Jeremy Clarkson
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From
November 9, 2008
Racing Green Jaguar XKR 475
I don’t like speed cameras very much so you’d probably expect me to laud the decision taken by Swindon council to remove them from the town’s streets. Hmmm. The council says that it currently spends £320,000 a year on cameras and that this money could be better spent on other road safety schemes.
What, exactly? Because in the extraordinary world of government finance £320,000 may be enough, just, to buy a hammer, but it certainly isn’t enough to pay for the safety courses people must attend before they’re allowed to use one.
One of those solar-powered “Slow down” signs is £10,000, and by law, in case there hasn’t been enough global warming and the eco-sign stops working, there has to be another, conventional sign right next to it, saying exactly the same thing. So quite how many lives Swindon council hopes to save with £320,000 I really don’t know.
Don’t get me wrong. I don’t agree with the communists who say speed cameras have the life-saving properties of penicillin, but who knows what the truth is? I always drive quite slowly through the village of Woodstock because there are two cameras. If they weren’t there, would I do 180 and hit a bus queue? Or would I do 180 and not hit a bus queue? Nobody knows.
Except of course for the communists. They take the accident figures every year and claim every single tiny drop is entirely down to speed cameras. They say that were it not for this brilliant enforcement measure, everyone in the land would now be a drooling vegetable or dead.
Really? The fact is that since cameras were introduced, the number of deaths has remained pretty much constant at about 3,000 a year. However, it’s also a fact that the number of serious injuries has been steadily falling. “You see,” say the communists squeakily. “If everyone is made to drive at the same speed, irrespective of wealth or power, the number of people losing arms and spleens is slashed.”
Unfortunately, they are talking rubbish. The problem is the term “serious injury”. According to the government, this means fractures, concussion, internal injuries, crushing, severe cuts, lacerations or shock. Technically, then, a broken finger is a serious injury, and some policemen might well record it on their forms that way. Others might not. And there is some evidence that officers are being “encouraged” to downgrade their assessments near speed camera sites. So it looks as though the so-called safety measures are working.
And no one ever says: “Hang on a minute. Can’t some of the improvements be down to the way cars are designed these days?”
The only accurate way of assessing how we are doing as a nation of drivers is to look at the number of people being killed, because that isn’t open to interpretation by a traffic officer. Someone is either dead or they are not. The figures cannot be manipulated. Not even the government can hide a dead body in the bushes for long. Someone’s going to find it.
So if we concentrate on deaths, the whole picture becomes extraordinarily blurred. I mean, you’d expect, now that cars have airbags, and bluff fronts to make them almost comfortable when they run you down, that the number of deaths on the road would be falling dramatically. But it isn’t. It’s constant.
It’s not as though the airbags and the antisubmarine seats have been offset because we are driving faster. Department for Transport figures show that in 1997 70% of cars regularly exceeded the 30mph limit. In 2007 it was less than half. Average speeds are coming down too, by nearly 1% between 2005 and 2007. In the rush hours the average speed in many built-up areas is less than 15mph.
So we’re going slowly. Cars are safer. There are speed cameras on every street corner. Pavements are fenced off from the roads. There are more underpasses and foot bridges. Motorways are safer. Road surfaces are more grippy. Tyres are better. Antilock brakes have been introduced. And none of this is making the slightest bit of difference to the number of people being killed.
Why? Well, I racked my brains. Smoked a pack of cigarettes. Walked round the garden twice. And still I could not come up with a plausible explanation. But then along came the Green party, which seems to have hit on an interesting theory.
It may be woolly on the issue of climate change – it keeps claiming the world is warming up when every single figure shows it’s actually cooling down – but on road safety the Green party seems to be bang on the money. It says casualty figures aren’t dropping because the roads are full of gormless morons.
Of course, the Greens don’t put it quite like this. Instead, they say that the number of pedestrians being killed on the roads in the least deprived areas (where intelligent people live) is three times smaller than the number in areas of greatest deprivation (where thick people live).
