very funny clarkson,my BIKE gets me to uni and back for just $1 each way in 15 mins(a 8 km journey into the heart of the city) bus would cost 3.50 each way and 50 mins in peak hour due to bus lanes . your beloved 4 wheel car would take 90 mins cost $4 each way in petrol and $10 parking?whats cheaper

ben, auckland, nz

It is said that Stig has petrol instead of blood. Would love to see him going around on a motorbike.

lokesh, birmingham,

i work at west minster an i get the buss evry day and when i see one of the old stile vespas i get so jelos they are th most coolist things i have ever seen just a shame that im 17 i just bourght my first car and cant aford a 4 grand vespa there breat ur funny man

georgie bond , london , uk

Mr Clarkson "Your absolutly right!" I could have be killed ! ...all these year's ,riding these bloody vespa's ,thank you . Tomorrow I,m selling the scooter and getting 4 wheels .Hey .."does anyone know how much the congestion zone in London these days ?" I've got to sort out some parking aswell .

Niall Mc Cart, london, england

Mr Clarkson, I use a Vespa (1 out of 5 I own) for daily commuting and despite sometimes feeling a bit chilly I can see people stuck in their four wheeled boxes rather annoyed when I whizz past miles long queues at rush hour. Being able to wake up two hours later to get to work has no price.

Ems, Sutton, UK

I do not often laugh out loud while reading reviews, but this American found you entertaining, witty, wrong, and an enjoyable read (even if your opinon of my beloved Vespa GTV 250 differs from mine). May have to keep an eye out for more of your work...

M. Hawkins, Williamsburg, USA

As most bikers will tell you, part of the 'Buzz' of biking is the adrenelin rush that comes from awesome acceleration, speed and the feeling of freedom you get on a bike and unfortunately the only way you can get that from a car is to spend 100,000 pounds or more and stick your head out the sunroof!

Jed White, Ballina, Ireland

I'm sitting here, laughing at this article with a broken leg. 1st accident - 4yrs, 18000miles, 1 broken femur. Some cars seem to think it's ok to turn accross your path with out indicating! At least the driver stopped when they saw me... in the middle of their bonnet. Despite this, I'm not bitter

JKD, Cambridge,

This is typical Clarkson - very very amusing, but I do wish he'd show some tolerance for and understanding of motorcyclists. He gets his thrills on 4 wheels, good for him, but lots of us also enjoy two. Live and let live.

M Campbell, Belfast, N Ireland

My first big bike was a CX500. I crashed that but didn't die. I then bought an XJ900. I crashed that but didn't die, quite. After this I bought two VFRs one after the other. I crashed both of these but didn't die. I then bought a VTR1000 and REALLY crashed that, but didn't die. Stupid? Me??

Geoff Blackburn, Pontefract,

Biker for over twenty years. CX500 - bruised ribs. XJ900 - smashed leg, fractured pelvis, broken back. VFR750 - sprained side. Another VFR750 - fractured fingers. VTR1000 - fractured wrist. CB1300 and no injuries yet. And, no I am not yet dead. Stupid maybe, dead no!

Geoff Blackburn, Pontefract,

Now now Jeremy. I appreciate the satire, but I'm sure you are not as ignorant of bikes as you make out. Many bikes now have linked front & rear brakes, ABS, even traction control. Bikes are safer and more comfortable now than they have ever been. The biggest danger we face is car drivers!

Bill MacTear, Houston, USA

Ive been a sportsbike rider for over 20 years, the best fun you can have with your clothes on! the dangers are out there, you just have to pay attention, unlike in a car, where drivers can eat phone, tex, have sex, and kill the odd biker! ha ha, stop existing clarkson, start living! enjoyed the read

Neil talbot, wednesbury, west midlands

If you not riding Bikes you are missing something in Life my sympathies for The Clarksometer

Seby, Delhi, India

I'm back on a bike after too long an absence. My bike cost $2500 brand new, costs $190 a year for rego (tax & insurance) and does 36 Km/L.
Wonderful - it now costs me $12 per week to commute to work & back instead of the $70 per week in a car.

