILFS like their "SUV's" b/c it makes them "feel safe". As a woman who actually learned to drive a manual tranny first and proved to all- woman can multi-task whilst driving -- no not putting on mascara and/or talking on your Motorola razor...I mean engage clutch, shift, disengage and vrrrrooooom! Driving is an art and grace. I was taught by my Uncle Chuy (not of Star Wars fame but the big Jesus) to know your car all around in order to be able to navigate to the best of its abilties in all conditions and in order to be able to park it anywhere! Now, these "chicks" give the rest of us who know how to drive a bad name. They have no idea what power they wield-oi!
Veronica Ochoa, Minneapolis, MinnesoHTAH! USA
Even if this car is not as bad as Clarkson says it is...
would you pay $73,881 for it ??????????
I thought so ;)
* 36,895.00 GBP = 73,881.52 USD
Asi, Philadelphia, PA USA
Word, Steve from Perth! I know a guy who used to adore his 4x4, until it broke and he bought a Volvo estate (for 500 quid) which he wanted to drive until the 4x4 was fixed. He didn't want the 4x4 back afterwards, he was so used to the space.
starling, Lancaster,
Express those views here in the U.S. and you'll be called-in for an intervention, asked to make a public apology and subsequently fired. Re: Imus. Land of the free?
You're dead on Clarkson. The car is abysmal. Though not as horrifying as the new Benz R320/350/500 that oddly shares the same lines as the Oldsmobile Silhouette from the early 90s.
I've come to believe that U.S. auto manufacturers suffer from loss of engineering talent to the defense sector (brain drain). We can now blow up buidings and rocks really well. Great! A lot of good that has done in the world. Call me crazy, but we haven't designed a really good automobile since the start of the cold war...
Chuck, Nashville, TN
The cadillac SRX 4 infact is a great car and Mr Clarkson is known to be critical(extremely) when it comes to american cars. well lets take into consideration that UK DOES NOT HAVE ROADS FOR BIG CARS PERIOD....in america the roads are wider more spaced out and fun to drive on. IF jeremy does not like american cars then he probably should not have inversted in the GT40...i'd say that was a very foolish move by the so called car critic...
satish, akron, USA
No Jeremy, the Audi TT (even the NEW one) is not a girls car - it is a hairdresser's car. As we know, hairdressers are either of the three sexes so maybe. It looks like so many other cars in a very cheap immitating way.... but it is the sort of car we all pretend to dislike but actually would rather like to drive!
The Chrysler is possibly an extremely good vehicle to buy if you are prone to forgetting where you have parked in huuuuge car parks as it really won't be that hard to find either alone or by asking "have you seen where the ugliest motor vehicle in this multi-story is parked?". Well done Chrysler. Now all they need to do is make it available in an equally ugly colour (which they've probably already thought about)!!!
Nik French, Ashby de la Zouch, Leicestershire
I think Jeremy meant that it's SAFE top speed was 40mph.
4x4s as we call em here in Oz have a lamentable record of falling over or "high siding" as the 4x4 community calls it. They shouldnt be allowed on metropolitan roads except with a special lic plate that identifies them as a commecial vehicle. Plus a man in front with a red flag.
I live 100m from a school and wince when the hordes of mothers in their tractors turn up, peering over the steering wheels attempting to negotiate the tight spaces that their vehicles clearly were not designed to deal with.
The argument that 4x4s are better because they have more room inside is also a nonsense. I work on a mine and I can safely say that despite the fact that we use the largest of the Japanese 4x4s they are very cramped inside and have less room that a station wagon.
Good on ya Jeremy
Steve, Perth, WA
Jeremy how can you say the TT is good? Even if it is lets not forget it is an Audi, the most prolific also-ran German sports car manufacturer after Mercedes AMG. both of them are utter rubbish, have been for decades and still are, and I will hear no argument to the contrary. Lets not forget that we are talking about the company that single handedly ruined one of the greatest Italian Marques of the modern era by fitting it with traction control and rear windows and letting a flatlander design it. As a car company they are a total sham and should be legislated against making cars at all. And if you must buy one of these silly large 4x4 things then definately skip the ridiculous Q7 and instead buy a Range Rover Sport and if I hear an argument from you I'll have to assume you have finally gone totally barking mad.
