It’s a new day, so obviously we have a new version of Mitsubishi’s
turbocharged road rocket to slobber over. This one’s the Lancer Evo VIII MR
FQ-340, and don’t worry, my dog hasn’t just walked across the computer’s
keyboard. That really is its name.
Let me try to decipher it for you. Evo VIII means this is the eighth evolution
on an original theme. Comparing this, then, to the first high-performance
Lancer is a bit like comparing Stephen Fry to Judy, the chimp in Daktari.
It’s much, much cleverer.
MR stands for Mitsubishi Racing, which signifies that it’s had a hand in its
development, and FQ for f****** quick. But then it would be because 340 is
how many horse powers the 2 litre engine develops.
This is remarkable. Not even 15 years has elapsed since Daihatsu put a
turbocharged 1 litre engine in its little Charade and in so doing created
the first road car to offer up 100bhp per litre. Today the Ferrari 360 CS
produces 116bhp per litre and that’s staggering. So what’s to be made of the
Evo, which churns out a mind-boggling 170bhp per litre?
Of course, you may ask why they’ve gone to so much trouble. Why not simply fit
a bigger engine?
Well, the problem is that the Evo is built primarily as a machine to compete
in international rallying, and the rules of the sport stipulate that 2000cc
is the max. The big worry I have is that while a 2 litre engine could be
coaxed into handing over a thousand horsepower if that’s what you wanted, it
would do 0 to 60 . . . once. Then it would explode.
You have to trade power for longevity and I suspect that 340bhp is right on
the edge of everyday practicality. I note with some surprise that the engine
still comes with Mitsubishi’s three-year warranty, but then I see also that
it must be serviced once every 10 minutes or so.
I’m tempted therefore to steer you away from this top-of-the-range machine and
into something a little more sensible. Obviously we can ignore the 260
version, because while it’s just £24,000 it takes about two years to get
from 0 to 60. But can we ignore the FQ-300 for £28,000 or the £30,000
FQ-320? These are very nearly as fast as the £33,000, full-blooded 340 but
are almost certain to last a little longer.
The simple answer, after no thought at all, is yes, of course we can ignore
the less powerful options. Going for a 320 is like going all the way to
Paris and staying in the outskirts. It’s like getting into bed with Uma
Thurman and falling asleep. Buying a 320 is a sign that you’re sensible and
grown up and worried about practicalities, in which case why don’t you buy a
canal boat and go away.
If you’re going to buy a roadgoing rally car, you have to have the best, you
have to have the fastest. And that’s the 340.
It’s not just faster than the other Evos, either. It’s also faster than its
Subaru rival.
In fact I’m struggling to think of anything that could keep up.
Off the line, even the best four-wheel-drive cars bog down as the wheels
refuse to spin, but not the VIII. You give it a bellyful of revs, dump the
clutch, and there’s no lag, no chasm. You’re off like you’ve been fired at
the horizon by one of Dick Dastardly’s cartoon catapults.
A mere 4.4sec later you’re past 60mph and that means all but the most exotic
rivals are left far behind. This car — and remember, it only costs £33,000 —
can be mentioned in the same breath as the Porsche Carrera GT and the
McLaren Mercedes.
Mitsubishi says it’s limited the top speed to 157mph, but why? I can hardly
see Officer Brunstrom or Jonathon Porritt nodding sagely at their public
spiritedness. I suspect the real reason is that at 158 the sit-up-and-beg
front-end styling would lose its war with the air and the car would run out
of puff anyway.
So, yes, the world’s supercars would take it on a long straight, but come on.
What long straight? Are you going to take your Ferrari up to 180 on the M27
to make a point? I don’t think so.
And anyway, eventually you’d get off the motorway and the Evo would catch you
up again. This is because, when it comes to the business of going round
corners the Evo is quite simply in a class of its own.
You turn in and immediately a bewildering array of acronyms awake from their
electronic slumber to get you round the bend at a pace that will leave you
reeling.
On the previous generation of Evo VIII the all-wheel control (AWC) gave
priority at all times to the antilock braking system (super-ABS) which meant
that under heavy braking the active centre differential (ACD) and the active
yaw control (AYC) were disengaged.
Not any more. Now you can set the attitude of the car under braking and still
the yaw moment will be controlled.
Mumbo-jumbo? Not from behind the wheel it isn’t. You fly through corners
thinking how in God’s name is this possible. You’re being flung out of the
supremely supportive seat, everything that isn’t bolted down is being thrown
round the interior, and yet the tyres, which are still just rubber, are
hanging on.
All Evos are good at this but the MR FQ-340, perhaps because of the
reprogramming or perhaps because it has an aluminium roof to lower the
centre of gravity, can make you seriously cross-eyed.
I urge you with all my heart to beg, steal or borrow one of these things and
take it to a quiet road you know well. It will completely redefine your
concept of what driving’s all about.
In the hands of a Formula One racing driver, a Porsche Carrera GT would be
faster. But if the world’s future depended on me getting from here to
Stow-on-the-Wold in less than 10 minutes I’d take the Mitsubishi every time.
It inspires such an extraordinary confidence and there’s always the sense
that no matter how fast you ask it to go round a corner it has plenty of
grip left in reserve. It is magical.
What I really love, and I do hope the people who edit this page have shown
this in the pictures, is the way its muscles seem to be growing out of all
those ducts in the front. You get the impression that the machinery is
barely contained within the body and that it’s torn great holes in the
metal, in the same way that the Incredible Hulk messed up his shirt whenever
he became angry.
That said, however, this is far from a good-looking car. Underneath all the
visual froth, it really is a cup of instant coffee, an extremely dull
four-door Japanese saloon car. And that spoiler doesn’t help. Imagine Huw
Edwards with a big bling signet ring and you get the idea.
You curl up like a foetus with embarrassment every time you park it in a
built-up area, because you know everyone’s looking and everyone’s thinking,
“What a prat”.
Still, because it is a four-door saloon it is reasonably practical. I mean, it
has a boot and so on, and it does come with such niceties as
air-conditioning and electric windows. It also has one of those stereos that
slide out of the dash and beep a lot. However, not being 12, I couldn’t make
it work.
It wasn’t the end of the world, though, because once I was up past, ooh about
three, the din coming out of the Matrix-Churchill supergun at the back would
have drowned out even Danny Baker. It’s a rich, deep baritone that rattled
every single window in my house whenever it started.
What I liked even more, though, was the ride. Yes, the body is as stiff as a
teenager but unlike previous Evos this one can actually run over manhole
covers without snapping the people inside.
It isn’t even on nodding terms with “comfortable” but it’s not bad. And I like
to think that by giving the suspension more bounce, the new lightweight
wheels are in contact with the road more often, giving even more grip.
This, I know, has been a furiously technical and deeply insightful look at a
car and if you were hoping for a thousand words on satsumas, followed by 30
on the car, I apologise. Normal service will be resumed next week.
In the meantime, those of you who love cars, and love driving. Go and try the
Evo. After a mile you’ll be vomiting superlatives too.
VITAL STATISTICS
Model: Mitsubishi Lancer Evolution VIII MR FQ-340
Engine type: Four-cylinder, 1997cc
Power: 345bhp @ 6750rpm
Torque: 320 lb ft @ 4985rpm
Transmission: Six-speed manual, four-wheel drive
Tyres: 235/45 ZR17
Fuel: 21mpg (estimated)
CO2: 334g/km
Acceleration: 0-62mph: 4.4sec
Top speed: 157mph
Price: £32,999
Verdict: Redefines the concept of driving