Mark, Perth, Western Australia,

Good read, Jeremy. British wit and humor abounds in this article.

Donald, Alabama, USA

I'm glad you don't like bikes. You look a bit ridiculous in that picture. Which is saying a lot since well , I don't think I need to explain myself further.

Allison Tigerblondie, Schenectady, USA

I love bikes (regular reader of bikervoodoo.com) and cars but it is very dangerous to ride around when there are nuts in cars who change lanes without signalling, etc. Perhaps a Caterham Seven would be the best compromise. At least you get some protection with that spaceframe around you.

Nicholas Gomez, Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia

The last time I rode a motorbike was 33 years ago. At the point of impact I got two broken arms and a broken leg... The driver of the car that hit me sustained a cut lip.
Guess I'm inclined to agree with Mr C.

Pete, Chichester,

I bought a 50cc motorbike/moped for my son @ 16 yrs. He had it for 1 year, fell off a couple of times & no injuries. At 17 he refused to ride it cause he & his mother said it was dangerous. I bought a 1.1ltr Citroen Saxo, he was killed 2 mths later after hitting a pole side on @ 40mph doing a favour

Paddy, Cork, Ireland

Whether a sport bike or a vespa, motorcycles offer you the engagement with the vehicle that only a sports car was able to provide me in the past. When you are strapped into a Sparco seat with a 5-point harness in a sports car you feel like the car is part of you, I feel the same way on a motorcycle.

David Mack, Prairieville, United States

In my experience your perfectly safe on a bike if you've just passed your test as you're terrified. You die when you get used to doing 70 MPH while sitting on a bike, dressed in a t-shirt and shorts and travelling 5 inches from the wheel of a ten ton truck.

Jonathan L, Tel-Aviv, Israel

Jeremy Clarkson's article on his riding a Vespa was funny, my Wife and I ride motobikes and drive cars. On a technical note unless he actually has taken and passed a bike test there was no sign of his L plates and I can also say that the dangers we've experienced have all been from cars drivers!

Reece Davies, Abergele, United Kingdom

I too am a motoring journalist and while I love four wheeled transport I am a 2 wheel convert. I got a dirt bike first and became quite good at running over Hill Walkers, which was nice. I then got instruction on the right way to stay alive when other traffic is involved and simply love it.

Michael Sheridan, Wicklow, Ireland

JC..... your a legend in your own lifetime.
I've been riding bikes for over 40 years and have lost count the number of times I've been killed. But you know what? I love it and will continue to ride bikes [and get killed] until I die of old age.
Long may you [and the other 2] keep making me laugh.

amanda jane mapley, leicester, england

Clarkson You are a prize plonker! But we love you.
If I ever I pass you, pointlessly burning petrol and getting irate about the traffic, whilst going nowhere in your overpriced tarts handbag of a supercar stuck in the inevitable jam, I'll give you a special wave. Speed? In a car? pah.

Nick, Birmingham, UK

Even tho I'm a very proud biker - I loved this article. A very funny very subjective view of a man not willing to give in to his "inner biker". Based on your advice - I've been killed exactly 18 times today. Can't wait for the new series of TG - hope to see you riding 2 wheels again soon Jezza!

Chris McEvoy, Stoke-on-Trent, UK

You are hilarious Clarkson, even though I am a scooter rider. We miss you here in Australia, as we now have our own Top Gear. Hope our guys do some two wheel reviews too.

Margaret Morris, Newcastle, Australia

One comment made just rubbed me the wrong way, the fastest land vehicle is NOT a car, its a train. Unless of course a car has gone past mach 8 (as in eight times the speed of sound, several times faster than a jet fighter.)

Also, who in their right mind spends the equivalent of US$1000 on a jacket?

Karl, Ottawa, Canada

Well Mr Clarkson I have a DTR 125 and i love riding it to and from work beating all these impreza`s and lancers through the jams and with a top speed of 80 mph ile only ever be hauled in front of the courts for breaking the speed limit by 10 mph i will beat stig on my bike round tg track bring it !