Andrew Melling, Wirral,
"Humour" aside (and Mr Clarkson should eschew this line of endeavour), if he thinks this Caddy is ugly, what about the god-awful Rolls Phantom? Now that really is horrific!
David Cunard, Los Angeles, USA
I so very much want the 4x4 bandwagon to lose all it's wheels, preferably while attempting the bold feat of cornering at more than 5mph. Why? Because the latest models are really showing how tired the sector is.
Oh well, at least the fuel tax revenue will keep our treasury in business a while longer.
Matthew Brown, Glasgow,
Excellent article, Jeremy! Very, very funny :)
test334, London,
Nice comments from lee Buick spoken like the true Cadillac Salesman that he is.Sorry Lee but Jeremy does the School Run and he has made some valid points.I too have seen and driven the thing and i wish you all the luck in the world with trying to sell it .
John, walsall, west midlands
What a hideous car!
Tom, London, England
Great article...
Lee Buick, look at your name, change it!! No wonder you defend Yankee *ahem* automobiles. I bet you;
1. Have a beard
2. Take your kids to school in that damn thing
Starling, you forget Jeremy is 6'4", if he got closer to the steering wheel his knees would be around his ears, as Valine said! But you've given me wonderful thoughts of blowing up my neighbour's Nissan Micra!
Paul Bahre, you are, according to Jeremy's article, dangerously close to becoming female!!
As for driving in the USA I once drove from New Orleans through Houston and up to Dallas in less than a day, I admit I was going stupidly fast, but that's a four figure milage, and that wouldn't be possible on beautiful long straight roads of the USA.
Jeremy has had a run in with a mother on the school run in her 4x4 recently, hence the female rant. Apparently women like them because you sit higher, but secretly it's because they like to intimidate other drivers... with woeful parking!!
Scott, Southampton, United Kingdom
lol i hate to say it but i hate that picture
azael, phoenix, az. usa
This car really wasn't designed for the European car market. Having read the comments section following I want to make several statements regarding peoples misconceptions about the US roads and about American cars. The Cadillac CTS was designed in America and Germany, and is produced in the USA as well as Europe. The SRX is a thoroughly modern car, with a modern engine and suspension. There are very few cars being produced in the USA that still have live axle rear suspension, many Vauxhall's and Ford's are re-skinned versions of cars that exist in the US. It has been my experience that the US is a large country, and that we have many curvy roads, mountain passes, Montana highway without speed limits etc. People who come to the USA as tourists are going to Visit California, Nevada, Florida, and possibly NYC. Just because you've only experienced the Eisenhower interstate system, city streets, and flat desert roads doesn't mean you should judge the entire country on that.
Evan, Pennsylvania, USA
Perfect Jeremy. Accurate and honest - which is why you would not be acceptable as a politician. If things change run for PM.
Nickerson, Horndean, UK
Liked the article. To Thomas from France - 62mph equals 100kph.
Peter Ziu, London, UK
You are absolutely nuts. Loved the article!!! As always very informative and funny.
Nate, Melaka, Malaysia
Having viewed and driven this vehicle personally I think the SRX has plenty going for it. It's actually a handsome, unique looking car that sets itself out from the crowd, the interior too looks and feels well built and considering what you get standard even on the base model it's represents great value. The fuel consumption may not be that great but come on people we haven't all turned into eco warriors looking to save the world! My advice to anyone thinking on buying a new 4x4/SUV go put your bum into the seat of this car rather than acting like meer sheep and listening to everything you hear or read from a journalist who isn't happy unless he is throwing a car round a track sideways.
Lee Buick, London,
This article is great as Jeremy says what he thinks and is not scared of offending. With some much tip-toeing around issues going on its refreshing when someone gets straight to the point.
