Not that long ago I was at a BBC drinks party in the dimly lit, wood-panelled
boardroom in Broadcasting House when I noticed a pretty blonde girl on the
other side of the room.
Later, I found myself a little closer, and again I was struck by her beauty.
But then, as the evening was drawing to a close, I turned round to find she
was right next to me and . . . oh, bloody hell — it was Esther Rantzen.
The same sort of thing happened last week as we were preparing to film Top
Gear. Loads of cars were being delivered, some for the studio, some for
the Stig to take round on the track. But I was distracted from the whirl of
cabling and the cackle of walkie-talkies by a sleek-looking silver
hatchback. “My,” I thought. “That’s a handsome brute.”
As the morning wore on I kept seeing it and I kept thinking: that really is a
very good looking car. And then I had the oh-no moment as I discovered it
was a Vauxhall
Astra. And not a sporty, low-riding version either with fat tyres and a
hint of menace to its spoilers. It was the floury (not flowery) 1.8 litre
five-door — the sort of thing you’ll rent next time you’re at Aberdeen
airport.
There’s been a bit of a tectonic shift in the world of the family hatchback
recently, mainly because of the Volkswagen Golf. For 30 years it’s been the
solid, well made fallback for those who wanted a taste of the exotic but
nothing too challenging. Think of it as Ben Nevis: not as difficult as an
Alfa Romeo Everest, but not as dull as a Ford hill in northern Derbyshire.
The new version, however, really doesn’t seem to have captured anyone’s
imagination. Some say it’s the price, which is steep, others argue that VW
has lost the quality plot recently.
I think the problem is that in these exciting times, with credit cards from
Fish and Egg, there’s no need to buy a medium-size mountain when you can
have a waterfall or a volcano. Whatever, I sense the world is full of
disaffected Golf owners bumping into street furniture as they roam around,
wondering what on earth they should buy next.
These guys are bound to be attracted by the Renault Mégane.
It has a five-star safety rating and a pert bottom, which means it’s
cold-prickly and warm-fuzzy all at the same time. It’s also cheap and well
equipped.
But if you’ve been driving around in a Golf for 30 years, you’ll think you’ve
stepped out of a cave and into a primary school classroom. It has the fit
and finish of a five-year-old’s home-made robot.
BMW is entering the market with the 1-series, but it is monumentally ugly — as
much of an eyesore as the 1960s fire station in a mellow yellow Cotswold
town.
Then there’s the Mazda3. Mazda has been making some surprisingly excellent
cars these last few years, but this isn’t one of them. It feels as cheap and
as nasty as the new Volvo V40, which isn’t surprising since both sit on the
same platform. And worryingly, this is the very platform that will support
the new Ford Focus which is due to arrive in the autumn.
To drive, the current Ford Focus, with its complicated and expensive
independent rear suspension, is still miles out in front. I actually bought
a humdrum 1.6 four years ago and even today I’m amazed every time I get into
it at just how beautifully it handles. I’m also amazed that it has never
gone wrong. But its styling is now a bit wearisome, which brings me back to
the Top Gear studio and that new Astra.
Part of the reason it looks so good is that it exudes a sense of genuine
quality. The paint seems to sparkle as though it has one or two more coats
than usual, the metal seems to be a little bit thicker, the chrome a tad
more lustrous.
There’s a curious anomaly which makes the boot look like it’s ajar when it
isn’t, but this is a bit like Esther Rantzen’s teeth — an oversight we can
ignore in an otherwise unblemished sea of radiance.
So could it be that Vauxhall had sneaked into the fray, when nobody was
looking, with its first decent car since . . . well, since ever really?
The trouble with Vauxhall is that it’s part of General Motors, which makes all
its money from finance schemes and therefore never seems to bother much with
the product. In essence, GM makes cars like provincial tearooms make
sandwiches: to satisfy a need among the elderly and the undiscerning.
There’s never been any flair, élan or style. I honestly believe that the
Vectra was designed and developed in a coffee break. It’s got four wheels,
four seats and 4% finance with £500 cashback from Linda Barker herself, if
you buy NOW!
Inside, the Astra’s sense of quality continues. The carpets and upholstery
don’t feel like they’ve been taken from an Indian restaurant’s offcuts. The
plastic doesn’t feel as if it’s been made from a melted-down Action Man. It
feels like a Golf used to feel when Volkswagen made its cars properly.
Plainly I had to take this thing for a drive, so I did, and the news just kept
on getting better and better. Yes, the gearbox was a bit saggy and I was
alarmed at how much pressure the brake pedal needed to do an emergency stop,
but other than this, all was well. The handling was particularly good — not
as good as a Ford Focus, obviously, but better than you get from the new
Golf — and the ride comfort was spot-on too. Other things? Well, the stereo
was crisp and the air-conditioning provided a jet of cold air that would
have stunned Captain Oates.
And there are no landmines in the brochure either, waiting to dash your hopes
in a cloying torrent of GM wallpaper paste. It will do a respectable 35mpg.
The fuel tank is big enough. Plenty of equipment is provided as standard,
and there’s a juicy options list which allows you to fit anything that takes
your fancy. Tyre pressure sensors? No problem, sir. Best of all, it costs a
whopping £1,500 less than the Golf.
All things considered, then, this is not just an acceptable effort from
Vauxhall (which would be a first) but probably the best family hatchback you
can buy today (which is astonishing).
Sadly, though, you can’t have one because it would mean telling your friends
and family that you’d bought a Vauxhall. Which is exactly the same as
telling them that your whole life has been a failure.
This new Astra, to my mind, has the same ring as Marks & Spencer and the
Consumers’ Association. It’s worthy and sensible but blighted with a badge
that says you’re an absolute dullard and that you may live in Baldock.
Certainly you will have a pair of Rohan trousers. Vauxhall is a badge of
honour for those who think a prawn cocktail is exotic, London is dirty and
there’s nothing wrong with an own-brand stereo system.
This means that if you’re after a family-size hatchback, you must buy
second-best to keep up your self-esteem.
VITAL STATISTICS
Model: Vauxhall Astra 1.8 16v
Design: 5dr
Engine type: Four-cylinder, 1796cc
Power: 125bhp @ 5600rpm
Torque: 125 lb ft @ 3800rpm
Transmission: Five-speed manual, front-wheel drive
Fuel/CO2: 35.3mpg (combined) / 192g/km
Acceleration: 0-60mph: 9.8sec
Price: £14,995
Verdict: A shock: good looks, handling and value make it
probably the best buy in the class — if you ignore the badge