Marc Fairman, Peterlee, England

Totally agree Mr. Clarkson.
Looking forward to Sunday. ;)

M Paul Lloyd, Seaton Delaval, UK

I never realized a scooter had a steering wheel, must be a British thing. I used to ride a KZ 1000 ST 85 HP to stay ahead of the crazies. Mr Clarkson is enjoyable, and a hoot to boot.

jerry k, Bucerias, Nay., Mexico

I will have you know, sir, that this American's bike is heavier than she is. So there.

Loved the piece. But don't base your experience on the first ride. The first dozen rides scare the wits out of you, and after that, it's just plain fun to fly.

Vrrrroooom!

Biker Granny

Karla, Indiana, USA

If your going to get cremated go for a cardbourd coffin. It's cheaper.

Mark, Palmy,

What a funny article. I love it. This is a man of great humour!

And he's completely right. Biking is very dangerous. You think that it is not. But it is.

And your greatest fear should be "aunt Granny" opening her side door right in your face. Goodbye.

Kristian Astrup, Copenhagen, Denmark

I work for a Harley dealer, I won't ride a motorcycle, I would prefer to remain alive and not, get killed, but they do wonders for organ donation!

andy, sudbury, canada

Motorbikes are a threat to 'elth and so-af-tay.

Bill, Denver, USA

Jeremy
Interesting all the way !!!

Since Bugatti up to Vespa !!!

regards

Hector Luis Spinelli , Buenos Aires , Argentina

Hilarious, witty - and damned true. As a motorcycle safety instructor, I am witnessing a rash of new riders who have no right to be on two wheels (including Mr. Clarkson?). What the hell do these people think they are doing? I wish people would read Mr. Clarkson's article before buying a motorcycle.

Bob, Ventura, USA

Jeremy, I never put you down a wimp old boy, get out on the open road and let your hair down (Ha ha) no pun intended... :)

Ray, Fleetwood, Lancashire

Brilliant writing!

Stevan Gvozdenovic, Podgorica, Montenegro

Like Emil, I too ride a motorbike to work every day in Sydney and I too very much enjoyed the article. It was so amusing because it was so close to the mark. I should add, however, that riding a motorcycle in Sydney is a bit hairy at times mostly because of the way people drive their motor cars.

Richard Sergi, Summer Hill, Australia

come on now!
TRIUMPH builds a proper Bike for you!
Excellant writing!

James McQuown, Pasco, USA

Jeremy,
Brilliant writing, I ride my motor bike every day to work (Sydney, Australia) and I love it. Never the less, what you've said is so true.I watch your show down under, waiting in anticipation for the new series to come up.
Cheers,

Emil Sremchevich, Camden, Australia

I am sure that I once saw a magazine shot of Jezza riding a bike into a pub! It was taken from inside and the big man had apparently just ridden in via the front door! Let's find out more - some old bike or car journo must surely remember the article. Is the woolly-topped one really a closet biker?

Bruce Cox, Banbury,

Of course most of this is factually incorrect but we all really know, Jezza, that your stance on two wheeled machines is mainly because you're preserving your right to abuse the Hamster and Captain Slow!!

Fair play for having a go. But it's horses for courses.

Tim, London, UK

I'm glad you enjoyed it Jeremy! ;-D

Brian, Sonderborg, Denmark

Unlike JC, Brits do love bikers and respect them. I had fun during my time in England, riding my Yamaha.
And I did not get killed!

Jez, thanks for trying, though. You're always funny to read.

Roberto, Amsterdam, Netherlands

i for one am glad to see mr Clarkson on a bike, does mean that he is at least willing to give it a try....oh and as for japanese bikes being reliable, can someone tell my kawasaki.....blasted thing keeps breaking, im sure its made out of cheese.