"If you try to please everyone, you please no-one"
Shame politicians arent this firm in their goals and actually make some decent changes.
Eleanor Mark, chesham, uk
Despite all the waffle from pious sense of humour failures, the most worrying comment on this article is Graham of Great Notley's excited agreement with Clarkson. Try pondering this Graham: when married Jeremy Clarkson says all of those "nasty" things about women, could it be that he does not really mean it and is only joking? Never mind if you can't work out the answer, it looks like Per-Gunnar will still be your friend.
Iain, Wellington, NZ
Oh dear, you've offended the sensible man from Canada. Well let's face it Canadians don't offend anyone because they are so boring. Like Belgians without the charisma. SUV's have a place in the world and good ones like the Volvo or Discovery can be semi-kind to the environment whilst being practical and safe. American's just cannot build cars and their attempts to introduce britain to their plastic monstrosities should be resisted at all costs. well done Clarkson. Good column, keep it up.
Doug Hall, Bolton, England
Starling, Lancaster - you must be short - if you can't adjust for reach and simply move the seat forward you end up feeling at best, like your knees touch your chin.
At worst, they bash into the steering wheel. Imagine how bad this is for Clarkson?? Urban myth has him down at about 8ft 9" This car was clearly made for Hammond.
(a girl, who coincidently found the article funny)
Valine, London, England
I like the way that it only does 40 MPH, hopefully thats not a typo, and thus would render this car about as appropriate as Heather Mills the gold digger, marrying another Multi Millionairre, because she really "loves him".
Russell O'Sullivan, cardiff, wales
Dear Jeremy, like this cadillac ( SRX4) it rhymes with haemophiliac,and similarly through an unfortunate turn of events this would also prove to bleed you dry. What does the SRX4 stand for anyway? Slingshot Range X 4. Suitably Rancid etc etc.
Hugh McGivern, rickmansworth, hertfordshire
It's 0 to 62 mph because it converts more easily into kilometres per hour - which is the apparently the modern way to do it.
Daniel Innis, Chesterfield,
Thank you Jeremy for this great article - very entertaining! It´s refreshing to read an opinion presented with wit and not some indistinguishable, overly correct PC nonsense as if it were controlled by thought police. Unique!
Anyway, the SRXYblfgwhatever is indeed a fairly ghastly car. In fact it looks as if it was well aware of it´s uglyness. If you drove it through Paris, it would definitely climb up Notre Dame, ring the bells and try to kidnap every girl named Esmeralda....
celli, Rheine, Germany
Thomas Cussons. I believe the figure quoted for the maximum speed is missing a "1" off the front or else Jeremy is being particularly insousiant.
The figure of 62 mph in "0-62" is because Ferarri were the first ever to quote such times and 62 mph just happens to be 100 kph.
Adam, Belfast, Northern Ireland
Surely the really alarming thing about this car is that, according to the figures quoted here, its top speed is only 40mph yet it will do 0–62 (Why 62? An oddly exact figure, no?) in 7.4 seconds.
This sounds seriously schizophrenic.
Thomas Cussans, Mirambeau, France
jolly good pointing once again dear friend, but isn't it about time you try and give as a piece on men and size matters. Especially in cars engines and spaces? I guess that it should be interesting to see you verbing around all the cliche traps...
Vangelis Vangelatos, Athens, , Greece
nothing else to say but the funniest article I've ever read!!!
thanks Jeremy
Paul Beck, Brighton,
Jeremy Clarkson for Prime Minister !!! if he ran the country as ruthlessly as his column we would all be a far happier lot, Bravo.
M R, Westcliff on sea,
This article is a masterpiece of political incorrectness and above all of sense of humour. Why all of us we must be ecolunatics, pseudo-lefties politically correct peoplet to like or tolerate everything and above all taking all deadly seriously. Life is too short to do all of that.
Vive la difference! ¡ Viva Clarkson!
