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I’ve long thought that one of the great problems facing society today is our
inability to say what we truly feel. The mincing of words through terror of
causing offence will be the undoing of us all. So I hope BMW will understand
when I say you’d need to be nuts even to contemplate buying one of these new
Z4 M Coupés.
The Z4 M Coupé is BMW’s reply to the Porsche Cayman S and, at £41,285, costs
just £2,645 less. But while the Cayman comes with almost dizzying
across-the-board ability, the Z4 M comes with more flaws than Baldrick’s
most cunning plan. It’s ridiculously cramped — I had to drive it in my socks
— the suspension is as unyielding as a local planning committee and if you
get to a slightly staggered T-junction you have to get out of the car to see
if anything’s coming.
Then there’s the fact that the rear-view mirror will show you the road
immediately behind but nothing actually using it, while some of the interior
materials would be judged a disgrace on cars costing half as much. And I’ve
not yet mentioned that it’s nearly impossible to drive smoothly, there’s
next to no stowage space in the cabin and precious little more in the boot.
And I’m now starting to question my sanity because, six hours after I parked
it and somehow managed to extricate myself from its interior, I’m still
grinning. Fundamentally it all comes down to one thing: focus. No car can be
good at everything and I almost always warm to those that don’t bother
trying. And I’m not sure I’ve ever driven a mainstream production car that
cares less about the tedious realities of everyday life on the road than
this.
For the reasons outlined above, it’s a car most people will hate. Moreover,
those enticed by the idea of a Z4 that’s been given the “M” treatment will
sensibly opt for the convertible Z4 M Roadster which will put the sun on
their face and the wind in their hair. It has the same engine and gearbox as
the coupé and identical performance.
But there is method in BMW’s madness and it goes way beyond the £1,510 you
save by buying the coupé. Instead of taking its usual approach where every
car within a particular genre is designed to attract as many people as
possible, BMW has gone in completely the other direction.
The company figured its customers would have no interest in ride comfort so
the suspension has been beefed up to something not far short of race car
stiffness. The steering has been speeded up even more so the slightest
movement of the wheel has a dramatic effect on your direction, while even
the differential has been tweaked to help flick the car more quickly into
corners.
All of which makes it feel pretty scary at first. It’s reactions are so
immediate compared with almost any other road car that it takes a bit of
time to recalibrate. But when you do, the only real risk of crashing comes
from laughing yourself off the road. The 3.2 litre 338bhp six-cylinder
engine may be in its sixth season but its power delivery is still
outstanding. Change gear at 8000rpm and it’ll hit 60mph from rest in less
than 5sec, at which stage it appears to be merely getting into its stride.
And after a bit you’ll even learn to trust it in the corners. What feels at
first like instability turns out to be nothing more than startling agility.
If you turn off its electronic stability control and really find out what
it’ll do you’ll discover you have to work hard not to fall victim to its
natural exuberance and punch a hole in a hedge. But if you respect it while
treating it with a firm hand, it’s a bundle of fun.
The BMW Z4 M Coupé goes on sale in Britain in June and, by its own admission,
if BMW sells 200 a year here, it’ll be delighted. I reckon it’ll do it.
There must be a couple of hundred slightly unhinged enthusiasts out there
who’d willingly forgo the effortless and scintillating appeal of the Cayman
for something altogether wilder, even if substantially less accomplished.
Yes, you’d need to be nuts to buy one — but that is precisely what BMW is
counting on.
THE OPPOSITION
Model Porsche Cayman S £43,930
For It doesn’t put a foot wrong in any area that matters
Against Lacks rear seats, looks a little weird
Model Nissan 350Z £26,345
For Fantastic performance for the money, handles well too
Against Badge snobs won’t look at it, stiff ride quality
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