Matt Banyard, Farnborough, UK

Brilliant and funny, what more can I say. To my fellow bikers (yes, I am on of those people who use my motorcycle more then my car...) Mr. Clarckson is correct regarding the Vespa. To the Americans commenting here.. get a life. There is such a thing called sarcasm. And well,,, he is right :D

Jeff, Alicante, Spain

Jeremy, you've just lightened my day. Thank you. PS. 150,000 miles of biking and i'm still alive. What am I doing wrong? I await your advice.

Steve Minshall, Norwich, England

Actually really odd. I would have thought that perhaps the fact that my sub-2000-pound motorcycle can out-accelerate any car costing less than 10-20 times as much might actually make an impression on Jeremy 'POWWER!!!' Clarkson. But he decided to just reinforce his prejudices by riding a Vespa...

Bravus, Brisbane, Australia

So long as he doesn't try and stop me riding my motorcycle then he is free to hate them all he wants.

TD, Sydney, Australia

Dear Mr Clarkson
When you choice a M/C as a a transport device rather than as a life style icon things start to make sense.
There are users out there that use an M/C cause they make sense. I'm doing 20,000 miles a year (not a courier) and I get where I need to on time and I get to use the bus lane

Adrian, Bristol, UK

Top tip for safe motorcycling:

Never trust a M/C that has more HP than you have IQ.

You know who is going to end up in control.

So with loads of bike getting to 140 HP + you can understand the carnage.

But 14 HP.... it's a wonder you can get up in the morning.

Adrian, Bristol, UK

Jeremy, I'm a biker and I love you.
Am I gay?

Ivor, Thundersley, UK

All said....the fastest land vehicles.... are still cars.

Stefan, Princes Town,

Dear Mr Clarkson,

Please tell us you filmed your taking of the CBT for your Top Gear television program. From looking at the photos an episode dedicated to you taking the test would possibly be the funniest to date.

Jason Walsh, Tadworth, England

Jeremy,

Ducati's are also made in Italy. They constantly fail, moreso than any Japanese bike. Enjoy.

Adrian, Perth, Australia

I motorcycled nearly 7000 miles in the last 14 months since taking the CBT. This is the funniest thing I have read in ages.

Phil , York, UK

I ride my bike to work each day. It is very cheap to run, cuts through the jams, and is easy to park. I'm selling my car.

Marvo Ging, Teignmouth,

Quite amazing!

In the nanny state the UK has become how can such a dangerous form of transportation still be legal. Does it have a seatbelt? What about airbags ? (apart from the one riding it in this case)

PJ, Northants, England

Clarkson has obviously never experienced the exhilaration and freedom of a large bike on a winding open road in Wales!

SM, Perth, WA

I use a 49cc motor scooter every day. For quiet streets here, perfect transportation. I should add that we have had all manner of championship games here, but tourists stay on the streets easily found in guides, scooters scoot around the mess.

So, it depends on climate and road conditions.

WD, Saint Petersburg, USA

"I therefore hated my experience of motorcycling and would not recommend it to anyone."

Didn't really have to read through the whole thing to see that coming did we?

Thanks anyway.

Walt, Las Vegas, USA

re:-paul, london
we dont overtake in stupid places, we can simply see further than a car driver as we sit higher up, and as for braking the highway code, what about think once, think twice, think bike i think you`ll find most car drivers break that rule,

ivan binks, findhorn, uk

I think Clarkson is brilliant for winding people up about Motorcycles. I am a "biker" i dont own a car anymore and i commute on my 600 Fazer every day and ride whenever i can for fun.

I still find Clarksons post absolutely brilliant and very very funny. Dont take things so personally people!

David C, Weston Super Mare, England

Clarky, when all the kids in the UK have to ride Scooters until they are 21, we may eventually learn some road sense in the country. CBT is brilliant and has helped scooterists and bikers learn to drive defensively, required due to braindead and blind car drivers. Re test every car driver over 60.

andy Cullen, chelmsford, UK

funny how bike riders complain about car drivers, but the difference is that car drivers obey the highway code, bikers dont. countless times everyday i see bikers tailgating cars in their impatience to pass, overtaking in stupid places and speeding (can bikers not read?).

Paul, London,

As a biker, Jeremy, you brightened my day.