Naturally, they think the problem can be solved with a nationwide 20mph speed limit, but this seems to punish the bright unfairly. I mean, why should a solicitor have to drive his Audi A6 through Godalming at 20 simply because a fat, one-eyed oaf in Pontefract can’t get to work in the morning without hitting a hundred prams? Much better, surely, to base the speed we’re allowed to drive on our IQ. This way, Stephen Fry would be allowed to travel at 160 while Kerry Katona would be limited to 2mph. I thank the Green party for its research on this matter and hope the solution I’ve come up with is implemented as soon as humanly possible. Because we’ve tried everything else and nothing has worked.
And that in no way brings me on to the car you see pictured this morning. It is a supercharged Jaguar XKR convertible that has been fettled by a company called Racing Green.
The whole thing stems from a review I wrote some months back suggesting that the standard XKR needed a growlier exhaust and a bit more bile in its sac. Well, the Racing Green version has water methanol injection, which costs £905 and means that water and alcohol are added to the fuel and air going into the cylinders. Water keeps the temperature down. Methanol increases the octane rating of the fuel. Yum, yum.
In addition, my test car had lowered suspension, which costs £830, enormous 20in wheels (£3,830), a new exhaust system (£1,735) and revised engine mapping (£3,175). Some of these things work quite well. Some don’t. The exhaust is tremendous under load but at a cruise it can be a bit irritating because it never stops making the sort of low-frequency drone that can kill dogs. And the massive wheels serve mainly to make the standard brakes look like milk-bottle tops. And you, like a purveyor of cocaine.
That said, I did enjoy the extra power. It’s nice to know the car is going more quickly because it’s drinking and driving. And the lowered suspension doesn’t seem to have spoilt the ride at all. It hasn’t improved the handling noticeably either, but there’s no doubt a lower car looks better than one that’s on stilts.
Unfortunately, the effect of this is somewhat overshadowed by a horrible Arden body kit. Adding this kit, which costs £10,850, is a bit like nailing a plank of wood to Keira Knightley’s face. They couldn’t have done a worse job if they’d fitted the car with a selection of garden gnomes.
Happily, all the modifications are options, so you can pick and choose which ones you want. And, better still, Racing Green will make the alterations to a used XKR, which can be part-exchanged these days for a tin of boiled sweets and a handful of loose change. In short, then, you can have a car like this, without the body kit, for £55,000. That’s pretty good.
If you had the body kit, it would be around £65,000, but because you would have demonstrated a serious lack of intelligence, I’m afraid, under the new Jeremy Clarkson/Green party rules, you’d be limited by law to a top speed of 7mph.
The Clarksometer
Clarkson’s Verdict The thinking man’s kit car
Racing Green Jaguar XKR 475
ENGINE 4196cc, V8
POWER 475bhp @ 5900rpm
TORQUE 470 lb ft @ 3500-4500rpm
TRANSMISSION Six-speed automatic
FUEL / CO2 21mpg / 294g/km
ACCELERATION 0-60mph: 4.6sec
TOP SPEED 176mph
PRICE £98,320
ROAD TAX BAND G (£400 a year)
ON SALE Now
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If you are a speed freak (like me) go to Algeria. The scenery is lovely, the roads are sweeping and smooth, fuel is quite cheap, the 21st century has arrived at last, except (thankfully) speed cameras and, for the most part, traffic lights. Petrolhead heaven!
Rashid, Abu Dhabi, UAE
yes, perhabs the amount of speed cameras also increases accordingly!
George, Staffs,
Speed cameras are about two things, and two things only. Generating revenue and government control. Everything else is the window-dressing required to ram it down the public's throat.
Martin, Philadelphia, United States
Hasn't the large partical colider unlocked the secrets of teleportation yet? This would solve the traffic problems. Only if it was made affordable to the masses.
Murray, Alloa, Scotland
losing money over a speeding fine infuriates me to drive angrily and carelessly. why don't they make jobs by sending you to a driving awareness centres for every offence, that way if you miss an appointment your lisence is temporarily endorsed for a short period. this will drive the public to think.
Thomas Wilkes, denton, manchester
Average speed cameras are not just for the purpose of preventing accidents, they're also about traffic flow. Idiots that speed in the lanes 2 & 3, don't leave a gap and refuse to allow traffic in lane 1 to more right to allow heavy traffic to enter the motorway cause everything to grind to a halt!!
John, Manchester,
Jeremy is wrong. Simply design all cars with a minimum of 3ft of foam rubber on the front. The more rubber then the faster the engine speed limiter will let you drive. This may also help reduce the tyre mountains, and will stop people getting bored on long trips - they can play bumper cars. Simple.