Rodrigo Toledo, Santiago, Chile
I assume the column was an attempt at humour. In North America many of us realize that these huge SUV-crossover things are not a good concept and we are not sure why they are still being built. It may have something to do with huge overflowing existing parts bins and commitments to getting the maximum use out of old engineering.
In Canada at least, the sales of large SUV models have dropped to the point that I understand only people that can lease them for their company vehicles are interested in having them. That still leaves quite a few on the road but they are far outnumbered by the smaller more efficient (in every way) vehicles.
By the way the column was not very funny. Lets stick to cars.
Doug Schop, Coquitlam, BC Canada
Thank you,sir, for this article. Not for your view on the SRX but for your courage of writing about women the way you do. In Sweden such expressions would be against the law.
Their is still some hope in this world when it still is possible to publish an article like without having to fear of being tared and feathered by the representatives of the law and enforcement.
Best wishes
Per-Gunnar Andersson, Malmö, Sweden
I can tell that the caddy is a "POS", I'm a Ford man anyways. I bought my wife a Ford Focus last September brand new for $12.5K out the door, (Tax, Tag and Tittle) as we Yanks like to say. I love your collum, are you sure your not at least part American, I guess a man is a man on either side of the pond.
This POS, dosn't know what it wants to be, a car?, an SUV or just a POS? I personally like to drive my 1997 Ford F250 with a Windor 351 (5.8 Liter) engine. Got Big Tires and can carry a tone of *.it. Drives like a tank and people get out of my way when I'm driving down the road. Now this is a real Man's Truck.
Paul Bahre, Granby, CT, USA
Mr Sneider from New Jersey has it.....its over here and over priced...halve the price and Jeremy would have one for Mrs C!
M Donald, Derby, England
nice article! but i dont think it looks ugly.. it looks pretty smart... and is the interior reaally sooo bad???
Hari, Chennai, India
An irrelevant monstrosity like all 4x4's.
No flair, no style, no handling and no street cred.
Gizmo, Bentley, UK
Jeremy, the break did you a power of good, your batteries are re-charged (that will please the 'green' lobby!) and it is definitely the funniest article since your review of the BMW M5 in June 2005.
Hanus, Saint Neots, UK
If I wanted a 4x4 that was shoddily built with a crappy interior I wouldn't even think of buying this.
I'd take the Great British institution that is the Land Rover Defender over the SRX4 any day.......or any other Land Rover, Range Rover, BMW X5, Volvo XC90, Mercedes G Wagen, VW Touareg, Lada Niva...........or an Audi Q7 or Porsche Cayenne (even though the designers drew them while highly intoxicated in a dark room while wearing boxing gloves, at least they're built properly.....)
Steve, Merthyr Tydfil, Wales
perhaps the MPG in the Specs were US gallons. UK gallons are actualy 20% bigger.
One thing I noticed with cars in the US. The european designs that actualy make it to the US and sell really cheap are often completely different.
Down rated suspension, poorer quality interior, more powerful engine. Take the ford focus,
You also get other differences, the Ford focus in the UK is actualy using the Mazda 3 chasis, whilst here in the US the new focus is based on the previous model with the new body.
Base model Focus with 2.0L engine $14,130, then theres a $2500 cash back incentive, and $500 credit incentice
Thats £5590 for a brand new ford focus.
A tysoe, Brit in Sacramento, California
another delicious review Jeremy... but will it play in Detroit?
Richard , Sydney, Australia
Wow. When even "1970s throwback, stuff the environment" Clarkson calls an SUV antisocial, you know we are reaching a tipping point in attitudes towards these ridiculous, wasteful vehicles.
Ian, North, UK
Jeremy,
You don't know how much I enjoy reading your articals and watching you on Top Gear.
However I have to point out that Wasps are very useful, their natural prey is flies. Can you imagine how many there would be if there were no Wasps?
