Click here for a slide show of the Jaguar XKR-S

It’s hard to find a point in history when a man sound in mind and body could have bought a Jaguar. Certainly it wasn’t possible in the 1970s, when they were made either badly or not at all by a bunch of Trotskyites who spent most of the working day at the factory gates round a brazier, popping inside occasionally to leave their lunch in an inlet manifold and then going on strike again when a foreman asked them to take it out.

There was even a time when the weak and stupid British Leyland management thought seriously about renaming Jaguar the Large Car Division. Hmm. I can see that someone might buy a piece of farm equipment from the People’s Tractor Factory, but that’s mostly because they’d starve or be shot if they bought something else. I cannot see, however, why anyone would want to drive round in a Large Car Division XJ12 when they could have a, er, Bavarian Motor Works 735i instead.

Eventually, though, Jaguar’s management was sent off to live on plastic inconti-armchairs on the south coast, the workforce was given a clip round the ear by Mrs T and the company was rescued by Ford.

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BACKGROUND

• Jaguar Sovereign XJ6 LWB

• Jaguar XK convertible

• Jaguar XKR coupe review

• Jaguar X-type Estate review

• Jaguar X-Type Diesel review

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• Pictures: Jaguar XKR-S

And then, briefly, there was a time - it was 3.15pm on October 12 - when a sensible chap might have thought: “No. I won’t buy a Mercedes or a BMW or an Audi or a wheelbarrow. I’m going to get one of those supercharged Jaguar XJRs.”

Right up until tea time the next day, Jaguar even managed to do well in the JD Power customer satisfaction surveys. Although this result, you have to suspect, was born of amazement rather than solid build quality. “Jesus. I’ve bought a Jag and it’s got all the way home without exploding or turning inside out. And there isn’t a single sandwich in the inlet manifold.” It’s for much the same reason that, at the same time, Skoda was doing well too.

Sadly, the honeymoon didn’t last. Jaguar launched the S-type, which was about as relevant as Terry and June. And then the X-type, which was very nice. As well it should have been because it was a Ford Mondeo with a fancy radiator grille and a bigger price.

To make matters worse, Jaguar had decided to shake off its wood’n’leather image by going into Formula One. Brilliant, except its cars, which were also Fords behind the green paint, either came last or crashed into one another. Then Ford ran out of money.

The result is that, apart from at 3.15pm on October 12, the only people who have bought a Jaguar since about 1970 did so because they were buying something British. That’s not a good enough reason. That would be like someone from Ankara buying a car “because it’s Turkish”.

Given the choice of two similar products, I’ll always buy the one with a Union Jack on the label. But who says: “No. I will not buy a Riva Aquarama speedboat. I shall buy this lump of dog dirt instead. Because it was made in Pontefract”?

Of course we know exactly who says that sort of thing. Golfers. The ruddy-faced little Englanders who refer to everyone by their initials and become aroused whenever anyone mentions Enoch Powell.

Now, though, since Jaguar was offloaded to the Indians, it is very obvious that the little Englanders have had enough. They could just about stomach Jag being American-owned. But with Mr Patel in the hot seat? “Better have another G and T, Maurice. I think I’m going to have a coronary.”

You must have noticed the result. In the past few months the whiff of the 19th hole has been lifted from the Jag range. No longer do you open the door to be knocked senseless by a nauseating cloud of Eau de Belfry.

The smell of Nick Faldo’s trousers has now settled on the Lexus range, and Jags, for the first time since the E-type was given a V12, are being bought by people you’d have round for dinner. And so, with a spring in our step and hope in our hearts, we arrive at the door of the Jaguar XKR.

When it was launched, our heads told us that it was a very fine car. Faster, more practical and cheaper than the Aston Martin V8 Vantage. And not exactly a minger, either. Of course the power of the badge is strong in us all, so while our heads said Jag our hearts said Aston and off we all toddled to buy the Vantage.

Why not? Astons were all glamour and James Bond, and Jaguars were full of Jim Davidson.

That, though, has now changed. Astons are bought largely by people who can’t even park properly, and the XKR is an extremely good way of saying: “I know I’m not James Bond. I’m not having a midlife crisis. I just wanted a good-looking two-seater and I bought this one because it’s the best.”

It is. I recently said that 15% of me wants an XKR convertible, but as each day goes by, that climbs. It’s up to 36% now and that’s the point when you go on the website to see what colours are available. Green, I’m thinking. With a fawn hood.

The only problem is the engine. When it was designed in 1435, 400 brake horsepower was lots. But since then the Germans have been engaged in a power war and now we have the Audi RS6 wading into the fray with 572bhp. That makes the Jag’s 416bhp look weedy and vegetarian.

I know that, as we speak, a 500bhp 5 litre Jag V8 is being tested, but it won’t be here for a year. So you either have to buy a Merc or a BMW. Or you have to think: “Actually, with fuel costing more than lobster, maybe 416bhp isn’t so bad . . . ”

It certainly isn’t so bad in the limited-edition XKRS I drove last week. At no point did I put my foot down and think: “Mmmm. Has it broken down?” The only thing I did think was: “Mmmm. I wish it made a bit more noise.” I know that, from the outside, the exhausts crackle and rumble, but from behind the wheel, all you can hear is the whine of the supercharger. It’s a bit like being in Nigel Mansell’s nose.

I also wished the sat nav was a bit more funky. Doubtless, an all-new command-and-control centre is on the drawing board and that’s probably a year away as well. Memo to Jag, then. Ring Mr Patel. Ask for more rupees.

It’s important because, God, this is a lovely car. I parked it next to my wife’s Aston Vantage and there’s no doubt in my mind: it’s better looking. It’s likely to be more reliable too, as well as still being cheaper, faster and fitted with two (albeit useless) seats in the back. And nicer to drive.

The S model’s engine has been tweaked so the top speed is up to 174mph. And, underneath, you get revised springs, dampers and antiroll bars. It’s stiffer than the normal car but you’re hard pressed to tell. It still rides the bumps beautifully – better than any other car in the class, by miles - and it still handles with a smile-on-your face simplicity.

Sadly, only 50 of these cars have been made for the UK. All are hard tops. All come in black and all have been sold. But it’s really not the end of the world, because it felt very similar to the standard car, which costs £9,000 less, comes in any colour your like and is available as a convertible too.

You’ve probably never thought about buying a Jaguar before. Trust me, though. You should now.

The Clarksometer

ENGINE 4196cc, V8
POWER 416bhp @ 6250rpm
TORQUE 413lb ft @ 4000rpm
TRANSMISSION Six-speed auto
FUEL 22.9mpg (combined) CO2 294g/km
ACCELERATION 0-60mph: 4.9sec
TOP SPEED 174mph (limited) ~
PRICE £79,995
TAX BAND G (£400 a year)
Rating
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