Traducer, Ostrava, Czech Republic
sooo funny never fails to make me laugh looool.
E Teoman, Bexleyheath, London
Why pay 900 quid for water/ethanol? Just buy a product called Motormax from the states! Amazing stuff! It really works .Just ask Quentin hes tried it!
bruce, london, uk
Here in the States if you get certain tickets you can keep your license clean by going to "traffic school." The 8 hours are boring and not very educational, no more than you would expect from a Government program. Why not do really top class driver training at these sessions?
Simon, Lake Forest, USA
errrr Jeremy it's pretty obvious why the number of casualties is stable whilst cars are (undoubtedly) getting safer - have you not noticed that there are a lot more cars on the road these days?
Simon, Brussels, Belgium
Not "three times smaller," Jeremy. One-third as great.
Geoff Miller, Boulder Creek, CA, USA
[It may be woolly on the issue of climate change – it keeps claiming the world is warming up when every single figure shows it’s actually cooling down]
Speaking of intelligence...I find Jeremy very funny, but so are some of his claims.
So the Globe is cooling? Fascinating.
stephen saines, toronto, canada
UK road deaths 1998 : 3421/ 2006:3150. Killed / seriously injured : 240 per 100m Km driven 1964 / 55 per 100m Km 2006 . The Law of Diminishing Returns explains the slowing rate of improvement, but who can say cameras have not contributed? Don't throw the baby out with the bathwater
Andy, London,
Rather than there being more stupid drivers, isn't it just the case that there are simply more drivers? Sometimes the easiest answer is the solution. With an increase in traffic, there is consequentially an increase in accidents. Its not rocket science, even if you do pretend it is!
Robert, Tokyo,
Average speed cameras at all major road entry points will cause accident numbers to rise dramatically. Due to boredom. With only small differentials between speeds, it is difficult to maintain concentration. We need adrenalin to keep concentration. We need the low speed idiots to keep us watchful.
Mike, Suffolk, UK
It's long been known that there's an inverse correlation between road deaths and traffic density - borne-out by the highly disproportionate numbers killed and injured on rural roads. Without the most draconian measures (man waving red flag etc.) the rest is just rain-dancing.
Ken Leyland, Liverpool, U.K.
I'm glad we don't have the proliferation of speed cameras in the US. I don't drive that much but I do ride my 4 motorcycles every day. I have 2 Harley Davidson XLCH's 73 & 75, Honda Shadow 750 and Honda Magna 750. I have been known to ride at and average rate of 75mph to work. Average 50mpg.
Paul Bahre, Granby, CT, USA
Hows about we have compulsory re-testing after say 5 years of driving. I've had to do this several times (living in different countries) over the last 40 years and its amazing the pointers that an instructor will give you about your bad habits. It would also increase employment for testers.
Mal, Edmonton, Canada
The RoSPA test is not free and neither is the training. It may be a "charity", but I have been to HQ in Birmingham which has a large building with associated running costs and paid staff...
It does offer some of the best training at a minimal cost - check out RoSPA SMART for bikes in the south-east
stephen low, Haywards Heath, England
We all know the situation - someone in cloud cuckoo land with a long train of frustrated drivers behind them and a clear lane next to them. £20 on the spot fines for 'Lane dawdling' !! And lets see the Police leading by example and POLICING the roads rather than sitting in lay-bys all day.
AA, Cologne, Germany
There are more cars so more stupid people on the road.
The accident rate must have increased so we can assume car design has increased the survivabilty rate or are Jeremy puts it " almost comfortable when they run you down".
Change the road signs to "Stupidity Kills".
Great stuff Jeremy.
Bobby Howie, Glasgow, Scotland
While it's true that there a lot of idiots on mways, sitting in lane 4 of an empty M25 11:30pm, it's not true that you can't be undertaken. Stuck on the same road r-h lane doing 75 on a Saturday afternoon, and you WILL get undertaken by idiots who ignore the fact that there arehundreds of cars ahead
matthew, Woking,
I doubt if speed is the main issue with accidents these days, poor driving from old / cheap nasty cars hogging centre lanes of motorways, hence road pricing will have one good thing keeps the dim wits and poor out of my way! More traffic police could educate, but with New Labour its fines always!
