People like different cars but ask what they don’t like and the same letters appear time after time: MPV. The problem is not what MPVs are but what they represent: the final acceptance that you have become a mere satellite service station for your children. And your MPV is the mothership.

One of the most successful cars of this decade will be a large MPV that its customers actually want to buy. The company that makes the business of moving people sexy will be one that cashes in for years to come.

The problem is that people only like cars they don’t need, which is why off-roaders never go off road and Ferraris never do 190mph — nothing makes a car less desirable than your actually needing it.

Citroën’s impressive new MPV, the C8, fails to take the class a single step closer to its nirvana — the truly desirable MPV. It might have a host of clever features, but you don’t need to be able to make the hazard lights flash in a row of parked cars to find it: just spot the highest roof in the street, and if the car to which it is attached looks like a van with windows you’ve found your C8.

Devised as a replacement for the Synergie, it continues as one of a family of mechanically identical MPVs sold with cosmetic and specification differences by both Peugeot, as the forthcoming 807, and Fiat, which retains the Ulysse name.

Given that its customers are unlikely ever actually to desire one, I’ll address my remaining comments to the legions of people who will find themselves needing one, or one like it, really very badly.

What they will find is an MPV with a combination of space and versatility rivalled only by Toyota’s Previa. You will be able to choose between six, seven and eight-seat versions with equipment levels that range from basic to the truly comprehensive. Prices are likely to be between £18,500 and £25,000 when sales begin in January.

And while its vastness may be its greatest turn-off, it is also its greatest attraction. It sits those in the middle and rear rows of seats in equal and impressive comfort and even provides reasonable luggage space.

The seats perform all the usual MPV tricks, sliding, folding and tipping with the best of them. Those in the front swivel right round while all the rear seats can be removed to provide formidable carrying capacity.

I lost count of the number of glove boxes, cubbyholes and storage units on board; Citroën had clearly done the same, its best guess being “almost 60”.

Thoughtful touches abound, like the second wide-angle mirror to allow parents a panoramic view of the battlefield without interfering with the position of the main mirror.

Its best trick, however, is the sliding rear side doors. Not only do these allow you to disgorge children in tight spaces, they can also be opened by remote control. The benefits for those laden with shopping are clear, but the entertainment factor should not be underestimated. Hiding behind trees and opening the doors to welcome unsuspecting passers-by left my three-year-old speechless with mirth.

There will be three petrol and two diesel engines available. I tried a mid-specification 2.2 litre petrol model and was impressed by its smoothness and the speed at which it tugged this vast car. Its ride quality is always good but best with four people on board, while its handling is good enough not to annoy, though not so good that it allows you to forget the size of car you’re driving.

The cabin is as large and airy as you’d expect — its windscreen is the largest fitted to any road car on sale today — but it lacks the class and sense of quality of the Ford Galaxy/Seat Alhambra/VW Sharan clones. Overall, however, the Citroën feels more solidly screwed together than any other car from the marque.

The C8 does enough to merit serious consideration by those in the unenviable position of needing an MPV. It’s better by far at moving people than the Galaxy gang but worse at concealing its true identity. In short it’s a car I simultaneously liked, admired and thanked God I would never have to own.

Vital statistics

Model Citroën C8 2.2i 16v
Engine type Four cylinders
Capacity 2230cc
Power 160bhp @ 5650rpm
Torque 160lb ft @ 3900rpm
Transmission Five-speed manual
Suspension (front) struts, lower wishbone, anti-roll bar (rear) twist beam rear axle, anti-roll bar
Tyres 215/65 R15
Fuel 29.1mpg (combined)
CO2 231g/km
Acceleration 0 to 62mph: 11.6sec
Top speed 122mph
Price £22,000 approx
Verdict Zero desirability but impressively able