Becca, kingston,
We are seeing in this 'thing' in the UK because the British public are spending more than ever on cars, while our US counterparts are slowly turning to the trend of buying smaller/greener cars! I think Cadilac and Dodge are trying to get a small slice of the UK market as the US 'big car' market is going a bit stale. (source: Cnet TV)
'Gas' might be cheap in the US at the moment but I'd be willing to bet it won't stay that way for long. Especially when the US government realises how much cash can be gleaned in taxation from the sales of fuel. Yahoo Finance reports "U.S. gas prices jump 18 cents in 2 weeks".. the highest being in San Francisco @ $3.30 a gallon.
Big '4x4's is a trend in the UK that is fading, I think Uncle Sam brought this and other big ugly rollers to the UK party a bit late. And dressed as a turkey!
Mike, Dover, Kent
Wasn't that supposed to be 4 mph?
Michael, Piraeus, Greece
GM missing the mark for European market again! What will the Green lobby think as Uncle Sam again fail to entice the UK and European market to by their agriculturally 1970's engineered gas gusslers!!
Audi, BMW and Volvo may be the main runners in the market but Range Rover and Landrover are the Leaders by far for the thinking mans 4X4. Shame that GM have not thought about their target market - as the people at kroymans, Utrecht (Cadillac Europe) are really nice people. The European built BLS & the CTS are much better vehicles.
Mike V, Fishguard, Wales
Just out of curiosity, how many of these ghastly Cadillacs do they expect to sell here, and to whom?
Saw a knot of people in W12 last week cheerfully inspecting a Hummer which sounded forth loud rap music - if you're going for impractical bad taste, at least do it properly.
Bod up our road has just replaced wife's Audi estate with an XC90 - coincidentally four months after I got rid of the Octavia and got a Subaru Forester. Now for a 4x4 that handles OK...The XC90 seems to be stable enough, but I really wouldn't want to swap.
Peter T, Godalming,
I work for General Motors and the bloke who sits next to me just bought an SRX for........yep......his wife. I've driven plenty of them and they're crap. I mean, properly crap.
Scott, Toronto, Canada
And it doesn't even get you anywhere fast, with a top speed of 40Mph!
Paul, Aylesbury,
Enjoy it while you can, A Brown, they're discussing introducing speed limits in Germany.
starling, Lancaster,
If you love and enjoy driving you don´t even consider SUVs (everest high centre of gravity means desastrous handling and as to mpg, forget it all together) Me? I enjoy driving my rear wheel drive super torquy BMW 330 d.
John, Madrid, Spain
Starling, i think the problem with putting the seat forward to get closer to the wheel is that it has the side effect of putting you too close to the pedals too . Hence, the reach-adjustable steering wheel. As for the Caddy, if I were in the position to choose a 4x4, i do like the look of the Volvo XC90, the Audi Q7 is very nice, but my favourite is the BMW X5 4.8is.
Marco, bhm, uk
I salute you Jeremy, excellent article
Peter Jones, Den Haag, Nederland
"Top speed 40mph"
What can i say???
Jon, Munich,
Brilliantly written piece as always. Welcome back Jeremy, we missed you.
Eric, Cape Town, South Africa
..."you brits can stuff it as far as driving goes..."
LOL,....since when has been doing 55-65 mph in straight lines in one direction, or 90degrees in the opposite direction on boring dismal shabby roads,.. stopping and starting every few yards,......the best "driving" experience in the USA ???
yeh sure yankee
A 10 hour non-stop driving stint, cruising at 180 mph in the fast lane of the German Autobahns from Berlin to Italy thats real driving, none of your kiddies stuff
Much better than your infantile traffic system in the usa driving your cr*p handling, wallowing sofa's with a wheel at each corner that you pass off to the punter as a car
A Brown, London,
"When will the Americans ever learn?
No wonder the big three are on their uppers, producing dinosaurs like this , while Toyota increases its sales year on year."
joseph healion, cambridge, Uk
Well done Joseph. We had the same happen here. American and English sourced cars got massacred by the Japanese. Why? They built (some boring) cars that the masses WOULD buy because they didn't fall apart, were well made and kept improving and didn't (generally) look ugly. They were reliable and well engineered. If not they improved it so it was better.