Richard de Gerber, Kingston upon Thames, UK
Bermuda has a speed limit of 20 mph yet with a population of only 66,536 they have already succeeded in killing 13 people on the roads this year.
Phil Medway, Singapore,
What's wrong with passing on the inside on motorways?
ian mckenna, londonistan, England (most people still think)
You are absolutely right, John Small of Faversham. Lane discipline on motorways has almost vanished. Every day I find some doddering old plonker pottering along in one of the overtaking lanes - you know, the middle one & the outside one. Try driving properly, you'll never be overtaken on the inside.
Ken Whysall, Hemel Hempstead,
So, the answer is bus drivers and chauffeurs with PHD's in bump technology and the rest of us stay at home with our obese pets?!
Sue, Felpham,
Lack of IQ is at the root of the problem. However, lack of intelligence really becomes an issue when linked with a seriously bad attitude. I firmly believe that IQ and attitude tests should be part of the driving test.
Neil, Oopnorthminster, UK
Agree that lane discipline is poor; many people seem allergic to the left hand lane. If you drive in the correct lane on a motorway, moving right to overtake then back left (good lane discipline), it's impossible to be overtaken on the inside.
Stephen, Guildford,
Could the reason that the number of deaths is constant in spite of safer cars and speed cams be because there are more nutcases driving? I don't seem to remember being overtaken on the inside quite as often 20 years ago as I do now. Lane discipline on motorways has almost vanished.
John Small, Faversham, UK
All the research on road deaths have the same conclusion that a big percentage of deaths are caused by the wrong speed for the circumstances. Exceeding speed limits is not the factor, so enforcing speed limits with cameras does not address the cause.
marton, eglisau, switzerland
i am doing a rospa advanced motorcycling course. sounds really nerdy right. wrong. if all drivers took one the accident rate would fall....really fall. Take one, its free(they do cars as well) and you will get there quicker. miles safer and quicker.
simon , chieveley, uk
...the number of pedestrians being killed on the roads in the least deprived areas (where less people live) is three times smaller than the number in areas of greatest deprivation (where more people live).... isn't this a more rational explanation?
Neil, Windsor, England
Spot on JC.Even on the government's own figures 95% of all accidents involve vehicles travelling BELOW the speed limit which is hardly surprising when you see some of the people behind the wheel of the car at the head of the queue of traffic.
Andy, Bristol, UK
Frustrated?
A speed camera in a 30mph area should vary it's operation according to traffic density. On a deserted road one should be allowed to drive at 40mph and only when vehicles are closer than say, 200 feet, should it revert to 30mph.
That 50mph at 2am on the A2 east of London is ridiculous!
mike, tunbridge wells, England
Absolutely agree - it's the driver's ability, attitude and awareness (or lack of any or all of these) which causes the huge majority of accidents...speed is very rarely a killer itself, except perhaps in, say, a tyre blowout.
Tony, Cheltenha,, UK
Better still attach electrodes to your head whilst diving that measure brain activity and reduce your top speed depending on how well your concentrating. 90mph for being engrossed in the traffic situation, 2mph for thinking about Eastenders, hair, or pies.
Ross Wilson, Salisbury, uk
On the subject of driving more slowly, I'd ask Jeremy to walk the rural roads of Wales where there are no payements only hedges right to the road edge. Car handling is better and cars are able to reach their previous speeds more quickly - average speeds seem to have actually increased significantly.
A Jarvis, UK, UK
Brilliant ! When will people finally understand that it's not speed that kills, it's stupid driving! There is a big difference between driving fast and driving like an idiot.
Nik, Philadelphia, USA
Excellent idea, Jeremy. But why stop there? why don't we link an I.Q. test to parenthood, right to vote and TV presenters. Maybe we'll end up with disciplined children, smart responsible politicians and all TV programs presented by you. A brave new world indeed.
Albert Elzinga, Tweed Heads, Australia
"The fact is that since cameras were introduced, the number of deaths has remained pretty much constant at about 3,000 a year."
Ok, so has the number of cars on the road, the number of journeys also remained constant? Of course not, they've increased. So the RATE of deaths has reduced.
Andy, Nottingham, UK
Ha Ha
Brendan Nelson, bedford, england