Funniest thing I've read all month! Keep it up.

Tom Porter, Winchester, United Kingdom

Funny and satirical article,

Definition of ‘Dim’ - taking a 4x4 up the side of a Scottish mountainside with a team of blokes and a couple ground anchors then proclaiming a go anywhere victory. Alt:, shooting foxes because they eat your chickens but live in the countryside where foxes live.

Charles, Dunfermline, UK

Remember that race across London the TG team did?

What was the form of transport that the guys didn't allow to enter in their race...?

Allan, NYC, USA

I ride one of your Brit scooters – a Triumph… a great machine. Although, I may now trade it for three Vespas. One to ride, one for the shop to fix after my crash, and one for my 9 year old niece to ride to ballet practice.

You forgot to factor in the hospital bills after your 40 mph crash, suffering for a few days, and imminent death. Get something that goes over 40 mph – the end will be faster too.

Tim, Marshfield - Massachusetts, USA

Remember the race across london they did on the Jeremy Clarkson show? - Sorry, Top Gear. You know, the one with the boat v car v bicycle? I wonder why they ommited a motorbike?

And what mode of transport was Hammond being filmed on the bicycle from? Yep, a motorbike.

Steve in Cardiff, Cardiff,

A friend bought a motor bike, rode it to work once before selling it. He found that car drivers hate motor cycles. My daughter bought one to commute to work, now she uses her Chevrolet Sierra pick up truck for the same reason. She uses the bike for local travel.

Neal, East Lansing, USA

JC should ride his Lambrusco amongst the hoardes of `Bimbomobile 4x4's` in Harrogate. He thinks he was risking life and limb on a Turin hairdryer? No one is safe from Ms Bimbo 4x4 as she peers through the steering wheel to negotiate that narrow side of the road that is allocated to, er, all of us.

Geoff, Harrogate, UK

Zezza

Linked brakes (i.e. one pedal/lever operating both brakes) are lethal in wet or slippery conditions. This is because there is no facility to vary the amount of pressure applied to the front brake with the consequence that front wheel lock-ups are inevitable

MartynG, Harpenden, UK

Driving when there's a biker on the road is like sharing a toolshed with a hyperactive toddler. He's over my right shoulder...no, he's overtaking on the inside....I can't see him.....he's six inches from my back bumper....no, he's overtaking....HE'S GOING TO BE KILLED.....shoot, that was close...

Frank Upton, Solihull,

Jez ought to ride his Lambrusco around Harrogate and see how it feels to be in the land of the "Bimbo in a 4x4", who can't see over the steery wheel thingy and think they've done off-road when they mount the kerb, usually outside little lord fauntleroy's school, 350 yards from where they live - oops

Geoff, Harrogate, UK

Nice double chin in that photo Clarky - and you are starting too sound like Victor Meldrew. Time you were put out to pasture I think...

Nick, London,

Having been in two bike crashes I have to say the problem with bikes is car drivers. It's not fun having some muppet do a u turn in front of you...

Bikes are great but on our narrow congested roads its just not worth the pain.

Michael, Coventry,

Wow Americans, Lighten up.
Take another look and you might notice that he "slams" everyone and everything.

If he focuses on Americans more than most it's just because you are a much 'bigger' target!... sorry.. couldn't resist.

MJ, Australia,

Keeping the uninitiated away from bikes is much appreciated. I started out as a snooty weekend / hobby rider, only to realize that it is immensely practical in a semi-American / European city like Montreal. (And happily ride the subway in winter.)
-- Practical "Green" / Park Anywhere Guy

Adam, Montreal, Canada

hey now, even though we may have an obesity problem, we've stopped making fun of your poor dental standards.

now, if you were making fun of heavy bikes with revealing outfits they shouldn't be wearing, i'm behind you 100%

joe, new york, US

Ever driven in Rome, JC? If you like me, do that everyday, you don't want a car, you want a Vespa!

Angelo, Rome, Italy

The downside of bikes is the complete inability of car drivers to see me, despite having a large bike and very bright lights (always on thanks to some faceless EU official).