I would also like to point out that it is up to GM to sell at a competitive price with their perceived competitors. Why is it that a Holden Monaro (Vauxhall VXR Monaro) was sold as a Pontiac GTO for similar money (less?) than in OZ. How come? Wouldn't it cost more with the thousands to ship it to the USA?
Methinks they could sell it for a lot less in UK!
Rob, Brisbane, Australia
Yes, but you'd buy one a HALF THE PRICE, which is what we do here. Then we put our gasoline in at HALF THE PRICE and save more money by not having to pay gatso fees every 10 miles.
I love England, and I love Clarkson, but you brits can stuff it as far as driving goes...
Gus, Los Angeles, USA / CA
Lifestyle middle England will buy this in droves. Well targeted.
Y Hope, Central, UK
Dear Bradley Ysseldyke:
-Jeremy Clarkson hated the Mercedes GL too.
And I would rather have a Fiat Panda 4x4 instead of a Cadillac SRX.
Isabel Monteiro, Lisboa, Portugal
You know, Jeremy has a point with the woman thing, if you squint a bit, the thing looks like a Nissan Micra, only blown up a couple of sizes.
By the way, if the steering wheel doesn't adjust for reach, you can always move the seat forward, like us commoners do :P
starling, Lancaster,
Dorothy, its time you checked what story you are commenting on.
Brian, Aberdeen,
Funny thing is that the SRX is said to be one of the best luxury crossovers you can buy in the United States, trumped only by the all-new Acura MDX. As a matter of fact, it sat on a "best trucks" list for three years straight, and was only recently usurped by Clarkson's favorite truck, the Mercedes GL. Odd really, as I quite like the SRX and its car-like performance, much better than the rather boring XC90. Dunno, maybe its because I live 45 minutes from where they build them, but I've always considered it to be one of the best small SUVs on-sale these days.
Bradley Ysseldyke, Grand Rapids, Michigan, USA
Eric from Las Vegas.... are u serious? It's Clarkson.. what were u expecting?? Would you really prefer that he took 'a quick glance' and just said its got low fuel mileage?! I think there's a reason why he's such a hugely successful car reviwer and you aren't...
Freddie, London,
I like wasps! Wasps are really quite interesting, and they aren't useless at all. Some of them even have the foresight to lay their eggs in the larvea of things we don't like and thus kill them off for us.
John Small, Faversham, UK
Wow, you guys sure get socked by HM Customs or whatever. The price quoted in the review is almost exactly DOUBLE what the car costs over here. At that price, I wouldn't want one either. I suppose this is why American cars usually do poorly in European tests. They have to complete with cars which cost far more, and thus are expected to be more than what they are... I remember years ago in Germany reading a poor review of a US car. It was compared to much higher-end BWMs and Mercedes due to price, but in the US it was considered an inexpensive car nowhere near that level (if I recall it was another instance of a doubled price). So naturally, it didn't compare. Not to mention that the car isn't even considered an SUV here in the States, its really classified as a "crossover" - a mixed-breed mutt of a car, half SUV and have minivan. The US street price for the car you reviewed is actually in the neighborhood of GBP 20,000.
D. Schneider, New Jersey,
Funny, very comic analysis but a little frightening... as a woman i laughed at myself realising some strange aspects as true to my perogative. I sensed a distinct attack on my ''gender'' category!I even had a strange picture emerge of the world as being in a state of constant conflict between the male and female. However, the worst came when 'our' sense of style was attacked!!!Jane Austen in her time I am sure was very fashionable... and whatever our inconsistencies and flaws the female's sense of what is beautiful is her weapon used to disarm the male, no?
irina, Aberystwyth, Wales
What a great paper is The Times. And what a great contributor is Mathew Parris! Well, I for one am totally impressed, certainly! Almost as impressed as I am with the SNP in Scotland Would that Arthur Midwinter, described as Scotland's leading expert on public sector finance, were half so impressive. He could begin by getting his sums righ! Please, Mr. Midwinter, study the SNP proposals a bit more closely and stop spending your time thinking up sound bites to denigrate their economists. You may be a wonderfully briliant economist - but not the only one! I cannot forget that Mr. Midwinter has been advisor to the present parliament's finance committee and therefore cannot be considered to have an impartial opinion . The numbers can be argued forever; what it comes down to is "Who Do You Trust?". It's time we trusted the National party!!
