Mitsubishi refers warmly to its growing Lancer range as “the Lancer family”. It's a fairly unusual family, forced together largely by circumstance, but then what family isn't?

So, meet the Lancers. Pa Lancer is the four-door Lancer Sedan. He's an honest, hard-working, reasonably priced, dependable sort of chap, with a decent hinged boot, some regular cup-holders and a refreshing lack of pretension. He's rubbing along pretty well, but at night he lies awake and worries that a grim future lies ahead of him as an illegal minicab, which is exactly what happened to his uncle, the Mitsubishi Carisma. (The Carisma has one of the most optimistic names ever given to a car. It no more contains charisma than the VW Urban Fox contains an urban fox.)

Pa Lancer also lies awake and worries about his son, the Lancer Evolution. If you had a son like the Lancer Evo, you'd worry, too. If you had a son who drove a Lancer Evo, you'd worry. Especially if it was yours. The Lancer Evo is a heated-up, Tarmac-rogering road monster for petrol heads, and has almost never been seen going at less than 65mph. It looks exactly like its dad but possibly has an even more attitudinous spoiler bolted on to its rear end as a declaration of intent. Oh, and also to keep its wheels on the ground under acceleration. The Lancer Evo eats like a horse, never tidies its room, has no self-control whatsoever and is destined to spend its life almost permanently on probation with electronic tagging devices hanging off its ankles.

Fortunately, there is hope, because the Lancer Evo has a new brother, the Lancer Sportback. He looks like less of a handful than his brother and might even be a calming influence. True, when I met him he was carrying in his boot a rib-shattering additional hi-fi speaker the size of a rabbit hutch. But that's optional, and not entirely true to his character.

It's true, also, that Sportback has a front end modelled, we are told, on the nose of one of the fighter jets made by Mitsubishi's aeroplane division. At a presentation about the new Lancers, we were shown a computer-generated morph sequence in which the jet evolved into the Sportback. I couldn't see it myself. The way computer graphics are these days, you could start from almost anywhere - a stool, a greenhouse, Bruce Forsyth's head - and end up with the front of the Sportback. If they had said they pulled the grille off a new Audi, I would have seen more clearly where they were coming from.

The point is, though, that even with parts pilfered from fighter planes, Sportback is, in essence, quite sensible. He wants to be friends with the Fords and the Vauxhalls. He'll probably come home, by and large, at the time he's told to. In fact, he's so sensible that he's got a hatchback and rear seats that fold flat inside with a 60:40 split. In car families, this is about as sensible as it gets without going all the way and becoming an estate. He's a nice car.

Don't be lulled into a false sense of security, though. In a few months, Sportback will be inviting his cousin over, Sportback Ralliart. That's an even sillier name than Sportback, but don't say as much in front of executives from Mitsubishi. Apparently, a big cheese from the car company attended a rally some years ago and pronounced what the rally drivers did before his astonished eyes that day as “art”. And lo, the Ralliart concept was born. Hmm.

Essentially a budget Evo, Ralliart is intended to plug a gap in the Lancer family just above the Sportback. What I think this means is that Ralliart won't be quite as inclined as Evo to wear the same socks and underpants, again and again, and go in for rudeness on a freelance basis, but will be still less likely than Sportback to get its homework done and eventually settle down with a nice girl.

All well and good. But frankly, if the Lancers moved in next door to you, you'd be on the phone to the estate agent within about 15 minutes. And, given the current state of the market, you'll never sell. It's a truly horrific prospect.

You'll notice there's no Ma Lancer. I wonder what happened to her. Got fed up and walked out years ago, I wouldn't be surprised.

Top speed: 114mph

Acceleration: 0-62 in 11.8 seconds

Average consumption: 29.7mpg

Eco emissions: 156g/km (medium green)

One careful owner: Peter Duncan

In the glovebox: Smints

On the hi-fi: Madonna

Bound for: Chittenden

Buy it if: you're relatively sensible

Marks out of 10: 6

Price: From £12,499