That said, the ability to get where I want, when I want overcomes this problem, except in snow when I drive, unlike most cars

Ian, Sheffield, United Kingdom

...for FREE! and it costs bugger all to run. Can you imagine if all of sudden every Tom,Dick and Harry started to ride bikes. The government would tax the hell out of us just like the those sorry cars. So please keep up the good work putting people off and leave the roads free us proper bikers.

Carl, Stoke-on-Trent, UK

Glad you tried it, and I think it is entirely clear that you should never again ride something with two wheels and a motor. Some people simply cannot ride motorcycles/scooters - we lovingly refer to them as either squids or statistics, depending on whether they are alive or dead, respectively.

Jason Cormier, Montreal, QC, Canada

I love bikes, hurt my neck at work and can't ride for at least a year!! V-twins are my weakness, the noise, the way they find grip, the way the front whell just begs to get airborne...

Neil, Newcastle Upon Tyne, England

Admit mr Clarkson, you loved every single second you spent on it, don´t you?

Don´t be so shy. Next time, give the photographer the chance to shoot you showing off the interior hapiness you were experiencing while riding that tiny little bike, but do it in a proper one (above 600cc at least)!!

Wagner, Sao Paulo, Brazil

Fantasticsuper etc etc etc.. please do go and ride some more motorcycles jezza..we loved watching you wobble away on a ducati 916 afew years back,, then wobble about unconvincingly on a harley in your latest""video"". do us a small favour.. admit defeat!! bikes r best!!

mr T W Atness, easter glentwattle , scotland

Jeremy are you finaly 'coming out' ?

Are you turning homosexual as YOU said James Blunt must be, because he is a motorcyclist?

Are you hiding something from us all, duckie ?

MJB, Chelmsford, UK

My two year old grandson knows a Vespa is a scooter and not a motorcycle! Forget the jacket you should have bought a long anorak with rabbit fur trim on the hood.

Phil Medway, Singapore,

Fantastic !! As a "car guy" living in Vietnam, I have switched to the darkside of 2 wheeled transportation...and I love it ! Yes falling off a couple time will teach you the correct controls quickly and getting 80mpg is average on a small bike.

I wonder if JC remembers his moped experience in NAM??

John Smith, Hanoi, Vietnam

I know...they're awful arn't they...mine is a 1000cc kitten and it only does 32 mpg so it only comes out on sunny days to utilise the aircon. It's embarrassing going past all those stationary tin cans waiting behind each other on a motorway so we all wear a tinted goldfish bowl to hide our blushes.

Mike, Norwich, UK

£3,900 for a Vespa!!!!! I think they saw you coming.

Motorbikes offer acceleration like no other vehicle - until you have experienced that - you are inexperienced.

James, London, United Kingdom

As a Lambretta"ist" my 125 used to average 60mph from London to the South Coast, broke down once in 5 years (glass in the back tyre) and I'm still alive. I came off twice (on ice at about 5 mph).

Yes - they are different but a highly effective transport; better than jet propulsion

David Brown, Brentwood, UK

I used to ride a Velocette but more recently a friend who worked in an Intensive Care Unit told me they got all their spare parts from bikers. Sign of the times.

Mia C, manchester, lancs

it really fascinates how stubborn you can be sometimes...if you don't like bikes, get in car and enjoy while crawling forth and back to your home... btw, 125cc is way too small for you. get 250, at least. i am 6ft 8, drivning 500cc piaggio beverly. goes like heaven, drinks like zippo.

milivoje calija, belgrade, serbia

Funny article. Specially liked when you say "Unlike with a car, there seems to be no standardisation in the world of motorcycling". You mean english cars versus the rest of the world, right?

josu, spain,

In the !960`s British bikes had the rear brake pedal on the left and the gear change pedal on the right; whilst Japanese bikes were vice versa - gear change on left and rear brake on right.

Thus change from British to Japanese bike without thinking and you were killed !!!