Dorothy Martins-Walker, Fraserburgh, Aberdeenshire, Scotland
Typical Clarkson automotive review. You have to wade through half a page of verbiage, before you learn what vehicle he is talking about.
It is really unclear, in this case, why he arrives at the conclusion that a car, he obviously does not like, would be best suited for a woman.
The vehicle itself, appears to be fairly typical as a "crossover" SUV, one that has more in common with a station wagon, and perhaps it is more suited for American tastes, and it has a relatively large V-8 engine, which not surprisingly gets low fuel mileage, especially by European standards. Most of this could have been inferred by a quick glance, not requiring a tedious report of condemnation. Clarkson must have been looking for something to criticise when he spotted the Cadillac..
Eric, Las Vegas, NV
I'd have to say that the Heather Mills-McCartney comment is the funniest thing i've heard today. In fact i haven't laughed so much since... well last night when i watched a repeat of Top Gear.
Adam, Cannock, Staffs
clarkson on form again.. loved the excellent bit about macca's hoppy hoppy gold digger... keep it up boy tell it like it is............
peter jones, moscow,
That thing's been out for four years here in the US, and I've seen maybe three of them in total on the roads. So we must be sending the unsold vehicles over to the UK in hopes of unloading them...maybe to those who pay a premium for Budweiser beer when there's also Guinness on tap.
Doug, Richmond, VA
Sexist, antagonistic, politically incorrect - nice to see the rest has refreshed the Clarkson batteries! Pity some people don't realise it's actually a car review....
Mark, Javea, Spain
I really don't know much about cars or 4x4s but I did read this article and have to say I am apalled at the reference to Heather Mills McCartney. What has this to do with your review? I did not find it funny - in fact I found it very offensive and completely unnecessary.
Mary Doran, Gorey, Co. Wexford, Ireland
"So what about the violent, ugly, murdering bastardhood that is womankind?"
I so agree with the sentiment - I am still single but at least i am sill alive!!
Graham, Great Notley, Essex UK
Wow, you can tell Clarkson's been away - sour, sharper, and everything gets 50amps!
Derek Bell-Morris, Perth, West Australia
I assume the top speed is missing a hundred? :-) As for absolute hideousness, I think the Chrysler 300C is also a strong contender!
Malcolm, Milton Keynes, UK
When will the Americans ever learn?
No wonder the big three are on their uppers, producing dinosaurs like this , while Toyota increases its sales year on year
joseph healion, cambridge, Uk
Heather Mills-McCartney has one apparently.
And she can get into the back seats.
Martin, Manchester, Great Britain
For once I am inclined to give credit to Clarkson, I have seen this car, not only is it pig ugly on the outside, my uncle's Lada Riva had a nicer interior than this junk. Still at least it should be nearing the top on enviromental stakes with that equally CO2 energy efficient vehicle, the Hummer.
Gavin , London, UK
I can see only one saving grace - that it'll upset the environmentalists.
Dave, Notts, UK
It looks like something the Chinese would do as a first effort - in fact some of the new Chinese cars I have seen look better
Alan, London, UK
Cadillac makes cars?
mark mcfarland, dubai, uae
For years the cadillac dealer in Los Angeles had the motto "Cadillac- Where you will be treated with the respect you deserve." Apparently cadillac owners don't get much respect anywhere else, for obvious reasons.
Laurence Budd, Fort Collins, Colorado, USA
And this is exactly why Cadillac is going to flop in Europe...again!
Isabel Monteiro, Lisboa, Portugal