"You ought to be wearing a disguise, mate,” opined the white van man once
he’d drawn alongside and gestured me to lower my window. On paper it sounds
like simple abuse but it was not intended as such. In reality, such was the
note of tender concern in his voice, it must have been heartfelt advice.
This was but one of many unsolicited contributions I received from a variety
of automotive connoisseurs as I drove the Nissan Cube around London. They
ranged from the obscure “Oi, where’s your cat?” — figure it out yourself —
to the frightfully considered “That is, by some distance, the ugliest car I
have ever seen in my life”. Once I found myself next to a Routemaster bus
and, looking up, saw every face on the upper deck pressed against the
window; the expressions they wore were definitely more shock than awe.
Then again, the Cube was never designed to appeal to such people. Its target
audience is young, liberal Japanese who have family needs and means but
fashionista aspirations. It will never be officially sold here by Nissan,
but it will be seen on British streets thanks to independent importing
companies. This one was brought here by Intercar (020 8203 3399 /
www.intercarinternational.com) a long-established grey import operator, and
it claims its Cube to be the first into the country.
Looking like a refined version of a doodle a nine-year-old might pen in an
exercise book during double geography, the Cube is one car that has no
problem living up to its name. Look around it and, from the front grille to
the rear lights, cubes abound. More distinctive still is its offset rear
window and the deleted quarter-light on the driver’s side. Nissan can afford
to make the Cube asymmetric because it will be made only in right-hand drive
so overall visibility is not affected. It also allows the boot door to open
like that of a giant refrigerator — a nice touch unless you happen to be in
a tight space, in which case it is utterly infuriating.
Inside, the Cube’s craving for the unconventional continues to hold sway over
what many of us old stick-in-the-muds would regard as simple common sense.
There’s so much headroom that you could be 6ft 4in and wearing a top hat and
still run no risk of encountering the headlining, yet legroom front and rear
is nothing special at all.
More curious still is the fact that the Cube is a mere four seater unless
you’d be happy for your child to sit in the middle of the rear bench with
only a lap belt for protection. There are some nice touches: if you recline
both front and rear seats as far as they’ll go the car does a passable
impression of a double bed. There’s also a space-saving column shift for the
four-speed automatic gearbox and a roped-off area in the huge boot for a
freshly ironed shirt, something you’ll need if you wish to turn up for work
looking presentable after a slow drive in the Japanese rush hour.
Indeed, the only way to understand the Cube is to imagine it in its intended
domestic environment; do this and it starts making a great deal more sense:
for all its self-conscious wackiness the Cube actually has a very good idea
of what’s required to survive in the home market. There’s no need for
performance or handling so it has none, but criteria like ride quality,
turning circle and air-conditioning efficiency are paramount, and in all
these areas the Cube excels.
Unsurprisingly the car has been a sizeable hit in Japan, thereby neatly
defeating its purpose of standing out from the crowd, an irony either lost
on or of no importance to its customers.
Over here I expect it to receive a somewhat different reception. Even someone
dead set on owning one needs to temper their enthusiasm with a few bald
facts. First of all, it is sold without a manufacturer’s warranty as
Nissan’s obligation extends only to cars officially on sale in Europe.
Intercar, however, does sell the car with a three-year unlimited mileage
insurance-based guarantee and the comforting reassurance that it’s no more
likely to go wrong than the Micra upon which it is based. Nissan’s dealers
are also under no obligation to service or repair it, though Nissan did
confirm that they were “free to have a go if they liked”. It would be worth
checking with your local dealer first.
And then there’s the price. The cheapest version Intercar offers is the BX,
costing £11,995, and while it comes with air-conditioning, power steering
and central locking, your colour choice is limited to grey and beige, a move
seemingly calculated to ensure absolutely nobody will want one. The car I
drove was the mid-spec SX boasting essentials such as electric windows and
an immobiliser and a range of colours as unusual as the car itself. I reckon
Paprika Orange is the one to have: if you’re going down this road, you might
as well go all the way.
Problem is the SX costs £14,500, which is long-wheelbase Mercedes A140 money.
Its closest real rival is probably the Citroën Berlingo 1.4i, which costs
just £10,745 even after you’ve added air-conditioning and ABS and before
you’ve haggled at least a grand off the list price. Unlike the Cube, it will
house five, properly located people.
Intercar argues that this is to miss the point of the Cube altogether. It’s a
fashion statement and you’ll either fall in love and buy one or you won’t.
And they’re right: it’s not a car I could care for, but unless you’re
thinking of driving naked, ways of attracting the undivided attention of
every other road user probably come no cheaper than this.
VITAL STATISTICS
Model: Nissan Cube 1.4SX
Engine type: Four-cylinder, 1386cc
Power/Torque: 98bhp at 5600rpm / 102 lb ft at 3200rpm
Transmission: Four-speed automatic
Fuel/CO2: 34.0mpg (combined) / 223g/km
Performance: 0-62mph: 11.0sec / top speed: 105mph
Price: £14,500 (from Intercar)
Verdict: Fashion victims, this way please
Rating:
THE OPPOSITION
Model: Citroën Berlingo 1.4i, £9,495
For: Spacious, frugal, good value for money
Against: It's really still a van with windows
Model: Mercedes-Benz A140 LWB, £14,480
For: Phenomenal packaging, great badge
Against: No driver's car, poor ride, exclusivity destroyed by EasyCar
rental fleet