John Rogers, Cardiff, UK

Jeremy Clarkson is, as usual, talking rubbish:

My Vespa (less than 3000 miles on the clock) cost £1100
Helmet (up to EU safety standard) - £50
Good brand of Gloves and trousers (from italian website) - £60
Abrasion proof jacket (from US website) - £80
You dont need special shoes

Alex, London,

After suffering a stroke, I no longer have the use of my left hand. I can drive an automatic car with power steering and a steering ball. What do I need for a one-handed Vespa? Apart from destroying the rest of my brain.

Bill Peter, Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia

Having originally learned to drive on a 500cc twin BSA (yes, I'm quite old now), I have to tell Jeremy that he sounds like a nancy boy, existing in a ball of cotton wool, unable to operate outside a world stuffed with luxuries. However, it's one of his funniest pieces of late to scare the gutless.

Hugh O'Neill, Chichester, U.K.

Given the choice of gambling with life, limbs and happiness, or just driving the car to the local shops wouldn't you prefer to live life. Anyone can get to by 90 but how many LIVED to 90? Far better to have a fun packed life as you're wrapped round the rear wheels of a passing lorry.

Russ, High Wycombe, England

When I was a teenager, and therefore very skint, I had a moped. It was embarrassing and when it was hit by a car it was also very painful. It's OK, I can walk again now, but I suspect I have been permanently cured of the urge to pilot anything withh fewer than four wheels.

Wyvern, Plymouth, UK

I guess in Britain a "footstool" is what we in the states call a "kick stand" because I'm sure that what we call a "footstool" is actually a "tuffet" in Britain, right? Funny article, tho.

Jeri, Indiana, USA

I agree with what you say, but -- I just luuurve motorcyles, the bigger the better (and the bigger they are, the safer they are, mark my words).

Downers are UK weather (hate riding in rain) and car drivers (who think bikes are invisible).

So it's only a hobby for me, but a good one!

DJ, Brill, UK

Motorcycles were children of their time, back when only bloated plutocrats could run a car. And yes, they're dangerous. The world is coming full circle and as fuel is slowly becoming unaffordable, cars are again for BPC's -- and the rest of us will go back to what whe can afford, and hang the danger

Wickers, Sydney, Australia

Jeremy,i have seen your show a couple of times and found it a bit,well right, need I say more !
Anyway mate having ridden scooter's & motorized bicycle's plus an array of those other things with wheel's I found your article very funny.
Perhaps I need help ?

Mick, Perth, Western Australia

One of your best (at least this year). It's been a dull grey morning until I read it.

Cezary, Thorn, Poland

But Jeremy!

YOU! forgot to test drive the coffin....

simon, nawrich,

Dear Jer, I've been riding motorised bicycles for 30 years and have, so far, only been killed six times. Each time because some berk in a metal box declared he (she, twice) couldn't see a two-wheeled machine, six feet long, four feet high and carrying a 100kg human. With its headlight on. Nuff said.

Les Stephenson, Cape Town, South Africa

There's lies, damn lies, and Jeremy Clarkson! Lord bless ya mister C, you've brewed up another chortle-worthy load of nonsense again. You really are like my uncle when he gets drunk at parties - embarrassing, rude, arrogant and factually twenty shades of wrong, but you make me laugh like a drain.

Kim, London, England

Clarkson did not mention the contempt most motorists have for anyone on 2 wheels too. He's right, riding a scooter (mine is 400cc so at least it has grunt) is a terrifying experience for the unprepared and its not for the faint hearted. For journeys of 10 minutes+ I take my S5. It's much safer!

Colin, Brisbane, Australia

Why do you have to slam American's in your act.
It is getting very irritating. I watch the BBC. At least we, in the USA dont have programs called "You are what you eat".

Tommy Walker, Chicago, USA

That's exactly what happened to me when I did CBT 12 years ago!
Cones, car park fine, however, oversized helmet so I couldn't turn my head to see what was over my shoulder because my helmet stayed facing front, sheer terror on hitting the high road resulting in my buying a 1986 Ford Sierra instead.

RHD, London,