In recent months there has been a concerted drive from all sorts of quarters to talk people out of their 4x4s. There’s even a suggestion that if this doesn’t work there might have to be legislation.

Some have argued that huge off-roaders kill children. And I am sure that this is correct. It is undoubtedly better for a nine-year-old to be hit by a Honda Civic than a Hummer H2. But I’m also sure that the number killed by being run over by a 4x4 is more than offset by the number whose lives have been saved by being inside such a monster when it hits a tree.

Then there’s this infernal business with the environment. There are those who claim that the blame for global warming can be laid entirely at the door of Land Rover whose cars, we keep being told, are putting a brake on the Gulf Stream, melting the snow on Kilimanjaro and peppering the southern oceans with icebergs the size of Texas.

Hmmm. Interesting idea, but the problem here is that the Gulf Stream isn’t stopping, the snows have gone from Kilimanjaro because deforestation at its base means moist air is no longer being blown to the summit, and the ice in most of Antarctica is getting thicker. And anyway, even if there is such a thing as global warming, it’s hard to see how it might be caused by your Range Rover.

So if it’s not the environment and it’s not safety, why have the world’s woolly-headed left-of-centre nitwits got it in for the off-roader?

I found a clue recently in a road test of Aston Martin’s DB9. It appeared in The Guardian and it had been written by the red-headed, red-blooded, red-flagged Robin Cook, MP.

Let me give you some of his observations. He said its sheer wanton opulence was “positively repugnant” and that if you want to build a “cohesive, fair society” the Aston is a car you should avoid because it makes you “very nasty indeed”.

You see the problem here. When I look at a man in an Aston Martin I think: “One day I’ll have one of those.” When Cook looks at a man in an Aston Martin he thinks: “One day I’ll have him out of that.”

He’s consumed with jealousy, and jealousy of course is the bedrock of socialism. That’s why Cook and his kind have got it in for the off-roader, because they’re expensive and because they’re tall, so the driver gets to look down on lesser mortals in their Vauxhalls and Fords.

Of course, I think off-roaders in London are pretty silly. You never go fast enough to reap any of the safety benefits and that means you just chew fuel as you go round and round the block looking for a space big enough to park in.

But there are 52m people who don’t live in London and plainly a great many do want a 4x4. I know this because I’ve just sold my Volvo XC90 for £1,000 more than I paid two years and 30,000 miles ago. So let’s ignore the tiny minority of bitter and twisted communists, shall we, and see what’s what with the new Nissan Murano.

I should explain at the outset that most off-road cars do not work on the road at all.

A Nissan Patrol, for instance, is absolutely fabulous for crossing the Sahara desert, but on the A34 it turns into a car with all the performance and comfort of a glacier. That’s what makes the Range Rover and the Porsche Cayenne so brilliant. Because they work in both environments.

In recent years, however, there has been a new line of thinking in the world’s car firms. What’s the point of going to all the trouble of making an off-road car work in the wilds when all anyone wants is the high driving position and the feeling of security this affords? So we’ve seen a whole raft of cars like the BMW X5 and its smaller brother the X3, the Lexus RX300 and the Volvo XC90 that could no more cross a ploughed field than go to the moon. To save weight and money, they don’t have any complicated locking diffs or knobbly tyres and this makes them feel car-like on the road. The new Murano most definitely falls into this category. Show it a field and it would hide behind a tree sobbing.

This is not a criticism. Nissan is simply trying to give us what we want. And boy oh boy, has it succeeded.

First of all, this is an extremely handsome car. Designed in California by the same team that gave us the woeful 350Z, it manages to look chunky and tough without coming across as a big cardboard box. I particularly like the Richard Kiel radiator grille.

You sit up high behind a dashboard that would not look or feel out of place in a Mercedes S-class. And even though the Murano costs less than £30,000 you get the lot: a million airbags, a million watts from the stereo, cruise control, climate control, leather seats, an electric sunroof and a television screen that gives you a colour picture of what’s going on behind when you engage reverse. It’s a nice place to sit.

Under the bonnet we find the same 3.5 litre V6 as in the 350Z. In the Murano it’s been retuned to give less power, less torque and, crucially, a lot less noise. On the motorway it just hums gently, like it may in a former life have been a Victorian poet.

Don’t think, however, that the retune and the fitment of a CVT gearbox mean tectonic performance. It’ll still get you from 0 to 62mph in 8.9sec, and that’s pretty sprightly for a big off-roader. So is the 124mph top speed.

And now we’re getting to the really good stuff. You see, the problem with most big off-road cars, even those designed not to go off road, is that it’s hard to make them handle and ride properly. The body’s too big and too heavy and too far away from the road.

And yet the Nissan is a joy. Sure, it doesn’t have handling that’s even on nodding terms with the concept of “sporty”, but this is a price worth paying for the smoothest ride I’ve encountered in any off-road car. Couple this to the quietness and the fact you can see over the car in front and you end up with one of the most relaxing cars money can buy.

Furthermore, if anyone with mad hair and a Soviet attitude to success tries to spoil the peace and serenity, arguing that you’re a fat-cat planet wrecker with your 4x4, you can argue that, actually, you’re not. Most of the time power is fed to the front wheels, only moving to those at the back if a sensor detects things are becoming slippery. Like I said, in a trip across the Sahara a Murano would struggle to get over the ramps on the ferry terminal in Dover.

I’m struggling here to think of any reason why this should not get a five-star rating, the first time any car has achieved such a feat since the Aston Martin DB9. Honestly, I cannot think of a single thing wrong with it.

And I can think of three things I really, really like. First, there’s the quietness. Second, there’s the fact that 24, the best show on television, is sponsored by the Nissan Murano, and third, a car like this would get right up Cook’s piggy little nose.

VITAL STATISTICS

Model Nissan Murano
Engine V6, 3498cc
Power 231bhp @ 6000rpm
Torque 235 lb ft @ 3600rpm
Transmission Six-speed CVT
Fuel 23mpg (combined)
CO2 295g/km
Acceleration 0-62mph: 8.9sec
Top speed 124mph
Price £29,800
Rating Five stars
Verdict Impossible to fault, unless you are a leftie

Explore Jeremy Clarkson

• Greatest Hits

• Good Car, Bad Car