What does owning a 4x4 say about your marriage? Nothing very encouraging, according to Keith Bradsher, the author of High and Mighty, the 470-page American polemic that has assumed the status of a set text for the anti-Sports Utility Vehicle lobby. Paraphrasing detailed market research, Bradsher notes how people who choose these thunderous middle-class badges of honour are “frequently nervous about their marriages and uncomfortable about parenthood. They often lack confidence in their driving skills. Above all, they are apt to be self- absorbed, with little interest in their neighbours and communities”.

Blimey. And you thought that they just fancied the high driving position, the extra-large cup-holders and the bigger than average boot space. Manufacturers of SUVs have clearly been missing the target here. Instead of offering a three-year unlimited mileage warranty, they should be stumping up for a course of couple counselling and sticking a copy of Raising Happy Children in the glove compartment where the owner's manual normally goes.

Let's note, in fairness, that marital discord is not restricted to 4x4 drivers. Sometimes it has even been known to happen to people in tiny, inoffensive VW Polos. And when it does, they are right on top of each other in their cars, which can't help - unlike people in SUVs, who at least get to have their marital doubts in a roomy interior with superior headroom, state-of-the-art suspension and, more likely than not, a cracking stereo.

Still, given the general levels of opprobrium out there, and the intense scrutiny their private lives come under, it's little wonder that people with a hankering for the sinister allure of urban all-wheel-drive cars are turning to “crossovers” - the compromise “fattened hatchback” option, offering many of the haughty, thick-ribbed pleasures of an SUV in a smaller, less politically enraging package.

Crossovers represent a booming segment of the market as people respond to anxiety about global warming or simply get fed up with market researchers telling them that they don't love their partners. Arriving late in this burgeoning marketplace, Ford now proudly submits its first official crossover - the Kuga.

Incidentally (and I suspect Ford realises this), that's not how you spell “cougar”. Text messaging is routinely panned for contributing to plummeting standards of national literacy, but it's high time that a few car companies shouldered their part of the blame, too, not least Ford, which is, let's never forget, the outfit that once brought us something called a Ka. Mind you, Nissan's entry in the crossover segment is called the Qashqai, apparently named after the method of sitting down heavily on a computer keyboard and seeing what comes out. At least Kuga sounds like something. And at least we can actually say it.

From the side, the Kuga seems to have been designed to resemble a funky training shoe, give or take the laceholes, and rides quietly on its cushioned sole. It also features two strokes of minor genius, the first being Ford's “Easy Fuel” system, a simple fitting under the fuel flap that means you can't push a petrol pump nozzle into the frugal, diesel-only tank, thus eliminating the possibility that you will accidentally misfuel the car and shortly thereafter end up paying someone to clean out its insides with a sponge.

The other twist is a pair of secret storage spaces under the floor in front of the back seats, almost certainly inspired by spy novels. Ford innocently suggests using this area to deposit valuables, such as your camera, and we stress that there is absolutely no suggestion that these cubbyholes might also be handy for running guns through Customs.

The Kuga may be an SUV in condensed form, but it still seems to imagine a life of hectic activity in which one is routinely fording streams to a depth of 3m and cannoning off unmade roads on tyres as tall as seven-year-olds. Most of us are unlikely to use our Kuga for anything more white-knuckle than taking our children to karate and stopping off at Tesco Express on the way home to pick up yoghurt and dishwasher tablets. Do you need a virtually bombproof trainer for these tasks? Your call.

Whether the traditional tinted windows in the back are a way of hiding the children, so that the driver can appear to to be single (another dizzyingly contentious suggestion put forward in Bradsher's book), well, that's your call, too. Bear in mind, though, that if the tinted windows don't conceal your family adequately, there is always that stowage space under the floor.

Top speed: 112 mph

Acceleration: 0-62 in 10.7 seconds

Average consumption: 44.1 mpg

CO2 emissions: 169g/km

One careful owner: Myleene Klass

On the stereo: Alicia Keyes

In the glovebox: Kit-Kat Chunky

Destination: Chelmsford

Price: from £20,500